31 Reasons Why It’s Fine That We’re Single in a Pandemic, Thanks!

Is love a lie? Great question! We like to joke about it, because nihilism is one (1) free and legal coping mechanism that’s available to us all at any given time of the day and night, but what do we really think? Today we’re attempting to find an answer, once and for all, for the record and for the good of the people. On which side of this proverbial and eternal fence will we land? Keep reading to find out! 


So an entire damn year in quarantine, huh? And single the whole time, you say? Ok sure! That’s fine! In fact, in many ways, it’s WONDERFUL. Don’t believe us? Well here are exactly 31 reasons why we’re doing just great, thanks for asking!

  1. you can do Baby Foot as much as you want which is the ultimate disgusting thing to do by yourself (which I have done FIVE TIMES in quarantine so far)
  2. an opportunity to reflect on past experiences and get more in touch with your deeper desires, and what you’re looking for moving forward
  3. freedom of not being suffocated by the constant presence of another person/other people
  4. nobody cares if you showered in the last week
  5. the devastating solitude gives you more time to work/make stuff/get new hobbies
  6. yes, the never-ending silence really lends itself to um, clarity?
  7. endless time to wrap your mind around what was really wrong with all of your exes
  8. or, time to think about how if I died in this apartment nobody would know for weeks
  9. really strong bonding with your cat
  10. you can catch up on all the movies you’ve never seen so if this ever ends and you’re ever on a date again you can talk about those movies, or you can just stare into space and rewatch very bad reality shows you’ve already seen for no reason while eating peanut butter from the jar, feeling nothing
  11. also a great time to read the books you kept saying you were gonna read
  12. the most obvious answer is midday masturbation on the couch in the living room
  13. definitely not having to see someone else’s stupid face every day, for all the rest of the days, 24 hours at a time with no break
  14. one! half! less! laundry! which really matters in a pandemic when we are all too depressed to do laundry to begin with anyway
  15. having lots of time in the day to sharpen your humor about your crush never texting you back, and then launching them on your group chat like a comedy set
  16. sleep dead center of the middle of the bed, spread eagle
  17. taking obnoxiously long showers until you use up all the hot water, just for yourself
  18. reading a brand new book in bed at night, Cardi B playing off your phone at full volume, with all the lights on everywhere even though its like 2am
  19. a box of brownie mix and a bottle of rosé can be dinner if you believe in yourself  (bonus points for adding peanut butter for “protein”)
  20. middle of the night sob cries
  21. also, midday sob cries
  22. nobody has to know the disgusting secret meals you make for yourself which is a plus
  23. a lot of time to dramatically alter your appearance so the next time anyone ever sees you you can make a dramatic entrance! if you feel like it
  24. you can feel very smug about your friends complaining about their partners
  25. you have SO MUCH TIME to overthink your last interaction with a hot person and analyze every angle to figure out how you embarrassed yourself
  26. will you ever meet a hot person again? probably not, no, maybe you ran out, there aren’t any more
  27. if you are having a bad mental health time, you can’t really reach out to anyone because everyone is having a bad mental health time, that’s probably my favorite one so far
  28. nobody is there to affectionately call me on my shit when i’m being ridiculous and as a result my ridiculousness has multiplied to an absurd degree
  29. you can decorate your space the way you always wanted without someone else’s potentially not so great taste getting in the way
  30. nobody looks at you sideways when the weird impulse purchases you made at 3 am just to feel something arrive
  31. being single during a pandemic means no one can hurt my feelings but me and THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT

How about you? What’s the best part of being single in a pandemic? Tell us!


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21 Comments

  1. I must admit that the first response confused the hell out of me because my only context for “Baby Foot” is as an alternate name for foosball/table football. And that is much less fun by yourself.

    As for perks of being single, uhh… no one will notice that you haven’t changed out of your pajamas in days (if you work from home).

  2. Woke up this morning reading vaccine information. Ooh sexy.I also may have had a two hour long conversation last night with the ex I broke up with last March. But… quarantine abyss.

    I’ll be over here, pretending stick cheese cut in triangles makes it an actual meal. Also, I’m definitely going to need non-butt-imprinted couch cushions when this is all over.

  3. seconding all of the ‘single but live with other people comments above.’

    I don’t know how I would have handled all the stress of the past year with another person’s stress and anxiety in addition to my own??? glad to have adopted a cat to hug tightly.

    also, i’m currently having a weird time because in my early 20s I was very into sex/had a high sex drive and kinky and it felt like part of my identity/personality and now i’m like… will I ever be touched again? I wanted to find a serious partner but dating during the pandemic is pretty awful.

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