Welcome back to a show about teenagers dealin’ with things way beyond the scope of what’s normal. Let’s all watch as they skip-hop along down a deep dark path.
We begin with Aria telling the Liars every detail about Ezra and the ski lift episode. The Liars are more into finding out who A is or if Ezra knows A or what the hell is going on, which, well, can you blame them?
Apparently, Ezra thought that one of the Liars killed Ali. I’m going to be honest, I started rewatching the series this week and if you remember the first episode, there were quite a few hints that Spencer might have had something to do with Ali’s death/disappearance/whatever the hell happened with Alison. So! Very interesting, Ezra. Very interesting. Also, it might be interesting to note that Aria didn’t say which Liar Ezra thought killed Ali. Hmm. Unless she didn’t look? Which, in that case, what. the. fuck.
Back at the Hastings house, the show’s writers remember that these teen girls have parents, and were kind enough to put BOTH OF THEM in the scene! What! Mr AND Mrs Hastings?! To what do we owe this honor?
They want Spencer to go to rehab for the pill habit (oh hey, might be a pretty good idea), but Spencer panics and says she doesn’t want Radley AND rehab in her background. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but would college admissions know these things? It’s not like they have access to medical records. Am I wrong? For some reason, Spencer’s parents agree to let her not go to rehab and try to kick the pill habit on the condition that Spencer takes the withdrawal medication under their supervision. Any bets on how well this is going to go?
At school, Hanna finds Buzzcut, who is dressed rather dapper, wearing a suit to school. What did Hanna wear to school today? You remember Aria wearing a Lisa Frank dress the other day? Hanna just took it to the next level wearing this Lisa Frank pantsuit. Normally, I’d be really embarrassed for her, but you know what? Hanna is pulling this shit off.
Anyway! Buzzcut is going to court, or rather, his dad is going to court for something that was discovered when Mrs. Marin was being cleared of Wilden’s murder.
Meanwhile, outside, because it’s normal to just hang outside in light clothing during winter in Pennsylvania, Spencer is riding the strugglebus.
Emily finds her and tells her that she spoke to Shana, who requested that Emily drop the monies off to a PO Box an hour away for Ali. But they can’t get into it for long because here comes Aria on a fucking mission if I ever saw one.
They follow her to Ezra’s classroom, where Aria runs in and demands to speak to Ezra, but there’s a sub. Ezra took some time off for “family-related issues” or something like that. Sure he did. Maybe not the best time to confront Ezra anyway, you know, Aria? Or maybe it is and I’m just wrong!
Spencer shows up to Toby’s with cronies and begs forgiveness. He forgives her and she makes a lot of difficult promises to keep, I bet.
At school, Paige finds Emily wandering around and they make plans to hang out that evening. Paige noticed that Emily has a ton of money and Emily lies, saying it’s from her grandma. Nicest grandma EVER.
Hanna goes to find Officer Holbrook and talk to him about Buzzcut’s case. Not a thing you can do! She begs him to take pity on Buzzcut’s dad.
Aria ends up at Ezra’s apartment! She gets in, and finds it empty, and then LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN as she starts looking around and finding more of his evidence and spy-work. She flips through the notebooks and finds one that says, “Aria knows nothing.” That’s when she proceeds to flip the fuck out. It’s pretty amazing, actually. I liked the part where she smashes the picture of the two of them. Isn’t this pretty much everyone’s dream — to trash their ex’s apartment? Oh, just me. Oh, okay. Moving on.
Back at school, Spencer finds a pill bottle in her locker. It says “Don’t say I never gave you anything – A” Jerk move, A. I’d panic about this, but Spencer tells Emily about it immediately. At first, I was proud of her, and then when she didn’t let Emily take the bottle, I got nervous. Soooo it’s going to be THAT kind of After-School Special episode.
They realize they haven’t heard from Aria in awhile, and realize that she’s probably at Ezra’s. They find her in a daze on Ezra’s floor and take her home. Now, there’s tons of evidence everywhere, and none of them want to take it with them?! Are you kidding?! Spencer finds a picture of her shadow with Ali that we’ve seen before with a note attached “From Mona Vanderwhal.” So that’s interesting.
Hanna finds Buzzcut in court, and we learn that Detective Holbrook was a good guy and said nice things about Buzzcut’s dad and now everything’s fine.
After, she finds Officer Holbrook at the brew and tries to thank him but ends up kissing him?! What?! Stop! But Officer Holbrook reacted just as you should when a teen girl kisses an adult and he is freaked out. Good. Okay.
Emily goes to drop off the money at the PO Box and Paige finds her there, following her around because the show’s writers hate us and want a good excuse to break up Emily and Paige. Great. Emily tells Paige that Ali is alive. Then Paige gets upset about Emily wanting to send Ali money, because duh, and also duh danger, and also maybe jealousy. She gives her an ultimatum, and guys, word of wisdom here: NEVER GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AN ULTIMATUM. The ultimatum is that she can give the money to Ali, but then she has to cut off all contact with her or Paige will go to the police with the info.
Spencer is also looking through Ezra’s stuff, but she finds a card for a private investigator with “Hired to follow Spencer” written on the back. UH WHAT? Not for Melissa after all?! She takes more pills. NOOOO.
But away we must go to the land of ex-girlfriend vengeance, where Aria is flipping through Ezra’s journals and burning pages with her dad. She finds a letter about an installment of his novel and his agent’s info. She calls the agency, pretending to be Victoria Blackwell, a co-worker of Ezra’s. She wants to know the publication date. Turns out Ezra is there right now disussing the date. Now she’s more upset about Ezra lying to her about burning the manuscript than the fact that a novel about her life with her real name is going to be printed? Can you print names of minors in true crime novels? Who reads true crime novels and wants to tell me?
This sets her off to go to the principal’s house to tell him about her and Ezra’s relationship. Hanna talks her out of it and the reasoning seems legit but it would have been fun to see Ezra get in trouble/thrown in jail. So now Aria has to figure out a new way to make Ezra pay. I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll be good.
Emily finds Aria later at her house and Aria’s packing to go somewhere. She doesn’t want anyone to go with, and she doesn’t know where she’s going. This seems like a well thought-through, great idea, Aria. Yeah.
So now that Spencer is back on the pills wagon, she can look at Ezra’s stuff more closely. Apparently Ezra also wrote that Cece AND Mrs DiLaurentis saw what Spencer and Ali were fighting that night. Mrs DiLaurentis paid off Cece to keep her mouth shut about it, however. We get a flashback to see that Spencer was holding a shovel and threatening Ali.
Because Spencer was on the pills at the time, however, she doesn’t remember anything that happened. Uh huh. Spence then talks to her dad, who gives her zero info, and then Toby comes over. Good timing. Spencer goes out with Toby, but ditches him to go talk to Mrs DiLaurentis. But instead of talking, she freaks out and grabs Mrs DiLaurentis, hurting her and creeping her out pretty bad. When she gets home, Toby and her parents are waiting for her. Toby stands up and says it’s time for her to get help. Oh man.
Meanwhile, Paige has an envelope and is walking at night. This looks pretty suspicious. She opens it to show us it’s a note saying Ali is alive and then tosses it in a cop car? ET TU, PAIGE?
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