Orphan Black Episode 202 Recap: Governed by Sound Reason and True Religion

Hey Clonesters, welcome to the recap of the second episode of the smash hit show my mother refers to as “Orphan is the New Black.”


We open in the hospital where nurses are tending to Helena. Everyone seems pretty amazed that she’s even alive, considering she took a bullet to the chest.

How I feel every morning of every day.

How I feel every morning of every day.

Art and Sarah are investigating the Prolethians and trying to figure out what they want with Kira. I’m trying to figure out what is up with that belt buckle. Is it supposed to be a Jesus fish? Who knows.

Great news! If I buy five of these belt buckles on Etsy I get a free sock monkey!

Great news! If I buy five of these belt buckles on Etsy I get a free sock monkey!

Felix arrives and is surprised that Sarah let Art into Clone Club. But he doesn’t know the secret handshake or anything! She doesn’t know where she is, but there’s a scary old man with her. Scary hangs up the phone before Sarah can get any more info.

I swear to fucking God Comcast, if you put me on hold one more time!

I swear to fucking God Comcast, if you put me on hold one more time!

Mom, we talked about this, you know we have Charter now.

Mom, we talked about this, you know we have Charter now.

Art is able to trace the call to an old motel, and he and Sarah get ready to go. Because no mission is complete without accessories, Felix gives Sarah a kicky green clone phone! He really is the best BFF a girl could ask for.

We think they're keeping Kira somewhere in the vicinity of this shadowy dildo

We think they’re keeping Kira somewhere in the vicinity of this shadowy dildo

That shadow phallus looks so big you'll need all these phones to text me pics of it.

That shadow phallus looks so big you’ll need all these phones to text me pics of it.

Over in Preppyville, Alison and family are attending Aynsley’s funeral. Alison feels guilty as fuck for letting Aynsley die in a tragic scarf/garbage disposal accident that now has me scared to use my own garbage disposal. I don’t even wear scarves, but since when does fear make sense?

That awkward moment when the priest uses Aynsley's funeral to try out his new stand-up routine.

That awkward moment when the priest uses Aynsley’s funeral to try out his new stand-up routine.

He's right...women be shoppppppinnnnggg

He’s right…women be shoppppppinnnnggg

More into the comedic stylings of Rita Rudner.

More into the comedic stylings of Rita Rudner.

To make matters worse, all the preppy moms are gossiping about Alison banging Aynsley’s husband, Donnie is being useless, and her kids just stole the funerary flowers. Go Team Hendrix!

I'm not mad, I just want to know who signed "Buttlord Von Crackington" in the guest book.

I’m not mad, I just want to know who signed “Buttlord Von Crackington” in the guest book.

Alison’s friend Sarah Stubbs from the musical comes over and gives her a hug. She also tells her not to mind them nosy bitches.

Hold me clone-ser, tiny dancer

Hold me clone-ser, tiny dancer

Alison, who is weighed down with her family’s coats, feels Donnie’s phone ring. When she checks his phone she finds a series of incriminating texts…Donnie was her monitor all along!

These dirty texts are not doing it for me anymore.

These dirty texts are not doing it for me anymore.

Though she is trying to stay dry, Alison grabs the nearest drink and downs that shit while the world around her crumbles.

We then go to a country farm, where we meet Pastor Henrik/Hank aka Lorna’s husband Bob from Bomb Girls! Are there only like, 30 actors in Canada? When are those Degrassi kids gonna start showing up? Marco could date Felix, Paige could hook up with Cosima, think about it, BBC America!

Insert lube joke here.

Insert lube joke here.

Hank is soon joined by Belt Buckle, whom he praises for saving Helena. Hank refers to her as the sister of the mother aka the one that got away. Hank then fists/inseminates a cow, and they praise the Lord.

Dude, that's been in a cow's vagina.

Dude, that’s been in a cow’s vagina.

Hank and BB make plans to get Helena out of the hospital, and Hank’s wife Bonnie asks if she needs to make a bed, or if Helena can just crash in the barn baby Jesus style.

We then jump to Cosima (swoon) getting questioned by Dr. Leekie about Sarah’s party crashing/Rachel smashing antics. Cosima denies any involvement, and Delphine backs her up.

You think it's easy for a white girl to pull off dreadlocks? 'Cuz I make that shit look easy.

You think it’s easy for a white girl to pull off dreadlocks? ‘Cuz I make that shit look easy.

Dr. Leekie tells her not to mess with Rachel, and that he doesn’t want a war. Unless it’s a thumb war. Then he’s all in. Delphine just wants to go to their new lab and “make crazy science” with Cosima. Hey girl hey. They have major advancements to make in the field of Fingerblasterology.

I'm gonna review your dissertation all night long, baby.

I’m gonna review your dissertation all night long, baby.

But I haven't even finished my annotations yet!

But I haven’t even finished my annotations yet!

Sarah and Art show up at the old motel, but Kira and the old guy have already blown the joint. They search the hotel room, where Sarah finds a drawing by Kira. Art sees Daniel aka Rachel’s henchman outside, so he goes to shake him down.

I call dibs on anything left in the minibar.

I call dibs on anything left in the minibar.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: children are terrible artists.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: children are terrible artists.

Sarah finds a trail of tiny socks and clothes and follows it into a laundry room, then a garage. Whenever I’m following a trail of socks I usually find a very pleased looking dachshund in a laundry basket, but Sarah isn’t so lucky.

Now we know where lost socks end up: Canadian television

Now we know where lost socks end up: Canadian television

Please stop licking m hand, this is leather.

Please stop licking m hand, this is leather.

We then cut to a dusty country road, where the car stops and Sarah is taken out of the trunk. Once out she kicks the old guy in the balls but is quickly calmed by… Mrs. S! With a rifle!

Calm down, love. Nobody liked the Bomb Girls movie but there's no use fighting about it.

Calm down, love. Nobody liked the Bomb Girls movie but there’s no use fighting about it.

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

Before Sarah can say “what the actual fuck?”, Mrs. S tells her that she’s passing through an air lock, a secret route for people on the run. She unties her and Sarah wants to know whose side she’s really on. Mrs. S assures her she’s on Team Sarah, as are we all (JK we are on Team Cosima and Delphine Making Out).

I'm only asking you to follow me to an umarked location in the woods, what's sketchy abut that?

I’m only asking you to follow me to an unmarked location in the woods, what’s sketchy abut that?

Back at the Dyad Institute, Cosima is getting a tour of her swanky new digs. Turns out that Dyad is a storied old company that has created vaccines for millions in addition to a bunch of hot clones.

Where going to need a lot of supplies  from Babeland...trust me, it's for science.

Where going to need a lot of supplies from Babeland…trust me, it’s for science.

Dr. Leekie shows her to a dusty old lab that Cosima calls “Clone Jail”, but he assures her that they’ll customize it to her needs.
He tells her to make a wish list; any tech she wants, she’ll have.

Wanna experiment?

Wanna experiment?

I'm gonna prove my hypothesis all over your face.

I’m gonna prove my hypothesis all over your face.

We then tie our sweaters around our shoulders and head on back to Preppyville, where Alison is rehearsing the musical. Getting over Aynsley’s death is not easy when you’re performing a musical about dead bodies.

Now kiss

Now kiss

That piano player is so fucking psyched about them making out.

That piano player is so fucking psyched about them making out.

It’s like dealing with a facial disfigurement while performing Phantom of the Opera. Or handling a roller derby injury while doing Starlight Express. Or trying to deal with bisexual clichés and prejudice while starring in Rent. It’s hard, is what I’m getting at.

Moment of appreciation for Alison's Mary Janes and socks combo

Moment of appreciation for Alison’s Mary Janes and socks combo

So I point at my vagina, then I point at the nearest girl. Is that how lesbians make sex?

So I point at my vagina, then I point at the nearest girl. Is that how lesbians make sex?

Anyway, Alison accidently knocks over a dancer and the director tells everyone to take five. The director then tells Alison that she needs to breathe deeper, and emphasizes this by groping her ass and rubbing her belly.

Just relax and let the male privilege wash over you

Just relax and let the male privilege wash over you

This is NOT how musical theatre is done!

This is NOT how musical theatre is done!

Hands off, Grossy McGross! They should fire this tool and hire Corky St. Clair, STAT.

Sorry kids...Junior Mints are for Glee recaps only

Sorry kids…Junior Mints are for Glee recaps only

Felix shows up to rescue Alison from getting molested. He claims to be Alison’s acting coach (which is adorable) and they go to a nearby classroom to catch up.

Wait, he rubbed your belly? Straight people are weird.

Wait, he rubbed your belly? Straight people are weird.

Alison tells Felix that Donnie is her monitor, but Felix says that they need more proof than just some vague texts. This sends Alison into a guilty tailspin over Aynsley’s death, and concern over going to jail. Can you imagine Alison in jail? She’d be running that joint in a week.

I can't go to jail! And if Alex Vause isn't gonna be there, then what's the point?

I can’t go to jail! And if Alex Vause isn’t gonna be there, then what’s the point?

Also, it needs to be mentioned that throughout this scene, Alison and Felix are drinking from tiny airplane bottles of booze. Are they just carrying this around everywhere?

Tiny booze party!

Tiny booze party!

Felix says they need an idea to trap Donnie, and Alison tells him what every college student already knows: drinking leads to ideas.

Meanwhile, Mrs. S and Sarah are traipsing through the woods towards a safe house. They were never kidnapped; Mrs. S just made it look that way to throw people off the scent.

Look, we've been walking for four hours and we still haven't found Klub Deer. We're lost.

Look, we’ve been walking for four hours and we still haven’t found Klub Deer. We’re lost.

She takes Sarah to the safe house they stayed in when they first left the U.K. Here, Sarah re-meets Barry and Brenda, aka the Bird Watchers, a network of people who help refugees stay safe and disappear.

But girls, camp isn't for another 23 days!

But girls, camp isn’t for another 23 days!

Well, can we stay here and play L Word trivia anyway?

Well, can we stay here and play L Word trivia anyway?

Kira comes running out to greet Sarah, and mother and daughter are reunited. Yay!

Adorable family is adorable.

Adorable family is adorable.

Meanwhile, Angela shows up at Art’s apartment and wants to know what the fuck is going on. She shows him photos of Helena in the hospital, but Art refuses to let her into Clone Club.

Well, the first rule is, I'm not supposed to talk about it...

Well, the first rule is, I’m not supposed to talk about it…

He tells her to drop it, which of course means that the next scene is Angela storming Helena’s hospital room. But Helena is gone; she’s being wheeled out by Belt Buckle.

Classic example of "Vicodin Face".

Classic example of “Vicodin Face”.

We then jaunt on over to the Prolethian Farm House, where Bonnie and her daughter Gracie are talking about Helena aka their new ward. They keep referring to her as “it”, which is not cool, guys. Clones are people two! SEE WHAT I DID THERE.

It's gluten-free bread, I don't see what's so confusing.

It’s gluten-free bread, I don’t see what’s so confusing.

Holy shit Bob, your legs work?!

Holy shit Bob, your legs work?!

Hank goes in to see Helena resting and creepy old Tomas whipping himself with his belt. Gross.

I was gonna put a shirtless Tomas picture here but I didn't want to subject you to that.

I was gonna put a shirtless Tomas picture here but I didn’t want to subject you to that.

Tomas thanks Hank for rescuing them and taking them in. He was going to pray for her, but then he remembered that abominations have no souls. I think we know why Helena is so fucked up, guys.

so I creep creep yeah, just keep it on the down low...

so I creep creep yeah, just keep it on the down low…

Dr. Pastor Hank, who apparently went to MIT, took some x-rays of Helena’s body, and it turns out that she’s a mirror image of Sarah. Literally. All her organs are reversed, which is how she survived the gun shot. Dr. Hank explains it as a “yin yang” sitch, and says it’s common in identical twins.

And by "yin yang sitch" I mean she's a huge fan of the Ying Yang Twins.

And by “yin yang sitch” I mean she’s a huge fan of the Ying Yang Twins.

Tomas treats this not as a miracle, but as further proof that Helena is damned. But Hank is a pro-science Prolethian who sees Helena as the war for the future of creation. I don’t think either viewpoints bode well for poor Helena.

Over at the Bird Watcher’s house, Sarah is giving Kira a tour of her old digs. She even shows her where she and Felix carved their names into the headboard. It’s pretty adorable.

the sibs that vandalize together scandalize together

the sibs that vandalize together scandalize together

Back in Preppyville, Alison watches Donnie on the elliptical and sets her trap in motion. She pretends to call Sarah and plan a meet-up with her, but she’s really just talking to Felix, who is working on a nude portrait in the nude. It’s like naked multitasking.

I don't want to see any more Mapplethorpe exhibits...it's like, I get it, you like dicks.

I don’t want to see any more Mapplethorpe exhibits… it’s like, I get it, you like dicks.

Alison's out, you in?

Alison’s out, you in?

Only if I can keep wearing this football.

Only if I can keep wearing this football.

Donnie takes the bait and follows Alison to Aynsley’s grave, where she is meeting up with Musical Sarah, not Clone Sarah. Donnie is bumbling around the cemetery in a not at all discreet way, which makes me wonder how he managed to hide from Alison this long. Real talk, he’s a shitty spy.

We're not peeing on her grave, are we? Because I DID NOT sign up for that.

We’re not peeing on her grave, are we? Because I DID NOT sign up for that.

Spying: you're doing it wrong.

Spying: you’re doing it wrong.

Alison of course sees him, but he pretends to be worried about her and quickly buggers off. Alison is certain now that Donnie is her monitor, and presumably is off to Michael’s for some more glue sticks.

SO GLAD I pre-printed those Michael's coupons.

SO GLAD I pre-printed those Michael’s coupons.

Back that the Bird Watcher’s house, Kira plays while Sarah grills Siobhan. Mrs. S was planning on taking Kira with her to London that night, to keep her out of harm’s way. She assures Sarah that she’ll bring her over when it’s safe.

We'll ride the London Eye as many times as she wants, I promise.

We’ll ride the London Eye as many times as she wants, I promise.

Sarah is dismayed at the idea of losing her daughter again, but Mrs. S tells her that it’s not her fault. She’s just in a whirlwind of shit that’s out of her control. Sarah questions Mrs. S about the photo Amelia gave her and Project LEDA, but Mrs. S swears she knows nothing.

Clandestine refugee meal time!

Clandestine refugee meal time!

Over dinner, Sarah finds out that Mrs. S and the Bird Watchers used to sell weapons to finance freedom, which is kind of like fucking for virginity, but whatever. They talk about the dangers of the work and Sarah gets concerned about how safe this safe house really is.

Meanwhile, at the Dyad lab, Cosima and Delphine are making out and making a shopping list for their new lab.

I found a table we haven't done it on yet!

I found a table we haven’t done it on yet!

Now kissing

Now kissing

If I knew science was this hot, I wouldn't have majored in Communications.

If I knew science was this hot, I wouldn’t have majored in Communications.

They’re interrupted by Rachel, who wants to talk to Cosima alone. Clone block!

Am I interrupting anything?

Am I interrupting anything?

You're interrupting EVERTHING, GTFO.

You’re interrupting EVERTHING, GTFO.

The first thing Rachel says to Cosima is, “So, you’re gay?” which is not the first thing I would ever say to my clone (the first thing would be “nice boobs, right?” then a high five, then a question about her sexuality). Cosima answers that, despite what Tumblr says, her sexuality is not the most interesting thing about her.

Obviously, the most interesting thing about me  is this bonkers dress I'm wearing.

Obviously, the most interesting thing about me is this bonkers dress I’m wearing.

Rachel gives Cosima her latest medical tests results, as well as Katja’s data. She tells Cosima that they need to figure out the illness. Cosima wants to study the original genome, but Rachel tells her it’s not possible.

Wanna touch each other's boobs...for science?

Wanna touch each other’s boobs…for science?

I might.

I might.

She then assures Cosima that the damage was done during the cloning procedure, which is a total clone slam. She then gives her Sarah’s file and fully sequenced genome; she wants to find out what makes Sarah so different… and what makes Kira so special.

Sarah is helping Kira pack, when Kira tells her that Mrs. S was snooping in Amelia’s stuff and is full of secrets and might not be on Team Clone after all. Sarah decides to take Kira and make a run for it.

Look kid, I'm just gonna keep showing people this photo until I get some answers.

Look kid, I’m just gonna keep showing people this photo until I get some answers.

Staring contest, 3,2,1!

Staring contest, 3,2,1!

While they sneak out, Barry tells Mrs. S that there are delays with their ride. Brenda pulls a gun on Mrs. S — the Bird Watchers double crossed them!

Criss-cross! Criss-Cross!

Criss-cross! Criss-Cross!

Make you wanna jump jump?

Make you wanna jump jump?

They sold them out to the Prolethians for money, as fighting for change and justice is not a real money maker. Boo-fucking-hoo Bird Watchers, anyone who works for a non-profit could have told you that!

I'm just sick of the constant fundraising and the poor company stucture, know what I mean?

I’m just sick of the constant fundraising and the poor company structure, know what I mean?

Mrs. S kicks the shit out of Brenda and stabs her hands into the dining room table. Who knew Mrs. S was such a badass?

Still a more enjoyable experience than Teach for America.

Still a more enjoyable experience than Teach for America.

Sarah and Kira steal a truck and try to drive away when Barry comes after them. Sarah hits him with a metal lunch box but before he can retaliate he’s gunned down by Mrs. S. Sarah and Kira drive away, nodding at Mrs. S as they go.

Stop using your signal in the "turn only" lane!

Stop using your signal in the “turn only” lane!

Back in the not-so-safe house, Mrs. S tells Brenda that Sarah and Kira are from Project LEDA… looks like she was lying after all. Mrs. S then shoots Brenda in the head.

Can we please have a Mrs. S origin story?

Can we please have a Mrs. S origin story?

Alison calls Felix begging him to help her, but Felix is out of time. He’s leaving town with Sarah and Kira, and he can’t tell Clone Club where they are going.

Get in loser, we're going shopping!

Get in loser, we’re going shopping!

Alison feels helpless, and Felix tells her that Aynsley’s death is not really her fault. I mean, kind of, but not really.

Oh sweetheart, you didn't make her wear that ugly scarf.

Oh sweetheart, you didn’t make her wear that ugly scarf.

He tells her to call Cosima and just play possum for now.

But I don't want to talk to Cosima! She'll just ramble on about the way Delphine's hair smells and their open-eyed orgasms!

But I don’t want to talk to Cosima! She’ll just ramble on about the way Delphine’s hair smells and their open-eyed orgasms!

As Felix, Sarah, and Kira head off, we head over to the Prolethian Farm, where Hank talks science with Tomas. Hank wants to see if Helena is fertile, but Tomas is still on his religious bent.

On this farm we raise cows, chickens, and misogyny.

On this farm we raise cows, chickens, and misogyny.

If Tomas is so convinced that Helena is evil, then why has he been caring for her for so long? What’s his involvement with Project LEDA? Before we can find out, Belt Buckle shoots Tomas with a cattle gun.

Guys, I'm legit worried Tomas's murder traumatized those calves.

Guys, I’m legit worried Tomas’s murder traumatized those calves.

RIP Tomas, you were a fundamentalist dick. Although I doubt that Hank and company will be much better.

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chelsea-s

Chelsea Steiner was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, where she works as a screenwriter/blogger/sex educator. She's the writer/director of Thank You Come Again, a queer sex positive web series based on her experiences working the Pleasure Chest, which you can follow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She’s obsessed with dachshunds, Buffy, 90's dance parties, and roller derby. She loves the word "Jewess" and wishes more people used it to describe her. Follow her ramblings on Twitter and her cute puppy pics on Instagram.

Chelsea has written 1 article for us.

34 Comments

  1. I feel like you missed a line here:

    “Felix arrives and is surprised that Sarah let Art into Clone Club. But he doesn’t know the secret handshake or anything! She doesn’t know where she is, but there’s a scary old man with her. Scary hangs up the phone before Sarah can get any more info.”

  2. The fish symbol represents fecundity/fertility and is the symbol of the Prolethians – it’s been on Helena’s knife handle, tattooed on Maggie Chen’s neck, on Tomas’ ring, and now also on creepy hair dude’s belt buckle.

    Also, if Bob is a Prolethian now, maybe Gladys can turn up too and teach Donnie how be good spy?

  3. OMG how am I the first to comment a full two hours after this masterpiece is posted? This makes me wonder if I underestimate the magnitude of my obsession with this show.

    This is my gf’s theory: Rachel is obvi jelly of Sarah’s motherhood and she is equally jealous of Cosima’s sexuality. When she remarks “So, you’re gay?” I definitely got the sense that she is gearing up to hate Cosima because she’s assuming that, for Cosima, the question of bearing children is made irrelevant by her sexuality — as though she has already had to contend with the idea of never bearing her own children, or never raising children at all.

    We, of course, know that this is isn’t necessarily true (Um, that’s not the most interesting thing about me) but it gives Rachel a reason to resent the real Cosima (not the one who kicked her ass or whatever).

    • I thought the reason RAchel is intrgiued by Cosima’s sexuality is the same reason she is intrigued about Sarah’s motherhood; that there are fundamental differences starting to emerge about the supposedly identical clones.
      Helena having mirror image innards – no one noticed this before, say during a routine physical exam for camp? wouldn’t that discovery make the medical journals? or is it not that unusual for someone’s vital organs to be flipped around?

    • Well also, any variations that were not specifically planned(genetic specifically, but behavioral as well, I would imagine) are going to mean something to people who are attempting to essentially “build the perfect human”. The inability to procreate, sexual variations, diseases, are all things that seem to frustrate their attempts at CONTROLLING the perfection of their processes.

      I also have to wonder who Rachel is. She seemed actually personally tweaked a bit by the fact that Sarah can procreate. It makes me wonder if her rush to judge “the process” as the reason for the disease isn’t just a point of pride in the science, but perhaps something personal as well. Not from a jealousy point of view, but… I mean, who is she? Is she a clone? Or is she the original source material and THAT is where the obvious frustration lies?

  4. I love all of the clones and Felix so so much, but I have to say that Mrs. S is probably my favorite character. What a badass. I love how ambiguous she is. Sure, she keeps a lot of secrets from Sarah regarding her role in this whole thing and what she plans to do next, but you know that she definitely has Sarah’s back, and will stop at nothing to protect Kira (who seems to be a bit of a clairvoyant or just incredibly perceptive for a 5/6 year old). I can’t wait to see what she does next.

  5. I kept getting really distracted by Bob Corbett now being some kind of evil Prolethian-but-also-scientist cowboy. And Rachel’s henchman Daniel is one of the Cylons from BSG, so obviously he’s up to no good.

    Definitely want to see more of Mrs. S! No idea what’s going on with her except that she is badass.

  6. Wait, wait, Orphan Black recaps!?!? I love this show so much! It is the best acted and written show on TV right now and maybe ever. I can’t believe how talented Tatiana Maslany is. I often forget that she is playing all of the clones and they aren’t different actors. Insane.

    Anyways, I really love this season so far. Mrs. S doesn’t mess around and Helena isn’t dead. I love her crazy ass so much. Can we all just appreciate what they found in her pockets at the hospital? A shit ton of candy and things she probably just picked up off the street like a picture of a baby from the 1920s.

  7. I just realised something really weird… Project Leda is presumably named after the myth of Leda and the Swan (Zeus in disguise). Leda gave birth to Helen of Troy, who was arguably the source of the Trojan War. In Euripides’ ‘Helen’, it is revealed that Hera made an ‘eidolon’ or copy of Helen and hid the real Helen in a temple for ten years while the war raged on. Might this be a clue that Helena in Orphan Black is the original? She grew up/was hidden in a monastery and was captured by the rival side, after all. This might also point to the clones’ father being a Zeus-figure, who played God in their creation… like Aldous Leekie?

  8. I was so confused about why that priest/farmer guy seemed so familiar!
    Did Donnie go to the same spy school as bad accent no why? because they’re just terrible spies.

    And now I’ve got all these sad,disappointed bomb girl feelings.

  9. Love this episode and this recap! Cophine scenes were sooo cute! MOOT MOOT! And bloody hell, Alison thinks she’s useless and alone and her life is falling apart and I’m sad because of that, she needs to realize she’s a strong woman, I think she’s my fave now altho a BuzzFeed quiz says I’m more of a Sarah clone. ANYWAY LONG LIVE THE #CLONECLUB

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