Welcome back to So You Want To…the fashion column that is less about lewks per se and more about what vibes are out there in the world for you to capture. This month, the honor has to go to the woman who is on everyone’s mind, the nightmare herself, Lydia Tár!

Whether you love her or hate her — and you should hate her — Tár’s impeccable wardrobe is probably the only unqualified good thing about her. While much of it is well out of the realm of financial possibility for mere mortals like us, we can strive to at least imitate her elegant and unfussy wardrobe. Let’s get into it!

Shirts

1. Turtleneck ($22) // 2. Oxford ($25) // 3. Cashmere V-Neck ($50)

The three building blocks that make up any Tár outfit: A plain black turtleneck, an Oxford shirt, and a cashmere sweater. The ability to mix and match here is what is key — turtleneck under an Oxford, sweater wrapped over the shoulders like the chicest scarf you have ever seen. You will no doubt the notice the plethora of neutrals: white, gray, black, and the occasional navy. You never have to think about putting together an outfit when you wake up in the middle of the night hearing things. Of course you’ll need a light blue Oxford — how else are you going to recreate an iconic image of your mentor?

Pants

1. Tapered Pinstripe Pants ($90) // 2. High-Rise Pleated Pants ($71) // 3. Wool-Blend Wide-Leg Pants ($100)

Your pants will be highwaisted — this is simply non-negotiable! They will fit loosely, but they will not drown you. Most of them will have pleats. Look, I don’t make the rules! You will also want to do your best to ensure they are cotton or wool, they will never be satin or silk, they are not for fun, do you understand? They are to intimidate the orchestra and anyone else in your life you have deemed below you. Which, to be clear, is most people.

Coats

1. Gray Double-Breasted Coat ($167) // 2. Brown Plaid Double-Breasted Coat ($398) // 3. Wool-Cashmere Coat ($300)

Once upon a time, you put on a coat to stay warm. Now? Now your coats are armor. Coats are for swanning about the streets of Berlin like a bat. They are long, they are heavy, they are dramatic. You may own one that deviates from your grey/navy/black color palate, but just one, and it better be another neutral.

Accessories

1. Loafer ($58) // 2. Rangers Hat ($34) // 3. Watch ($33)

You will need shoes and they should be loafers. Ideally ones with a lug sole— better for traction in abandoned buildings and if you have to navigate any tricky stairs. You will be allowed a single item of novelty, perhaps you would like a semi ironic baseball hat that is more autobiographical than it seems? Get a watch, wear it on the inside of your wrist only. Time is the thing, after all.

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