The EliptiGO: For People Not Cool Enough For Segways

LIZZ’S TEAM PICK

There I was walking to work, minding my own business when a middled aged guy “biked” by on the funniest thing in the world. Well, he wasn’t really on a bike. He was on an ElliptiGO. In case it wasn’t initially clear an ElliptiGO is a real working outdoor mobile elliptical bike.

THIS IS REAL

I’m sorry. That doesn’t do justice to the hilarity of this thing. Here we go:

GO ELLIPTICAL GO ELLIPTICAL GO ELLIPTICAL GO

Okay, I can see why someone might want an ElliptiGO. I flagged down the guy using it and he said he loved it– really easy on his knees. I suppose I could easily see my dad using one (probably somewhere really public). Really anyone who likes to elliptical at the gym or needs to cross-train for running would probably enjoy using an ElliptiGO. Plus, there’s no arguing with the benefits of a new energy-free form of transportation. From the ElliptiGO website:

At its core, the ElliptiGO is a fitness device that emulates running outdoors without the associated impact. It was designed by runners to be the ideal low-impact substitute for running. We believe it is the ideal cross-training device for healthy runners and the best replacement for running for injured runners. It delivers an exercise experience that is closer to running than anything else available today.

An ElliptiGO will run you $1,799-$2,399 and, truthfully it’s not wholly original. I did a little digging and the (much cheaper) StreetStrider offers a highly similar product. Still, these videos are priceless. You really haven’t lived until you’ve heard the power-chord ElliptoGO theme music; just trust me.

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Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 261 articles for us.

36 Comments

  1. No way, dude! I can’t ride the StreetStrider! It has the goofy arm things! Once you grip them you find yourself swinging your arms like a maniac and pretending that is a totally natural bodily movement. Just focus on the muted Rachel Ray show above your elliptical contraption and pretend like this is what your body was built for. No thanks, buddy, I’d prefer to keep my arms stiffly at my sides, and run like the cool kids.

  2. call me crazy but i would buy it. (at a moar moderate pricetag)

    it’s like the best of running & biking put together:
    running sucks b/c your boobs bounce & knees hurt
    biking sucks because your crotch/ass hurts

    with the eliptigo EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING HURTS

    conversely, i hate actual elliptical. i’m so picky. my favorite exercise is googling. yeah, the internet. someday it’ll be a sport, JUST YOU WAIT.

  3. Actually, that looks practical. If you’re one of those dykes/queers who work in jobs that require lots of muscle (I did in college), you will prolly hurt your back before all’s said and done. It’s all good after your first couple injuries,between the ages of 18 and 25, and you heal up.

    Ten years down the road, you’re 32, re-potting a really heavy plant and shit goes wrong. You’ve re-injured your back.

    See, it didn’t forget what you did to it all those mornings and nights you were lugging heavy speakers and mixing boards all around, out-lifting the cis-dudes. It didn’t forget.

    And it doesn’t heal up quickly anymore. Harsh fking toke. So I can totally see the benefit of these elliptical bikey things for peeps who want to stay in shape and get quality-of-life-saving and party-ability-lengthening cardio. Lushes’ Pro-Tip (even though it is SO wrong from a Calvinist perspective): you can still smoke a little (or more) if you run, jog, swim, whatever every other day. Doing major cardio regularly allows you to still be able to be healthy and indulge.

    BTW, about the Segway, I thought it was kind of like an amusement park ride: You have to be less than this cool to ride/own/think positively about a Segway. But maybe I got that wrong. Or I’m just a snobby urban bitch. That fact has been established previously. It’s also almost certain that I missed the subtle snark of the title.

    Still, back to the Elliptitwat in the article, I like my cardio a little more butch and a little less tech-millionaire-priced. Can we go swimming in the ocean now? Please?? Or just for a good walk? Walking is the awesome.

  4. Anyone would look cooler speed walking in a neon print polyester jogging suit while listening to Barry Manilow techno remixes than being caught on the EliptiGO.

    However, the EliptiGO is so wtf that it circles back around and becomes cool.

    But scheiße, for that price I’d rather ruin the environment (bad lesbian alert!) and get a Vespa. Or about 4 fixed gear bikes.

  5. This reminds me of those bad-ass sneakers with wheels on the bottom from years ago, you could run and then gliiiiiiide and you looked so cool.
    I wanted them so much. I feel like if I could have the ElliptiGO it would make up for my lost years of tween awesomeness.
    Except I’d be too embarrassed to ever leave the house with it.

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