Y’All Need Help #19: “Happy Senior Old Lady Giving Thumbs Up, Supporting Your Decision Fully”

Q: A Clean Bandit

My girlfriend is very messy and I am very neat. We do not live together and both tend to be respectful of each other’s spaces. Mostly. Sometimes. I don’t want her to change who she is, or how she lives her life, but sometimes it straight up grosses me out. Is there a way to compromise on cleanliness? Follow-up: Am I an asshole for letting this bother me?


Yes there is a way to compromise on cleanliness and no you’re not an asshole for wanting things to be clean! You’re only an asshole if you act like an asshole to her about it. The good news is that you don’t live together and that if you DID ever live together, it would be totally legal to set up expectations from the get-go re: things that must be clean and tidy and things that can be a little messy sometimes. Or maybe you should just break up and never speak to her again and live alone in your home where everything is tidy all the time and no one makes any messes. These are your options I think.

Q: Bottoms Up

Are two bottoms who love each other very much going to work out?


They sure are! Has one of you tried just rolling on top of the other one and then wiggling a lot?

don't forget the hands

Q: Insurance!

The only health insurance I can get offers no out of network benefits and will cost me $150 a month. None of my (trusted, long term, necessary mental healthcare) providers take this insurance in-network*. My meds will cost less monthly with an Rx discount card ($75) than they will with insurance ($150 + $5 co-pay). Since I’m not gonna get any coverage for the only doctors I see, and cant afford out-of-pocket along with a premium, should I or should I not go without insurance for 2018? *(no mental healthcare ppl that I can get to take this insurance, actually.)


I’m not an insurance expert and I could never answer this question for you. It does seem like going without insurance would be the best route for you financially, barring any unforeseen tragedies. Could you talk to your doctors about different payment options, sliding scales, or other resources they can suggest or offer you? They could also recommend providers who would be in your network with the new insurance plan! I would take this directly to my current healthcare providers because I wouldn’t know what else to do, to be honest. Or cry a lot. Or both!

A commenter has mentioned the tax penalty to consider, and that’s also true. Basically you have to learn every single thing there is to learn about every single option possible and then make an informed decision based on what’s right for you and your budget and your budget a year from now!

this image represents you and your shitty health insurance situation and the many ways this seems like it could go on forever and always be terrible but also there is hope because see there's the sky and she clearly has a map or something important on that paper and those represent the hope and then see how her eyes are cutting over noticing something promising in the distance? like it's probably a path or someone running toward her with a sandwich and some water and that represents your sharp senses and the fact that there is certainly absolutely for sure someone who can help!

Q: Luna

Is the moon a lesbian?


Yes. The moon used to identify as bisexual but that was just a phase.


Q: Short Hair DO CARE

I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair super short for awhile but I know my mother will hate it. Should I do it anyway?



Q: Real Question

Should we start a letter-writing campaign to get Roberta Colindrez some sort of Devon-related spin-off now that I Love Dick is cancelled?


I think Riese has already started this, but if she hasn’t then yes, someone has to pick up the mantle.


Q: Kids??

Should I have kids? I am broke but in my mid thirties sooooo what do you think?


You will literally never have enough money for kids unless you’re like a Vanderbilt or something! But also real talk I think if you have to ask someone on the internet if you should have kids the answer is probably no BUT DON’T LET ME TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, OK. Make good choices and water your plants! Get some rest!

don't let me make this decision for you

Q: Cher

Do you believe in life after love?




Q: Uhaul

I told myself I wouldn’t get into a relationship for at least a year and I found a cute smart pretty girl who I really LIKE. Is it dumb to not date her just because I said I wouldn’t?


Yes that is dumb! She’s cute and smart and PRETTY and you REALLY LIKE HER. What are you doing still reading this?????!

yes! next

Q: Grey Gardens

Do I need a gray accent wall in my bedroom? Picking a gray is exhausting there are so many.


You do need a grey accent wall, yes. You have to just buckle down and do the work, OK. Nobody said life was going to be easy! Least of all the part of life where you pick a paint color! NOW GET OUT THERE AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

"Happy senior old lady giving thumbs up, supporting your decision fully"

Q: Dreamsss

Hello! Do I take out loans and pursue a different career or just stay at a job that provides a decent paycheck and be thankful I have health insurance?


Always always always stay at the job long enough to save some money and get all of your teeth fixed and your doctor stuff done and THEN take out the loan and pursue a different career! Give yourself a date like maybe a year out and then get down to the business of preparing your life for a major change. DREAMS ARE GOOD AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE let’s do stuff while we can!

let's do stuff!

Q: Be Honest

Is it wrong to feel that straight people are just more boring than queers? They are SO BORING.


call it like you see it

Y’All Need Help is a biweekly advice column in which I pluck out a couple of questions from the You Need Help inbox and answer them right here, round-up style, quick and dirty! (Except sometimes it’s not quick, but that’s my prerogative, OK?) You can chime in with your own advice in the comments and submit your own quick and dirty questions any time.

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Laneia is the Executive Editor and founding member of Autostraddle, and she thinks you're fucking rad. She's 36, has two kids, two dogs, one Megan, some personal essays and a lot of emails in her inbox. More at LaneiaJones.com.

Laneia has written 778 articles for us.