The Pettiest Things We’ve Been Mad at Friends For

I decided to start some drama by asking a bunch of queers to share their pettiest friendship fights. Some of the answers I got…sounded like totally legitimate reasons to hold a grudge against a friend?! But what do I know; I’m a Gemini who lives for petty disputes. Also I learned there really are a lot of you out here who have an issue with the way your friends chew. What’s going on there?

We all have our fair share of real drama, but today we’re here to discuss the little things that bring out the Petty Coopers in us all. If you’re holding a grudge for something silly, I hear you and I see you. Petty is an art form.


Queer People Share the Pettiest Reasons We’ve Been Mad at Friends

1. Buying a pair of shorts I desperately wanted after searching for the right pair for ages

2. Changing the name of our group chat to what they thought would be a good name for the group chat even though everybody liked what I had already named the group chat

3. Planning her baby shower on my birthday

4. Saying “why are we letting the barbarian talk” during D&D… reader, I was the barbarian1

5. Not liking Claudia Winkleman

6. Not refilling the Brita2

7. Not responding when I asked to see Bottoms and then seeing it on their letterboxd a week later 😒

8. Chewing

9. Chewing loudly

10. The way she chews

11. Interrupting me

12. Not closing the Oreos properly, thus making the entire (almost brand new) container go stale

13. Making a brunch reservation at a restaurant that didn’t actually serve breakfast food at brunch, only lunch food

14. Wearing the same dress as me to a party (even though there’s no way she could have known what I was wearing)

15. Being friends with my shitty ex cuz my shitty ex has money3

16. Not watching Real Housewives of Atlanta

17. Asking me out to coffee and then taking me to a place that only had tea

18. Recommending a bad book to me4

19. Bringing her weird boyfriend over who picked at the blister on his foot and bled onto my floor5

20. Beating me at Scrabble

21. Blaming everything they do on being an Aries

22. Not being enthusiastic enough about my new cat

23. Sending me photos of their cat and wanting me to be excited about the cat even though they know I am allergic to cats

24. Naming their dog the same name as my cat

25. Picking outdoor seating even though it was super cold and saying it was okay because of heat lamps but it wasn’t, even with the heat lamps it was still really cold!

26. Driving too slow

27. Not giving me her pancake recipe

28. Telling me I drink too much seltzer

29. Taking really bad photos I’m in and then posting them!!!!!

30. Posting photos I’m not in when there were plenty of good photos to post that I was in

31. Not reading an article I sent them

32. Being vegan

33. Not believing switches exist 😡

34. The way she yawns

35. “Nothing. All my grudges are legitimate.”

1 Unless I’m misunderstanding some nuances of D&D play and barbarian refers to a character or something…this sounds legitimate!!!!
2 ALSO LEGITIMATE!!!!!!!! My friend’s husband did this in my home once, and I shall never forget.
3 Okay, truly this one sounds more than legitimate.
4 I would simply never forgive.
5 Say it with me folks: LEGITIMATE.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 763 articles for us.

17 Comments

  1. 12 is extremely legitimate and one of my biggest pet peeves. So many people just live a life of stale snacks and I do not understand when it’s so easy to properly close/seal most packaging.

    • Not here for the dig at vegans. Sorry if our reduced carbon footprint and high empathy in a world on fire and constantly at war are an inconvenience.
      I really never talk about being vegan but when cheap shots are taken I can’t not.

      • For real. I’m not vegan, but I’m mostly plant-based and it’s like…sorry I want fewer animals to live and die in conditions you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy? If that annoys you, you can go fuck yourself.

        • This is exactly why people get annoyed with vegans/vegetarians lol. Most of the plant based people I know irl are really chill about it, they’re making their own dietary choices but not doing it AT anyone. But the condescending, self righteous, evangelizers give everyone a bad name. The passive aggressive “I’m sorry I’m such a better person than you” schtick is never going to win people to your cause.

          • If you care so little about the suffering of animals in the American ag system that vegans being “annoying” is enough to keep you from making kinder choices, you never cared that much in the first place.

            That’s fine, but getting petty mad at people for making objectively more ethical choices on both an environmental and animal welfare level is silly.

          • Lmao. You’re doing the thing! You’re doing the exact thing!

            I never used the word annoying, that was you. I was trying to make the point that shame and condescension is never going to convince people to change their behavior, or even open them up to a conversation. It puts them on the defensive and that’s not how you make connections. But I guess when you’ve got you’re predetermined narratives you’re not actually open to hearing that.

          • “This is exactly why people get annoyed with vegans/vegetarians lol.” Idk how I’m supported to interpret “people get annoyed with vegans/vegetarians” as anything other than you finding vegans/vegetarians annoying.

            Good luck out there.

  2. Many years ago, when my former housemate and I stopped living together after like 8 years, we were really, really mature about all of the big things like splitting up the furniture we’d bought together and totally petty about the littler things. We had two epic screaming crying fights – one over a plant and one over a set of place-mats.

  3. Okay this is the absolute drama I am here for. Half of them are honestly about not respecting other people’s time! Fill up the Brita! It takes 30 seconds!

    Mine was going grocery shopping with a friend for a dinner party and she just wouldn’t move her cart over while she was looking at salad dressing. It was so ridiculous. I did it for her, but I silently fumed all day about it. Otherwise she is amazing and smart and a fantastic cook and bar trivia partner. But she sucks about putting full blast heat on in her car for no reason and obviously moving her cart to the side in a narrow-aisled grocery store.

    I’m an Aries though…so…heh.

  4. The ones I see as legitimate:

    3. Planning her baby shower on my birthday

    4. Saying “why are we letting the barbarian talk” during D&D… reader, I was the barbarian1

    6. Not refilling the Brita2

    11. Interrupting me

    12. Not closing the Oreos properly, thus making the entire (almost brand new) container go stale

    15. Being friends with my shitty ex cuz my shitty ex has money

    19. Bringing her weird boyfriend over who picked at the blister on his foot and bled onto my floor

    21. Blaming everything they do on being an Aries

    25. Picking outdoor seating even though it was super cold and saying it was okay because of heat lamps but it wasn’t, even with the heat lamps it was still really cold!

    28. Telling me I drink too much seltzer

    33. Not believing switches exist 😡

    That Aries one in particular. Guess I’m quite twitchy…

  5. 8-10 (the chewing ones) could be as a result of misophonia. The sounds of chewing can be really intolerable for people who have misophonia, and unfortunately there isn’t a cure yet. I know several people who suffer from this condition. My friend knows a married couple who have never been able to share a meal during their entire relationship because one of them has misophonia and always has to eat alone.

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