From the same twisted mind that brought you “Decorate a House and I’ll Tell You Your Toxic Trait” comes an all-new “personality quiz” meant to drag you to hell and back. It is my firm belief that most people are cursed in some way. Whether you always end up with the grocery store cart with the wobbly wheel (ME!) or always end up moving into an apartment with inconsistent water pressure, everyone’s cursed. And if you’re queer, you’re cursed in a gay way. There are lots of specifically queer curses out there. Like, perhaps, you are always matching with people on Tinder with the same name as you or, perhaps, you’re always calling your girlfriend the name of your ex-wife — or the name of the dog you co-owned with your ex-wife. Or the classic queer curse: Always crushing on straight girls.
I’m here to tell you how exactly you are queer-cursed. All you have to do is plan a fall get-together. As always with my quizzes, I’m sorry and you’re welcome for whatever result you get. And remember, this is all in good fun!
(None of the queer curses I just mentioned in this intro are results on this quiz, because I want you to be surprised.)
Your Doc Martens always give you blisters! This IS ME! Doc Marten torment is my curse! My brogue pair the sole fell off (?????) after just over a year, unfixably to all efforts, and my patterned pair STILL give my blisters. Perhaps a sign from the universe that my very first pair (perfect, wonderful, never hurts me) was meant to be my one and only?
my hitachi dies NOOOOOOO “at an inopportune time” when is a good time for a hitachi to die…
“Your plants keep dying” spookily accurate! Now where’s that haunted house with the hot gardener?
Your Plants Keep Dying!
This both true and misleading because I currently have 20 gorgeous plants and only a couple aren’t thriving right now. And one is 30 years old. But I know it’s only a matter of time until another one goes.
it’s true, my plants keep dying
Your Plants Keep Dying! 100% accurate. Heck, I’ve managed to kill Swedish Ivy without trying. These days, my relationship to plants is limited to tea bags and dried herbs.
“Every time you find a gay show you like, it gets canceled” — one hundred per cent accurate, I’m sad to say. There have been too many to list, but recently The Wilds and Teenage Bounty Hunters were the cancellations that made me the angriest.
Oh noooo the Wilds got canceled?! That was SUCH a good show 😥
my cat is indeed the VIP at every function i host!
i got “your dog always interrupts you during sex” which is literally not true on multiple levels but vibes-true on all levels
My dog literally interrupted the last time I had sex which is very rare these post-baby days and so even more annoying than usual!!
“You run into an ex at every social function,” well, one of my best friends is also my ex so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lololol
The Hitachi dying at an inopportune time? I’ve never seen the quality of my love life described so succinctly before.
This was published AS I WAS IN THE MIDDLE of hosting a queer fall party, so the timing couldn’t have been better.
Looks like I’m one of the first to get, “your favorite fan fiction never gets finished”!
“it’s okay to be annoying, it really is”
thank you for this affirmation
I guess the houseplants keep dying curse is accurate since I have already long accepted that I am not one for houseplant upkeep.
“You run into an ex at every social function” Luckily I don’t but this was a cute quiz!
i dont have sex or a dog but is my cat obsessed with trying to sit on me when she REALLY shouldn’t even be in the room? absolutely. i feel almost uncomfortably seen by this quiz lolol