Malaika’s Team Pick:
If you’re anything like I am, half the time you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. Yes, I’m in my twenties, but I still don’t have this adulthood thing figured out. Do you? You guys, I’m a child in disguise. But can you blame me? The demands of adulthood are tough. There are days when I envy my dogs who don’t have to worry about paying their bills, graduating from university, and answering emails. Let’s face it: this being a person thing is pretty challenging, and unfortunately being a gay person further complicates things. Thankfully, The Stranger is here to reach out from Youtube, give you a metaphoric hug, and teach you everything important about being a bi-ped, carbon-based, oxygen-breathing being. In Chapter 4.3 of Dan Savage and Lindy West’s How to Be a Person: The Stranger’s Guide to College, you’re taught how to feel less alone and even given coming out tips.
Do you sometimes find yourself alone in your kitchen with only some unwashed dishes and fruitflies to keep you company, wishing instead that you were at A-Camp surrounded by the queer community’s sexiest and most intelligent ladies? Well, don’t you dare resort to moping. Honey, you’ve got the gay community buzzing in your ears. As you’ll learn in the well-researched and highly scientific Episode 4.3, fruitflies are gay. The reason for this is that “if you’re only alive for one day, you might as well be gay.” Fruitflies may not have the same level of brains and hots as myself and the other Autostraddle team members, but hey, appreciate the gay you’ve got.
In addition to fruitflies, there are also gay killer whales, gay bees, gay bison, gay dolphins, and gay cats (duh) among other creatures all great and small. When you come out, know that you’re in good mammalian, reptilian, and arthropodian company. Speaking of coming out, The Stranger tell you how the best way to do it. In real life, coming out may be scary. It may not go smoothly. You may lose friends and even get kicked out of your house. Good thing you can escape into the perfect queer life of Chapter 4.3 in which everyone loves you and heck, even the mosquitoes are probably a part of the big rainbow family.
If even after watching this video and studioulsy reading Autostraddle’s articles telling you how to make food, how to get organized, and how to have sex, you still need help with this whole being a person concept, maybe you should buy the entire How to Be a Person book.
From one person to another, I wish you good luck. And remember – don’t hate on the fruitflies. They only get to be here and queer for a day.