Have you heard about OurChart dot com? Helena’s poor, Shane can’t handle life, and Better wants arson arson! Also: OurChart. You should check it out.

Why are there twice as many lesbian squabbles as lesbian sexy moments in this show? Oh yeah, it’s because this is the way that we liveeeeeeeee. This is the one where Ilene reminds us all that men are disgusting, loathsome creatures by making henry cut his toenails.

Better is riding a tractor, Jenny is riding a raft, and Paige is riding Shane in the ’50s. Shining moments include scenes with the Lynch [who can do no wrong] and Dana Fairbanks [may she rest in peace].

Next time you move to LA to be with your swim coach boyfriend, uncover lifelong lesbian longings via a literary-minded French seductress, get caught by boyfriend, get married to boyfriend in Vegas, road-trip back home on ’shrooms, discover your French lover’s Sugar Mama’s back in town, break up with the boyf and the girlf, move into your ex-husband’s vacated home, get lady-lover Shane to move in and consequently…well, you know what comes next.

Despite the fact that angus is a lying low-down nanny-fucking motherfucker, GIRLS ACTUALLY HAVE SEX THIS EPISODE. Even Kit and Papi. Ew, we know.

In a countdown of the best scenes of season four, we start with Jenny calling Stacey Merkin a vagina wig and take a break with the basketball game at number six. Scenes one through five are coming atcha soon.

When in doubt, dance. Dance, I say! Dance! Dance all over the stage, change your clothes, tear up the floor, waltz and tango and skip and mambo your smokin’ hot bod down to the village square, hook up with the Pied Piper of WeHo and dance your way out of regularly scheduled programming into the idea well of death.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and Riese is sending out all her love. Luckily there’s lots to love in this episode with everyone looking very Shane today, the lesbian phone tree, Tasha being generally adorable, and of course: Angela Robinson.

Someone just let Angelica honk the horn. already because shit is going DOWN in the season finale. Phyllis, Jodi, and Adele want it their way and Shane’s fucking [it all up] again but at least Helena and her money are here to save The Planet. Because where would be be without The Planet?

Xena the warrior princess shows up for another round of adoration from her number one fans: the lesbians. Also, shocker: Jenny DIED.

If Paige and Shane have already done the time then they might as well do the crime you know what I mean ladies?

I hope you had sex this week because no one on The L Word did. Instead, Phyllis has a crush on Alice, Angus is Butter Boy, and Shane continues to feed Shay food that she should be eating.

Things that suck: when you and your girlfriend accidentally wear the same outfit, when everyone has PMS, trying to break up with a girlfriend who refuses to be broken up with, getting blackmailed, meeting a cute girl when you already have a perfectly nice girlfriend, etc. It’s all right here, girls.

What’s happening this week on the l word? Jane Lynch is naked, Max is pregs, Dylan is back, and Shane and Jenny are making out. oy vey.

Episode 606 of The L Word, titled “Lactose Intolerant,” is the worst thing I’ve seen on television since Episode 604 of The L Word. Howevs; whereas 604 was calmly terrible — bumbling softly along its housework-heavy path of mediocrity — 606 was outrageously, actively, aggressively terrible.

This week in L Word University we learn how to say fuck in sign language, Phyllis assigns “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book,” and Alice and Jenny channel the masters.

Remember when times were simpler? Harken back–before Dana died, before Betty existed–and maybe you’ll remember the line that started it all, the line that called to us like a siren in the distance: “Bette. Come Here. I’m Ovulating.”

This L Word recap was originally published on Riese’s personal L Word recap blog in early 2009, before the Autostraddle YOU know and love got invented! It has been republished here for your viewing delight, but there may be messed up formatting and missing pictures. Remember last week when I said that I wanted 603 to […]

Just fyi, no one wants to look like they’re moving furniture when they’re fucking. In other news, Adele is creepily turning into Jenny and Phyllis’s daughter is a babe.

See the joy and the laughter! At “LMFAO”’s end, Tasha’s proud of Alice, Bette & Tina are in love 4evs, Kit & Helena have successfully turned Hit Club into “Casablanca meets Studio Fifty-Fouh” (that’s my best transliteration of Kit’s pronunciation of “4″), Shane & Jenny are in the giggly charged-up first moments of what they still believe is Real Love and everyone is dancing and/or laughing! AND SCENE!!