The Grossest Tales Ever Told By Women On The Internet

There’s a chance you’ve been made aware, at some point in the last 24 hours, that Michelle Barrow’s gynecologist found a ball of cat hair in her vagina. Yes, the latest episode of xojane’s infamous “It Happened to Me” series is a real classic and it’s taking the internet by storm. But Barrow’s tale is only one in a long tradition of women sharing really really disgusting stories about their bodies on the internet.

Here’s some, and please share links to your favorites or your very own gross story in the comments!

Oh and just a quick reminder: almost every gross thing that happens during sex is totally normal, please don’t freak out.

1. The Pumpkin Seed Story, by Becky for Jezebel (2010)

This won Jezebel’s most disgusting story of all time contest, because it is disgusting. If you’ve ever considered living on a diet of just pumpkin seeds for any extended period of time, as I’m sure so many of us do, this will definitely change your mind.

2. What Lies Beneath (Her Fingernails), by Effing Dykes for Autostraddle (2010)

The very true story of what happens when a vagina meets rhinestone-studded fingernails. A real lesbian sex horror story.

3. Ten Days In The Life of A Tampon, by Moe for Jezebel (2008)

This is not the first or the last time I’ve recommended this article to the readers of this website. It’s the best story ever told on the internet.

4. My Menstruating Vagina Stunk Up the Office, or the Most Embarrassing Thing To Ever Happen to Me, Like Ever, by Mandy for xojane (2013)

I think the silver lining to tales such as this is that working in an office that is almost entirely female means you can send a group e-mail like “My underwear almost knocked me out with the smell of a super heavy period that came on strong and suddenly” and everybody will enjoy it.

5. Wetlands (excerpt), by Charlotte Roche for Grove Atlantic (2009)

This is fiction but it has to be based on reality because what on earth. Anyhow, I actually had the non-pleasure of reading this book because Sam Anderson asked me to, and OH BOI. Did you want to hear about hemorrhoids and anal sex? GOOD NEWS YOU CAN.

6. Leaving a Mooncup In Too Long: A Horror Story via The Glow (2014)

I think the headline sums up the content pretty accurately.

7. Your Embarrassing Lesbian Sex Stories, by Carolyn for Autostraddle (2012)

There’s a serious lack of mortifying moments online referencing lesbian sex. So we took care of that. Or, really… you took care of that.

The has written 79 articles for us.

51 Comments

  1. This reminds me of the time at rug y training when one of our student nurses got the giggles due to the prolapse theyd seen earlier that day. And then proceeded to tell the whole team including the two male coaches. Training stopped for a whole ten minutes as the other nurses/doctors piped up with their gross gynae stories. The coaches never recovered. It was a great bonding experience. Loved it.

  2. I had a tampon horror moment as a teen – in a moment of absent-mindedness I’d put a second tampon over the first and continued changing the bottom one out thereafter.

    I’m not sure how I discovered the missing one – I think I might have been trying to masturbate when I realised it was stuck way, way up.

    After some blind groping, I manged to pull it out and it was green.

    Another time I put one in that was clearly too strong for my period (not something that happens often as they’re usually heavy) and it fused to my vagina meaning that I had to pull it out bit by bit.

    I’m always paranoid that people can smell my vagina or my shoes but whenever I ask people they say no.

    I’m not sure if it’s my paranoia, my hyper sensitivity to smell or that people are polite/notice less and that there’s actually some people out there who think I stink.

  3. Does anyone remember too_much_info / TMIchix on Livejournal? I learned more about the human body and its processes there than I ever did in health class.

    Also, sometimes I want to reference “poopin’ shoes” and nobody knows what the hell.

  4. None of those were as gross as the story of a gyno finding tons of baby cockroaches in a patient’s cooch. The lady fell asleep with whip cream on her (waiting to surprise her partner) and a bug slipped inside to lay some eggs. Her pain was from roaches eating her. Ah, the circle of life.

  5. These stories are such a (horrifying) treat! Thank you for collecting them all in one place for me to peruse at length.

    Also, I am so glad for the open invite to share our own grossness, BECAUSE…..

    One time a couple years ago, my (recently engaged!) gf (now wife <3 ) and I were flying back to Chicago from a sunny, happy xmas vacay and New Years holiday spent in San Diego, and I got food poisoning. Like, germinating all day in your gut, like "I feel kind of vaguely nauseous" all day, and then by evening time you're just like "FUCK I WANT TO THROW UP to get rid of this awfulness". Anyways, I finally barfed on the airplane, inside the minuscule shoebox diorama of an airplane bathroom, and spent at least 30 mins but what felt like FOREVER cleaning my vomit out of all the little crevices* and corners in the bathroom, using the toilet seat covers, Kleenex, whatever the fuck was in there. Also, my feet. Having just left San Diego, I was still clad in sandals, so there's barf on my feet and ankles, and inside my bra because of course I was wearing a fun, casual off-the shoulder shirt and leggings. Anyways, I finally get back out of the bathroom, much to my fellow passengers' delight, and hunker down next to my boo for the rest of the flight, which also felt like FOREVER. (Sidenote: this being New Years Day, I think almost everyone on the plane assumed that I was some hungover ass hat barfing in the bathroom, and not the blameless victim of bad BBQ that I was.)

    *at first I mistyped that as "cervixes" LOL

    Of course because it was Chicago circa January 2013 (a.k.a the fucking POLAR VORTEX), our plane sat on the runway in miserable snow and ice for 2 hours, then we sat at baggage claim for another 3-4 hrs waiting for luggage. Seriously, the sun was about to come up when we finally got in a cab and started making our way home. No trouble on the ride home, we hit the door, I disrobe, shower, and fall in a sick pile of sickness. End of story…..

    Flash forward 1-2 weeks later, wherein my darling, stalwart, life partner is trimming my toenails. (This is a reg thing as I hate cutting my toenails, and will gladly pay for a pedi so that someone else will cut them. Or my wife does it for me often and unflinchingly, because TRUELOVE.) She cuts off the first one and gags a little, and then I smell something that's like the smell of old feet but 100x worse, and she says, "Oh my god. I think there's barf under your toenails." :-O Dutiful and loving wife that she is, she cuts ALL 10 of my barfy, nasty toenails like a goddam trooper, and STILL agreed to marry me 8 months later. <3 <3 <3

  6. Oh God, I don’t think I’ll ever wear a tampon again. How can you not feel it, though?! Oh God! I can be so absent minded at times, and I could totally see myself doing that! Is there an official name for this phobia?

  7. One time, I asked my friend to pee into a zip loc baggy for a drug test I was sure to fail. I then proceeded to walk around with pee stuffed into my boots for an entire day. Miraculously the bag did not break. *This has been an ad for Zip Loc*

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!