Playlist: I Bought a Baby Pink Stationary Bike and I’m Okay With Myself

I realized something inside of me had forever changed the first time I was smoking with the windows down and the music loud in my car and thought to myself “Huh, I could imagine myself doing SoulCycle to this song.” It was a passing moment, I ignored it, I let it slip away, but then it happened again. And again. And again.

Clearly, riding a stationary bike into a mountain of my own feelings and then crying during final stretch twice a week was no longer enough. It was that realization that led me to a late-night Google search for gyms in my area, which then led to me remembering that I don’t do exercise in front of other people in well-lit rooms, which then led to an even later late-night search for exercise bikes. At no point in this process did I think I’d actually buy one. I was just looking! I was just curious, jeez. Then I found one with a baby pink polka-dot wheel, a tiny white frame, a baby pink chain cover, and a negligible price tag.

And I bought the fuck out of it.

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In an effort to live my brand as “SoulCycle Ho” as best as possible, I decided it was what I had to do. When it arrived four days early, I rushed home to assemble it. As soon as it was in one piece, I adorned it with a tiny license plate and a sippy cup. And once I was done taking photos of it like a mother would a newborn baby, I hopped on that motherfucker and attempted to ride it in time with the rhythm to every song that had ever made me wish I was tapping it back in a candlelit room while someone incredibly fit talked to me about walking through fear or finding my own strength or making brave choices.

These are those songs.

Pity Party – Melanie Martinez
Beauty And A Beat – Justin Bieber
Trophies – Young Money
Don’t Wanna Know – Maroon 5
Losing You – Solange
Roses – The Chainsmokers
Me Too – Meghan Trainor
Let Me Love You – DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber
Work from Home – Fifth Harmony
Unstoppable – Sia
How To Be A Heartbreaker – Marina and the Diamonds
Fade – Kanye West
Goodnight Gotham – Rihanna
Floating to Nowhere – Lando Chill
We Don’t Talk Anymore – Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez
High School – Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Wayne
Lonely Star – The Weeknd
Wild Things – Alessia Cara
HateULoveU – Ghita
Titanium – David Guetta ft. Sia
7/11 – Beyoncé
Hands To Myself – Selena Gomez
One Dance – Drake
Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld
Confident – Demi Lovato
Take Back the Night – Justin Timberlake
Blow – Beyoncé
Freedun – M.I.A.
Sex On The Beach – PARTYNEXTDOOR
IV. Sweatpants – Childish Gambino
California – Grimes


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Carmen

Carmen spent six years with Autostraddle, most recently as Community Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Managing Digital Editor at Ms. , host of Bitch Media's POPAGANDA podcast and Contributing Editor and co-founder of Argot magazine. Her words have also been published by BuzzFeed, ElixHER, Everyday Feminism, Girlboss, Mic, MEL, and Feministing, among others. Her successful work over the last decade in digital feminism—as a writer, social media maven and activist leader—has earned her the titles of "digital native," "intimidating to some," and "vapid and uninteresting." Everything else you need to know about her you can find out at carmenfuckingrios.com.

Carmen has written 1 article for us.

6 Comments

  1. “that I don’t do exercise in front of other people in well-lit rooms”
    Thank you for putting that out there in the ether. I’m coming to grips with that as I continue to pay a monthly gym membership to a gym I don’t go to because I feel like there is a scarlet letter on my chest when I enter the dude-bro section of gym to do free weights. It’s not the dude-bros fault. It’s my personal shame that I’m projecting into them.

    Anyway, I have a couple of body weight routines that I’m excited to do to my favorite tunes. BTW, wireless ear buds make this process a lot easier IMO.

    Bad Girls unite (in the privacy of their own home)!

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