Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our A+ Members.
If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining A+
and supporting the people who make this indie queer media site possible?
I'm a fat dyke from philly! I make comics about economics and organize young investors to radically redistribute wealth using a reparations framework.
kate has written 1 article for us.
THIS IS ALL THE THINGS TO ME RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO READ IT FOREVER AND EVER
Also might start saying “straight zero queer ten” into the mirror every morning like an affirmation
yes affirm affirm
That’s bumper sticker material
the hair on my head. It’s been a source of pride for a while, and I want to shed that vanity; I’m thinking about shaving my head https://scrabblewordfinder.vip/
I really love this comic. as a butch woman with sometimes little lip hairs, sometimes not, sometimes teeny booty shorts (they’re butch if I say so), sometimes my girlfriend’s cargo shorts, sometimes makeup, sometimes not… it’s a weird line. never just one answer to, “how am I myself today?”
Also really trying to confront how viscerally uncomfortable the cover panel makes me (as a person who plucks chin hairs) and trying to stare at it until that changes
Your taste is what it is. Why should you try to change it, unless you have a masochistic streak and want to punish yourself by forcing yourself to tolerate something that repulses you. I was unable to make out with my ex-girlfriend because of her facial hair. I was too uncomfortable to tell her, at first. Finally, I gently informed her that it made me uncomfortable. She was thankful that I brought it to her attention. She then began removing her facial hair. Within days, she began noticing that her coworkers began treating her better.
Kate. Wow this is everything. I don’t even know where to start. Maybe by saying I have the biggest crush right now on a cutie with chin hair. Or maybe by asking you to put me in contact with your haircutter for hotties (for serious, hook me up–I’m in center city but out your way all the time).
I love your question about differentiating between your real feelings and the feelings inceptioned into our brains by society. This is something I think about a lot.
And the short shorts and the labels and gosh I have a lot of thoughts about this! Sending your comic to so many people–thank you!
‘feelings incepted into our brains by society’ — accurate *and* funny.
Wow, thank you for this.
This is something I think about A Lot — for me, being a bisexual woman adds another layer of complexity, because sometimes appearing attractive to men (straight or, more often, otherwise) is something I want to do. Nonetheless, I am never not grateful for the space to explore and express different ways of being a human who grows hair and wears clothes (and potentially being a person who does those things attractively) that being queer affords me.
Thank you again for sharing your experience and opening this conversation.
This so much! Being bi definitely adds that other layer. I’ve been trying to be conscious of the things influencing my thoughts when getting ready for dates etc. I’ve been trying to not dress differently for dates with men than I do with women this year and it’s surprisingly difficult.
The struggle is real.
Agender hairy bisexual here, having been in a relationship with my straight male partner for nearly 4 years…I’m so glad to have a space where there are other folx here feeling the same feelings. I found a bunch of old nudes I sent to him right back when we first got together and I still shaved most of my body, and at the time thought was for his benefit.
It was bizarre looking at this cute, sexy human but feeling like I’m cuter and sexier now with my intact body hair. There was a lot of unlearning he and I had to do together because when I first stopped shaving I said it was an experiment and he wasn’t sure how he felt – there was a real conflict there.
Now he can’t imagine me without it and it has creeped him out on the rare occasion I had to shave (for tattoos) because I’m not fully ‘me’ without that part of my gender expression. As he’s come to know me as a person without gender, my hairiness has become an intrinsic part of my gender and sexual identities too.
God forbid if we broke up, I know I would feel tempted to go back to shaving because for a lot of people hairiness isn’t attractive, so I identify strongly with your struggles of dressing the same for dates with all genders. It’s a weird thing to navigate and bizarre that hairs can make us feel some type of way.
My fave thing right now is because we get read as a straight couple, (ignorant) people are really uncomfortable with the fact he celebrates my revolving gender expression and untameable body hair. :D
“…less and more self-conscious all at once.” Relatable. Thanks for the comic!
Oh man, good stuff. Good stuff. I started growing a ton (well, it feels that way) of chin/neck hair in the past few years, to the point where it’s not even worth my time to tweeze anymore. I finally straight up went all-in and bought a fancy bevel razor and it actually…I don’t know, I have fewer Weird Gender Feelings than I thought I would. Like I’m pretty at peace and okay about it and like, have a partner that doesn’t think it’s weird. Which means a lot.
yes!!! i know lots of queer ladies and folks of all genders that shave their faces–it’s bizarre and also sad that it’s such a private unspoken thing bc it’s helpful to learn about shit like fancy bevel razors.
what constitutes a fancy bevel razor? this is something i struggle with and as long as i’m working in a public-facing job with 100% straight coworkers i’m probably gonna keep shaving, but the way i’m doing it now is not that great… i just don’t have the pain tolerance for plucking.
As someone who is also Maybe Butch idk this speaks to my experiences as well. I’m proud to be a queer 10!
<3 Maybe Butch <3
This is amazing, and I have a lot of feelings about it, thank you so much for sharing!!
“Queer 10, Straight 0” is so liberating. Just saying it gives me permission to do whatever I want to do and look however I want to look. I love this. So liberating.
I love this comic, Kate. I’ve been sharing this quote with folks all day, ” I’m a queer ten, straight zero.” So genius!
The struggle between queer hotness and straight unattractiveness is so real; I feel this way about my hair lately, specifically, the hair on my head. It’s been a source of pride for a while, and I want to shed that vanity; I’m thinking about shaving my head… Thanks for this comic; it’s brilliant!
The ‘straight zero’ can actually be a plus for deflecting unwanted clueless straight guy attention.
Right…because we base our actions on the types of responses they elicit from straight men…not.
Thank you. This is so much that I didn’t know I needed.
wow! this has got me feeling. i was plucking some chin hairs right as i was reading this lol. the last three panels really made me think about how for all of winter (October-June), i didn’t shave my legs, and at the same time i stopped wearing dresses. it didn’t mean to be a statement or anything, i just am hairy and it takes too much energy and i told myself i didn’t have to so. i used to wear a lot of dresses, so i have a lot, and they’re really easy to wear so i would go to put one on, but felt waaaay to self conscious. i would put them on, look in the mirror, and change into pants. i was fine showing my legs in shorts or even the hairs that stuck out of my long pants, but wearing a dress like that felt wrong and made me feel really weird. i ended up shaving because in the same way, i felt anxious being hairy and being in a bikini on the beach. and then i started wearing my dresses again. i don’t really know how i feel about it, but i love this comic for being here to tell me i’m not alone lol.
whoops i mean–i totally feel that kaitlyn–have definitely been there–wearing something femme staring at my body hair feeling curious about what will happen next, genderwise
This is so, so good. Even in queer spaces I don’t think we see ambivalence and struggle about our bodies enough.
Also I thought the comics looked familiar! Took until the end to realize you were the one who makes the great wealth redistribution/reparations comics.
(Though I have personal weird complicated feelings about queer 10/straight 0 as someone who feels like a straight 7ish and a queer 4ish though I think not shaving is successfully working to bring my straight number down haha)
Re: complicated feelings
yeah, it bums me out when straight 7-ish necessitates queer 4-ish.
Yes. Straight 7 queer 4 cis bi femme here. It’s weird. It’s complicated. I want to look more queer because I want to be visible when I’m not holding my girlfriend’s hand (which is most of the time bc we’re long distance). But I also feel really comfortable and secure in my lazy femme/complete lack of style/straight by default/casual look and I get really anxious when I think about trying to cultivate a queer style, or any style at all for that matter.
Wait a minute… as I was reading this I was calibrating the numbers in my head and thinking, “I’m probably like a straight 7ish and a queer 4ish.” It’s so so funny to see these comments with the same numbers! and I appreciate this comic a lot; it is always hard to figure out what my genuine feelings and desires are when every choice I make about grooming and presenting myself in the world comes along with being seen in a certain way to different communities I’m in. And wanting to be visible as a queer person, to be a queer 10, requires a radical shift that honestly I may not be comfortable with yet. I don’t know if that’s because I haven’t accepted myself enough to embrace those things, like my chin hairs, or if it’s because queer 10s are typically much more masculine presenting than I may ever be. Hard hitting content, A+
I would never complain for my appearance, considering how much grief it has probably saved me across the years being what would be considered a “pretty girl” by eurocentric beauty standards, but damn if sometimes I didn’t wish for a “queerer” look!
I mean, I like my hair better when extra long and naturally curly and I have soft features, so even when I dress more masculine people tend to read me as a straight girl. And while they tell me how lucky my future husband will be (yikes) I’m there screaming inside my head: “I’m not what you think I am! My gender is complicated! My attraction is complicated!”
ahhhh this made me cry! i recently stopped trying to groom my facial hair and then immediately felt weird about it and plucked all my chin hairs. it’s something i’m definitely still trying to get more comfortable with, especially since only certain bodies are given permission to rock the queer and hairy look and it’s usually not me. i just want to be comfortable in my body and let my hair do it’s thing and let myself do my thing and it’s a lot harder than i thought it would be!! maybe thinking abt myself as a queer 10 will be helpful. thank you for this, kate!!
thanks! totally! i really want the passive whatever my body does to enthuse and delight me and sometimes it just doesn’t. hope that the queer 10 queer 10 queer 10 chant is sweet and useful to you. <3
very nice cool article
I’ve often thought about having no mirrors in my bathroom. Or maybe covering them. No ridiculous self-criticisms randomly striking me. Then I chicken out and keep them intact… and find every little “flaw” to depress me for hours on end just because my peripheral vision caught something.
Yet the mirror can be so… positive and affirming. Why does the mirror have to make me feel like Gollum? “She hates and loves the mirror, as she hates and loves herself”.
I can even hear my internal monologue, debating back and forth about whether or not I’m attractive or even happy.
All I know is reflections cause way too many feels. :(
It feels a lot like you’ve peeked inside my head and then put this here for me to see. So thank you.
There was a while I was calling myself butch and I was sorta questioning my gender but my compulsion to pluck out my chin hair was too strong. For me, it is a gender affirming thing to pluck my chin hair; I question why I do it every time though. I shave it sometimes which makes me feel like I’m doing a gender-neutral thing to my chin hair.
Anywho it is an eternal struggle to accept our bodies for their imperfections and I strongly relate to this comic.
I love this so much, and it feels quite relevant to me. I have had a lot of feelings about body hair and clothes and how I feel in my identity. I have always identified as femme, I love makeup and dresses, but I also have embraced short hair, and sports bras and muscle tees too. And I love body hair and am good with not shaving in the winter, but come summer I found I was too self conscious to not shave for shorts. And I have to pluck chin hairs on a weekly basis. I guess overall I am working to realize that I don’t have to wear or do, or not wear or do anything just because it fits someone elses view of what it means to be femme or how they think I should look. Ty so much for this article!
At least the hair is not ear hair or nose hair…..right?? ?
This comic is AWESOME. I cut my hair short a year ago and have been struggling with clothing identity politics (that’s a thing, right?) since then. I used to be ok with dresses, but then I gained a little weight and haven’t really bothered with putting any on or buying new ones (dresses are expensive! they don’t ever fit around my boobs and armpits right! UGH!). I wasn’t sure if I identified as “butch,” but I did want to look as gay as possible. I feel like other people might label me as butch and I suppose I’m ok with it, but it doesn’t really encompass all of my clothing identity politics. I relate to the struggle of dressing for men/women, as a bi person, like many of the above commentators. I also have some chin hairs that sprout from a mole under my chin frequently. I usually just take a razor to them.
Anyway, thanks for this comic and for sharing your experiences with all of us who are still figuring out our queer identities. QUEER TEN, STRAIGHT ZERO!!!
Oops-I also meant to add that I haven’t shaved my legs in like a year and finally said FUCK IT and have been going out in public/with friends more with shorts on and not trying to hide that shit. I was on vacay seeing some friends in San Diego and we went to Coronado and I wore shorts the whole time-at the beach, walking around, eating at a restaurant. It’s so freeing not giving a damn. Me and my legs are beautiful with or without hair.
whoa, i just did the same thing with letting mine grow a bit and then having A Day and plucking them all out, appeasing my bell hooks guilt by promising myself they would grow back soon enough. LOVED THIS.
As a result of my Eastern European and Jewish heritage, I have a single thick, black hair sprouting from the left side of my chin. I call her Comrade Olga. Many times I send to gulag. Always she come back.
I generally don’t care about my body hair, and tend not to remove it from the usual places all that often, but for some reason I find plucking chin hair to be oddly satisfying, and not for appearance’s sake. There’s just something about getting a good grasp with the tweezers, and plucking that lil hair out, root and all. *sigh*
“Queer 10, Straight 0” is giving me so much life right now.
I wanted to add how great your drawings are! I really think they are fantastic,?
I love this so much wow. Also this feels like the perfect opportunity to talk about how sexy moustaches are on ladies? Idk what it is, but give me a cute girl with a moustache any day.
It’s taken me like three days to comment on this because it so perfectly articulates all the feelings I’ve had about cutting my hair, buying new clothes, wanting to throw out all my femmey stuff (i.e. my whole wardrobe) and being or not being visibly queer since my breakup in the spring. I’ve lived in the same shorts and two tank tops since June and fear the day it gets cold enough that I have to decide between wearing skirts again or actually owning pants. I’ve changed my hair like four times already and I’m doing it again tomorrow. My ex brought me some shirts from a clothing swap days before we broke up and said “I think these are your style,” I thought, no, they’re not, realized they didn’t fucking have to be, went shopping and replaced as much as I could afford for the first time in nearly two years. The only thing that bums me out is that I bought an overpriced dress shortly before the breakup when I thought it was my wardrobe rather than my relationship making me sad, wore it once and have zero interest in wearing it again.
The requirements you may want for the house, will dictate
the selection you are making on which system to search for.
Unlocked Cellular Phones may function as wave with the future equally as smartphones have become the norm.
While this might not be a serious problem in a very smaller school, it truly is typically just
a matter of time before smaller schools will grow.
Besides playing CDs, MP3s, and DVDs, some receivers also provide Bluetooth compatibility, i – Pod controls, and are
also possible for Sirius or XM satellite radio. Live
Happenings, Messages, and Resizable Social Status
Widgets On Your Home Screen.
The only thing to check about is how they come at a reliable provider and not from any one for the street
you meet. However, some individuals can feel happy if as
an example the healthy vending device supplied them sole good, fresh, and appropriate food choices choices.
Make silicone pussy It could well be also enhance your
relationship using your partner.
Cockatiels are part from the cockatoo bird family and could be the species’ smallest member.
You can”t miss those hats this current year, wise decision to
match using the jackets and coats.
I adore this comic!
Easy to wear so i would go to put one on, but felt waaaay to self conscious. i would put them on, look in the mirror, and change into pants. i was fine showing my legs in shorts or even the hairs that stuck out of my long pants, but wearing a dress like that felt wrong and made me feel really weird.
Very useful post Thanks
I’ve read your entire information that you stocks in your article and I must say I love it. Many thanks for writing this post. I appreciate it.
nice information i got here so lovely