Quiz: Escape This Bad Date and We’ll Tell You Which LaCroix Flavor You Are

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Bubble Trouble // Header by Viv Le

Bad dates are unfortunately part and parcel of the entire dating experience. For every good date, there are at least three bad dates. I made that ratio up, but it feels right. Usually, what qualifies as a bad date varies from person to person, but I think that the bad date I’ve described below is universally bad! To make it worse, imagine that it’s a first date!! Good luck trying to escape, especially if you’re a Sag (commitment issues) <3 (Sorry to the fire signs in the room, there is some fire sign hate in this piece but just so everyone knows I am a Sag sun and Aries rising so I am allowed to make fun of fire signs!!)

If you make it through, I’ll tell you which LaCroix flavor you are!!

You’re on time, but your date is late! What do you do?(Required)
Your date still isn’t here! You decide to order a drink at the bar. What are you drinking?(Required)
Your date finally shows up, a full 20 minutes late! They say that their ex came over to “process the breakup” and they “couldn’t just leave.” What do you say?(Required)
The server comes over to take your orders, and your date tries to order pasta FOR YOU without asking if 1) that’s okay and 2) if that’s even what you wanted !!!!! What do you do?(Required)
A highlight of the date: The server sets down a complimentary bread basket. What’s in it?(Required)
Your date starts to tell you about their essential oil MLM. You realize that it’s been a full three minutes since you said something but also you’ve been zoning out so you can’t really interrupt with something related to the conversation. What do you do or say?(Required)
Pick a trait for your date that you wouldn’t personally be into.(Required)
Your date’s ex from earlier – yes, the one they “processed” with – just showed up at the restaurant and it’s a total surprise to your date! They ask if they can join, but (and they look directly at you when they say this) only if they’re not third wheeling. How do you respond?(Required)
You find out that your date and their ex did a joint Halloween costume last week, even though they broke up three months ago. Which iconic gay couple were they for Halloween?(Required)
Your date invites you to tag along on their group ayahuasca trip in Joshua Tree! The ex chimes in that it’s always a good time, and that she’s looking forward to it herself. What do you do?(Required)
Uh-oh. The check’s here, but your date left your wallet behind… and so did their ex? What do you do?(Required)
Your date says this was a great date, and they lean in for a kiss goodbye. What do you do?(Required)

Bubble Trouble is a series helmed by Autostraddle Managing Editor Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya about the nostalgia, effervescence, and never-ending appeal of carbonated beverages.

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Ashni is a writer, comedian, and farmer's market enthusiast. When they're not writing, they can be found soaking up the sun, trying to make a container garden happen, or reading queer YA.

ashni has written 51 articles for us.


    • Yeah, the date described here was terrible. I haven’t been put off the idea of dating this badly since I was witness to a domestic abuse incident between a straight roommate and her boyfriend.

    • Haven’t opened Autostraddle for 4 years, I come back and I’m shocked at the volume of fizzy-beverage-related articles & content constantly being put out ru ok guys are you thirsty

  1. What La Croix flavour am I? They only have one: terrible. I’ll stick with Sprindrift and Clearly Canadian.

    A trait I wouldn’t normally be into? They’re trying to sell me on an MLM. That’s trait enough for that question.

    That said, I got berry.

  2. I got lime. Which is a flavor I like, although grapefruit is my favorite.

    I think I answered the questions partly as I am now and partly as I was 20+ years ago, the last time I attempted to date. I am a lot less tolerant of nonsense than I was then and more comfortable with saying no. Still not good with conflict but much better at finessing my way out of uncomfortable situations with people I don’t care about ever seeing again.

  3. Peach-pear is the perfect choice, since I generally hate La Croix but also hate peach-pear so I won’t be tempted to try it and have to suffer the disappointment of it hitting my tongue

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