Queer Horoscopes for September 2019: Learning (and Unlearning) How We Love Each Other

As we move into Virgo season, we’re stepping into a time of adjustment and preparation. Of all the signs, Virgo is the most aware of how damn perfect things could be, if only: 1) everyone lived up to their potential, 2) everyone took the time to analyze what went wrong last time, 3) everyone understood that constructive criticism is a form of love, 4) all of the above.

Virgo loves to love, but also needs love to be a process of continuous growth. If you’ve got planets in Virgo, you’re willing to do the work of emotional growth in service to your relationships, but are you also trying to do your partners’ work for them? Like cats teaching their kittens to hunt, Virgo lovers often leave a metaphorical trail of dying mice for their lovers — little nudges and examples to encourage them in learning to do the things Virgos believe they should do. Meanwhile, their lovers, who are not kittens and may not understand their methods, often end up alarmed and irritated at the growing numbers of dying mice strewn about. Virgo’s love language can be opaque to anyone who doesn’t see learning as a romantic activity.

As our collective romantic energy moves into Virgo this month, recognize that we can all stand to learn (and unlearn) a few things about how we love each other — and that if you’re offering anyone else a lesson, make sure it’s both welcome (see if they’re ready to hear you) and as clear as possible (I statements, specific patterns, suggestions instead of ultimatums). While Virgo energy loves to analyze, discern, assess, fix, categorize, and dissect, it doesn’t hold a monopoly on what the “right” way is. Especially right now, when all the planets moving through Virgo will be bumping against some very different energies — Jupiter, she of gigantic flower prints and gigantic optimism, whose motto is “what could possibly go wrong?” and Neptune, who moves in a fog of incense and believes in the beautiful potential that lives within each of us. These two forces are holding court during Virgo season, which means we may find ourselves really wanting to get things right, and then finding ourselves entirely distracted and confused (Neptune) or jumping into hard conversations unprepared for the consequences (Jupiter).

Another, much sweeter, side to this month is that Neptune and Jupiter both soften us. As we push against them again and again, we may slip up or overextend or lose our way, but in those moments we find our compassion—for ourselves and our loved ones. Working with this theme while we’re in Virgo’s get-smarter-and-achieve-perfection mode means we have a chance to look at some of those growth opportunities in our lives with a more compassionate lens, and more of a sense of humor. So take a look at what you need to fix in your life, and make sure your solutions are flexible and open to the mystery of collaboration.

I’ve got expanded hours for readings this month, so let me know how I can help you: www.flaxandgold.com or follow me on Instagram @corinadross. And as always, for these relational horoscopes you’ll get best results reading your Moon and Venus signs first.


I’ve got good news and bad news for you, dearest firebrand. The good news is this a month for increased stability and steady work toward longterm goals — and the bad news is this is a month for increased stability and steady work toward longterm goals. Not the sexiest vibe for all you thrill-seekers, but for those of you who love other humans (all of you, I hope!) this month can help you adjust your perspective and try out something new in how you show up for yourself and for the people who love you. Your energy is best spent learning tools like HALT (the guideline that it’s best not to process when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired), and practicing saying the phrases, “I’d rather not right now” and “Why don’t we talk about this after we’ve had breakfast?” Small, humble little tools that can give you the breathing room you need to tend to yourself before you succumb to the urgency of someone else’s needs.

Problem solve: How to get in a better rhythm with your moods. What routines and rituals stabilize your energy. How to stay in the here-and-now.

Accept the mystery: You will never know how you appear to others, but the same things you critique about yourself are what others are impressed with. What makes you strange makes you beautiful — you don’t need to know why.


In your ideal world love would be sumptuous, steady, and profoundly peaceful. You trust established love more than new crushes or heady romances. Even if parts of you are drawn toward them, you don’t really like relationships that destabilize you. And yet. While this month offers support for fine-tuning your stable relationships, it’s also pushing you to explore and experiment. Stagnation is the shadow side of stability, and in pursuing a calmer life you take the risk of losing those sparks that keep your relationships vital and growing. So, this month, get out of your comfort zone. Risk flirting, be playful, say yes to an adventure.

Problem solve: What even is flirting? When does it feel artificial and when does it feel natural? Do you need an end-goal? What if you said yes to something uncomfortable that might be thrilling? What would you need to want to say yes?

Accept the mystery: You don’t get to know where this is all leading yet. Love unfolds in time and all sorts of connections might be possible that you can’t predict from where you are. Give up the desire to be on the top of the mountain, surveying the whole landscape. Let yourself have fun scrambling around the twisty paths, seeing what comes next.


This is a hard world for feeling a deep sense of belonging. Our culture thrives on displacing people, erasing their histories, and keeping queers and others on the fringes. Belonging is a complicated concept, politically, but also a deep human need. This month, you’re peering into the depths and uncovering what you need — to feel loved, to feel a sense of belonging, to trust that you are safe enough to go where it’s risky. Let Virgo’s problem-solving energy team up with your own curiosity, and see what steps you can take to get a little more insight into what’s going on under the surface.

Problem solve: What it means to trust — your own choices, your loved one’s loyalty, your shared dreams for the future. How to let trust be a process and not a destination. What belonging means, and how to let it evolve and grow.

Accept the mystery: Our desires propel us toward destroying and recreating our lives. Desire is never safe, but how we make room for it can help us trust ourselves more. And the more you trust yourself, the easier it will be to find trustworthy partners.


The message of this month is simple: you can trust your feelings, but you shouldn’t trust all the stories you tell yourself about your feelings. Don’t talk yourself out of being sad when you’re sad, but do question your instinctive story about WHY you’re sad. This is a month to get curious, to dig under your first impressions, to spend more time questioning than assuming. There’s a deep mystery you’re on the edge of about what’s real and what’s not real, and there’s a lot at stake: your stories define you. Don’t let anyone else talk you out of what you know is true, but do take some time making sure of what you know, for your own peace of mind. Sometimes it’s enough just to know you’re sad, or you’re in love, or you’re lonely—finding the words to ask for what you need might be more important than finding the story to explain why you need it.

Problem solve: How to say it. Finding the right words for what you’re feeling. Telling the story you need to tell.

Accept the mystery: Other people — we’re never going to be able to pin them down. They can’t even pin themselves down. We think we know all there is to know about someone, and then they reveal another part of themselves. In your closest intimacies, make room for this mystery. Don’t feel betrayed when the depths rise to the surface.


Tell me what you need, what you really really need. We focus so much on desires because they shift about more and there are always new sparkly things to desire — but our needs are fundamental and mean the difference between feeling whole and safe and nourished or feeling dissociated, wary, and lonely. Working with this month’s sweet and studious vibes, let yourself get curious about what you need to be feeling the love that’s there for you. What lets you deeply relax? Who helps you feel whole? What can you ask for from others, and what can you offer to yourself? When in doubt, ask yourself if a particular choice will help you feel more whole. If not, what does it give you? If you’re choosing relationships that leave you constantly anxious, what’s one step you could take toward feeling a little safer?

Problem solve: What it means to make self-love the center of all you do, the foundation of every day. How to assess your needs honestly and reach for fulfillment that’s actually appropriate for them.

Accept the mystery: Let yourself relax any of your stricter daily routines—especially if they are forms of self-control and self-domination disguised as self-care. Accept that your energy and body and moods will fluctuate, and show up curious about the changes.


Ready for center stage? This is a time when all your strengths and challenges are in the spotlight. Remember, during this transformative and ideally energizing month, that reinvention isn’t the same as self-improvement. You can discover new things about yourself, work toward exciting goals, and even track your progress without feeling there’s something fundamentally broken or wrong about you. You are not broken. You do not need to be fixed. Be excited about what you can transform in your life right now, and even self-transformation. Have fun making adjustments, fine-tuning, analyzing, being of service, assessing, weeding, preparing — but don’t for a minute forget that you are also a creature of mystery and expansive joy. Idleness — time for merely being and savoring your experiences — can be just as sweet as progress.

Problem solve: What you want to be when you grow up. How not to beat yourself up for not being an ideal version of yourself. Learning to love what’s real even as you expand your capacities.

Accept the mystery: Romance is mostly a game, and at its core is the sense that you and someone else have become more special, more magical, more sparkly than usual. You need a touch of romance right now, even if you distrust it. Let yourself feel yourself as magical to someone else. Let yourself see them as equally awe-inspiring.


This month of adjustment may have you feeling a little unsettled, as every planet is moving through that part of your chart that rules your unconscious patterns. It’s a little like having an alarm clock go off in your sleep — you may dream you’re solving the problem, but the annoying noise continues until you’re really, truly awake. Next month, you’ll be wide awake. This month, pay more attention to your dreams — especially if something in them feels irritating or unresolved. Are you feeling disappointed in a friend or lover, but not letting yourself admit it? Are you unhappy in ways that don’t make sense? Is there something you need that you can’t name yet? Let all these questions roll over you without needing to answer them yet — focus instead of accepting that all love churns up conflict from time to time, so don’t mistake anything ordinary as urgent.

Problem solve: How you get lost. What makes you ebb away from connection. The things you hide that don’t need to be hidden.

Accept the mystery: We are not separate from our environments, and we are shaped by those who love us. Don’t over-analyze what helps you feel safe and loved, or the feelings that come up and how they need release.


This month’s energy is like a welcome breeze, blowing away the mental and emotional clutter that’s been bogging you down. You are needed in your friend group right now, as you’re one of the few people who can call it like it is and show up for the aftermath as people work out their own pain and shame and uncertainty around you. If you’re showing up to this kind of social role, pay less attention to words and more attention to energy — what people say is only the tip of the iceberg. And if you get discouraged, hold on tight to your vision for a culture that supports healing, communication, and integrity in love. You are part of this movement forward.

Problem solve: How to live up to your ideals, and how you need to team up to make that happen. How to improve group dynamics through some real talk and tough love. Balancing personal and collective needs.

Accept the mystery: Don’t overthink the details right now. Stop obsessing over what you said or what she said or what you’ll say next. Let the words fly by without getting too deeply lodged—you’re here for the feelings and the actions behind them.


Virgo energy isn’t the most intuitive fit for you, but it is exactly what you need right now. Where you love the grand adventure, Virgo teaches you how to plan your trip so that you don’t end up thirsty and out of gas on the side of some desert road. Part of you is ready to grow up a little more right now, and take on a new kind of commitment. Part of this journey is self-confrontation (how can you be a more trustworthy friend and partner?) and part of it self-acceptance (how do you love yourself through your mistakes?). Ask for help striking the right balance, so you don’t spend this month just boomeranging between two extremes.

Problem solve: What it means to be reliable. How to become responsible to your own deepest calling, and spread that integrity around. How to do the hard work intimacy demands.

Accept the mystery: Love isn’t logical. There isn’t a checklist of attributes your loved ones are looking for that you match — that means you could get traded in some day for a better model. Accept that you are loved for reasons that surpass understanding. Love people with as much irrational certainty, for all the ways they are.


Don’t get hung up on outward appearances this month. You generally prefer concrete gestures as a love language — “look, I fixed your car” or “let me buy that for you” — but right now is the time to get a sense of what’s going on underneath it all. Whenever possible, get outside of your own patterns and ask yourself what you’re hoping for. Recognize that, as hard as you work, you also make mistakes — that being competent and reliable isn’t your only ticket to being loved. It can be easy to go hard on yourself during a month of learning and adjustment, so remember that you get to be a work-in-progress.

Problem solve: How to get out of your rut and into a higher perspective. What connects the dots between your worlds. How to be a bridge. Knowing not just what it feels like but what it means.

Accept the mystery: Let your self-image slip. Be unpresentable. Trust your instincts. Fall in love with yourself exactly as you are.


Admit it: you don’t really love mud-wrestling in the emotional depths with a lover. You’re here for the adventures, the romance, the wild ride of it all. You’re here for those special, once-in-a-lifetime experiences you’ll remember on your deathbed. But sometimes your capacity to feel that joy gets blocked, and the thing blocking it is feelings. Whomp-whomp. This is a month to get serious about how to get unblocked. Things need to get a whole lot messier before they get cleared up, so roll up your sleeves and prepare to get a little muddy.

Problem solve: What helps you move from pain to healing? Who do you trust to go deep with? How can you let yourself get messier right now?

Accept the mystery: Stop needing to explain yourself. Let your fantasies ebb and flow. Feel connected across the distance. Surrender to getting lost.


Oh honey, this month is asking you to grow and stretch in ways that might not be comfortable. Your first challenge is to reconsider what it means to be responsible. Loving someone with melting devotion isn’t the same as knowing how to keep yourself (and them) safe in the relationship. To be responsible to the love you feel, what do you need to actively learn and practice until it becomes second-nature? One hint: this doesn’t mean deferring to what others think you should do until you’re so exhausted you check out entirely. Boundaries are your friend this month, or they want to be. Will you let them?

Problem solve: What it means to commit to someone when you and they are always changing. What boundaries you need to remember your own needs and desires. How you can understand yourself better by knowing what you’re not. What it means to choose.

Accept the mystery: Your ideals and your reality merge more often than others might think possible, but often this is because of how hard you believe in these ideals—not because reality has suddenly become less messy or disappointing. This month, keep the faith even when real life can’t keep up with your visions.

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Corina Dross

Corina Dross is an astrologer, artist, and writer who spends as much time as possible in libraries or under trees. They offer astrological consultations, intuitive guidance, and creative coaching to clients worldwide. Corina is also one-half of a sibling art collaboration, Abacus Corvus. You can learn about their current work and offerings at www.flaxandgold.com.

Corina has written 104 articles for us.


    • ‘Recognize that, as hard as you work, you also make mistakes — that being competent and reliable isn’t your only ticket to being loved.’

      Oof, I wasn’t expecting to get called out so perfectly! Thank you so much for these, they are a guiding light.

  1. “Problem solve: What even is flirting?”
    Funny I was just cringe thinking about that yesterday when I left that cute girl at the bar to eat pasta alone at home.

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  3. “Oh honey, this month is asking you to grow and stretch in ways that might not be comfortable.”

    Well I am entering the third trimester of my pregnancy this month so yes, literally.

  4. Thank you so much for these, Corina! I’ve wanted to say for a while that these horoscopes have brought me so much comfort, solace, insight and guidance throughout a particularly tough year, and I look forward to them every month.

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