One of my favorite things about being an astrologer is talking about relationships. I’m such a fan of the creative, vibrant, and often messy ways we find to love each other. Queer love, in particular, offers us so many paths toward each other and we’re often making it up as we go along. So I am delighted to be sharing these monthly horoscopes focused on queer love with all of you lovely queers. Whether you’re partnered or solo, polyamorous or monogamous, navigating all kinds of intimacy or longing for one meaningful connection, these ‘scopes are here to shine a light on how your heart can grow in this moment.
As 2015 draws to a close, there’s a new pattern between the planets that will last several years. This challenging aspect between Saturn (planet of hard truths and hard work) and Neptune (planet of fantasies, illusions, and empathy) will last about three years, and this month brings our first taste of it. This energy can help us integrate our deepest dreams into our daily lives, or it can bring us face to face with how we lie to ourselves. In your love life, notice if you start veering too hard toward either extreme: the Saturnian (“this will never work, love is too hard to sustain, I will die alone”) or the Neptunian (“we are made of magic and I will save this poor druid kitten from her demons through the power of my love”). Instead, hold on to the highest goal of each planet: to build something real and lasting (Saturn), through being able to experience bliss and compassion (Neptune). In all your relationships, keep experimenting with ways to merge those energies, and don’t be too quick to believe the best or the worst about any situation.
Be especially careful with your hearts this month as we’re entering the darkest time of year. Winter Solstice on the 22nd follows a conjunction between Mercury (planet of insight and anxiety) and Pluto (planet of death and rebirth) on the 20th. This conjunction can bring insightful healing to our relationships by making us more aware of what we’re ready to change and release. It can also lead to obsessive thoughts and fear of loss, especially as Venus moves through Scorpio this month. A Full Moon in Cancer on the 25th heightens all our feelings about home and family, especially how we feel nourished (or starved) in these areas. All in all, there’s some big feelings to sort through this month. Keep tapping into what helps you feel held in the firelight and not out in the cold — and keep an eye out for anyone who’s likely to feel left out. As always, read your Moon and Venus signs first for these love ‘scopes, and let me know how they work for you!
This year has been instructive, to say the least. All the surprising things you’ve learned about love are still jostling about and finding places to sit in the school bus of your mind. To help you learn all this new information by heart, here’s a summary of the main points: 1. It’s worth taking risks. If you try too hard to play it safe, you’ll get bored (and then take crazier risks). 2. You know what a red flag is. You know that it doesn’t get less red if you look at it from another angle, or decide to call it pink, or ignore it. 3. Every time you say “no” to something that hurts you, you’re saying “yes” to something better.
This may not sound like good news, but I swear to you it is: this month, you finally get to let go. I repeat, this is not a bad thing! Stay with me here. It doesn’t mean you need to break up with everyone or resign yourself to a lonely and disconnected life. Letting go merely means this: There is a part of you that’s been holding on to something way too tightly. Whatever that thing once was, it’s now just an idea you can’t shake–some sense of who you ought to be, or an old fear about love. Only you know exactly what it is, or will know once you unpry it from that death grip. Letting go means creating an empty space that can be filled, and believing something amazing can fill it. Take that chance. All you have to lose is your own fear of loss.
What is more erotic than being understood? You have such an amazing capacity to follow other people’s arguments, engage with their perspectives, and reflect them back to themselves. What would it mean to let someone see you that clearly? Are you approaching love and friendship as a hummingbird blur and buzz of wings? What would it mean to hold still long enough for someone to hold you, and see you? Your homework this month is to tell your own story clearly and slowly to someone who is able to receive it. They may be able to unlock a piece of your heart that you rarely share.
When it comes to love, no relationship is ever perfectly balanced. Maybe you’re a great cook and end up cooking more meals than your partner. Maybe your sweetie is juggling dozens of lovers while you’re less erotically inclined. What we give each other isn’t something we can measure and count, like a row of spoons. We trust our guts to tell us when something feels off — when we feel we’ve given too much, or been taken advantage of. When this happens it can be tricky to describe, though, as it can lead you down the path of trying to count spoons (“But I made you come three times last week…” “Yeah, but I made you come four times…”). Instead of concerning yourself with the impossible mathematics of love, just notice where you want to shift your energy. Like when you’re sitting in one position too long and your leg falls asleep — it’s time to shift some patterns in your relationships so parts of you that have gone numb can wake up. Expect some pins and needles at first, but then a new rush of life.
There isn’t always a right answer. Your relationships aren’t tests that you’re either passing or failing. Building a healthy connection in an unhealthy world is brave and ambitious work; we rarely get it exactly right. Give yourself permission to be imperfect this month, and remember that you’re not alone. We’re all muddling through what it means to need love and freedom, solitude and connection, independence and care. For the rest of 2015, you have permission not to be impressive. Just being is enough for now.
In a perfect world, Patti Smith (or her gay twin sister) would have discovered you by now. Specifically, she would find you indispensable to her existence and have taken you in as her lover, muse, and personal assistant. Amongst days spent listening to scratchy records and reading the transcendental poets, and nights spent combing the snarls out of her hair and making growly love, you’d find your talents appreciated and your devotion rewarded. In this real and imperfect world, you might be struggling to find your place. You may still be looking for that big love, that tight crew of friends, those people who realize how necessary you are to their existence. This is a month when you could turn that story around. It starts by waking up to what you already have (friendships, hot dates, or just a purring cat). It starts when you understand the world depends on you to be dancing alone in your kitchen to your favorite scratchy record, rejoicing despite it all.
You know exactly what’s missing right now. When you wake up in the small hours of the night, its emptiness fills your world. On another level, everything is fine — you’re surviving and even thriving in some ways. But that empty piece, that lack, can focus all your attention — the way a hungry person can only think of food. Instead of being paralyzed by this longing, call on Saturn (patience, trial and error) and Neptune (the ability to feel merged with someone far away) to help you problem solve. Are there small things you can change in order to feel more nourished? Is there a way you can feel connected to something or someone that feels absent? If you’re the witchy type, create an altar for this missing piece and feed it something every day. Remember that our deepest desires are what make us powerful.
With Venus moving through your sign this month, you’ve got romance on your mind. Venus in Scorpio loves to go deep and can urge you to plunge headfirst into a new romance (or deepen an existing one), but with this month’s tricky emotional terrain make sure you don’t plunge blindly. This is a time when deep healing is possible, when you have the chance to release some old, toxic patterns. And not in that suck-it-up-and-do-the-cleanse kind of way, where releasing is a euphemism for painful experiences that build character. Venus is a much softer planet than that: imagine her more like a cat purring on your chest. You get to work it out through some sticky sweet experiences this month, and luckily you’ve got smoldering charisma on your side. But don’t get too lulled: Scorpio is still a sign with claws. Make sure that any scratching that happens is consensual and cathartic.
Don’t believe everything you feel right now. Big transitions are stirring up old stories, and while the feelings are real, what you tell yourself about them might not be. The Sun and Mercury moving through your sign this month are joining Saturn and activating old fears about scarcity. Think clearly about what you’re letting go of and what you want to bring in during this next year of life, and remember that if one dream is ending there will be new dreams. Your assignment this month is to keep believing in the bigger picture of your life while you work out the details of the here and now. If the big picture feels hard to hold on to, ask a friend or lover to keep reminding you.
My strong and stoic friend, repeat after me: “I can’t control my family. I can’t control my lovers. I may see how they’re all making terrible choices, I may have better ideas of how they ought to behave, but I can’t teach anyone anything they’re not ready to learn. All I can do is love them and set boundaries for what I don’t want to be around.” And when you’ve said this and really taken it to heart, celebrate your maturity by treating yourself to something totally childish. An ice cream sundae, a rollercoaster ride, a tantrum — whatever will remind you that you don’t have to be the capable one all the time.
Don’t let the good times wear you out. For all the excitement this month promises (and there is a lot of that!) you also need more time alone than usual. Don’t be afraid to disconnect from the world and do your own thing. The hectic stream of time will still be there when you dip back into it. In this time of plentiful opportunities (for collaborations, parties, group projects, and wild inspiration), don’t succumb to FOMO. There’s an inner world you need to tend to that’s at least as important as the wild ride around you. If you have relationships that can move between these worlds with you that’s fantastic — otherwise, make sure your nearest and dearest understand your need to disconnect is no slight against them.
Other people might fear being washed away by falling in love — that wave that crashes through your identity, erasing what makes you a distinct, dissolving your own needs into the desire to merge. For you, this is your normal state of being. Being in love (with a person, a song, the universe, a video of a baby sloth) is your default mode, and the whole heartbreaking world washes away your defenses every damn day, leaving you awestruck and unable to remember trivial things like where you put your keys. What might feel like a curse is actually your super power: we need you to heal the world right now. NBD. But you’ve got to start by tapping into that Saturn energy and work with what’s real. Your keys are real, your breakfast is real, your boo letting you down again and again (however much you love them), or asking you to show up for them (because they always do for you) is real. If you’re having a hard time rooting down into the real, grab a friend who’s an Earth sign to help.