The Orange is the New Black cast is putting a very Litchfield spin on “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

The winds start blowing both literally and metaphorically as we lead up the the season finale.

“Journalist dude’s mouth says ‘no problem, let me know if you change your mind’ but his face says ‘I AM VRY DISAPPOINTED IN U PIPER U ARE ACTING LIKE SEASON 1 PIPER RN’.” Caputo makes a cameo with a tiny plant.

I’m not going to lie, there was something oddly cathartic about seeing a pile of Cheetos burst into flames.

Poussey and Taystee hold a funeral to honor the books martyred in the Conflagration of Three Days Ago. Piper and Alex have more hate sex. And Nicky self-destructs.

It’s Valentine’s Day at Litchfield and Poussey Day in Flashbackland!

I bring you Tabby Is The New Cat — a Petflix original series following Piper Catman’s foray into residential life. Try not to relate too hard, okay?

All those times where you’re like, is it squirt, is it pee, who has to sleep in the wet spot, do we lay down a towel before sex now, etc.

Really, Linda? Really?

Lots of good local news from across the United States for queer and trans folks, a legislator who loves her trans kid, a sick burn for Tony Abbott courtesy of his gay sister, the diverse OITNB cast at the SAG Awards, and a dog that looks like a raccoon. Get in here!

“Yes, I’ve been ousted from Internet retirement by the sweet harkening of a fellow bulldyke on TV. And truly, I was not disappointed.”

Are you sad because you binged and now it’s over? Don’t worry; that’s what fan fiction is for!

It’s live! Tell us all your feelings, and we will tell you ours!

Lots of super serious things happen in this episode where the metaphor of and literal Hurricane Wanda really picks up speed but all I can do is make fun of Portland and be miserable.

Ever been punched in a tit before? That crushing pain in your areola and the dense tissue of the breast? Brutal. I’ll take dental surgery over titty punches any day.

This episode’s theme is “people are mad at Piper and we don’t really blame them that much” and I know y’all agree.

“Red’s husband is like, whoa, free-thinking woman, are you on your period or something? Who let you out of the kitchen?”

Butches and dogs! Dogs and butches! What can be better? Nothing, actually. Nothing is better than butches and dogs.

After an episode of literal torture, OITNB focuses on the stories it tells best: the ones about family.

“This was the point in this episode, and there were points like this in almost every episode, where I went cold and just thought ‘Why am I still watching this fucking show?'”