Well paint a map on my abs and call me In The Pink, we’re going to the races! Also, Bette’s planning a big dinner party, Paige and Shane are super into storytelling and green ice cream, Tina gets a boner for Kate Arden who by the way made a wonderful film called Pandora, Jodi wears a tiny vest over a big shirt and Papi wears a baggy vest over no shirt, Max takes a terrible rip back home for a funeral because this show simply has NO MERCY.
Carly: “We’re doing something that lesbians love to do in television and film, which is draw on each other’s torsos.”
Riese: “Did you notice Barbara Bush was still in there.”
Carly: “Yeah she was like LOOMING in the background. I was gonna say staring at us but she’s blindfolded, so. She’s just sort of hovering in a very uh, menacing and disturbing and distracting kind of way.”
Carly: “One thing I would like to point out is that Max’s sister is NOT played by Taryn Manning. Because if you’re like me, that scene started and you thought… “is that Taryn Manning?”
Riese: “I thought ‘is she wearing a wig?’ Because her hair was so specifically askew, it seemed like they were like “what do people outside of LA do their hair like? What do the country people do in the wilds of Illinois?”
Riese: Back in los angeles california, Paige is wearing a hat.
Carly: Paige is wearing a truly unfortunate hat. This hat should be illegal.
Riese: I think she found it on the set of The Parent Trap set in 1956.
Carly: We’re having ice cream breakfast. I thought it was gelato.
Riese: Shane put on a blazer.
Carly: Shane put on a blazer to go to breakfast. That’s…. sure. It looks like they’re in little gelato cups.
Riese: Yeah cuz, green apple gelato?
Max gets the charm bracelet
Riese: “Also is he growing out a beard or is he shaving? He needs to pick one. It’s gross enough that he’s just walking around.”
Carly: Papi is wearing a sweater vest without anything under it. Well maybe like a tank or something, like a cami.
Riese: Maybe a camisole.
Carly: I used to wear sweater vests when they were really popular, during this time, and once I wore one with a t-shirt under it and thought I was like, fucking edgy.”
Carly: Helena and Catherine have a suitcase with 100,000 of cash in it. Because they are in a different movie.
Carly: Tasha runs into a guy that she knows from the military and she gets super worried that he’s gonna know that she’s queer because she is with a bunch of obviously queer people who are all behaving ridiculously
Riese: Helena and Catherine walk by and are holding hands and they kiss
Riese: Tasha looks up and sees them having very public skybox sex and is like, oh my god, horrified.
Riese: And then she stuffs the seating chart up Bette’s hoo-ha.
Riese: It is the standard trope of the person standing away from the funeral who doesn’t feel like they can be at the funeral hiding behind a tree and even though the entire graveyard is empty except for the funeral party nobody ever notices.”
Carly: “Kate bought a very large amount of tequila”
Riese: What? They say you can tell gay girls vs straight girls because gay girls look at their nails basically palms up and fingers in, which isn’t true!
Riese: “It turns out that Jodi is wearing a tiny little vest AND A GIANT SHIRT!”