Amazing news, nerds: Two crucial aspects of queer culture are colliding to make your life better and more fun! We all know, of course, that insomnia is queer culture. For real! Statistically, this is true! Gay youths are more than twice as likely to have sleep issues than their straight peers, and that’s before they even learn about property tax and entry-level jobs that require a decade of experience. (This is also anecdotally true; every gay friend I have — so, every friend I have — cannot sleep.) Another staid fixture of queer culture is Pokémon! Did those pocket monsters make us gay, or were we drawn to them because we’re gay and they’re gay? Who’s to say! We caught them and we also caught being queer!
Anyway, the point is that a whole new game is coming to your phone and it’s called Pokémon Sleep, which makes me know it was made for me and you.
The game starts every single Monday when it gifts you a new Snorlax. Your goal is to grow it as big as possible by SLEEPING! Because Pokémon Sleep is also a sleep tracker that you put beside your bed (but not under your head) while you snooze (up to twice a day). While you’re asleep, other Pokémon will join you for a nap, and if you earn enough sleep treats, you can feed them and make them yours. Different Pokémon have different sleep patterns, and enjoy different foods that can be created from a variety of recipes you unlock (by: sleeping!) along the way. The more you rest, the more you win, including a SNORLAX SLEEPING CAP!
Each week, you start over with a new Snorlax who’ll help you fill out your restful Pokedex. Oh, and if you really, really cannot snooze, you can also check in during the day and feed your Snorlax. Plus, unlike the Tamagotchis of our youth, Snorlax will always be okay! See for yourself!
I heard one secret is that Pikachu can chat you into slumber, and I can’t wait to find out if that’s true!
I hesitate to tell people to spend money, especially for the privilege of letting a big company collect your sleep/habit data, but if you’re really interested in this game I’d suggest getting the Pokemon Go Plus + accessory so you can leave it in your bed next to your pillow instead of having a charging phone in your bed all night (which seems like a fire risk to me). Niantic is working on this game and their apps tend to overheat phones!
love it when ppl note data/privileges when recommending an app.
also, it’s often not just data from the obvious thing an app does that gets gobbled up… hope people look at permissions hen they install.
I’m torn. My kid is a big fan of Pokemon and not a fan of sleep, so this could be awesome. On the other hand, I don’t love the idea of a company having all of that sleep data on my 6 year old. And we’d definitely need to get the Pokemon Go +, since my kid doesn’t have their own phone. Hmm… definitely something to think about, and I appreciate Autostraddle sharing about it!