Do you believe the myth of top shortage only applies when you’re ISO a Daddy or Mommy? Do you love yelling at cheftestants on cooking shows for forgetting to salt the seafood paella while you slurp your instant ramen? Boy have I got the ultra-specific intersection of delicious and *delicious* for you! Bravo’s Top Chef, long may she reign, is an absolute hotbed of ferocious lesbian activity, and with all that heat in the kitchen competition it’s obvious that the contestants need a way to unwind. If you’re cruising for a bruising, take this quiz to match up with your perfect spatula spanker. After all, every top chef needs a bottom…I mean, sous chef.