Playlist: Leave Your Phone Under the Laundry

We’ve all been there, honey. Not hearing back is probably among the top five worst first-world-feelings ever. I’m proud of you for going for it and sending her a text in the first place! You probably stared at your screen for like a half hour and read the same sentence over and over and over. DON’T WORRY, IT WAS  CLEVER AND SWEET BUT ALSO CHILL AND NOT TRYING TOO HARD.

After living through this agony myself, I have carefully designed my life to ensure that I never stress about phone calls or text messages again. I can teach you how to do this one day. But in the meantime, there is a short-term solution:

Put your phone on silent and hide it under your laundry.

Now you have two roads of distraction to choose from:

1. Get busy, go for drinks with friends, read a book, write a book, exercise, do something that feigns properly ordered priorities and self-preservation, etc.

2. Listen to wildly, disgustingly melodramatic music.

Whatever you do, keep that phone on silent and do not look at it for at least twenty minutes.

Leave Your Phone Under the Laundry

Waiting Game – Lightspeed Champion
O How I Miss You – Broadcast
Call It Off – Tegan and Sara
Poor Me – The Jolly Rogers.
After Hours – The Velvet Underground.
My Dearest Friend – Devendra Banhart.
I Go To Sleep – The Kinks
Look At Me – John Lennon
Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen
Untitled- Metronomy
Which Way Your Heart Will Go – Mason Jennings
No One’s Gonna Love You – Band of Horses
Lost Cause – Beck
Little Person – Jon Brion
Runaway – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Moonlight Sonata – Ludwig Van Beethoven
Can’t Stand It – Telepathe
Xanax – Maria Taylor
Banshee Beat – Animal Collective
Everything Will Be Alright – The Killers


Add your own angst-ridden tracks in the comments below.

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Michele lives in Harlem where she conducts oral history interviews and is working on two novels. Her short stories have most recently been published in The Brooklyn Rail, Killing the Buddha, and Shelf Life Magazine. She regularly contributes to VelvetPark, Bend Over Magazine, Make/Shift Magazine and go here!

M.J. has written 10 articles for us.


  1. This is brilliant! Thank You!

    Also, is there a way to download all the songs from amazon at one time, instead of individually?

  2. I feel like this playlist goes through the full stages of Not-Hearing-Back: Why isn’t she texting back? Did I say something weird?? Why won’t she answer me??? Well fuck her, I don’t need her! I’m loveable! Ok, calm down phones can be weird… Ok I’m calm.
    Kudos. :)

  3. Sour Times – Portishead

    Fisherman’s Woman – Emiliana Torrini

    That I Would Be Good – Alanis Morissette

    You Had Time – Ani DiFranco
    (for when it’s really taking a toll on your soul)

    • Speaking of, after you checked 20 minutes later and still have not received a response..
      Untouchable Face – Ani DiFranco

      P.S. Thank you for qualifying the “worst feelings” statement with “first-world”.

      • Untouchable Face=My go to song for when I’m feelin like this. Thank you for knowing it. <3

      • I’ve belted that song upon many a drunk night.

        And sober afternoon, for that matter. It really is perfect for these purposes.

  4. Oh my god, this was my life for the last two months. Feelings are stupid, why do I have them?

  5. Okay. As the girl that NEVER responds I feel that I should say:

    Some people lose their phones. All of the time. If it’s not in my bra, I have no idea where the hell it is.

    Right now, I’m texting a girl and I KEEP LOSING MY PHONE. And then I freak out because I don’t want to seem uninterested. I’m just mobile incompetent sometimes.

    Also, I like the whole “waiting game.” You know, when she took 27 minutes to text back, so you wait 28.


    • exactly why I no longer have a phone. except I didn’t tell anyone when I went off my plan and six months later I still occasionally meet a friend in the street who’s like “I texted you the other day!” and I’m like “I’m an awful person.” but seriously, I could never keep track of it, keep it charged, afford to top it up, etc. it’s more honest just to not have one.

  6. There is a special ring of hell where you can do nothing but wait for a text message that never comes.

    • It comes if you send a second “Um, what the hell?” text. Then they respond that their phone died or they were at work or saving a puppy from a burning building or some other completely legit excuse and you feel like an oversensitive asshole for the rest of your life.

      Not that I’ve ever done this.

  7. i’m looking through you – the beatles
    maps- yeah yeah yeah’s
    as above, so below- klaxons
    this is the thanks i get – coconut records
    metal heart- cat power
    don’t think twice, it’s alright- bob dylan
    gems- air waves
    no children- the mountain goats
    the fairest of the seasons -nico
    smoke and mirrors- sean lennon
    this boy -the beatles (if it’s really hitting me hard)

    I had lots of feelings with unnecessary drama a couple years ago.


      cartography bitches really get me

      • Is it because you can’t navigate their world? Maybe you need a GPS to find your way through.
        is it their affection that gets the magnetic polarization of your compass going haywire?

  8. “Hold On, Hold On” by Neko Case is my go-to angsting-over-girls song for the whole “That echo chorus lied to me with its ‘hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on” lyric.

    Damn it, I don’t want to hold on and be patient! I want some sweet lady kisses!! :p

    “April Fools” by Rufus Wainright
    “If It Kills Me” by Jason Mraz (sooo off topic, but did anyone see the SYTYCD episode where two of the dancers danced to this song and it was epically awesome and beautiful?)
    A hell of a lot of Fiona Apple songs: “First Taste” “Shadowboxer” “Paper Bag” … just … a lot of Fiona Apple songs.

    Oh, and “Sally’s Song” from Nightmare Before Christmas. That song drips with angst.

  9. i don’t know how to feel about this being so relevant to my life, but i’m glad it exists.

  10. “You probably stared at your screen for like a half hour and read the same sentence over and over and over. DON’T WORRY, IT WAS CLEVER AND SWEET BUT ALSO CHILL AND NOT TRYING TOO HARD.”

    Hahaha. This really made me laugh. Absolute truth. If she didn’t call back, don’t feel bad, maybe her house caught on fire and she really does like you. That’s how I try to soften the blow.

  11. what do you do if you and said girl are texting a lot and you’re both worried its too much?

    same as otherwise – listen to good music. :)

  12. Hey Boy- The Blow

    Not really entirely applicable, but I imagine she’s saying “boi” and then it totally works.

  13. Half Life by Imogen Heap

    I mean look at the lyrics..
    “My self-worth measured in text back tempo
    It’s been two days and 8 minutes too slow”


    there’s a line in it that says somethin about her sayin she’ll call and she doesn’t or somethin. plus also it’s my favorite song to sing at karaoke.

  15. And then in two or three days, when I have to admit to myself that she is in fact blowing me off, it’s usually some combination of:

    MSTRKRFT – Heartbreaker
    Diamond Rings – Something Else
    Lo-Fi-Fnk – Want U
    Hercules and Love Affair – I Can’t Wait

    and Jay-Z – On To the Next One (yeah, I said it)

    because I feel so much better about being emo when I’m dancing.

  16. I would usually pull this one: Looks at phone, waits five minutes. Looks at phone again. Waits a little more…Nothing. Turns phone off, takes out then puts battery back in. Turns phone on again. Nothing.

    Sad but true!

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