Youtube Retire Bitch: More Internet Haikus

us logging on now:
oh so it’s all nazi stuff

remember spicey
when everyone venmo’d him
somehow miss that time

you hit unsubscribe
and what looms is an email
primed to slap your face

a search so awful
you just bury your laptop
instead of clearing

re: that last haiku
i’ve owned 3000 laptops
the earth’s soil is charged

somewhere as we speak
a mom is sending eight snaps
of her confused face

create a hotspot
but for human connection
turn off your cell phone

oh hell yeah i LARP
l-ove a-mazon’s r-ental p-rice
did i do that right

so i did a thing
i’ll probably delete this
real time language shift

the most savage take
is a webster’s twitter take
hit ’em with words y’all

a perfect image:
tilda swinton reading tweets
curious, she thinks

when we all looked up
after years of looking down
our eclipse reprieve

those road signs that go
“look! drive like your kids live here”
but for sarahah

enjoying a vid
and still i can’t toggle out
youtube retire bitch

do me a favor
bury me in the hashtag

mallory is back
and all is right with the world
except everything

if jesus were real
what medium would he use
thinking periscope

retweeting a crush
a #riskybitch move
credit @yvonnemarquez

20 years later
doing the same thing over
are you still watching

a podcast concept:
worst email you’ve ever sent
called see attachment

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. “the earth’s soil is charged” made me lol and also is beautiful

    these are wonderful and would definitely listen to your podcast See Attachment and would have enough content to guest on it many times

    you continue to be a light in the dark web

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