One of the more fascinating developments to come from decades of the queer community being kept in the public closet is the concept of flagging. Employing what is known as The Hanky Code, flagging is a discrete form of communication that uses handkerchiefs to express sexual preferences or interests based on a combination of variables including color, pattern, pocket or body placement, and material. It has most often been associated with gay and bisexual men, though it doesn’t belong to just them, and even though it was most prevalent in the 70s, according to the bear bar I accidentally walked into last week, the tradition seems to be alive and well.
This process of taking something not specifically intended for us and making it our own is a core facet of gay culture. And just as unexpectedly and completely did handkerchiefs get taken over by the queer community, so do others fall. Without warning and often without any real explanation as to why other than “it just is,” seemingly neutral things, people, places, and concepts can become gay culture. And once it’s ours, it’s ours.
Another example of this is our takeover of the refreshing, 100% natural, calorie-free, sugar-free, sodium-free, trending La Croix brand seltzer waters. First it was for Midwestern moms, then it was for social influencers, then it was for everyone, and now it’s ours. La Croix is gay culture. (While we’re on the topic: Staying hydrated? Gay culture. Water? Gay culture in that it is life, which is something we are constantly giving other people. The ocean? Gay.)
And not only has La Croix joined queer ranks, like flagging, its color-coding functions as a language of sorts. Here’s what you’re flagging with your La Croix flavor. (Originals only. Cúrate line is straight culture.)
Pamplemousse
Person who considers liking a specific multi-cam 90s sitcom to be a defining part their personality seeking same.
Lime
Person whose brand has been Daddy for so long they’ve internalized the undertakings of Daddy as turn-ons when if really inspected might reveal a different story looking for Daddy.
Pure
Latex fetish. (Without a flavoring to distract you, this one’s very… dry? Like an astringent for your mouth, except it’s water, and you’ve paid for it. Seems counterintuitive and yet it satiates a need.)
Apricot
Bottom with a good heart low key looking for the desexualization of queer spaces.
Berry
Size queen.
Peach-Pear
Miranda Hobbs in the streets Miranda July in the sheets.
Lemon
S/M top.
Mango
Likes holding queer people accountable for their actions even if that means they’ll be ostracized from a community that is admittedly a necessary resource for them.
Orange
Rick and Morty roleplay.
Cran-Raspberry
Anything goes. (Cran-Raspberry a freeeeeeak.)
Passionfruit
Callout culture fetish.
Coconut
Fisting. (Either you’re a huge proponent or it’s a hard no. There is no middle ground here.)
Tangerine
Cuckolding. Also thought Wonder Woman was just okay and looking for safe space to discuss.
This is more accurate than my sun sign.
Also, Coconut–100% (hard no in both cases).
Coconut seeking Peach-Pear
*stares uncomfortably at two full cases of tangerine*
wonder woman was our first date, and i can 100% verify how accurate this is.
hey i liked it when we reclined
HERESY.
Welp! I need to change my flavors then.
Wow, high five because…nailed it! Whatever witchy psychic powers you have, I want.
Hmm, I don’t know. The one time I had La Croix it was lime, and I’m confident I was accurately flagging jaded post-bottom scissoring-denier / part-time Mommi in training seeking vodka.
I’m sorry, all this La Croix stuff keeps confusing me and making me think of Professor Croix from the show I just binged on Netflix Little Witch Academia, who’s quite obviously a gigantic lesbian and also fashion goals.
Never seen it, but I now have a crush on her.
I love her and Chariot together so much, but everyone focuses on Diana x Akko (which is also good, but interacting with teenage characters feels weird).
Agreed! Her and Chariot are so great! All the tropes and angst, they’re like a goddamn romance novel!
Ohhhhhh this is why Netflix keeps suggesting that at me.
Yes but fyi Croix only shows up in the second season and not coincidentally that’s when the show gets really good and gay
I’m willing to put in the work to get to good and gay. For example Korra.
lol @ the not-so-subtle bondage gear. The whole show is subtexty gay.
I don’t care for La Croix but, for crying out loud, pronunce it right, people!
’La croy’? I hope I’m right.
Nope sorry.
It’s like cwah.
French logic is not English logic.
But good job on not assuming the last letter is to be pronounced. :P
I live in one of those rare places that does retain the pronunciations and I am duty bound by ghosts of my ancestors to pronounce French correctly and incite others to do so at every opportunity.
Y’all heathens say New OrLEAAANS, this is payback possibly innocent Wisconsinites.
Thank you! I’m from Wisconsin, and came here to say this :)
I live in Madison, and I thought it was named after the St. Croix, hence the pronunciation. I’m glad I was right!
I have a theory that Carmen posted this without posting the correct pronunciation, in full knowing anticipation that we would evolve into the inevitable debate. (It’s def La Croy.)
I don’t drink LaCroix and I don’t usually listen to podcasts either (what am I doing being a lesbian then, right!?) but one time I listened to the A+ podcast and they were pronouncing it like la crotch and I thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever heard so now from time to time I say “la crotch” to myself in my head and bust out laughing
I don’t know how I forgot about this, it thank you for reminding me!
Yes, I do pronounce it la crotch sometimes, especially after I’ve had a few berry La Croix and vodka cocktails.
We did this for about a week as well until we heard our kiddos calling in La Crocks.
We’ve since had to switch to calling it La Croy in polite company.
I find the best course of action is exclusively calling it L.A. Crunch and correcting anyone who says differently.
#coconut4cranrazzzz
Shit, I need to try the Orange one then.
I guess I need to start drinking this stuff now.
On a related note, did you know that anything that begins with the prefix trans belongs to trans people?
Transcontinental railroad? Ours. Transcendental meditation? Yep. Transcranial magnetic stimulation? I GUESS SO!
And yes, I did this research by typing in transc on wikipedia, but that doesn’t make me wrong.
I’m fully on board with the trans prefix thing!
Lime4Lime
Same.
Hmm…. Sips Lemon La Croix… yes this is right…
Where does apple(both red and apple berry) fall?
I like the Cherry-Lime one, rumor has it that means Daddy/bottom
That is my favorite too, hmmmmm
Me three!
BUT WHAT ABOUT POLAR
(but hard mango here lolol)
Have you had the Polar Watermelon Seltzer-ade? Life changing.
I think i had some this summer! (a friend always brings me some on her journeys back home to Rhode Island- but for some reason my local food lion stocks liter bottles of Strawberry Watermelon, which is my current fix)
Apple-picking fetish.
cran-ras
thank u for seeing me
Seems like something sweet and fruity but is in fact angry water that will fight every step of the way as somrthing tries to consume it and digest it away.
Yep I think La Croix checks out as queer.
Yep.
I’m not sure what it says about me, but I just buy whatever flavor is in stock (except for coconut. If I wanted to taste that flavor, I’d just lick a sunbather).
Hard no on the coconut. I’d much rather lick a sunbather circa 1987
YES! Definitely apricot, although flavorwise I rarely get it. What about the “fancy” flavors??? Like Blackberry Cucumber?
The fancy flavors are the Curate line, which the esteemed author classified as straight culture above! But I do love cherry-lime. #straightally
Ahh right! I was too excited about reading the descriptions I missed that line.
The muré-pepino (aka blackberry cucumber) is my actual preference also.
There are 4 empty cans of La Croix on my coffee table right now, I have never felt so seen. What does it signal when you change flavors every week because you enjoy the illusion of spontaneous living?
i do this a lot also but also it’s dependent on what exists in the store
like the time kroger was 100% out of every lacroix flavor in the universe except orange
that was a sad two days
Store brand at Kroger is seriously just as good! I won’t accept any other substitutes. Just trying to save you the strife in the future.
Feeling like I really need to try Cran-Raspberry, just saying…
I’ve never tried LA Croix before (and I haven’t read this yet) so I’m going to pick the one I feel represents me/who I want to be from this and try it.
“Person who considers liking a specific multi-cam 90s sitcom to be a defining part their personality seeking same.”
And the sitcom in question is Golden Girls, but also open to Roseanne.
I do not drink uncaffeinated liquids but also, apricot, probably
I got a text message earlier that said “I’m a total cran-raspberry” without context. ?
Invent a new cocktail for your flavour of choice. Mine: Peach-Pear + hard cider = The Double Miranda
Pamplemousse
Yeah, I’ve watched a hellava lot of tv. And I liked it. But not just nineties tv. Why limit yourself?
Anyone wanna talk / rewatch Dead Like Me, A Diiferent World, China Beach, Wonderfalls or Friday Night Lights?
I’m also game for some passion fruit, with or without rum.
Happy to discuss Dead Like Me any time :)
Dead Like Me was brilliant
China Beach was one of my favorite shows of all time that other people never seem to remember.
Baby gay me had such a crush on Dana Delaney in China Beach.
Ditto. When she made the moves on Bette Porter it was a little creepy but part of me liked it anyway
Pamplemousse because it’s so much fun to say, and due to some of my meds I can’t have actual grapefruit so naturally I want all of it.
But for flagging purposes cran-ras allllllll day.
“(Originals only. Cúrate line is straight culture.)”
This makes so much sense.
Lately I’ve realized Wegman’s store brand seltzer is just okay, and I should get some Vintage and Polar. Currently I have Berry and Passionfruit La Croix, and maybe one Lime hiding out. Make of that what you will.
Guess I better switch over to Apricot then. My go to Cran-Razz is projecting the wrong things.
I feel like my equal adoration for both Lime and Apricot suggests that I am a Mommi in the streets and a Daddy in the streets.
Soooo… 10/10 this article is accurate.
Dammit obviously I meant “Mommi in the streets and Daddy in the sheets”. :P
Blackberry Clear American (Walmart brand) Seltzer: rural queer who doesn’t have the money or means (Target? What’s that?) to buy your fancy city drinks, also likes blackberries, hates self for being forced to shop at Walmart due to living in a podunk town that lost its retail individuality due in no small part to the Walmart
tldr; rural, self-hating queer
Pamplemousse all the way. Bonding over pop culture is the only way I find people I actually like.
My favorite fizzy water flavor is from Target and it’s peach ginger, excellent with bourbon and a little simple syrup.
I know it might lessen the humor, take a little of the magic out, if you will but I wish you’d explain yourself because I’m a little freaked out
I never really liked La Croix, so I’ll be over here drinking some tea.
Suddenly the shelves are empty of all La Croix everywhere as people flock to experiment and “find your flavor” takes on a whole new meaning :P
I read Lemon’s “S/M top” as a small or medium shirt and was like wait why would they say….. ohhhh
Shows you guys how entrenched I am in the kink community
But what do we aces drink?
Tea as ya point out the recycled TERFs tactics of acephobes?
Mangooooo
I guess I’m Apricot? I’ve never tried this drink before though. >.>