Some of Y’all Are Really Out Here Flexing on Tinder with Finger Measurements, Discuss

Some of y’all are really ahead of the game. I’ve been off Tinder for like two years because I’m happily, monogamously, coupled. But from what I remember of Tinder I’m not surprised.

I feel so conflicted about big hands/finger length discourse! Because… I have big hands! So, hooray for me! But also I’m trans, and “man hands” has been an insult forever. There was even a Seinfeld episode about it. To be honest, I feel like smaller hands would be a good thing – more versatile, if you know what I mean. And you can always like, use toys and tools to make your hands bigger, but not to make them smaller? Or maybe we all just want what we don’t/can’t have.

And THEN Malic reminded us all that having long fingers essentially means you’re gay, if you’re AFAB at least (the “science” is out on AMAB folks), and apparently testosterone in the womb is involved, and why do scientists want to find out if they can tell we’re queer in utero so bad? I have my conspiracy theories, but I won’t get into it here.

Have you measured your finger length and/or fist circumference? Do you mention it on dates or in dating apps? Have you dated a big hand person or a small hand person and have a story to share about why of course big/small hands are better?

Let us know in the comments. And, you know, if you want… you can drop your stats in there too :nail_care::skin-tone-5:

Abeni: Ok are y’all really out here wilding or is this fake

Dani: Omg let this be real
Valerie: !!
Dani: Let me be out here straight flexin with these arachnodactyl fingers
Christina: Oh my godddddddddd
I have never seen this but I would RESPECT it if I did
Shelli: If this isn’t real I’ll be highly upset
Jehan: :weary::weary::joy::joy:
Carolyn: @ me when people start doing this with fists
Malic: I’m just over here shamefully remembering all the times I’ve mentioned that I have weirdly big hands on dates.
Vanessa: Honestly people who have big hands ALWAYS mention it
It’s not even your fault
I figured it was like a biological thing where if you have big hands and you’re queer you have to mention it, your brain like forces you to
Riese: i have big hands
just wanted to mention it
Bailey: Let’s be real; big is subjective! If we’re measuring length we should be measuring girth :sweat_smile:
KaeLyn: I have freakishly small hands, which have their own benefits, IMO
Sarah: :fisting:
Carolyn: same and whenever someone on a date tells me they’ve never been fisted before I’m always like CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
the real challenge is finding small enough nitrile gloves
Shelli: This is the absolute best dialogue I have had this week
I have tiny hands but dates get weird/go wild about my acrylics
Abeni: ok i wasn’t going to chime in but i guess my hands are big bc i’ve never been able to get more than 3 fingers into a partner without pain? maybe I’m just doing it wrong though lol. also sorry if that’s TMI
Reneice: Omg same
Riese: i’ve had similar struggles!!
Christina: look I would be lying if I said I don’t want to measure my hands now
according to my mother when I born the doctor said I had long fingers so I feel like I was destined for a life of homosexuality
Valerie: my dad says my grandmother used to say i had “piano fingers” because they were long so same
Malic: That is exactly what my grandmother says about me!
Reneice: I have big hands and I posted a picture holding a little beer tasting mug and I’ve never blushed as much as I did reading my DMs that day.
Dani: #showmeyourhands
Riese: everybody used to tell me i had piano fingers too valerie! or they’d ask if i played basketball. and i’d be like “i’m actually really bad at both but i’d make a great lesbian” and now here i am… a lesbian
Christina: I was…so bad at basketball wow
my height is DECEPTIVE
Riese: how tall are you!!
Christina: I am 5’10, which I think is like NOT even that tall
but my hair does add…a significant amount of height to my whole deal
Riese: hahaha
i’m 5’10 also
Christina: Are you 5’10 with long fingers? You just might be a lesbian, and entitled to compensation.

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Abeni Jones

Abeni Jones is a trans woman of color artist, educator, writer, and designer living in the Bay Area, CA.

Abeni has written 91 articles for us.


  1. For being 6’2″, I got the little hands and feet. I can squeeze a size ten shoe if it’s wide across the toe; an 11 or 12 if it’s narrow. My hands are similarly shaped – wide-ish across the knuckles, but short and thin fingered. Apparently that’s my dad’s side of the family manifesting.

  2. This was a great convo thank you. Also, yet to see anyone put finger measurement pics in their dating profile. Unless I somehow missed it. Lol

    • But are they putting up pictures of their PIZZA HANDS.
      I actually kinda do want pizza this week, but I did just work through lunch

  3. As a chubby person with very stubby hands, I have always been VERY insecure about my finger measurements so RIP my dating life

  4. Never seen finger measurements on dating apps, but I’m intrigued! I have short, chubby fingers, but fairly large hands so not sure where I stand tbh

  5. Look, I’m all about hand comparing *in person* cause it’s a good excuse for casual touching and I’ve got spider monkey hands, but a 10cm finger can still get tendonitis, so

  6. Speaking of dating apps, the new Personals app (rebranded Lex) is out now, and it’s cute and fun and seems so far to be successfully free of cis dues!

  7. Not tall, and not especially large hands, but mine are two different sizes. Not noticeable unless I point it out, but one is about 1/2 inch longer and 1.5 inch larger circumference.

    I was super self-conscious about that weirdness until I started dating women. And uh, turns out having options is a good thing!

  8. People with large hands *do* talk about their large hands all the time. I’m one of them. It’s the universe’s sick joke because tiny spoons are the best spoons but they also tend to be smaller than my hands. It makes for really clumsy eating but I’m clumsy anyway so.

  9. I have short fingers and big palms :(((((

    But I still played the piano for 10 years when I was younger! Not gonna let my finger length stop me from doing anything I want to…

  10. Lol flashback to the time I told the very attractive queer client buying herself a ring that her fingers were really long, then realized what I’d said and turned beet red.

    • I was selling some women pasties once, and the one woman said, en Espanol, that her nipples were larger than the pasties and I cracked up and SHE turned beet red and that’s why you pay attention in 6th grade Spanish class if you want to grow up to sell sex toys

      • I was picturing this exchange at some kind of artisanal farmer’s market and was really trying to picture nipples larger than a Cornish pasty until I got to the end of the sentence.

        • It’s a long journey with a chuckle at the end that’s larger than my nipple. And I HAVE done my booth of hand crafted vegan sex toys at the farms and arts market! (Cracks whip)

  11. Piano fingers brings some disturbing imagery to my bent little mind.

    When I was a child I was told I such long graceful hands and should play the piano. Adult me does not hear that and I think that’s because I have wide palms that look disproportionate to my skinny skeleton fingers and maybe look like they belong on a taller human.
    Which means the sex thing my hands seem to be built for is spanking, don’t need any tools to make delicious flesh smacking sounds when you have paddle hands.
    Oh and my low bp means they can become the cold icy hands of death really easily so maybe they can be used for temperature play too IDK? xD

    For some reason when it is cold (48 right now ew) I like to listen to old russian waltzes even tho I’ve never been one to romanticize the cold ever because anything lower than 80 I’m just not built to exist in.

  12. Wait a minute is that person using centimeters because it’s their native form of measurement or are they a tricksy little American trying to look bigger by using a tinier unit of measurement than inches?

  13. It does sound sexier to say “hey babe, I’m a 10, let me take you for a ride” rather than “oh hai, I’m a 4, no really I can do this, I mean you”

  14. 9cm to my middle finger tip. 9cm across with my thumb folded under :D 15 cm if I spread my fingers. 5ft tall and possibly enjoying this too much?…

  15. shout out to every “do you play piano” comment I ever got as a kid. Also to the girl at a party I went to in college with the best pickup line in history:

    “I could tell from across the room that you have…very healthy nail beds”

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