Also.Also.Also: The White House Said “Gay Rights” I Guess 😕

There are some very good links in here, I promise! Unfortunately none of them made for a really funny headline. I promise, I tried!

Queer as in F*ck You

10 Black Queer Businesses to Know and Support this Black History Month, including Kiyanna Stewart and Jannah Handy my favorite couple who happens to run Blk Mkt Vintage!

Dolly Parton’s Dollywood Is Offering Free Tuition and Books For Employees Who Want to Further Their Education

White House Denounces Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill as ‘Hateful’ After Desantis Backs It. The “Don’t Say Gay” Bill is just obviously and patently horrific, so this does feel a little like easy low hanging fruit to “denounce” it, but sure.

Samira Wiley Recalls Being Body Shamed During a Photo Shoot: ‘This Is What I Have to Deal With?’ Samira was also diagnosed with diabetes at 12, which feels like brand new information I did not know before now but maybe I missed it??

Brandi Carlile on the Song Exploder podcast!

Speaking of podcasts/audio news and media — I love Melissa Harris Perry, and for Black History Month she’s doing a series of conversations for WNYC Studios called Black.Queer.Rising (so you know I’m here for it!!)

Saw This, Thought of You

I did not read this. I will not be reading this. But it’s taken over today’s “Twitter discourse” and so it’s my obligation to share it: Here’s Why I’ll Be Keeping My Shoes on in Your Shoeless Home

Breathing Is Hard, Apparently! As a lifelong anxious person constantly struggling for breath, YES! AND I BELIEVE IT!

It’s Your Friends Who Break Your Heart. “The older we get, the more we need our friends—and the harder it is to keep them”

Political Snacks

US Congress Approves Sexual Harassment Bill in #MetToo Milestone. “The legislation guarantees that people who experience sexual harassment at work can seek recourse in the courts.”

I have been stressing about this for days! The Democratic Party’s ‘Mask Off’ Moment. “Voters are sick of the pandemic and public-health mandates. Democrats can’t stop the former, so they’re ending the later.”

We Still Need an Anti-War Movement. “The lack of active opposition to endless wars isn’t a new normal, but something like the old normal.”

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Carmen Phillips

Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.

Carmen has written 714 articles for us.


  1. I also will not be reading that shoe article because not interested in the WSJ, but just the opener is ridiculous. Of course the floor in a shoeless home is cleaner than the soles of people’s shoes! That is the point of keeping a shoeless home! Unless they have toddlers or something, the floor is going to be pretty clean. If you really have such an aversion to it, bring a pair of flatpack slippers.

  2. I did read the shoe article because I was vaguely curious coming from a family of 50/50 shoe wearers vs non. This article is definitely coming from a place of just being an asshole, but I do think buried somewhere in there is an interesting comment about access and ability. It’s not easy for everyone to take shoes on/off depending on balance and flexibility and there are some leg/feet conditions where cushioning and support are important (kids with CP, older folks with arthritis or fasciitis). I’m sure countries with stronger shoe-free cultures have figured out workarounds but I don’t typically see that brought up

    • Yes those issues are valid points, but the person writing this is assuming that shoeless home people are unreasonable tyrants. I’m certain they would understand and make exceptions. This person is being an asshole because simple act of courtesy In someone else’s home is too inconvenient for them.

    • Yeah I’m from a culture where no one wears shoes inside – for older people or people who need cushioning or arch support, you usually have house slippers near the door (not the kind you get at hotels, they’re firmer than that and have much more structure – I wear some at home and they’re great for my flat feet).

      My read on the “unable to take off shoes” part is that we’d just ask you to wipe your shoes well on the mat. Or help you take the shoes off.

  3. IDK, its cultural. I’m indian and if you’re my guest I’m assuming we’re at least acquaintances, wouldn’t you want to follow my cultural practices then? like none of my white friends have ever had a issue when I’ve said no shoes because they care about me. That attitude seems to not be considered in that article

    • Yeah, it’s just plain rudeness in that story. I can’t imagine visiting a friend and not wanting to follow their very basic rules for their house.

      If people have some sort of disabillity that makes it hard to take their shoes off, that’s another story, but that isn’t the case for most people.

      Anyway: I live somewhere where most people take their shoes off if they visit friends/relatives just because it’s more comfortable. I’m not going to walk around in shoes all day, that’s what slippers are foor, I don’t understand people that do.

  4. Anyone else notice the almost farcical quoting of something said off the record in the shoeless article? ‘ “Don’t quote me saying that,” she says, “but …’

    Is it also not just a natural part of entering someone’s home that you inquire ‘shoes on or off?’ I feel like that’s just respecting people’s boundaries, right..?

  5. Yes, we can absolutely assume that house floors are cleaner than shoes you wear outside!
    Disabilities are valid points, but the person writing this is assuming that shoeless home people are unreasonable tyrants. Of course people would understand and make exceptions, they’re not monsters! This person is being an asshole because simple act of courtesy In someone else’s home is too inconvenient for them. Germs are everywhere is their excuse…so we might as well not wear clothes and take showers?? Strong Karen anti-mask energy…

  6. i’m disabled and if someone tried to wear their outside shoes in my home they would be disinvited vampire-style! i have a pair of shoes with cushioned insoles for when i’m standing and cooking or w/e but truly most of what i’m doing at home is lounging, an activity made a million times better by foregoing shoes

    also the breathing article made me remember being a child and reading a book where the characters learn to meditation breathe, resolving to do that All The Time because i wanted to be cool and learn magic too, and then being in a constant cycle of forgetting, panicking that i was breathing wrong, and hyperventilating

    • The Circle of Magic hits hard, I’m sorry that the meditation instructions freaked you out! (I assume Circle of Magic, if not let me know because I would love another meditation and magic read) They never fully worked for me either because I can’t visualize things

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