OPEN THREAD: Thanksgiving 2016 Family Togetherness Time Right Here Together

It’s time for (American) Thanksgiving, a heady time of parades and pie and putting Bailey’s in your coffee and delayed flights. Canadians already had theirs this year and now we’re doing it, in our post-election nightmare world. But at least we’re doing it together, here in this open thread.


What have you got going on? Are you in an airport? Are you about to go pick someone up from an airport? Are you trying to figure out if four different people are all signed up to bring mac and cheese and so what should be done? Are you dry brining the Field Roast? Are you trying to figure out how to talk to loved ones about a Donald Trump presidency? Are you spending the holiday with chosen family instead of biological? Are you spending it alone, or with a pet and Netflix? Are you realizing that you’re out of cat litter and wishing you had addressed that earlier because the stores are going to be a vision of hell? Since Thanksgiving is, in the US, an anniversary of violent settler colonialism and genocide, perhaps you’re buying something from the Amazon wishlist of the water protectors at Standing Rock, or donating to the Sacred Stone Legal Defense Fund, or to Sacred Stone Camp costs. Maybe you’re doing laundry, taking advantage of a comparatively empty laundry space. What matters most is that you’re here; we’re thankful for you!

Whatever you’re doing, please tell us about it! We’ll be here all day, spending time and chatting, talking about what we’re thankful for, sharing photos of pets and non-gross-looking food, maybe, idk. Stay a while!

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  1. Right now I am making pull apart bread.Will be topping it with honey and poppy seeds. Haven’t made a traditional yeast bread in years, probably. Fingers crossed.

    Seriously whacked my elbow on a ledge while getting out my beloved mortar & pestle to grind up coriander seeds for the Sazon mix. Hope that’s not an omen of some kind.
    Having limited function in my dominant arm while trying to make stuff I can eat for tomorrow sucks.
    But hey I’m not responsible for spicing the turkey this year. Just one wee game hen.

    • I made baked 5 cheese macaroni and cheese with bacon. And I too am injured……i fell down the stairs and my toe was bleeding. I cannot walk and my back hurts, but man is the mac n cheese delicious!

      • Silver linings :P

        Oh and by the way thanks again for the sazon ratio, I applied it to a cornish game hen that got smoked in a smoker. I get to eat that while everyone else eats a sad turkey that doesn’t have my spicing. Also I couldn’t grind the coriander seeds to my satisfaction so I tossed parsley, more cumin and a pinch of cayenne at it as well as the half ground seeds. Tomorrow going to be interesting.

        But if you can get your back checked out, vertebrae man.

          • Delicious seasoning. ^_^
            Coriander, cumin, tumeric, garlic, black pepper, oregano.

            Coriander is magical, from leaves to seeds. Especially the seeds, they’re a sharp and earthy without being a soft under tone.

            I love spices, never been to culinary school so I don’t any proper or standardized terms to describe attributes of spices if there are in the English language. I bet there’s terms French. After all they were having culinary industry (guilds) spats in medieval times. Heh.

          • Gud,back problem are terrible.
            So good, I had little food-gasms eating the wings and legs where the flavor accumulated. My little cousin’s boyfriend blushed at me from the kids table. And my mom who had a lil piece of my hen was like “we’re doing this for Christmas”

            Once more I’ll be bring a little be of Autostraddle to the holiday table. Or should I say holigay ;)

        • It’s stressful, fills us with adrenaline et cetera which makes us all clumsy and sloppy? :P
          Still not used to Daylight Savings Time, wait that’s driving not walking around da house.
          Ooh cold makes us sluggish? Even tho we be warm blooded mammals not reptiles.
          But I think it’s probably stress response.

  2. Happy thanksgiving americans. happy grey cup weekend canadians. (i dunno shit about the football but am going with my father and brothers as an activity)

    Some things I am thankful for: my friend’s pomeranian, my queer friends, stories, this metallic yoga mat i got which is very pretty to look at, floral print, soup, my haircut, other peoples haircuts that are cute to look at, feeling loved, feeling known, all the times in my life i got to hug people, and hold hands with someone, a-camp, trees, water, the colour purple (the actual colour not the book (the book too while were at it)), autostraddle, bicycles, blankets, people who are really honest, cheek kisses

  3. I will be thankful to be a small part of the large, supportive community of AS queer female members who will never accept defeat from anyone trying to take away our equal human rights!

    Thank all of you for making my life happier to live in this world!

  4. I was out of control in trader joes and bought a lot of snacks. If anyone watches British panel shows on YouTube, have i for news for you – week of November 11th went in on the U.S. voting for the Mango Mussolini.

    Also reading the AS article about the Texas bills made me cry because of imagining a future where I can no longer get legally married.

    Anyone else part of the pantsuit nation on fb? The one in my area just had their first meeting LST week.

  5. I’m Canadian but I bought a second turkey for this specific occasion.

    It might have been because I love you all and am celebrating in spirit…or It might have been because it was on sale.

    Either way,

    Happy thanksgiving.

  6. Thanksgiving is always held at my house (still living with the parents), and this year only the conservative relatives are coming. As soon as I found that out, I made the cowardly decision to work that day instead, as my workplace is open 24/7, and we get paid time and a half on holidays. After a week or so of feeling guilty for not trying to talk human decency into my relatives, I decided to donate whatever money I make on thanksgiving to the Standing Rock water protectors, which I see you guys also thought was a good idea. This means I can save political conversations for christmas, when I’ll have backup.

    • Great decision! And there’s nothing wrong about avoiding the conservative family members. Its perfectly fine to want to Preserve your mental health.

  7. So, I’m hosting Thanksgiving for the first time tomorrow. I’m super excited, as I’m plotting a Thai / Lebanese (mostly) event with my friend Erilia who is a seriously skilled cook. We’ll also have her partner who is visiting from Germany to assist and then two guests for the actual dinner. I had fun picking up ingredients (and baklava!) today while avoiding the Trader Joe’s near me that had people lined up out the door.

    I had debated whether to stay in Brooklyn or go home, but I’m glad I stayed. Erilia was originally going to host at her place, but got bumped because her roommates’ plans changed. I don’t know where else she and her partner would have ended up, so I’m glad I can welcome everyone to my place.

  8. My wife is high. I am drinking. My mac n cheese is da bomb. I cannot walk. We are visiting my family tomorrow. They will love my mac n cheese. It is da bomb.

    Being thankful that I came out of shock. Nothing like blacking out after an injury. Maybe it was a food coma? Time for more beer. Anyone wish to join me for a virtual beer?

  9. Just spent a long time at the salon. My hair is more ready for battle than I am. Hoping for peace at the table, but prepared for the worst.

  10. I am almost certain that I got a UTI just in time for Thanksgiving. It is not fun.

    But on the bright side, my cousins’ uncles who are always assholes about politics and sometimes blatantly racist and homophobic and are over the moon about Trump winning aren’t going to be at Thanksgiving this year! It’s a T-Gvn miracle! There’s still going to be at least three relatives that voted for Trump there, but they won’t talk about it.

    But I still wish I could just stay in bed and read comics.

  11. oh y’all. i was wishing for this to exist this morning. within my first hour of being awake and around my family (after i got in at like 1AM last night), my family had said some pretty what the fuck unintentionally racist shit. and i was so aghast i didn’t really respond as well as i could have beyond like “that’s not okay?”

    we did this like whole day of pre-gaming thanksgiving with casual meals and games and stuff. fortunately my family is pretty into the concept of having drinks available. still a lil tipsy over here. i was (for some reason–because i’m rude?) looking at twitter while standing around talking to an aunt and uncle, and i came across this tweet about new york doing an anti-conversion therapy bill with a name the acronym of which was pence, and i died laughing and then had to explain myself to them which was awkward. they were like all we know about pence is that he’s christian and that’s good? and i’m like yeah he likes conversion therapy and that makes people want to kill themselves so maybe not great? idkkkkk. and then i talked to my 18 yr old sister about politics some and she said she would have been scared if hillary had won. idk, y’all. i talked to her some about gun control which was weird ’cause she was like HILLARY IS ANTI SECOND AMENDMENT and i’m like yo but gun control is good? and she’s like well yeah it shouldn’t be insanely easy to get guns and it’s like ok where’s the problem then? no one wants to take all your guns away, idiot. (i mean some people do, but this is america and that’s nowhere near happening.) and then she talked about worrying about national security and i tried to explain immigration to her via the stupid handful of m&m’s metaphor and i think maybe she listened so idk? i’m afraid to come off too liberal around my family because i think they’d just stop listening if i did. so it’s a weird balance. they’re insanely insanely hyper conservative christian republican whatever.

    anyway sorry that was probably an incoherent mess of typing. i didn’t actually read the post just the comments. i’ll have to do that tomorrow when i’m awake and sober. as for things i’m thankful for, though: i’m so thankful for y’all and for autostraddle. i was talking to a friend earlier about how much dumber i think i’d be if i’d never realized i was gay and come across autostraddle. the striving for intersectional feminism on here has really taught me a lot and i’m so glad of it.

    hope everyone has a good thanksgiving tomorrow <3

    • Awww hugs. You aee dealing with what I have to deal with. It’s okay. The way I see it, you can’t fix a bullet wound with a band aid. Or you cant fix stupidity with a book…or is it ognorance you can’t fix? …… you can’t fix something….

      Happy thanksgiving ?

  12. I’m spending tomorrow sleeping,writing,reading and watching Netflix. My family is too far to visiT. It’s okay though. I’m not in a hurry to visit the south this soon.

  13. I spent last year in the states with my ‘american family’ after missing my best friend from uni who I always did thanksgiving with before she returned home. Feeling a little sad and missing them all at the.

    And, with full disclosure, I miss the stuffing too. God it was glorious.

    Going to send them a message now telling them how much I miss them/the stuffing. Have a lovely day everyone!

    • It might not be theirs–but I detailed a sloppy stuffing recipe I use below (although maybe better for more than one person)

  14. Happy thanksgiving, american friends!
    This year, like every year, i am grateful for the Autostraddle community

  15. Have a good Thanksgiving everyone. I hope you enjoy all of the good things about the day and manage to cope with any of the not so enjoyable aspects of extended family get togethers.

    Things to be grateful for? A home,a love,a long and satisfying life, finding Autostraddle and a community to interact with and support as I can.

  16. I’m sitting in my parents’ house while my SO walks our dogs and my family’s at church. They still ask me every time I’m home if I want to go with them. It’s my SO’s first thanksgiving with my folks, and later, we’re going to my aunt and uncle’s house for our meal. Hopefully board games and alcohol will ensue :)

  17. As I said last Friday, I’ve spent the entire week in Northern Michigan (Trump country). Besides the few Trump signs and one sign proclaiming “Hilary for ambassador to Syria” it’s been pretty chill. I even got treated to an anti-Trump rant by my aunt who called him a whiny crybaby. And so far no politics talk from my asshole brother in law. I’m relying on a lot of weed and time in the kitchen to make it through the day.

    Oh! Also, I watched Ghostbusters for the first time on Tuesday! I think I could watch the clip of Holtzmann licking her gun over and over and over.

  18. Happy Thanksgiving all! I’m volunteering at a community Thanksgiving feast today delivering meals to folks who can’t leave their house for a few hours, and then kickin back and having the day to myself. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet. I have plenty of chores and work I could do, and I also am tempted to Netflix and catch up on A+ posts all day. I also got really inspired by Alaina’s post to cook a big meal for yourself, but as of yet I haven’t bought any ingredients and I don’t know if I should go out and buy some today or not. Any thoughts?

    ALSO, if any of y’all are looking for some reading to do, may I recommend Lincoln’s Thanksgiving proclamation? Our minister at my UU congregation lectured about it last week, and it actually doesn’t mention Pilgrims and Native Americans at all and it’s really very profound and relevant to these times. It might be a nice thing to reflect on :)

    Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! <3

    • I read Lincoln’s address because you mentioned it and I’m going to share it with my family. Do you know if your minister posts his sermons online? I’d love to read it.

      • We used to put our services up as podcasts, but I looked and it doesn’t look like any are up from this year yet! :( I’ll keep checking to see if they throw it up there or if I can find a text version somewhere…it was so lovely, I’d love to be able to share it with folks!

  19. I am spending thanksgiving completely alone. I made that decision to avoid an abusive situation because I deserve to not have to deal with my abuser laughing and flourishing.
    I’m not in a place to have a Friendsgiving yet, but this is a step in the right direction.
    I’m glad I have you humans!

  20. My wife and I intentionally live 2000 miles from our biological family. Makes the holidays a lot easier. ;) Today, I am cooking SO MUCH FOOD and we’re having a house full of our chosen family. Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, plus quiche and mimosas for parade watching and appetizers for the National Dog Show. Fire in the fireplace all day long… I am a happy girl. Despite all of the history behind it, modern Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

  21. I’m doing Thanksgiving this year with my girlfriend’s family. Making sure to avoid my family. This is my first Thanksgiving really “post” transition and I’m loving it. I’m making b homemade rolls, in the process of letting the dough rise. I hope everyone is doing great.

  22. Spending Thanksgiving with my sister’s friends. I know them too. Did the pastries for one of their bridal showers last year. They are Republicans but didn’t vote for Trump. They hate Pat McCrory too. We’ll just talk about hockey and football all day. It should be ok. I made some desserts to take.
    The rest of the family is getting together in Asheville or Clemson SC. Trump supporters in SC. Mostly Clinton supporters in Asheville.
    I anticipate a good nap though.
    Signed up to do volunteer work at a local LGBTQ community center and Planned Parenthood this week. Because f**k this s**t.

    • A hey-girl-hey to someone else who has SC Trump Supporting Family (although more Gaffney–if I had been anywhere near Asheville NC I’d have evaporated out into the town even if everything was closed)

      • I was in Gaffney a couple of weeks ago. Which I’m sure you don’t hear that a lot. My uncle was the preacher at a Baptist Church there for awhile. We couldn’t remember which one so my sister and I were trying to find it. A lot of the people I graduated from high school with in Asheville are Trump supporters. Obviously I hated high school.

        • I grew up in Greenville –some cool people, some not. I was super happy to get out of High School, too. I wonder if your uncle was the preacher at my cousin’s church? (Wouldn’t know the name of it if i heard it, unfortunately).

          I can’t seem to quit the south though, which may be unfortunate for my attempt at a dating life

          • As a kid I spent a lot of summers in Greenville. My grandparents lived there. My brothers were born in Greenville. My oldest went to Welcome Elementary before we moved. Which, incidentally, is where my mom went. My grandparents lived off of Washington Ave. We had family reunions at a camp off of SC 11.

            I can’t quit the south either. My time in North Augusta as a kid was horrible, but thankfully my parents moved us back to Asheville where I was born.

  23. We’ve got twelve people in our house today, all of them chosen family unless you count my wife and my two kids. I’m laid up and can’t help cook which makes me anxious, cause usually I am the Organizer Of Cooking and questions have been asked this morning like ‘we have a pressure cooker, right?’ (we don’t) and ‘I can just take this pot, right?’ So I’m taking deep breaths and playing music and lying on pillows on the kitchen floor so I can still be part of it and y’all, it’s gonna be glorious and I am thankful beyond words for this family.

  24. I just spent the last two hours trying to determine who is driving the family up to the aunt and uncle’s for Thanksgiving. Old, petty grievances have been bought up by all parties, new confessions have been made and at one point I yelled “I give up” in the driveway in front of my mother’s neighbors. I teach middle school. I don’t want to deal with stubborn children (aka. my parents) on my off day. My only requirement in all of this was that I don’t have to be the designated driver for what should be obvious reasons. My extended family’s political views are equally divided between Hillary and Trump supporters. I think the fact that every year we have a deep-fried turkey and an organic turkey every year is fairly telling.

    So what I am thankful for…I am really happy I had my friendsgiving earlier this week. My best friend moved to Colorado and I got to see her these last two days before we both go to our separate thanksgivings.

  25. I’m gearing up to go to my Aunt’s House of Questionable Politics, armed with wine and quips to establish my gay dominance in a family of cisheterosexuals! Wish me luck!

  26. We kind of already did Thanksgiving dinner at my house because of my hubs’s work schedule, so there’s still a good chunk of turkey left in the fridge. I just killed off the stuffing, but there’s some sweet potato, and I can make the other pie later. Nothing particularly going on today. I’ve already started watching football, and apparently I can do that for the next twelve hours or so uninterrupted. My Pixburg Stillers are a hot mess, so that’s unfortunate, but maybe we can pull it out against Indy anyhow. That’s the late game. Right now I’m pounding coffee, but I’m sure that’ll switch to beer at some point.

    Historically, Thanksgiving was always pretty special to me, and I have a lot of anniversaries/milestones that occurred this time of year. So, not having anything to do besides sit here and work (although money, yaay?) is a tad lame. But I’m going to be thankful for something very particular today. I’m thankful for all of the amazing women in my life.

    See, I’ve always gotten along quite well with both guys and girls, and for much of my life, I’ve actually preferred the company of boys and men. My relationships with girls and women have always seemed so much more…fraught, I guess. But I’m going to take this moment to show love and appreciation for all the amazing women I’m fortunate to have in my life. First, to my mom, who’s put up with my stubborn, obnoxious ass for over 30 years and loves me anyhow. We’ve butted heads, but we are still close, and I love our “adult friends” schtick we’ve got going on now. Both of my amazing grandmas, one of which is still living, had the courage to be “difficult” women and to continue living, unapologetically, well into old age. My Nana, who just left me a few weeks ago – I miss you, and you’re the one who made me a good person, insofar as I am.

    Finally, to all my amazing friends. I love that there are so many of you I can just call at any time, sometimes even in the middle of the night if the situation warrants! I love that some of you can go years without seeing me and then we just pick back up like it was nothing when we’re finally together again. There are a few of you out there, and you know who you are, that I’ve loved so much that I wished you could be a much bigger part of my life. It didn’t work out that way, and I miss you, but it’s a pain I gladly embrace. Thank you for teaching me to be patient with time and distance. Thank you for pushing me to grapple and deal with my insecurity. A couple of you may possibly have broken my heart, and perhaps I could have gone on my merry way without you doing that, but…you know what, to have had you in my life, I can take whatever goes with that.

    I think I should call my circle the Sisterhood of Girls Who Aim to Misbehave.

  27. My partner and I are hosting her immediate family. We played Agricola last night while my partner and her sister got increasingly drunk and kept debating the names of their animals. It was a good time.

    Today is rather relaxed cooking. We had a good discussion with her parents about the organizations that could use donations and we already donated to the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe’s NoDAPL fund. I’m working in my third knit hat and I’m hoping to have at least ten finished to donate to the Kansas City Anti-Violence project, an organization for LGBTQ in Missouri that is taking clothing donations for those seeking shelter this winter. Doing these things makes me feel a bit more useful during the holidays.

    Other than that, this is a bit of a sad day; it’s my first major holiday without my grandpa, who was also my very best friend and father-figure. So for anyone else missing someone in their life right now, I’m sending you love and comfort.

    I hope everyone enjoys themselves this week.

  28. This is my third thanksgiving in a row where I was either home alone, or home alone and then working. Previously because I worked retail (Black Friday is the worst) but this year it’s because I’m on call and may need to be available to accompany a sexual assault survivor to the hospital. I’m actually ok with it this year, because 1. I enjoy alone time, and rarely get it and 2. It’s not because of shitty deal shoppers, but for an actual good reason. I also love states away from my family, and couldn’t take the time off to go home. Which is also kind of fine, because my dad just passed away a month ago, and I think it would have just been depressing. And Thanksgiving generally gives me an icky feeling anyways, what with all the celebrating white colonialists fucking up native Americans, and especially this year. How are we celebrating thanksgiving while Standing Rock is a thing? I’m just all ball of conflicting emotions today, and am all anxious about a thing that happened at work yesterday to add to it. but my girlfriend is bringing me back yummy thanksgiving food, and I’ve got a dog, and a cat, and Netflix. So, overall I think it’s ok. Mostly.

  29. hi sweethearts,

    my thanksgiving is going fine, I’m really feeling resistant to the pressure to be anywhere at a certain time, so I had a really lazy morning and am now at my mom’s kitchen table supposed to be working while she makes biscuits. My relationship with my family has been up-and-down for the last, I don’t know, ten years- but this feels pretty easy and rather than tease apart the why, I’m just glad.

    I should go do Actual Work or hull a pomegrante or something (I’m in charge of the salad because I just don’t want to fight over kitchen territory and who does it best) so I hope everyone makes it through the day, watches fun movies, sees who they want to see, eats something tasty. Love to you all.

    • Thank you for this! I soooo miss DTWOF! They were my only queer family for longer than I care to admit…but, yeah, coming back as a response to Trump is bitter, not even sweet.

  30. Hey all. I’m thinking of you (virtual strangers, but great ones, I’m sure) today. I hope your days are filled with joy and the best kind of family and delicious brussels spouts and whatever else gives the holidays meaning to you.

    Particularly, though: If you will be sitting at the table with your current or former abuser today, I see you. I am holding space for you. I am sending so much love and light your way. We deserve so much better than the world doles out to us, but I firmly believe that we can make it through this day together. Much, much love to you.

  31. I watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade this morning while doing chores, which was a nice break from all the reading I’ve been doing. I’m hosting Friendsgiving later, which is exciting, even if it meant taking pretty much the entire day off from grad school work this close to finals (which are approaching at an alarming pace). I’ve also decided to come out via Skype to my (liberal, Jewish) extended family tonight. Logically, I know that I have nothing to worry about, but that’s not stopping me from worrying. Does anyone have any tips?

  32. Well I’m not even home/with family/or anyone, and my grandma has managed to try to guilt trip me into contacting my horrible abusive older brother. I made it clear that was not going to happen now or ever, but I’m so tired of her trying to guilt me and say I should have some forgiveness. It’s terrible. At least I’m alone today, watching I love Lucy. I just finished knitting a fuzzy blanket that I started last winter and in a few hours I’ll start making pizza. I’m going to have a nice day, guilting grandmas or not.

    • Those guilt trips are the worst, but it’s so awesome you were able to advocate for what you needed. It’s hard as hell when that happens.

      I hope you enjoy your pizza and your finished blanket!!

  33. I am not a fan of the holiday and haven’t been for years, because to me it’s just a senseless day full of eating and forgetting it’s about how European settlers came and colonized. That all said my parents are having thanksgiving with a full Turkey and fixings. Thankfully, they also got for me the vegan Thanksgiving meal, and my sister made vegan desert(not just for me, but my father too as he doesn’t mix meat and dairy). I don’t think there is going to be too much political talks so I am safe there, and if there is, I think most of them aren’t thinking with their wallets? Then later going to a friends house for Gayme night, so I am thankful for that. They even got new version of Taboo, because it wasn’t new or gay enough. lol

    I went hiking this morning and it was surprisingly packed. Nothing special to share. I also went hiking Sunday(before the rain fully started pouring in) and kind of got lost(went off the main trail), but I didn’t care as I looked and felt good with a lovely shade of navy/purple mix lipstick. Plus, it was peaceful in the cold-ish weather with storm clouds all around.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive Turkey Day, shopping season, and weekend!

  34. I look forward to reading through this when I’m done hosting, but I wanted to jump on this here website and say I’m thankful for Archie Bongiovanni and whatever resulted in us connecting with each other. As I’ve told them, they helped me realize I could claim my non-binary genderquuer identity and still be found attractive in a world dominated by the male gaze. That happened both through Archie’s artwork and advocacy and because they’re ca-yuuuute.

  35. As always I’m so damn thankful for Autostraddle and all of you wonderful amazing people! You’ve made my life so much better and I love you all. I hope you have a wonderful day. <3 <3 <3

  36. It’s not my first Thanksgiving alone (I have an adorably crazy Mexican family), but it is the first time that I avoid them (ok, just one of them) for reasons involving my lifestyle/politics. This is weird as fuck, preferred-pronouns! We were here illegally until 1989; how did we breed a Trump supporter?! I’m still not ok. This is not fucking ok.

    So I’m home alone binge-watching Jane the Virgin after having entered an AYCE ramen challenge at my local spot. I didn’t win, didn’t even rank, but at least I didn’t have to ask my sister how she could hear her candidate call us criminals and rapists and still vote for him.

    I guess I should be thankful that my mom apparently loved me more than her because that’s the only way I can explain it. Happy Thanksgiving, queer family!

    • There is always a positive side and you found one. I didn’t avoid my family this year because my mom guilted me in to going. But at least my crazy Mexican family did not mention politics around me. They knew better. And I ponder the same question a lot about my family breeding Voledemort supporters. Papers make our people feel more superior to other immigrants is the only answer I can give.

      Happy thanksgiving ?

      • I think that may be part of it. Papers make people feel like they somehow lifted themselves up, except, in reality, it was a government deciding to offer amnesty to a large group of people who were living in the shadows. We didn’t do anything special, we just paid the fee and took the offer. The same thing that 11 million people are desperately hoping for but are powerless to achieve on their own. My sister forgets that we are those people. Just because we pass as white it doesn’t make us white, or special, or even particularly hard-working. We were just lucky.

        Mexican mom guilt is a powerful force; I am glad you survived it. I only escaped it this year because my mom went to Mexico, but I suspect that I won’t be so lucky next Thanksgiving. I must prepare now.

  37. I like the holiday only as an excuse to cook–but I always end up visiting more conservative family and having my cooking excuses stripped from me! I spent most of the time braced for pro-Trump bullshit but beyond a card game (which had to be taught because no one but the head of house had ever played it…) things were surprisingly mild.

    Still wound up to high heavens. Anyone want to trade favorite recipes? Day related or not?

    • Yass.

      But short ones.

      Peanutbutter cookies

      1 cup peanutbutter
      1 cup sugar
      1 egg

      8-12 minutes at 350 or 325 if your oven runs hot

      Apply thumbprints and grape jelly and you have PB&J cookies.
      Add mini M&M’s and you have perfect ratio of chocolate to peanutbutter taste.
      Much potential, any day of the years cookies.

      A Rub

      2 tbsp garlic powder
      2 tbsp black pepper
      ¼ tsp ground cardamom
      ¼ tsp ground cloves
      1 tsp saigon cinnamon
      1 tsp turmeric
      1 ½ tbsp ground cumin
      ¼ cup honey
      ¼ cup of butter melted
      1 turkey breast, 1 whole chicken or 4 cornish game hens
      Mix the dry seasonings throughly, reserve 1 tsp for the glaze. Rub seasoning over the exterior of your defrosted poultry then roast as required. In the last 30 minutes of cooking combine reserved 1 tsp of dry seasonings with the honey and melted butter, brush over bird(s).


      You could change the ratio of onions to peppers, or even nix onions and just use more garlic.
      Or like anyone where I live add some celery because the onion & pepper step is half the Holy Trinity anyway.

      Adobo mix is basically

      2 tablespoons table salt
      2 teaspoons garlic powder
      2 teaspoons ground black pepper
      2 dried oregano
      1 teaspoon ground turmeric

      • I love those and will have to try adobo mix asap, I’ll just have to resist making the peanut butter cookies for a few days. The rice and beans, though, that sounds like this weekend.

        My favorite Stuffing/Turkey/Gravy Recipe

        Stuffing is
        However Much Cornbread you want
        Mixed with however much stale bread cubes
        1 cup (or to consistency preference) Chicken stock (unless going vege)
        1 cup (or to consistency preference) red wine
        1 to your want bell pepper (color choice yours)
        1 to your want onion
        Sage to taste
        Rosemary to taste
        Thyme to taste
        Pepper + Cayenne to taste
        1 pound Spicy Sausage

        Mix. Stuff into bird or pan and bake until golden brown on top at roughly 250-350 depending on time constraints. Obviously you can eyeball this one–i tend to go for about one pan cornbread and 3 cups bread cubes…but you can do all one or the other, or triple this easily. Regardless–the liquid allows it to stay a bit more together, but its not a soggy dressing/stuffing.


        Shove 1/2 to 1 stick of butter up under that birds skin over the breasts. Butter should be either firm from the fridge or semi firm–softened and you’re going to have butter all over yourself.

        Remember to take out the insides. Cook to your personal preference, pitch, or put to the side if you need LOTS of gravy.

        Toss in some stuffing if you want to, regardless don’t forget to ‘top’ with an onion, apple, or orange as your preference.

        Shove bird into Turkey sized plastic bag. Bag + Bird goes into pan–make sure the pan has steep sides!

        At least 2 cups red wine + 2 cups chicken stock (or other stock choice) in the bag with the bird. Add in some sage, rosemary, thyme to taste. You can really add whatever you prefer.

        If you want EXTRA moist breasts and no1cur about the browning, flip that bird over in the bag so the breasts are just swimming in that broth. If you are a brown skin lover, make sure there’s a lovely dusting of spice on the top of the bird. Twist tie that bag closed. Stab a few air holes at the TOP of the bag so its less likely to spring a leak.

        Slide that bird in the over at 200-350. The slower cook the better, I tend towards 250. If you need it faster 350. Bird is done at 165°F!

        After about 2-3 hours you’ll know it’ll be coming out soon so take 1/2 cup butter and 1 cup flour (or any mix–but roughly 1/2 more flour than butter…or maybe more). You’ll melt that and mix it so your gravy is fucking boss. Put it to the side when you’re done melting on the stove.

        Now if you’re going “look, I got 30+ people, I need more than 4 cups of gravy or less” It’s cool. Take a pot, take the heart, neck, etc. Toss it in the pot with about 4-10 cups of water or broth (broth is richer) + a bit of red wine. Simmer down a bit with the same spices you put with the turkey. When the giblets are cooked, remove them (unless someone really wants to eat them?) Put it to the side.

        When your turkey comes out you should use a baster to suck those pan drippings/liquid to put with the butter/flour mix. You can keep making more butter/flour mix if things seem a bit too liquid. If you did the “I’m feeding an army” amp up–mix it with the pan drippings before blending with the butter/flour. This allows for consistency.

        All of these things keep well in the fridge, though the gravy looks a bit grey jelly in the fridge until you warm it up.

        • I think I’m going to make this into a PDF.

          Don’t just eat it with the bird, make it a part of the bird.

  38. So today I was with the side of my family I’m 100% sure w/o asking voted for the Fart and I brought lazy ass style guava pastelitos. Only my aunt (the hostess) was willing to try them and my dad the most loyal supporter of any food I make. My mom can’t have gluten, but she really wanted to eat one because she smelled them when they were freshly baked and had piece of guava that spilled on to the parchment paper.
    One of my cousins cooed at my cornish game hen, she’d never seen on before. So I ain’t exactly surprised only 2 people ate my “guava pastries”. These the same people who didn’t try the jollof even tho it’s very much the same dish as jambalaya just with more aromatic spices than Cajun and Creole use.

    My mom brought up this cute Star Wars sweater with Leia on it that was a play on Beyoncé’s Run the World she got for my littlest niece. Much disapproval around the room from more pop culture literate the Conservative (old) White People Edition because Beyoncé is “disrespectful, so disrespectful to police” and she has done nothing good in the past couple of years. She used to do such nice stuff before.
    “It’s like she went and earned that money so she could go do all this political nastiness”
    I said some things back, but this side of my family does this thing were they pretend I didn’t say anything if what I say counters their opinions on political or social justice things.

    Not shouting matches, or me calling a friend with a car to evac.

    Strangely the only person who brought the Fart up was my sibling (the one who tried to kill me) b/c the reviews for the red “Make America Great Again” hat were vicious, mad burns y’all and he was actually laughing.

    Um there was weird thing that confused me, and concerns me a little bit. Makes me feel like I should do something, but I don’t know what to do if anything.
    One of my “little” cousins has a boyfriend, she’s the one with the low self esteem who over plucks her eyebrows. She used to hunch over and only wear flat shoes in order to look smaller, today she wore heeled boots stood taller than I’ve seen her before. I was real proud to see her much more confident in her height. Also her eyebrows look so much better.
    I’m not super worried about her, but her boyfriend started to give me some weird ass vibes after the meal.

    He was like blushing at me from the kids table, but after he was intently staring at me. Kinda like eye fucking me as much as 15 year old could do to 20+ afab person. I don’t even, whaaaaat.
    I know I’m aesthetically pleasing in the face, but like my little cousin was cuddled up to him and he was still staring at me. Also I was wearing an custom tailored shirt that used to belong to my dad when he was fit’n’trim. So you’d think it would be the “trying to figure this weirdo out” kinda staring but it wasn’t.
    What da fuck.

    No, little boy you don’t check other people out while your boo is snuggling you. But don’t know this kid so I couldn’t take him aside and give him a talk, especially since I was the one he was checking out.


    My 14 year old cousin’s boyfriend was staring at me

    Not just staring…

    But checking me out WTF

    While he cuddling with her

    What do, what do

    • Omg omg that is so creepy !!!! Idek what to do in that situation. Usually when I see someone staring at me I contort my face into an unflattering but funny expression and make clicking noises at them… Try that.

      • My instinct was to go into Ice Monarch face mode. It’s like resting bitch face, but intentionally frosty as fuck
        That did nothing at all and I’m like a decade older than him.
        Y u no work grown up powers?

        I just hope this boy is not around for Christmas, because someone is bound to notice (more people). That someone would likely be my step aunt and she’d think it hilarious, I’m just worried about my little cuz. This is her first boo.

        Which is the part that makes me go “what do, what do” cause this isn’t a rando dude in public.

        • I adore : Ice Monarch face mode

          I think one of my cousins cousins was taking pictures of me but I have no proof so I’ll be over here at the ‘holiday weirdness’ table with you.

          • You’re welcome ^-^

            *sigh* Everybody has a camera, platform to share pics and their opinions these days. Welcome to the table, all the tasty “foreign” food is here. Have a pastelito cher.
            I’ll maybe scare you up some creole mustard for ‘dat turkey?

    • You react better than I do when someone stares at me. I go into defense mode and glare. Usually I mouth some threat and play with a knife. But now I have to behave and act like an adult. Next time just stab the hell out of your hen and scare the kid….. if you are comfortable with that. My way of doing things come from growing up around gang members and drug dealers so it might not be the best thing to do….

      • Oh I’m always kind of in defense mode >_>

        You know that kid at school who’s the lowest on the totem pole on which pack cohesion was judged against/formed upon that kid’s otherness? That was me.
        Targeting me was bonding exercise.
        My pathetic childhood story short–at a certain point I stopped getting into physical altercations (Ravenclaw, not getting expelled from school with the nice library was important to me) and started to do the expressing no outward emotions thing.
        Bullies are like T-Rexes in Jurassic Park, if you don’t move they go away. Move and you get eaten.
        Or be Spinosaurus, but that is another topic entirely.

        So yes I do react “well” at least on the outside, but honestly I used to yell “THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT?” etc. like Gny. Sgt. Hartman when I EVEN felt like I was getting stared at by randos of any gender in public.

        He started staring at me during the eating (of which there was intend some focused stabby-stab b/c all I had a mere plastic knife with which to cut up mah hen), but like blushing stares.
        So I don’t know what the fuck to do because most of the stuff that scares most people off or what didn’t work/apply.
        I don’t care if some teenage boy stares at me, but when that boy is my little cousin’s first boyfriend all I care about is my cuz and her feelings.

        She’s the middle kid with some esteem issues, but has been blossoming these past 2 years and her boo “checking out” her (now)weird older cousin like they’re delicious and nutritious might make her wilt.
        I held her as baby, gave her extra attention when I could and assured her blue is a color and color has no gender when she was at that age little kids are affirming social gender roles and have no mercy to any one who doesn’t fit in these new tight boxes.

        I think this has become less, what do and more angry at stupid boy, wrap lil cuz in bubble wrap, feed her brownies til she’s 21. :(

  39. Sooo… I spent the day by myself. I didn’t go home because I didn’t want to deal with Trump-loving family members, so I ate turkey and drank wine while watching a West Wing marathon and thinking about all the “what-ifs”, as well as thinking about my role in LGBTIQA community. But now my friend just called and is picking me up to do some “Black Friday” shopping with him… I feel like being slightly drunk and doing that is only going to lead to good things…right?

  40. Trying to survive a gathering of my spouse’s right leaning family today, but we are at the beach and sunset was gorgeous over the gulf… so I’m surviving. Which is really my only goal this weekend. It just makes me more thankful for the few supportive friends I do have and for being here!

  41. I don’t know what happened, but I came out to one of my cousins.. And now I’m chilling with my cousins and my brother and it’s actually going well..

  42. Right now I’m hardcore missing my gf like and intense lesbian.. I dropped her off at the airport today to go back to her family in Mexico for the holidays (6weeks!!!) and I, way back here in Australia miss her a lot!!! It’s going to be a long holidays :(
    On another note she introduced me to the thanskgiving celebration which was nice although we had a sausage sizzle instead of turkey.

    Note sausage sizzle* the act of a bunch of Aussie blokes and the occasional lesbians standing around a BBQ cooking sausages (not hotdogs.. think like Italian German stuff) on a grill while the kids play (backyard) cricket and everyone sits around drinking beer on fold up chairs.

    • Regionally in America it varies who thinks sausages=hotdogs.
      And some of jokingly call hotdogs snawsages to denote the difference, while other just say snawsage because sausage-sausages make them happy little kittehs, doggiehs, or bunnies.

      My locale, we’d call sausage sizzle a cookout or jus grilling.
      And we have Cajun sausages (mostly andouille and boudin blanc, rarely boudin rouge) as well as Sicilian and German stuff.
      The world is diverse and interesting, I love it.
      And really hate fascists and their bullshit right now.

      But yeah sausage so much less work than poultry.

      Do you have chorizo in Australia?

      • Yes we do. Yum!!! We also have a thriving South American and Spanish population so lots of opportunities to sample all things tasty. Although Mexican style food is still not as well established broadly throughout suburbia as say, Middle Eastern, Mediterranean, Vietnamese and other Asian foods. But pretty well all food types and people types are represented in the cities and surrounds. Though still a bit less so in very rural areas. That’s changing quickly. We’re a pretty diverse lot these days.

        • Cool.
          I’d figure y’all have well and broadly established Asian cuisines.

          Anytime someone tries to say shit like “multiculturalism has failed” other than question just what the hell is that supposed to mean then point out the cuisine of many cultures possibly available to them that are enjoyed by whole heartedly by people not from that culture or how a certain food is from meeting of cultures years past.
          It’s easy for languages to die out, but food lasts centuries.

          • Multiculturalism has worked really well in Australia. In spite of the efforts of some groups of small minded bigots. Unfortunately the effects of neoconservative economics are having similar results here as in the US. Conservative politicians have done their best to divide and conquer and as they are still currently in power here, worse is expected to come. One of the current govt ministers is doing his best to dog whistle the Lebanese Muslim community, who came here in the ’70’s because some of the next generation are currently serving sentences for terror related offences. He’s saying that their parents and grandparents should never have been accepted as migrants. In spite of the fact that hundreds if not thousands are professionals, successful business people and generally decent contributing members of society.

            Sorry for the broadside, I just get soooo angry over this rotten bunch of lousy pollies.

  43. Hey folks Happy day to those celebrating. Although I’m across the pond and we don’t have Thanksgiving I want to say I’m thankful for this community. Internet high five awesome humans!
    So this week my dayjob has been a monster and I had flu, so used a daynurse/nightnurse combo pack to survive, it worked but I am going to crash soon and it’s going to be gnarly.
    Had a couple of random train encounters with queer humans, you know the ones where you smile and tilt your head in acknowledgement of mutual queerness. Huge respect to Genderqueer symbol hoodie human, and “Relentlessly Queer” badge human, both of whom sat opposite me but days apart and on different trains, you fabulous people you!
    RE holidays with family who voted for the apocalypse, I informed my mother I won’t be contacting those members of my family who voted for Brexit this Christmas…or you know ever. She’s probably going to put my name on cards to keep the peace but she didn’t try and talk me down…Even with some major birthdays coming up. She understands why I feel that way so yeah…fun times ahead. Especially since my grandma is a psychotic narcissist who tries to destroy us all at every opportunity. Oddly I’m more angry with my Grandad who is supposed to be a socialist, I really thought we were closer and that he got it, but no, and the condescension when he has spoken to my mother about it all just irks me so much. It’s a shitty situation. *shrug, sigh, smh*
    Good luck to all of you dealing with mad/bad family. Have amazing weekends all of you, I will be working, possibly all the way through to next Friday. I’ll let you know at FoT! But I get to put up a big Christmas tree tomorrow at dayjob so there’s that. Wishing you all the tasty food in the world. :)

  44. I’m late to the party!

    Holidays around here are so laid back. I had the traditional meal with my parents + brother yesterday. Fortunately, my folks are liberal so no arguments or disagreements. No traveling required so that was nice. Today (Black Friday) I opted outside and hiked four miles in the cold. I’m really thankful for paid holidays and a four day weekend and of course this lovely AS family.

  45. I know this isn’t the place to post this, and this is a wonderful positive pin, but I don’t know where else to post.

    I had a truly beautiful Thanksgiving surrounded by close friends who are my family. Then when it was time for everyone to leave, and my one friends mother left first. Within 5 minutes she had called the house telling us that her and her husband had been pulled over. My friend and her girlfriend (all of which are lovely Latinas) were visibly shaken. The police were so rude and insisting that everyone in the car (all latinx) provide them with IDs so that they could be checked to, “make sure there were no open warrents out in them.”

    On Thanksgiving???? I have never heard of something like this (they were not even speeding and the police police ended up giving them a warning for speeding.)
    Be safe everyone, and enjoy the holidays.

  46. Thanksgiving actually went OK and then Black Friday really went to hell in terms of the “family and friends with different political opinions gathered under one roof” aspect. My sister’s long-term live-in boyfriend is a very outspoken, proudly politically incorrect, die-hard Republican who loves to get a rise out of everybody and anybody. I usually ignore him when he brings up politics because he likes stirring the pot and pushing buttons for the sake of it and is not open to hearing opposing views, but I’ve been reading so much lately about how it’s important not to stay silent at this time of year – especially if you’re a white person surrounded by white people – so when he started to make fun of the idea of and need for safe spaces, I couldn’t let that go unchallenged. It turned into a big thing with him and his adult sons (like 22 and 25, I think?) making wisecracks and joking about the points I was trying to make, but his adult daughter (20) and my sister’s neighbors were actually fairly calm and receptive and wanted to have a real conversation to understand where I was coming from.

    So the neighbors are a middle-class white couple, and the husband voted red while the wife voted blue. (My state is reliably blue and Clinton won here as predicted.) I was honestly shocked by how uninformed these people were. I mentioned Bannon, and the wife didn’t know who he was. When I referred to Pence’s LBGT record, she said she hadn’t heard anything about it. I said hate crimes have increased since the election and neither she nor her husband knew that. I was getting emotional while talking with them (not yelling or anything, just getting teary, and not because they were upsetting me, but because I was really passionate about what I was saying and legitimately trying to get my fear across to them), and the wife just kept saying we live in a liberal area of a liberal state, and it’s not healthy to get so upset so don’t worry about it.

    I don’t understand how to permeate the “We don’t live in a conservative area and/or we probably won’t be negatively affected by anything that happens, so don’t worry, be happy, and just wait and see – maybe it won’t be as bad as you think!!!” mentality. I kept trying to explain the “just wait and see” approach isn’t going to work for me when there are literal lives on the line and trying to get them to see the bigger picture and widen their perspective, but I couldn’t break through enough for them to wrap their heads around why they should care even though they and their middle-class friends and family in their liberal state may not be directly affected.

    Like… I know people live in a bubble of ignorance, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually come up against it to that extent before. It was so frustrating trying to talk to somebody who couldn’t fathom the systemic problems and the wide scale I was talking about. The husband asked me, “We hire diverse people at work – how much more can we as white people be expected to do?” It’s just totally missing the point. There’s SO much more you can do: Call people out when they say racist stuff, support laws and politicians that will support minorities, DON’T support those that won’t, understand your privilege and use it to amplify the voices of those with less privilege. I kept trying to talk big-picture and it just wasn’t computing.

    That said, the wife did tell me that a lot of what I was talking about wasn’t stuff she’d considered before and that I had a perspective she hadn’t encountered, so I guess at least I was able to introduce those ideas. I’m grateful they at least heard me out in a non-combative way – unlike my sister’s boyfriend, who said I was bringing down the mood by crying and it was ruining the night. I responded with “OK then – I’m leaving,” at which point he called me dramatic, at which point I left the room and shortly thereafter the house two days earlier than planned.

    The other bright spot – aside from educating the neighbors a little – is that my niece texted me after I left, and apparently my sister had a screaming match with her boyfriend about how disrespectful he is and basically said if it came down to it, she would back me and not him. Although I didn’t hear that support from my sister directly, it really meant a lot to hear it secondhand. If I didn’t know that and you asked me whether she’d side with him or me, I would’ve said I truly wasn’t sure.

    So anyway, that’s my tale of woe, but I do have a question for everyone: I’ve read a lot of articles, tweets, etc. penned by PoC and people from other marginalized groups that have been along the lines of “Listen, white people who call themselves our allies: You need to step up and have these conversations with your friends and family because they won’t listen to us.” How do allies respond when the people we’re talking to basically say that the issues we’re bringing up don’t matter because “they won’t negatively affect us or anyone we know”? How do we get them to grasp that even if that’s the case FOR THEM, it still MATTERS? How do we make people care when their happy little bubble seems like it’s made of teflon?

    Sorry this is immensely long, and as always, I’m thankful for you, Autostraddle!

      • Thank you for the kudos – I’ve been such a mess over this, but then someone will be like “That was bullshit; you were justified” and it makes such a difference for me mentally. This will be news to no one, but clashing with family is toughhh.

        I love that SURJ guide! I pre-gamed for Thanksgiving by reading it like five times, then ended up forgetting half of the points in the heat of the moment, ugh. I did really appreciate and ended up referring back to this particular exchange in the guide (adding some LGBTQ+ and racial stuff too):

        Statement: “Nothing will be as bad as you think.”
        Response: “Trump has threatened to bar people from our country purely based on religion. He has proposed watching people at their places of worship. His immigration plans will divide many families and cause a lot of harm to communities if they are carried out. I am worried about waiting to see what happens.”

        But then the response to that was basically “But we’re white and Christian so it’s all good, Kanye shrug” and then I just couldn’t even.

  47. Happy belated holiday to all… and happy early holidays to everyone too! ‘Tis nearly Hannukah and Christmas will be here before we know it. :)

  48. I know I am completely late but I hope everyone had a good week. It has meant a lot to have this community here—even if I’m not such an active participant—through this month.

    Through this whole year I have been slowly coming out to friends (only the closest knew I was bi/pan previously) and coworkers. I’m 30 but I feel like such a baby queer to be finally sharing something I have known forever. The week before Thanksgiving I finally told my parents that I was queer and about my wonderful partner. Things seem to be going in a positive direction, but my mom still calls her my “special friend” (barf) and hasn’t mentioned her to me (even though she’s grilled my sister for information.)

    My partner and I decided early on that we would forgo family stuff and just have a quiet vegan meal together. We got the phone calls with parents out of the way and were able to relax and recharge. Thanksgiving has always been such a weird/horrible holiday—spent this week setting the historical record straight at work … it’s hard to hold together what I am going through personally with the things I’m still grappling with on the national scale right now.

    PS, If you haven’t already, you can donate to winterize the camp at Standing Rock here:

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