What’s Your 2021 Pride Sponsor?

It’s that time of year again – when half the people you follow on Instagram are posting anti-corporate pro-kink Pride memes and the other half are posting selfies for their brand partnerships with 3D-printed blue light glasses that are trans-inclusive, somehow. No offense if that’s you, I would also absolutely be making that money if I was insta famous enough for it. In fact, I think we should all get our own sponsors for Pride; if we’re already locked into a dystopian marriage with capitalist co-opting of biopoliticized lived experience, we could at least get a trickle down some of the spoils. Obviously we can’t all get your premium corporate sponsors – your stainless steel sex toys, your high-end sustainable apparel, perhaps some luxury skincare – but I don’t think that should stop us; pride sponsors for all! The only limit to what a Pride sponsor can be is your imagination. Read on to find out yours!

What's Your 2021 Pride Sponsor?

You're meeting The Gang for brunch during Pride weekend; you're the first one to arrive, and they won't seat you til your entire party is here. You pass the time by:
You're finally seated! What's your drink order?
Everyone's recapping their evenings from the night before - where were you?
Someone had a fight with their girlfriend last night and is distraught over their hashbrowns about how to move forward. You advise them:
Oh yikes, the server got your order wrong - these eggs benedict were supposed to have avocado subbed in for Canadian bacon.
You just got the check, and obviously it's a nightmare scenario. No one can figure out the best way to pay between everyone; do you:
Ok, brunch is over! Where are you going next?
Oh no - you just realized you left something at the brunch spot by accident. What was it?

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Rachel

Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.

37 Comments

  1. I love the intense specificity of this quiz and also how much it feels like an online version of a Choose Your Own Dykeventure!

  2. I got jumpsuits which is so fitting considering the last thing I sewed was a pair of overalls which are jumpsuit adjacent.

  3. A handful of nuts. Which seems legit since I put a huge handful of almonds on my yogurt every day, so the nut industrial complex sure oughta appreciate me.

  4. Huh. I got CBD Lube. Which is really, really not me, but I think I got it because I chose a lot of laid back, avoid the drama and read instead type answers.

    I’d rather have Cate Blanchett or a handful of nuts.

    But if I’m being honest, trauma therapy would be the most accurate. In fact, trauma therapy SHOULD sponsor me, considering how often I recommend it to people.

  5. I got handful of nuts on my 2nd attempt and I feel so seen:

    “You’re practical, reliable, can turn near-crises around in the nick of time, and a great source of protein; just like our old friends raw almonds or perhaps some salted pistachios, you’re always there to gently ask someone who’s about to type a foot-long block of text to their ex whether perhaps their blood sugar is a wee bit low.”

  6. Ok but honestly if anyone has any suggestions for a “small batch indie perfume that makes you smell like a sexy reclusive witch living in the woods” this was a thing I did not realize I needed in my life and yet so clearly do.

  7. I loved the answers’ various-ness + diversity, so very well crafted!!
    (and “oh, false alarm, everything is right there, nothing lost”, bec that’s me)

  8. My Pride Sponsor is…. “Thanks for contacting us! We will get in touch with you shortly.” 🥲

    Something weird happening with WordPress probably.

  9. My sponsor is Microdosing, which is… yeah. Like, totally. Yeah. Maybe not so micro.

  10. “You’re gonna spend the rest of your day consoling the distraught friend from Question 4.”

    It me.

    If the next Autostraddle quiz has an answer option, “e. Can’t answer, just got a text from the distraught friend from the Pride sponsor quiz,” I will choose that one, too.

  11. Wait, this is for 2021? People are going out to clubs in 2021?? Oh dear, maybe I really do need that trauma therapy pride sponsorship.

  12. Cat furniture. I don’t even own a cat, but yes, those vibes. My actual sponsor is “Woolrich why don’t you make these pjs anymore?”

  13. A handful of nuts. I’m trying to not think too hard about how I’m a great source of protein.

  14. I got A Handful Of Nuts which is a spectacular irony, given that I have a nut allergy and brunch is a bit of a minefield for me, because so many of the sweet options have nuts in them!
    But practical and reliable just about covers me so it still works

  15. I’ve never done a quiz that was so specific to my actual life. Jumpsuits could not be more accurate

Comments are closed.