The Fosters Episode 419: Kill This Murder Storyline Dead Already

Previously on The Fosters, Brandon can’t do the grocery shopping adequately or keep secrets. Brandon’s inadequate? Must be Tuesday.

Callie gets a text message intended for Diamond but she has no clue what it means. Before she can find out, Mariana pops in wanting to know if she snuck into Aaron’s bedroom and if they had sex. Callie says they just kissed for a while and then cuddled. After Callie leaves, Jude pops in to ask Mariana if he can tell her a secret. Nope! She’s done with secrets! Totally done.

Stef has some questions about why Brandon has Emma’s letter in his pants. He explains that she asked him to take it so no one else besides him and grandma would read it. And why does he know? Oh right because he took Emma to Planned Parenthood. It’s fine because impotent Jesus doesn’t have a clue.

The moms don’t think it’s anyone’s place but Emma’s to tell Jesus so they ask Brandon to keep it quiet but thank him for being there for Emma. Once he’s gone from their room, Stef and Lena can’t believe that A) they just told Emma and Jesus they could have sex in the house, B) Sharon didn’t tell them about the letter, and C) that Callie’s trial is less than a week away and they don’t know the legal strategy. Oh and they still have three other kids!

Callie is drinking tea in the corner when Brandon arrives in the kitchen. She scares the daylights out of him and then they trade questions about the largest calamities of their lives. Remember when we were friends before people thought we would be better as boink buddies? Yeah, good times.

Gabe is meeting with the twins about the tree house project. Mariana promises to find the perfect tree for it. Perfect! She can do perfect in her sleep. Ana comes out with Isabella and seeing Gabe and Ana with the baby is too much for her. She and Jesus look at each other like “Why weren’t they like that with us?” before she runs out. Ana tells Gabe she found his a job working for her brother and Jesus wants to know if he has gotten any help for his depression. Wow, there’s a lot of meddling/caring going on in this scene. The doctor wanted Gabe to take meds which Gabe says only screw you up more, right? Jesus agrees. Oh lord.

Anyway, if I could just figure out his password, I could replace his stupid Kara/Mon-El fic with Supercorp fic.

Your son ships Karamel?

Your Honor, Mon-El stans are ruining caramel. Motion to have them all jailed.

Stef and Lena are meeting with Callie’s lawyers. They want Callie to look young, innocent, and as doe-eyed as possible. The poor dear didn’t know what the law was so she left the scene of the accident. She, of course, torpedoes this by refusing to go along and by announcing that they know Troy killed his grandmother. Lena thinks the true story makes much more sense than the bullshit the lawyers came up with. Oh my god this storyline is like Paul Rueben’s death scene in the original Buffy. It just never ends!

Mariana wonders if it hurts Jesus to see Ana being a good mom now. He remembers being in their crib for hours or more than a day without her around. He remembers trying to take care of Mariana, but getting mad at Ana and Gabe doesn’t help. She was a drug addict who shouldn’t have had kids. Mariana wants to know if he were Gabe if he would have asked her to have an abortion. He says no; he would have been a dad no matter what. Well, now she’s going to feel compelled to tell him about Emma.

Daphne and Callie are talking about her case when Diamond butts in, but Daphne who tells her to get back to work. Diamond gets back to work trying to recruit another GU girl to work for Russell. Why shouldn’t Diamond get money for sex since men have been having sex with her since she was eleven? This storyline is horrifying (obviously, that’s the point) but I wish they would focus on fewer storylines on this show (yes, I’ve been saying this since season one).

I want to believe Trump’s presidency is the last, horrifying gasp of white supremacy, but the news is so relentlessly depressing.

Did you talk to Brandon about joining our protest?

He told me to tell you to drink a Pepsi.

Mariana is being snappish with Emma so she asks what the hell is going on. She knows Emma had an abortion and didn’t give Jesus a chance to say what he wanted. Emma, rightly, says it’s not his choice to make. Well, they’re adopted so maybe she should have considered that, Mariana says and flounces up the stairs.

Stef is showing Diamond the horrific pictures of another one of Russell’s girls who he beat within an inch of her life (she’s now missing). Diamond says she beat the girl for Russell. She also knows the guy Russell might have stolen meth from. A kind of guy who lets girls do his dirty work is a coward, Stef says. Stef promises they can keep Diamond safe if she will testify against him. She agrees. Diamond sees Callie hugging Brandon and asks Stef if he’s her boyfriend. Nope. Definitely not. Not at all. Nothing to see there!

Jesus is helping Gabe move his stuff in when he starts feeling ill. Gabe asks what’s up and it turns out Jesus thought not taking his meds was a great plan because he needs to be able to have sex more than he needs his brain to function. Gabe is like “what the fuck do I do?” But he’s saved by Lena walking into the garage. Lena offers Gabe lunch but he promises he won’t stay long or be much of a bother. But it’s time for Jesus to take his pills, so yay for everyone having secrets!

After Stef leaves, Russell wanders by to say hello to Diamond. When Callie says hi he explains that he’s the neighbor from up the block (sure and I’m the Jolly Green Giant) and that they might want to bring in the garbage cans before they get a fine. Diamond hops right to them. Oh Diamond, Callie knows all the bullshit tricks so she watches Diamond scoop a bag with a cell phone out of the recycling bin.

Mariana offers Jude his laundry, folded, and then wants in on his secret.

Lena and Monte are having tea. Hey Monte, missed you, lady! Lena doesn’t think Monte should resign, by the way. But Anchor Beach is throwing cash at her and really, she’s a business woman right? Mariana comes barreling down the stairs and yells “they want to make our school private! Oh hey, principal!” Lena calls Jude down after Mariana gives up her source. Man, I wouldn’t tell you shit, Mariana.

Callie tells Daphne she saw Diamond take something out of the trash so they scope out where Diamond was gardening. Sure enough, they find the phone and then call Stef. Daphne and Callie would be a hell of a Nancy Drew pair (Daphne is Nancy, obviously). Stef wants Callie to call her on the phone, delete the call record, wipe it clean, and put it back. Stef, this is not helping Callie’s sleuthing gene.

Brandon lays into Mairana for yelling at Emma. She can’t keep secrets and Jesus couldn’t be a dad so maybe lay the fuck off Emma. Of course! Jesus walks in at the end of all of this. Mariana lies about the fight to Jesus and they get interrupted by Lena who wants them not to share the rumor about the school going private. Stop it with all the secrets! Of course Mariana already tweeted about the school going private.

One secret that’s not going to last is Jesus not taking his meds. Lena wants to know how long he’s been playing neurologist on his own brain.

The moms spoke to the lawyers who now agree that having Aaron testify about Callie’s state of mind at the time of the accident is good but they still need Callie to admit she thinks Kyle killed Mrs. Johnson. Stef produces some more convenient evidence that Kyle’s guilty but Callie needs to see him before she will testify to his guilt. Kill the storyline. Kill it dead. Use the Peacemaker, bury it in the ground, salt the damn earth. I have had it!

Stef will allow Brandon to drive with Callie to Folsom but she wants his assurance they won’t have sex on the way. He’s mad now. He tried to remove himself from the family so they would stop being suspicious (dude, you guys snuck around and then had sex, it’s not like you didn’t earn the suspicion). But sure, let’s ret con this as the moms’ fault.

Lena checks to be sure Jesus swallowed the pills which he finds ridiculous but she’s going to do it until she can trust him again so his whole life. No biggie. Gabe walks in and Jesus yells at him. Gabe acted like a damn adult by telling the moms about the medicine. But Jesus thinks he’s a hypocrite for refusing to take his meds to help with the depression. Maybe he should have gone to Tahoe, Jesus screams. When Gabe leaves Brandon tells Jesus that not being able to have sex isn’t the end of the world. Jesus thinks Emma is going to leave him because it’s not like she’s with him for his IQ. Brandon says Jesus is a really good guy and funny and kind and maybe he should think about taking care of Emma. He could ask her how to do that. This is actually good advice. Well, done Brandon. Now don’t fuck it up in the next scene.

I *knew* it! Grace and Frankie *are* gay for each other.

Let me just … there got it. Proof.

Lena and Monte are staking out the parent board meeting. Forgive me mother for I have sinned: I love Monte. Anyway, they have binoculars, a terrible hiding place, and Nick’s dad as the prime suspect as the probable bankroll for this endeavor.

Callie is visiting Kyle in prison. He’s got new ink on his neck and face. He joined a gang for some protection. Callie can’t believe he let her risk going to prison for him. But she won’t go to prison, he says. Not with a rich father and white skin. She’ll have a nice life while he’s in prison. Honestly, if this is the upshot of this entire awful, boring, stupid storyline I am going to have to give this show up.

Mariana is at therapy and she’s brought Ana with her. When Mariana asks about being left in her crib for a day or more Ana says it never happened, refuses to agree that she might not remember if she were on drugs at the time, and leaves upset.

While Stef is looking through the text Diamond is sending Russell, Grey comes in with Doug Harvey. The DA asked him to check out the story about Doug Harvey’s DNA. He tells Stef to double check the security footage Harvey has of his house. The footage with Callie sneaking in.

Jesus and Emma are kissing a little in his bed when she asks him about Anchor Beach going private. She shows him a screenshot from Mariana’s anon twitter account and when he scrolls through he sees the old post about a pregnant girl. Oh dear. Looks like the cat is out of the bag.


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Lucy Hallowell lives near Boston with her family. She is a writer whenever she can find five minutes of peace. She is proud to say she managed to ignore her children long enough to write a short story called Dragon Slayer. She has been called a mule on more than one occasion but insists that she simply likes the high ones. Twitter, Tumblr

Lucy has written 12 articles for us.

22 Comments

  1. I’m weirdly delighted that Kyle turned out to be an actual murderer, but now this damn Doug Harvey thing has to come back. Come on. Callie’s going on trial, she just lost a boyfriend and gained another maybe-boyfriend. THERE’S ALREADY SUFFICIENT DRAMA. End it, kill it with fire, be done.

    It’s really a shame how much I used to like Callie, but now I grumble every time she appears on screen. I’d rather watch Brandon and that is horrifying.

    Thanks for the recap!

    • Callie’s distrust in the authorities is pretty deeply rooted, and for good reasons, so I was kind of disappointed when it turned out that Kyle was not so innocent at all. It’s kind of sad if it “teaches” Callie that you should just stay out of it if you think the justice system has failed someone you care about.

  2. This fucking show! Lucy, I am so glad we have your recaps, cuz there are way too many storylines and your recaps keep me from rage quitting this show. “Kill the storyline. Kill it dead. Use the Peacemaker, bury it in the ground, salt the damn earth. I have had it!” Amen.

    Also, Heather’s Grace and Frankie screenshot gives me life.

  3. There *are* too many storylines on this show. I don’t even remember how Callie investigating a murder case thing even happened? I did stop watching full episodes around the 3rd season (and there were no recaps to be found)so I must have missed something.

      • Yup. She was going around taking photos of all her former foster houses (for one of her many short-lived senior project ideas), and ended up talking to a former foster mother, who was actually pretty nice and had looked into adopting Callie and Jude, along with their foster brother. But because of his difficulties (I cannot remember if they specified, but he was considered to have some sort of additional needs or something?), she wasn’t allowed to adopt all three? So he stayed with her and Callie and Jude moved on.

        But anyway, while they were having a chat about all this, Callie found out about the whole him being arrested for murder thing, and because she’s Callie, and she remembered this kid as a sweet harmless boy that was basically her brother, in a home that nearly became her forever home, she just couldn’t not look into it. Because she’s Callie.

        That’s how I remember it, anyway. I think it’s at least mostly accurate?

  4. If they drag this stupid Callie story into season 5 I will rage tweet the show runners because I’m sick of it.
    Also, charter schools are evil and the show should’ve done something with Lena realizing that she had to find a job in a San Diego public school and move the kids out of Anchor Beach.
    Again, I wish they would clear up the timeline because this show is becoming Pretty Little Liars and I can’t stand it. Hayden is already 16 and will be 17 on October 11th and he’s still playing a just turned 14 year old.
    There are too many fucking stories going on and this added drama is so unnecessary.

  5. – I loved Lena and Monte’s stakeout. It was amazing. So much potential there. I wanted Stef to show up and teach them how to stakeout properly though
    – Brandon giving good advice? Broken clock… Twice a day…
    – Brandon being good and Mariana being awful. I guess she and golden boy switched places this week… And the therapy? I just hope Ana doesn’t start using again because that would be another never ending storyline

  6. Oh show, I wish I knew how to quit you.

    I said it last week but with the many stories that they juggle with the regular cast (and half the time they forget about Jude) I don’t care about random characters getting a bulk story line. I mean we’re half way through the show before the credits finish rolling with the guest cast. I guess Diamond’s story is more about Stef’s job than just about her and her pimp so it makes sense rather than us having to sit through Aaron’s judgey family for absolutely no reason.

    Where are the pictures of Marianna and Emma sitting outside from? Did I miss a scene in THIS episode?

    And here’s an issue I’m having with Jesus, let’s say the Fosters world has lapsed 2 years since season 1 (and that’s being generous seeing as Jude’s size alone shows the reality is more like 4 years). Anyway, when the show started and Jesus and Lexi had sex he ran to the pharmacy right away to get the morning after pill, so don’t tell me now he wants a kid. With he and Lexi there was no inclination that she could even be pregnant they were just young and stupid and didn’t know how sex worked and they are still young and stupid.

    Also, I’ve never been a 16 year old boy, so I know they have sex on the brain (even damaged) 24/7 but it was infuriating to me that every other phrase out of Jesus’ mouth was about not being able to have sex because of his meds, and the TBI, and the full moon. Dude, so you stop your meds so you can get it up and have sex but you start having a seizure during sex, what then? You’d probably say “well there are worse ways to go”. See young and stupid.

    Thank you Gabe for knowing what the right thing to do was. But I am not sure how I feel about Gabe and Ana seemingly playing happy family. Do we even know who Isabella’s father is? It’s not Gabe though, right?

    DO NOT tell me that we have sat through 2 seasons of who killed Martha Johnson and Callie chasing Troy around making it her mission to bring him down that it WAS Kyle all along. The dialogue was a little confusing so I really didn’t get if he was admitting to it or just being a hard gang punk being like “so what if i did”. But either way if they don’t resolve this I am super pissed. I’d rather watch a Brandon scene than anymore of this steaming piece of garbage murder crap.

    The Monte and Lena stakeout was funny but I always seem to ask myself with this show, what is this story leading up to? We barely know anything about Drew or his motives to make this story compelling.

  7. By the way Fun Fact. I was watching Dancing with the Stars and when Nancy Kerrigan came up to dance I was like I wonder who’s gonna play her in the Tonya Harding movie they’re making with Margot Robbie. (Yeah I don’t know what makes Tonya Harding so special that they are making an A-List movie about her instead of like a Lifetime movie again). Anyway Jesus crazy ex Hayley is playing Nancy Kerrigan.

  8. Dear the Fosters showrunners, producers, writers. Been thinking about writing comments address to TPTB of the Fosters for a while. Full disclosure, we started watching on Lucy’s recommendation (Season 1), with season 3 we stopped watching and a lot of our friends also stopped. Now we only read Lucy’s recaps and occasionally watch the edited youtube videos of Stef & Lena scenes.

    We watched episodes 18 & 19 thinking to give the Fosters one more try, wow, we really are sorry to see that the show’s storylines have not gotten any better, in some cases it actually has gotten worst. Too many storylines in one episode, drama, melodrama and plots galore in each episode, etc. Example: lots of screen time for secondary characters, too much drama, stories and plots as usual in one episode, etc. Gabe moving in storyline? Really!! Aaron & Callie? Callie going to be main finale storyline again? Pretty redundant, every finale has been about Callie in peril for one thing or another (she ran away-will she be found, then will she be adopted, and the list goes on).

    Every birth parent is back in the life of Stef and Lena’s children, not just back in the children’s lives, but involve (guest DNA Does make a family). And all of them are redemptive birth parents who have a reason why they lost their children (and it wasn’t really their fault, sort of kind of, there were mitigating/explanatory circumstances). Not realistic. We know suspension of reality often stretch in shows, but Really, Gabe moving in? Kind of send a message, intended or not, Stef & Lena (lesbians) need others (men, biological parents, etc.) to raise their families. Well lesbians don’t, my wife and I, and other lesbians can raise, and are raising our children just fine and doing a great job at it.

    Additionally, shows do not have to tackle every social issue out there, especially in one episode or even in one show’s lifetime. Like any good storytelling (book, show, play, etc). Everything can not be tackle, it makes the story go everywhere, become frustrating for the reader or viewer. As well as dilute the show/book’s quality.

    So, not sure if you all know why many lesbians don’t watch the Fosters anymore (some never did, which is fine it’s their right not to watch). Above are some of the reasons (reasons not just from my wife and I and our friends, but also from friends of friends, social media discussions, etc.).

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