Open Thread: You Probably Have a Crush Story to Share, Because You’re Gay

From: Riese
To: Lily, Laneia, Sarah, Crystal, Emily, Laura

Subject: anyone think this is worth writing about/want to write about this?

It could be a played-out topic for our audience but maybe not?

From: Sarah

In other news, the world is round and mostly made of water.

But we could probs put an Autostraddle spin on either of those things if we tried.

From: Lily

Ya I agree with Sarah. It’s also one of those things that is super obvious/common knowledge but that people like to talk about. Everyone seems to love sharing their own “when I was 15 I would kiss my best friend while she was sleeping” type story.

From: Sarah

That’s true, people love to talk about it. I bet such a post would get a lot of comments, even if it just said “best-friend crushes in high school HTC Evo 4G.”

From: Laneia

I want to makeout with all of you. And Alex.

From: Riese

What she said.

From: Emily

i read this and agree with sarah and lily but have no ideas on how to make a spin on it because i am hungry.

From: Riese

*while you’re awake, though.

What’s your best/worst “I had a crush” on a girl story?

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  1. I found out I was gay when I fell in love with my straight best friend. Now she’s become my standard. If I could find a gay girlie with the qualities of my bestie, life would be great.

  2. This one time I fell completely totally in love with my best friend and somehow I convinced her to date me for approximately 3 years. It was the best thing that ever happened ever.

  3. i want more fries.

    one time, i had a bff and she was super pretty and then i realized i wanted to cuddle her naked, so i told her that, then we kissed and i was too scared to touch her so we stopped and then i wanted to die. we’re not friends anymore.

    • Both of those things happened to me.

      The wanting of fries and the loss of friendship after weirdness (twice).

      Solutions: Went to get fries. Stopped screwing around with straight girls who are my friends.

      I know. I’m a genius.

  4. Juuuust to clarify, my “when I was 15 I would kiss my best friend while she was sleeping” example is a fictional circumstance that never happened to me, DUH. So you can rest easy best friend of 12 years, I never kissed you while you were sleeping. I PROMISE.

    I just had strange obsessions with girls I didn’t know and would like maybe sometimes take up their hobbies and follow them places, NBD.

  5. When I was 8 I tricked my best friend into regularly kissing me by telling her it wasn’t wrong because everyones lips are pretty much the same. One day her mom walked in on her autostraddling me and our friendship ended. I kind of miss her. I feel that our friendship could have been great if I wasn’t all in love with her/confused about my sexuality.

  6. About two years back I was really in to my bestie. I decided not act on my feelings and not tell her. Then one night she started kissing me and it was hot. She’s now totally straight and we’re still best friends.

  7. does my crush on Linda Carter in her Wonder woman outfit, or Kate Jackson posing with her gun and the other Charlie’s Angels count?? lol

    Too bad i didint figure out i was gay till i was 28 and my drunk BF grabbed my boob and kissed my ear! (We are still married 10 years later!!)

  8. Totally mini-crushed out today! Was helping out at a kid’s show and one of the teachers TOTAL hottie! Too busy (and shy) to flirt!! Also not the best environment to flirt – side of stage trying to keep kids silent!!

  9. Okay.. I am going to say something I have NEVER told anyone. I am telling you because you are AS and because no ‘knows’ me.
    So there was this girl named Tori.. this was when I was really young like 1st-4th grade in private school. She was older. I liked her and managed to become her friend. I think we actually messed around, some kissing and some other things. BUT I have a terrible selective memory and I can;t remember if it really happened or not.

    I think my subconscious is suppressing the memory or warping it into a dream. I really need someone to recap my life so that I don;t forget things.

    • you know what they say MSNJS, all girls are straight until they’re not. yeah? *nudge nudge wink wink*

      • While I will be the first to agree with you Ms. Piezecki, I don;t think that is my case. I just think I had a phase. There is also another similar ‘memory’ but IDK. I only think about it, not because it may have happened but because I can;t remember if it did or didn;t.

  10. This subject is heartbreaking. Fell in love with my best friend/golf teammate while she and I were in high school. The best/worst relationship ever lasted six years and is often the subject of many therapy sessions and drunken nights for me. The end.

  11. so i had a crush on dana, she was like this famous tennis player bla bla bla died of breast cancer which didn’t make any sense etc etc but i won’t get into that right now so ANYWAY i had a crush on my best friend the famous tennis player dana fairbanks, this is before she died and also before she got back together with lara and broke my heart but again ANOTHER STORY ANOTHER DAY, so she announced that she was going to marry this BITCH tanya, who clearly only wanted dana ’cause she was a TOTAL starfucker and like wanted their wedding sponsored by Absolut and all this whatever. it was so dumb and soooo obviously not meant to be. But before that after they announced the engagement and I was like holy fuck, I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

    so i go to dana’s house and i tell her she can’t marry Tanya. And she asks why and I kiss her and she kisses me back… and for the next few months it’s like TORTURE. she’s planning her wedding with tanya, we’re making out in bathrooms, the sexual tension is thicker than max’s beard, we can barely keep our hands off each other… then we have sex and it’s AHHH MAZZZINGNGGGG.

    Finally she does it! She tells Tanya she can’t be with her because of me and that’s fine ’cause Tanya finds some other butch to be with.

    And then we got together, and we were together and it was perfect. You know, until Lara stole her from me and then she died. But before we died, I think everybody here knows that like, we were so close to getting back together. She’ll always be my best friend, obviously. And now I have Tasha, who I love love love, and I can still always go to the waterfall to see Dana, or watch DVDs from Season Two.

    So that’s my story!

  12. One time when I fell for my best friend she actually liked me back. We’ve been dating for almost four years now.

  13. When I was 17, I was in love with my best friend, who had a boyfriend. I declared myself straight in spite of that. When I was 20, I fell for another friend, who was halfway across the world. I declared myself bi after that. They know about each other, but not about themselves.


    1) I have no need/reason to tell either of them because that was like a million years ago.

    2) When it comes to sexuality, I procrastinate.

  14. I had a mini-crush on this really cute girl that I had met through a few friends. She seemed like she was happy with her girlfriend, so I assumed that nothing would ever happen, and that was fine, of course.
    About two months ago, they broke up and we started seeing each other(like, within 12 hours).
    Things were going well, although she told me that she didn’t want another relationship. Also, we’re both Scorpios (if you know what I mean), so it has been crazy-passionate and all about FEEELINNGGSS!!

    Until last week.
    When she decided to go back to her ex-girlfriend.

    So. :( (is there a fail-face emoticon? cause there should be for this)

  15. fell in love with my very straight ap bio partner in high school.

    we had to dissect an animal together. i offered to do most of the cutting, even the heart. METAPHOR ANYONE?

  16. this just happened, and i thought i’d share it with you, so you’d all have hope that the world is a good place and that dreams really do come true:

    me: um
    i love you
    will you marry me
    Riese: only if we can have our wedding in iowa
    me: you can still sleep with whoever else you want
    Riese: and i get to wear the suit
    you can sleep with whoever else you want too
    me: yeah i look terrible in suits riese
    Riese: ok then yes i’ll marry you
    me: good
    Riese: that’s settled then
    Sarah: can i be your gaid of honor
    Riese: yes you can be the gaid of honor
    Sarah: great
    me: do i have to buy you a gift bag
    i think i have to have something monogrammed for you and put it in a gift bag
    Sarah: fuck no
    i’ll buy you a pitcher, though
    and maybe an avocado slicer
    me: yes! i need both of those things
    we should register
    Sarah: yes register at williams sonoma
    Riese: we need a lot of gifts
    we need to register a lot of places

  17. when i was 19, i fell for a girl. i mean, i fell and i was CONSCIOUS of it because, of course, my lil bi self had fallen for plenty of girls before but pretended i just “admired” them or wanted them REALLY REALLY REALLY badly to break up with their bfs because they were complete douches (not true all the time, but most of the time).

    so at 19 i caught myself thinking ALL THE TIME about this spanish girl that was on exchange at my uni… her gorgeous red hair, her blue eyes, her AMAZING personality, her intelligence…so many things going for her. i even stared at her cleavage from time to time (OMFG AAAH SCAREEED WHAAAT -> maybe i’m bi -> i’m bi)(that parentheses was the way i freaked out and then processed my feelings for her).

    of course, time went by, i told her i liked her and all the 30 reasons why (oh yeah, i had a mental list of WHY i liked her…romantic much?), which lead to her crying afterwards and telling me she was sorry but she didn’t like girls…

    to this day, i still can’t understand why she cried so much.

    anyway, it’s been two years now. i’m dating a new girl. this new girl is trying to cope with her own gayness…


  18. I tried to fit my experience into a tiny number of words and not make it into the thought-provoking subject I usually regard it with, but I failed. :)

  19. So I totally fell for my almost sorta friend – who had a girlfriend. I’d invite them (both) over for dinner and drinks and weird datish things.

    They broke up. I slept with the one I wanted (and planned an awesome happily ever after).
    They are back together and I am drinking rum + ice cream.

    Not as awesome as I hoped.

  20. currently trying to kill my crush on a girl who seems to have no interest in me.

    when i was 13ish i had a crush on my straight bff and was so terrified of it that i refused to have any physical contact with her or any of my friends because i didn’t know how to deal with those ~feelings~. i learned to hug again in college.
    /basket case

    • refusing/being super awkward about physical contact was how I got through hs too, except I’m not sure that I’ve really relearned to hug in college yet. Need to work on that: heads up, IRL friendos!

    • Oh my god, I never realized that I was the only one who dealt with my (then) Big Secret that way! I was so awkward about physical contact all through high school, I never let anyone hug me – particularly my best friend, who I had the most incredible crush on… Now I’ve fallen for a different straight friend, but I’ve thankfully figured out how to hug people.

      Why do I keep falling for straight girls? This needs to stop because it breaks my heart every single time.

    • lol … omg!! is that why i hate hugging people?!? it’s so bad that my straight friends (bless their hearts) took it upon themselves to give me hugging lessons.

      now i can fake a decent hug. and when to run away because a leo girl is approaching.

  21. I had this boss once, a few years ago. I wanted her the moment I saw her. For two years, we floated through this transparent teacher-principal relationship, which was fun because she was an intelligent bitch and I have a thing for intelligent bitches. My crush exploded over that period of time. I’d turn maroon the moment she appeared. Then she wasn’t my boss anymore. And she invited me (and others) over for a girl’s night. And she got a little drunk and said she’d never been with a woman but wanted to. So I got scared because she was drunk and I was a little drunk and holyshitIwanttofuckthiswomanbutIcan’tdisrespecther(orme)likethat.

    So. We tumbled through a couple revealing conversations (where I may have admitted that I’d definitely fuck her but not when she was black-out drunk, how chivalrous of me), then a lot of silence, then slowly started hanging out, sporadically, again.

    And then one night this past late December, she came over with a pizza and two bottles of red wine. OF COURSE SHE GOT DRUNK AGAIN but then: she asked me if I’d be her experiment.

    Once I got past wanting to die at the notion of “experiment” and she stopped being so drunk, I took her sweet ass into my bedroom and experimented. A few times.

    Experiment = success. I’ve never felt so loved & appreciated in my life, and I’ve never, like, enjoyed loving someone as much as I do her.

    [Three years ago, I really didn’t think this Epic Crush would have such a blissed-out ending. It surprises me every day.]

    • TOTAL WIN!

      When I get these crushes I kinda slap myself round the face and tell myself that this kind of thing only happens in movies.



    • Sounds a lot like my “crush story”, only it was a co-worker, and unfortunately we didn’t stay together. Not my choice, hers. Sucks too, cause we still work together. But our relationship was the best ever. The End. lol

  22. One time I was fourteen and was lonely being gay in Indiana (and now it seems like everyone is gay, so weird). That was when everybody got on AIM like everyday/every hour and conversations were copied & pasted & saved into thousand-page word documents that were cut all over by the red zig-zags of misspellings. But anyways, turns out she was one of those fake personalities on MySpace, which I still am confused as to how those work, but interesting nonetheless. Anddd, I guess that’s what happened with my first girlfriend.

  23. My first year of junior high, I met this one girl, Jenny.
    And we became best friends. Like really, best, BEST friends. And she lived two houses down from me, and we would go to each others’ houses every day, and just hang out. Sometimes we wouldn’t do anything, just lie on her trampoline (which was amazing, because I didn’t have one. SO JEALOUS) and just fall asleep next to each other. It was amazing guys, just absolutely awesome.
    Before I go on, let me just say I’m a writer; I often tend to write too much, which is why I started keeping journals at a very young age.
    —–back to story—–
    Well, we had a sleepover my junior year of high school, and up until then, I knew I wasn’t straight, but didn’t know I was gay, and Jenny still didn’t know. Long story short, she found my journal under my bed that night. She didn’t know it was a journal of course (it was my fault for not adding a disclaimer, I know.), but she read the whole, “I have this uber huge crush on Jenny” part, and now it’s kind of awkward. This is why I think having crushes on your friends is hard, because it’s so damn confusing. Because funny thing is, I actually think she finds it cute. :/

  24. Celebrity Crush – ANDREA GIBSON
    I saw her live and then hugged her and I was like *BRAIN EXPLOSION I JUST HAD A VISION OF OUR WEDDING YEAH*

    Other than that, i have a tendency to best friend crush on best friends who are blonde and were part of the USSR. Yeah. It’s happened more than once.

    • Hah, my girlfriend once had a blonde girl from the former USSR crush too! XD Luckily she’s happy with a brunette American instead… ;)

    • oh god andrea gibson is amazing. that is definitely the appropriate response to the situation.

  25. I have a really funny/traumatizing first night of college story that involves handcuffs, and not in the kinky way. On my second night of college, I had, ahem, a dream about my roommate’s best friend from high school, whom I had just met that day. The next morning I saw her in the dorm cafeteria in her pajamas and I completely melted. We’re not friends anymore, but she’s definitely my first legitimate non-celebrity female crush.

  26. So how’s this for weird ass turnabout… I was actually the OBJECT of an awkward teenage straight girl crush.

    Basically, I switched schools in ninth grade and quickly became very close with a girl who for the sake of privacy we’ll call R. I had an inkling that there was something going on there, but I was still trying to come to terms with my own queerness and I didn’t really know what to do with it all.

    She was the one who put a copy of Annie on my Mind in my hands and got the ball rolling. When I came out in high school, I still had a boyfriend (I came out as bi, which is a label I still identify with to a certain extent) and so did she, so she didn’t make a move then. It wasn’t until we both went off to college that we actually started dating, but we lived a couple hours apart and got distracted by shiny in our respective towns. Now she has a husband and a beautiful baby girl.

    If I had been more honest with myself when I was 14 – who knows what could have happened? (Probably a similar story – I have a feeling I was her one exception.) But I’m happy with the way things turned out anyway – I have a wonderful partner who I love dearly now!

    (Oh, and I had my share of “straight” girl crushes… I use the quotation marks because I have information on all them them that make me think I could have had a chance. D’OH.)

  27. My last boyfriend introduced me to the first girl I crushed on/got involved with. She was his ex-girlfriend. Oops.

  28. long story short: became friends with this girl (who i thought was gorgeous all along) in ninth grade, then besties, except i was crushing on her THE ENTIRE TIME like for two years while thinking she was totally straight except when she told me she was actually dating one of our mutual friends who happened to be a girl (for about half a year and this point).

    cue devastation yet continued devotion for almost another full year.

    until another mutual friend who i thought was straight started full-on crushing on me and it took me forever to figure it out and then decide wait, i was way closer to her by that time instead of the girl i used to love who kind of treated me like shit and i might actually love the other girl (who liked me) instead.

    and then a couple of days later i told my friend all this and we started dating and now it’s almost a year later and we’re still dating yay. :D

    i love teenage sexually confused girls, you guys.

    (okay that wasn’t actually a short story sorry)

  29. My first crush on a girl was a girl I saw before a therapy appointment. I texted her for months, and she was the first person I ever kissed. I’m 13.

    • Aw babygay! <3 Welcome to AS!

      Is this crush your gf now, or are you crushing on someone else?

  30. My first crush was on an irish exchange student that lived in my college dorm. She was staying for just the summer and throughout the three months there was some sexual tension. Unfortuneately, it never culminated into anything and I watched sadly as she walked out the dorm with her luggage to catch a ride to the airport. I spent the next month listening to sad break-up/you’ll-never-love-me music.

    Wish my first crush story was happy, but meh whatcha going to do?

  31. When I was a freshman in college I knew that I liked girls, but I adamantly identified as straight and got pissed off if anyone suggested otherwise. Well, over the course of the first semester I absolutely fell in love with one of my best friends. She was hilarious! She played guitar! She had nice boobs!(!!) I looked forward to seeing her everyday and if she ever needed anything I went out of my way to get it to her. Even smelling her perfume in the hall of our dorm made me smile.

    That all ended one evening when we were under the influence of certain substances and she called me a “caged lesbian” in front of all my friends. I freaked out, realized that she wasn’t really that awesome or cute, and cried a lot. I think I mostly cried because what she said was true (but I was hoping that she was just as “caged” as me and that was our secret thing?) Idk, I was young and stupid and also very, very high.

    I would love to say that we never spoke again, but I willingly chose to be her roommate the next year, which was a disaster. We’re not friends anymore. Whoops.

    • “When I was a freshman in college I knew that I liked girls, but I adamantly identified as straight and got pissed off if anyone suggested otherwise.”

      Word. Except I just got freaked out and started adding more dresses to my wardrobe.

      BTW, that experience sounds awful.

    • “When I was a freshman in college I knew that I liked girls, but I adamantly identified as straight and got pissed off if anyone suggested otherwise.”

      Yeah, except my whole life. I convinced myself I was in love with my best friend (male) throughout high school, but I think I just really liked the long, warm,smooshed-boob hugs from my female friends when they comforted me over his latest feats of assholery.
      When I went away to college I took this firmly het stance with me to protect me at a conservative university. I had small crushes on girls throughout my life but the shit really hit the fan when I fell for this girl at my best friends’ (yes, plural–they’re straight and married to each other) wedding. She was a friend of mine and even in my major area at school, but it took being somewhere else and sharing a room to trigger it. She was everything I never knew I wanted, as cliche as that sounds. She’s straight and dating another friend of mine. I’m getting over it and trying to come out finally.
      On the upside, I think got checked out by a hot soft butch ballplayer at the park today. I can never really tell because I have such terrible self-image. But, damn. That was one fine-ass woman. New fixation?

    • “When I was a freshman in college I knew that I liked girls, but I adamantly identified as straight and got pissed off if anyone suggested otherwise.”

      Same, except instead of getting pissed off I just found it ridiculous. I mean, just cause a girl is into other girls and doesn’t like boys at all doesn’t mean she’s gay, right?!?!

  32. I had a crush on this girl all through junior year of high school. At the end of the year I went to her house and was hanging out with her and some other people including her brother. I ended up dating him for nine months. He’s gone out with guys now, so I guess it all works out.

  33. I was in art class in high school and this petite redhead femme comes bouncing in and gives her “I’m new at this school” slip to the art teacher. Then she looks around the room, zeroes in on me, plops down next to me and introduces herself.

    I am EMO/GOTH ANTISOCIAL GIRL at 15 and I kind of grunt at her weird foreign bubbly nature.

    For months, she is relentless, somehow attaching to my circle of friends, and doing her damnedest to be my BFF.

    She steals my boyfriend! I steal hers! We are triangulating weird sexual tension in the only way that teenagers know how! By being dramatic and weird!

    Finally, I go to her house to “bury the hatchet” and be friends. She is painting my toenails. I am nonplussed. Then we talk about the fact that she is openly bisexual, and what it means to be bisexual.

    Then I’m like, “I kinda always wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl.”

    She sets down the nail polish and gives me a look. “You wanna find out?”

    Outside, I shrug and go, “I guess.”

    So then she kisses me and I have that moment of epiphany. There are fireworks. I’m exploding. I think, “Ohhhh. THAT’S what it’s supposed to feel like when you kiss. No WONDER people like to make out.” (at the time, I’d had a few boyfriends and had fooled around with them, but I HATED kissing them. Go figure)

    And then I hyperventilated. And then I took a week to process and didn’t talk to her. And then we were girlfriends. And then we were in love. And then we broke up. And then I moved.

    We’re still good friends, though. Eleven years later. Good stuff.

  34. short of 2 mos to 3 yrs since i moved to Singpore.
    i moved coz i can def. use some quiet time to reflect on life, love, and self. HA. and life is ironic that way.

    So sometime almost 3 yrs ago:
    2 days before I fly out here, I had coffee with a girl -who was steady with someone else (which I didn’t know at that time) – (STRONG ATTRACTION but tried to avoid her silly coz i had different priority back then).

    She insisted we keep in touch.

    Now miles apart, with the safety of distance i thought no harm will come.
    But life is ironic and the joke is always on you.

    harmless flirting on the phone, internet, and all modes of communication available to human kind: one day I get an email with her airline tix attached – She is flyin in for a week.

    As much as I didn’t want to make my life complicated – I wanted to fuck her so bad at this point PLUS she did send me that vid of shane and paige in Lword doin the deed

    long story trying to edit short: As we were having the time of our adult crush lives in the span of 7 days and me thinkin “how ironic, when you don’t want it, it HAPPENS’

    Now, we are both totally and madly in love and at the same time confused.

    You know the line in 500 days of Summer: “Life happened” Thats us. We wanted to break the rules and be together but I didn’t want to fly back and fight for her and she didn’t… I don’t know what she wanted from me.

    She went back to her life and I to mine with alcohol and sadness for a couple months..

    We are on and off in the communication dept and every time we spoke I beg t&S stop signing CIO in my head

    PS this is 2 yrs back. we’ve both moved on er hanging I guess

  35. Firstly, ive read all of those stories and everyone on AS is flipping adorable and lovely and in my clearly expert opinion I think all of your crushes (where relevant) are pure mad not to be mad about you guys, just saying! :-)

    Anyway, so i’ll not bore you with my story because it’s long and the epitome of not in any way entertaining but I can assure you there was lots of moping and listening to Imogen Heap songs whilst doing more moping involved. Ahem, yeah, so that was a great and entertaining story! Apologies. Here, I never said you had to read it all and if you’ve managed to get to the end of my ramble without collapsing of boredom then…well, give yourself a round of applause!

    • Lou, the ex-beaver! its nice to see you round here! i miss your videos, you were able to meke me have a laugh at many bullshit happening in the world…i find that really important…please come back!!!! :-))

  36. The first time I had a crush on a friend was in high school, and it was cliche. She was my best friend at the time. I was a junior, and she a senior. We spent every possible moment together. We walked home together even though my house was nowhere near her’s, we joined all the same activities and clubs, we were inseperable. We walked hand in hand everywhere. I walked her to her classes, she met me in the halls–we were Lizandjenny or Jennyandliz, never just one or the other.

    She knew I liked girls at that time, and was okay with it, although she said she was straight. She also knew that I liked her, and athough I can’t remember just when I told her that, I think it was probably over fries and burgers at Steak ‘N Shake.

    Eventually, she got a boyfriend who hated me. Hated me because I liked his girlfriend, hated me because I spent so much time with her, hated me for being me, and so I hated him. She forced us to be civil to one another, but the hate was obvious and there.

    While they were still dating, she and I had sex. It was a mistake, stupid and in the heat of the moment, and she cried the next morning. After about a month of her being very stand-offish, she essentially deleted me from her life. Never spoke to me again. Just like that.

    She and her boyfriend are still together, some three years later, and I don’t know if he knows what she and I did.

    I don’t still love her, in fact, I strongly dislike that I ever spent time with her. Looking back, there was just so much wrong with us. I pretty much abandoned all my other friends to be with her, and she used it against me. We were much too attatched, and no good for each other. I still can’t bring myself to hate her though, and I wish I could.

    Right now, I’m crushing/in love with a coworker/manager at my work. I’ve known her for about four months now, and have been crushing on her for around three of them. Each time I see her, I get butterflies and blush and start stammering and getting flustered and looking like an idiot. She’s just incredible. Beautiful, sarcastic, witty, smart, thoughtful… Fourteen years older than me, married, with two children, and (presumably) straight. So never going to happen. Yet I can’t get rid of this stupid crush, no matter how hard I try. She has faults, sure, but I can’t get them to bother me. So for now, I’m just hopelessly pining for something that will never happen.

  37. I left hot chocolate on her doorstep. Notes under her windshield wipers. I never gave up even when she gave me the “but I’m straight” routine. I was the big spoon all night and even when my arm was numb, I didn’t move. I just wanted her hair in my face. I wasn’t very dramatic, but awful romantic. I won too, cause she’s been sleeping beside me for almost five years.

  38. I had only met her the weekend before, and we had tried to have coffee after we met at a club, but then I lost my phone THE NIGHT that I was supposed to call her when I wanted to get coffee. Gah! After that though (without my phone even), I bussed it to her college where she had a photography display for an art gala event. She didn’t actually think I would come, and I couldn’t even believe I was there. Then I followed her around like an awkward puppy. *lol*

  39. my friend and i had been checking her out/stalking her for like 3 months cause she was super cute + it’s how me and my friends bond.
    The day some one told me she was straight (wich turned out not to be true) i decided to capture the epic drama of the momment and i dropped on my knees and yelled “Nooooooo!”. In the process i ripped both the knees on my jeans and cut open my actual knees.
    Because of her i litterally have scars and i’ve only talked to her like twice.
    if you re reading this:” hi barbra”

  40. So studying abroad, we went on a class field trip to Istanbul, Turkey. The girl I really liked for some time and was really good friends with came. Yay. And of course, totally straight. So obs nada happened there. BUT a group of us went to a Turkish bath one day… so I still got to see her completely naked.

  41. I had a crush on a girl who lived down the hall from my dorm room my freshman year of college. She and I clicked right away and started spending almost 90% of our time together. People who lived on the same floor of our dorm as us referred to us as one person. I wanted to kiss her really bad, but I was too chicken shit. Then one night she went to a party and met a boy, they are now married, and our friendship hasn’t been the same since.

  42. Okay I love all your stories guys! Aren’t we just the cutest girls ever?
    I am Riese’s mom’s generation. This painful but somehow and in some way worthwhile situation has happened to me in a major way twice. sigh.
    1st time high school (the sixties! anything goes!) my best friend and I were crazy about each other since 6th grade and no idea what to do, so we pretended to be each others’ favorite Beatle (she was George I was Paul) and wrote each other HUNDREDS of x rated love letters. We both had boyfriends at the time. We fooled around some, but really, we didn’t figure out how to have sex. Late bloomers I guess. Anyway she went away to college and I tried to be straight for a few more years.
    2nd time age 30 I am in love with my straight dental hygeinist. IN LOVE. We become best friends. We go riding every Monday. We go to the hot tubs. I finally come out. She decides to get sober. Bummer! But we are inseparable and vacation together and she apologizes for being straight and torturing me, but says she really does love me and so 30 years later I am in LTR with my wifey & she’s married with 2 kids, she’s still my beloved friend. We just decided to get over it and remain close friends.
    worked out okay. We joke maybe it will still happen we ain’t dead yet…

    • Pretended to be George for you. I love it. <3 It'd be hard not to fall in/be in love with that, that is for certain.


  43. I was “in love” with this girl in middle school, I was borderline obsessed with her, convinced she would love/want/do me if I tried hard enough, blah blah.

    Somehow, miraculously, and by “miraculously” I mean “by annoying the shit out of her,” she asked me out and we dated for 2 months and it was the most awkward period of my life to this day.

    Now, she’s my best friend in the entire world and straight as a steel pole and we don’t talk about what happened ever and anytime someone brings it up we get really uncomfortable and completely ignore whatever was said until everyone else convinces themselves that nobody actually said anything about it.

    It’s working out pretty well so far.

  44. Once upon a time, a girl from the midwest met this girl from the east coast. The midwestern girl thought the east coast girl was fantastic; so fantastic in fact, that she never thought the east coast girl would never want her. So she told all of their friends this and made them swear not to tell the east coast girl.

    So the midwestern girl chose to keep their friendship normal and not say anything. She convinced the east coast girl to fly to the midwest for Autostraddle Sarah’s birthday. All the while, finding more reasons to have feelings for the east coast girl.

    Then one day, the east coast girl told the midwestern girl she was moving to the west coast and would be coming through the midwest. The midwestern girl got her to stay at her place for her birthday weekend. The midwestern girl wanted to tell the east coast girl how she felt but couldn’t muster the courage. So again, she said nothing and simply tried to enjoy their time together. And she did. They said goodbye, and the midwestern girl was sad. She knew after the east coast girl became a west coast girl, she probably wouldn’t see her again.

    After the east coast girl had been gone for a few days, she told the midwestern girl that some of their friends thought they should be together. The midwestern girl waited 5 hours and 34 minutes to tell the east coast girl that she’d thought that for a year.

    And then the east coast girl told her the same thing. Nothing was the same after that.

    Soon the east coast girl became a west coast girl and it all seemed very improbable and unwise. But they couldn’t stop it once it’d started.

    Two thousand miles separate the midwestern girl and the west coast girl, but they’re making it work. They talk every day and anxiously await the short periods of time they get to actually see each other…until one day when they’re just two girls without geographical modifiers, because they’ll be in the same place.

    And they’re going to live happily ever after. The end.

  45. HAI GUISE I’m going to tell you about my current crush on a straight girl! The story is very gay.

    I was at the SF Lilith Fair stop on Monday and met a very cute girl there with her friend. She and her friend joined me and my friends on the lawn, where we talked music and learned about each other. And I learned how fucking pretty her eyes are once she took off her sunglasses, damn!

    Anyway after a nice evening of singing Sarah McLachlan together, I only got an awkward hug goodbye after asking for one. I assumed she wasn’t interested but hey! we have a date on Tuesday!

    Then I FB stalked her and found that she only listed “men” as “interested in.” I casually asked, not referencing the FB stalking, and she said that she had never been with a woman before, she likes people not gender, but that she feels it’s only been a matter of time. So we’ll see!

    She is very sweet and cute so we’ll see if I can officially turn her. Wish me luck!

  46. in high school this lesbo i admired from a distance asked for my number. we became inseparable. we told each other everything, but i never told her that i was in love with her. she started testing me. then she transferred schools and started telling people we were never friends. it’s been five years, but i’ll be mad at her until she’s not the only person i’ve ever been in love with.

    • “it’s been five years, but i’ll be mad at her until she’s not the only person i’ve ever been in love with.”

      i love that line/sentiment. really.

    • “it’s been five years, but i’ll be mad at her until she’s not the only person i’ve ever been in love with.”

      That line resonated with me too. Beautifully written!

  47. I still have a crush on a friend, we share the same interests, have the same job (I’m a 3D animator), and I’ve been trying to hint at the fact I liked her, but it seems she’s in one of those “don’t want to date” time, and I might also not be the kind of the girl she likes. So I just gave up, and know it won’t happen. I still like her, but, my confidence is not big enough for me to even attempt at convincing her that it could be something… :( I will now hide under my rock in shame.

    Althought, I used to have a super close best friend a few years back but after a while there was so much anger between us and we kept arguing all the time. It took me some time to finally realise I had a crush on her at a time where my own sexuality was a frakkin mess, and that it completely broke our friendship. I don’t have any regrets because it brought up some touchy subjects, and I realised she was too broken for me to do anythihg, even as a friend, I was just not “qualified”, and dealing with my own problems already, I just couldn’t do it. But it helped me figure out why I felt so strange around her, leading to the very enlightening moment of “hey I’m gay” a few months later LOL.

  48. my junior year of college, her freshman year – same lacrosse team. do the math.

    still she was …straight(?) and i was very out in the open, which is where the problem started but also got fuzzy. my roommates and i had weekly get-togethers in our apartment to which she was a regular attendant. our place was a 20 minute walk from her dorm so she always “ended up” staying over and we’d sleep on the futon together (my room was 5 feet away) and order pizza in the morning for breakfast with my roomies and have a movie day together.

    there was lots of body language and just, stuff. my friends would ask if we were dating. i’d go to her home town with her on weekends and her best friends from childhood assumed we were an item. not so much. she did the beat around the bush thing when it came to asking about each other’s crushes and she transfered at the end of the year.

    we’re still close friends and last summer when she was drinking we had an interesting text conversation about how she’s gay but i’m the only person she’s coming out to. she was in to me back then but didnt want to hurt her family. i understand that, knowing her as well as i do the past four years. it was nice to hear that all my frustrations weren’t completely in vein.. well kinda..

    i just wish she could be more honest with the people who are close to her (and herself) because they already assume… i know things come in time but i just hope she finds the support she needs!

  49. I developed a crush on a friend I met at work. We hung out all the time, staye up all night texting each other and took each other to concerts. She came out to me when I stayed at her house one night and we stayed up talking about girls and tegan and sara. On christmas day I told her I liked her and she told me she liked me. We stayed in limbo, afraid to do anything about it. Then she completely cut me out of her life. I heard from her again 2 days before I left for Canada for 2 months. When I got back she went back to hating me. There was a lot of crying on my end and then one day she wasnt at work. She never came back and now when I run into her she gives me dirty looks and I have panic attacks. Most intense crush I ever had

      • Honestly I didnt do anything to make her turn against me. I still dont know what I did. I woul really like to know.

  50. I crush on girls all the time.
    Tiger Woods can’t even keep up.
    Not to be confused with keep it up, because we all know that ain’t the case!
    But I do. I crush on the daily.
    Not in the I’m a fat top kind of way.
    But in the wow I want to squeeze your boobs and call you my baby for the weekend kind of way.
    You name her I’ve crushed on her.
    With the exception of Sarah Palin, Tila Tequila, Oprah Winfrey, and SuBo.
    Sorry ladies but those rich but wrong types just don’t fly with me.
    Nice post.

  51. I’m currently in love with my best friend. We hooked up once, but she told me she “wasn’t ready to be in another relationship.” Then she started dating some other girl. Who I found out yesterday is moving in with her. I’m really sad about my life.

  52. fries and gravy? is this awesome? y/n

    where could I even start with my crushes? um. I realized I hot for my college roomie when at 3am one morning I woke up to her standing on the edge of my desk in her nightie, bashing the fire alarm with her shoe. the edge of my desk was .3 cm from my nose. <3

  53. Worst crush: I was 20, brand-spanking-new out and proud. I worked with her at the dorms where I went to school. She had the most awe-inspiring mouth I have ever seen. And I wanted her more than the woman I was actually sleeping with. She was way, way, way out of my league. So like in true junior high fashion I wrote her this letter that was just … terrible. And felt like an idiot.
    Best crush: Met a girl on a weight loss web site two months back. She’s a LILF (Libra I’d like to fuck) and so after enduring two months of off the wall sexual tension, I flew 1376 miles to Michigan. And the three weeks I’ve been here have been grrreat for this scorpio.I’m just gonna throw that out there.

  54. When I was a freshman in high school I had the biggest crush on this older girl on my soccer team. I mean I wanted to know everything about her, when they assigned peer tutors at school I prayed in Mass (at all girl catholic school) that she would pick me. I ate the same thing she ate for lunch, I checked out every book from the library, bought every magazine or cd she ever mentioned. Just being around things she liked was intoxicating. Well of course at some point she noticed my adoration and made a huge freaking deal about it at practice one day when she noticed my new addidas duffle bag matched hers. So I pretty much just moved on. I still think about her sometimes, but mostly because she taught me a valuable lesson. I don’t have to become the women I love.

  55. i have a very weird friend crush story to share.
    when i was 16 my best friend since we were kids started dating a guy. i had a huge crush on this guy, even though we weren’t even friends in the first place, nor had anything else in common besides her. i ended up having sex with this guy at 17, and when my friend found out she came out to me, told me that she was in love with me and that she was really hurted i liked with him and not her. i was really shocked and confussed, and somehow we stopped seeing each other after that summer.
    i didn’t realized i liked girls until a few years later, and i am now in a relationship that really makes me happy.
    few weeks ago a common friend told me that she married… to the guy

  56. Unrequited Love (no relation to Courtney) has stalked me since childhood.

    She’s convinced me to let her cut my hair, buy clothing I normally wouldn’t be caught dead in. Spend money I don’t have. She’s snuck up on me in back alleys where she’s snuggled in close only to turn on me and then throw me into a dumpster. She’s rolled me into campfires then peed on me to put me out. Once she lured me onto a bridge then pushed me off and waved while I yelled for a dingy or a life preserver. She convinced me to go skydiving and didn’t jump out of the plane after me, like she said she would. She’s driven me out to remote locations and made me walk back without a compass or a map… God I love her, but she’s so mean.

  57. Oh! I had a crush on my best-friend-who-lived-down-the-street-in-middle-school-named-Jenny also. We would watch sailor moon and draw comics every day after school and all weekend, but she would refuse to acknowledge me at school because I was a loser who watched sailor moon and no one knew she was too. Then one day she got a boyfriend and never hung out with me again and I was sad and ashamed that I took all of that abuse for nothing.

    Then for years I had crushes on girls except I called it “oh-I-think-she’s-really-awesome-and-I-wanna-be-just-like-her”

  58. One time I was in love with my best friend in high school. It took me a couple years to realize/admit to myself that I didn’t just want to big spoon her on my grandma’s couch when she stayed over. Finally, the summer after she had moved away to college, she was the first person I came out to, but I didn’t tell her I liked HER, even when she asked. She said she was straight and it was business as usual. I never made any moves but wrote lots of pining poetry.

    Then I went to college after another year and she was a horrible friend and started ignoring me and never came to see me. Then she came to my house for a Christmas Eve party, after which she went somewhere else and got really stoned, then texted me at three in the morning begging to come over. I was like no, but then out of the blue she told me that she thought about kissing me all the time, so I was like ok, come over. We laid on the couch and nothing happened.

    Six months of her being a horrible friend later, I was almost over her, then she walked to a fourth of july party I was attending and we made out/slept together in my friend’s basement. The next day she called me and said she didn’t want to “be like that” with me anymore. I like real roller coasters, but not the best friend crush kind.

  59. I told my friend I was gay and I had a crush on her (true!) on April Fool’s Day, so I could back out if she had a bad response. Ahahaha… yeah.

    • For April Fool’s day last year, my friend Felipe (who still is not convinced that he’s gay, but trust me – he is.) and I decided to tell people that we were having a baby together. No one bought it. We’re that gay.

  60. it could just be me and my friends, but it seems like most gaymos have a mandatory summer camp crush.

    sigh. my camp counselor may have been my first love.

    • she SANG US INDIGO GIRLS SONGS IN OUR BUNKS AS WE WERE GOING TO SLEEP. what chance did i have, honestly.

      • You have possibly heard rumors/stereotypes of the Girl Scouts being totally overrun with lesbians, and based on my experiences at Girl Scout camp they are all totally true. Because I was a total nature-nerd I spent time there every summer from the ages of 6 to 15 (the last two years as a counselor-in-training). Having come out to myself and to practically no one else at 13, you can imagine the excitement/agony I was in when this fact became clear to me. There were for sure plenty of counselor-crushes (many of whom were dating other counselors), but I was most fixated on my fellow campers. Wonder how many of them are gay now, and how many opportunities I missed by being such a shy little scaredy-cat. (Or, for that matter, by not continuing to work there the following summers. Punk rock adolescence in the city vs. lesbian adolescence in nature was a hard choice at the time . . .)

  61. Best/Worst: Well, it was a couple of years ago. I saw her from across the room and the lighting was really nice and everything, so she looked gorgeous. It was very weird because on the one hand I thought she was exactly what I’d been missing all my life and on the other hand I kinda felt I had known her all my life, you know? Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with the details but it turns out it was a mirror. Whatever, right? Well yes actually, whatever indeed. I have been making it work with her ever since. Sometimes even twice a day.

    [I’m a very repressed human being so talking seriously about crushes, love and/or the like makes me feel anxious and sweaty. But I’ve really appreciated all of your stories (well, most of them, you know the ones); they’re full of real feelings, life-related activities, and (at least) two humans. Nicely done, people.]

  62. I went camping with the first girl I had a crush on. I was 15. I was giddy. We stayed up till 4am, we talked and watched the fire die down. It was nice, we unfortunately did not not share a campfirey kiss like Naomi and Emily did. Partially because I had just drunk my fifth cup of coffee and was bouncing of the proverbial walls. Mostly though it was because I was too damn scared to make a move.

  63. We were friends for like three years after that and I never knew quite why I was always so afraid to talk to her/try to hang out etc. until she told me she was bi and I realized I had a chance and that was scary.

    And then we slowly stopped talking after we slept with the same (awful) guy and I think she thought I was jealous of that but really I was just jealous of him. And she told me her friend from home (a girl) had a huge crush on her and how it bothered her because it was ruining their friendship. I decided not to be that girl. Dammit.

    And like five years later I really wish it had been way more obvious to me exactly how completely gay I am/how other girls are not as hot as she was so maybe I would have made a move when I had like…..5000 opportunities.

    So now my standards are way too high.

    And I still know exactly what she was wearing when we first met, which means that either I’m really creepy or I wasn’t as drunk as I remember being.

  64. My junior year of high school, my ex-boyfriend had just dumped me and started dating my best friend. I was royally pissed off, and everyone was “backing me up” saying I had every right to be mad at my best friend. Nobody knew it, but I was actually totally pissed they were dating because I was secretly in love with my best friend, and didn’t realize the nature of my feelings until that point. Being the intuitive friend she was, she figured out what was really up and instantly became the most supportive of friends about LGBT rights, and never once treated me any differently. Even though I love her as my best friend, and I’m so lucky to have someone so understanding, and I show her the same respect by not pushing her to change her identity and respecting her heterosexuality, I compare every girl to her, and think she’ll always be the one.

  65. So I’ve never commented here before, and as a rule hate over-sharing, but I have a really ridiculous, excellent crush!story so I’m gonna break my own personal boundaries and share it. (I’m sorry this is such a long story but it requires length to fully display its twin heartbreak and hilarity)

    I’ve known I liked girls as much if not more as I liked boys since I was 12 but never did anything about it, because I’m a coward and also socially awkward and frankly wasn’t in a position to get with anybody, regardless of gender. All my crushes on girls mostly consisted of them being pretty and me staring at them across a room. Not very titillating or worth writing about.

    Then, this year I went to college. Among other people I met was this girl, E. She was mildly cute, we were mildly friends. E is an interesting girl in that she’s kind of slutty and drunk all the time, but also into really wholesome things like knitting. She wears cardigans. She is a girl scout.

    Anyway, I found out somehow that E sometimes, when she is drunk, makes out with other girls. According to anxious trend pieces in NY Times Magazine and Katy Perry, this drunken straight girl making out thing happens a lot, but it had never happened to me. In fact, I had never kissed a girl in my life. So I decided that I should carefully manipulate a social situation so this would happen.

    One night in March, we go with a big group to a party. I decide this will be a night of intoxicated “straight” girl kissing that will live in infamy. Unfortunately, I had been feeling kind of sick that day so I didn’t drink nearly enough for my purposes. EVERYONE ELSE did however. The party ends with me and my guy friend J dragging out four hysterical drunk girls and attempting to march them home through the ghetto of (INSERT CITY HERE, THIS IS THE INTERNET PEOPLE I VALUE SAFTEY).We’re about halfway back to our dorm when E decides she wants to go to K’s house (a dude she had been hooking up with. His curriculum vitae consists of being a 21 year old white virgin 115 pound rapper who is somehow only a sophomore credits wise. She sure knows how to pick ‘em, right?). My female friend P decides that making out with her would be a really good way to stop this from happening (I later found out her motivation was mostly because she had a thing for J, who liked E, and wanted to make him jealous by sucking face with the object of his affection. OMG the romantic intrigue. This is like Jane Austen but with vodka and gayness and shame). So basically I’m just standing there, in the middle of the ‘hood, watching my friend stick her tongue down the
    throat of my lust object. Great.

    Anyway, this ingenious plan doesn’t work and she decides to go to K’s house anyway, and runs away from the group into that wild black night, where there are hobos and fast cars and skeevy frat boys. Since no one else seems to be in a state to do so, I become designated jogger and chase after her, eventually reach her, and convince her to go back to our dorm. Somehow on the journey back, she kisses two different strangers. I am still not sure how this happened.

    We get to the dorm and end up on our floor’s social lounge. She decides that NOW would be an awesome time to make out with me. She sort of glides her mouth over mine and says “I bet you can’t resist me”. I vaguely consider it, but other people are in the room and also I’d feel hella rapey taking advantage of her like that, so I decline and take her to her room. Vomiting ensures. She tells me again that she “really wants to make out with me” and that she kind of wants to have sex with a girl, while also telling me all about all the dudes she likes and her entire sexual history. At one point she also requests that I put on Katy Perry’s “ur so gay”. This seems significant. Anyway, after a long time and lots of shenanigans, I get her to bed. Yay.

    This night serves as a sort of bonding experience, and we come out of it much better friends. We hang out a lot. We watch Gossip Girl together. Things are good. I still sort of want to make out with her but I’m not pressing the issue. In April, my college has its spring fling. The idea is that everyone gets wasted and celebrates it not being winter anymore, or something, but it’s a Tuesday and rainy and I have a major paper due the next day, so I’m not exactly planning on partying. I am however, attending the concert the school is putting on. Me and a big group of friend are outside our dorm on the way to the concert when I run into E and a few others. She is clearly wasted. She gives everyone a big hug. She gets to me, hugs me, and asks, “do you want to make out?” “Uh…we’re kind of…in public” I reply. She stares at me. She was right before, I can’t resist her, and eventually am like, screw it, and we kiss right in front of my dorm at 7pm on a Tuesday in front of all our friends. It is awesome. I walk away shakey and feeling like I just got away with somthing. All My friends are really, really confused, because I’m totally sober and have never displayed any overt lesbian tendencies before. My explanation for what just happened is basically “ummm…she asked me to?” We do not talk about it again.

    Actually, I don’t talk about it with E either, which I figure is probably because it was sort of a weird incident and it’s too awkward to discuss. Later I find out she was just so drunk that she blacked out what happened, which is a little sad, and she feels quite bad about it. However, this is also good because it paves the way for my genius line next time we are drinking together. The line is “since you don’t remember the last time we made out how about we do it again right now?” She falls for it. She gives me my first hickey. She claims it is as a joke but I really hope it isn’t, not entirely. She also says that I taste good but I think that’s just because I was drinking a 4loko and taste like blue raspberry.

    By the end of the year, we are very close friends. We kiss one more time at a party (at K’s house, ironically enough) and it is awesome. However, at this point, I actually have a legit crush on her, because she’s super cool and adorable and hates the Breakfast Club as much as I do (which is a quality I would marry a girl for, if I’m honest). Also she sleeps with really douchey guys and I hate them because I’m obviously way cooler than them and much smarter and much nicer and probably better at sex. And they don’t treat her right and I totally would and she really should just start having her no strings attached sex with me. And I’m not at all the type of person to have a savior complex, but I may be developing one now. And now it’s summer and we text all the time and once we had an hour long phone conversation (which I NEVER do, and apparently she doesn’t either) and I really like her and I can’t wait till we get back to school and I can drunkenly hook up with her again. Because that’s all she is, a drunken hook up, right?

    Dude…I totally poured out my heart there. That was not expected. Seriously, this is the most I’ve written in like, months. Not being such a repressed fuckwad is probably good for me.

    • “This is like Jane Austen but with vodka and gayness and shame.”

      And the Breakfast Club line.

  66. I had a crush/was madly in love with my best friend. She was a bit of a rebel. I was not a bit of a rebel. But one time, when we were 9, she convinced me to skip class with her so we could ride our bicycles in her cul-de-sac. I felt like a bad ass, and it was worth getting in trouble.

  67. I guess the thread idea was a success.

    I was in love with Simon for the entirety of middle school. In 7th grade, I called him and told him that I liked him. He said, “Oh.”

    Two of my close friends were also in love with him. One of them started dating him. (Awkward, middle school dating where the two in question eat lunch together and occasionally hold hands.) I was devastated.

    The summer after 8th grade, we went on a class trip to Europe. I would sit next to him on the bus and listen to “On My Own” from Les Mis. It was pathetic.

    Fast-forward to 2008ish: I come out to Simon.
    Fast-forward to late 2009: Simon comes out to me.
    Fast-forward to a few weeks ago: Simon and I get married on facebook (with the approval of my girlfriend).

    You guyssssss, true love DOES exist!

  68. Okay, here goes… My crush story is also my coming out story…

    I was 16 years old in year 10 at a girls school, never really having considered sexuality, but being rather homophobic if I ever did think about it.

    I made friends with a girl, lets call her H. (Though she will NEVER read this, you’ll see why shortly.) We made friends in a big way, started spending every possible second of the day with each other. I would go round to her house after school most nights apart from when she went to figure skating classes (FIGURE SKATING – lush). I admired her, she was so clever and talented, I was almost failing school and had no interesting after-school things to do.

    We got into a routine of going into town on a Sunday, getting a hot chocolate from McD’s and going back to hers to hang out. We lay on the floor with our heads resting up on the futon, vegetating, talking about stuff. THATS WHEN IT HIT ME.

    Like a lightning bolt hit me, I looked over at her and my stomach lurched. ‘Oh shit.’I said to myself. ‘I think I actually want to kiss her. Okay, this is weird.’

    After saying ‘I have something to tell you’ face to face, I bottled out. The after saying it again on one of our hour long phonecalls, I bottled out again. Then I text her telling her that I actually wanted to kiss her. You know when you send a text and sometimes you wish you could hit some kind of recall or ‘WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!’ button? I wished for that.

    I got the text back saying ‘I felt the same.’

    Fireworks went off in my head, angels sang a chorus and I didn’t sleep that night. I think when I did eventually sleep I must have levetated off the bed all night.

    So it went from there, for 2 years we were utterly inseperable but completely incognito. As the relationship went on I became more and more in love with her by the minute. She was just AMAZING. She basically tutored me through all my exams and I got brilliant marks. To this day I put my exam success down to her. She taught me how to play the piano too, swoon.

    Then it ended, very slowly and painfully. I actually believed (and still believe) I had a broken heart. She ended it half way through a holiday in France with her parents, who she refused to tell. Her mom knew. When she caught me crying once, she gave me a hug and said ‘Don’t worry, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.’ H deleted me from her life like a crappy facebook friend. I can understand now why she did, I think I admired her that much that I kind of weirded her out, she said I put her on a pedestal (which I did) and she wasn’t really that great a person.

    So I cried and cried and went on meds and left sixth form (college) and pissed off my parents by going to therapy, councelling etc. I was truly screwed up, and I’m suprised that my attempts to get her back didn’t end up with me getting a restraining order.

    Anyhow, when I EVENTUALLY got over her (as best I could) I developed a crush on another girl, L. L was in our class at school (that I had left). L was cool, she wanted to be a tattoo artist and she drank tea and smoked cigarettes in a quirky cafe.

    So yeah, turns out she fobbed me off and ended up getting with H. GUTTED!

    So, more meds, therapy, listening to Placebo, councelling and binge drinking ensued.

    So yeah, that all started 7 years ago. H is now with a guy (Facebook is a scarily good spying tool…) and I think L is too.

    Bleurgh… I think a small part of my heart still belongs to H and it always will.

    Now I’m with my current girlfriend (fiancee) who is awesome and I’m going to marry and have kids with (one day, scary!). So I can only really have crushes on celebrities who I am unlikely to meet. My shameful celebrity crush – Suzanne Shaw (Or Suzanne Phwoar, as I ofter call her.) Google, now. I sat front row centre at the Vagina Monologues and watched Suzanne the whole time, OMG LUSH.

    Phew, that was long, wasn’t it?!

    Dot x

  69. These are all wonderful tales.

    I don’t get crushes, I’m starting to feel slightly less than human.

  70. I was terribly crushed by the german band Silbermonds singer Stefanie Kloß. Google her! She’s hot. She also was when I was 14 and met her after the concert. I couldn’t speak a word, I nearly blacked out. And she? Was just nice, was so beautiful, talked to me like she was just anyone.
    After that well… I only ever spoke about meeting her. And she was the first woman I really had a crush on.
    Funny, because at first I didn’t know what it was, as I was thinking “best friends”-feelings for boys were equalling love-feelings. I was really starstruck. I even kissed the poster Oô

  71. “We are on and off in the communication dept and every time we spoke I beg t&S stop signing CIO in my head”

    this EXACT thing, T&S singing that song lolbutnotreally, happens to me now with a girl i’m currently “off” in the communication dept with/have a crazy crush on. :(

    • woops that was supposed to be a reply to someone way earlier but it didn’t work that way lol.
      my actual story is about my childhood best friend (of course). we were off and on best friends since age 3, she lived in the building behind mine and we ended up in mostly the same classes thruout our school years. i was maybe 9 or 10 when i started having a crush on her. we were inseparable, sleeping in the same beds, etc or otherwise being catty and fighting.
      she came out to me and another friend as bi when we were 12. other friend freaked, i was the cool and supportive one. BUT I COULDN’T GET MYSELF TO ACT! i was just too young and awkward. i just pined and pined away.
      i came out as bi when i was maybe 15? we both confessed our years worth of crushes on each other and became girlfriends. then we had a weird 3 way relationship with a dude who became my boyfriend, but only mostly because he was so controlling. then her and i became estranged and i’ve missed her so much. every other year or so we msg each other or something and say we should meet up but we never have.
      she’s now “straight” with a 5 year old and i’m so gay. eh.

  72. So, my crush. One of my current roommates. She’s gorgeous, she can sing, she’s got this long thick wavy red hair…anyway.

    I’ve convinced her that I love to rub people’s backs, just so she’ll ask me to rub hers. Which she does, all the time. One time I stayed up until 3 am, lying in her bed rubbing her back, and I had an exam the next morning…oops.

    And she’s totally straight. It’s a curse.

  73. I adore love how reading this tread opens the pandora’s box that is my mind, in turn completely reminding me of my what I now realize was an awkward crush of the seventh grade..thank you AS! 

    Her name was g and more beautiful then I could’ve even comprehendid at that point.. we had first, second, fourth, fifth, and sixth period classes, and pretty much had a great friendship. I didn’t know what it meant to feel the stomach drop and the butterflys in my lungs, and surley didn’t realize I had a crush, just an undeniable attraction. I wish this could be one of those happily bedroom after, but it’s not. I didn’t really know how to handle how I felt so I sorta just stopped talking to her..then high school came around, and I felt like a douche for not talking to her, so ultimitly I just seeing her. College started and yes, we now attend the same one, and after reading of the courage some of the fellow lezzies, this semester I will woman up..wish me luck! 

  74. Ah I have too many crush stories – heartbreak, anguish, lots of crying, but my story of my biggest-crush-ever is sweet and nice (though still involved lots of crying – I’m a lesbian after all)..

    I met a girl (lets call her K) and we became bff’s immediately, the constantly-talking, always-around-each-other, can’t-think-of-what-it-was-like-before-you-were-friends type of bff. We were in university, and she left in July to go home for the summer – the very day it finally occured to me that I was painfully in love with her. This revelation occured whilst she was the first person up on the dancefloor in a club, singing along to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Baby Got Back. That sort of adorable cuteness just broke my heart.

    Fast forward 6 months of agonising unrequited love – and on a moonlit night – in the rain – absolutely crazy drunk, we professed our love for each other (it sounded mostly like this: “HIC, I like totally love you. Like ‘IN LOVE’ love, HIC”. Cue a MASSIVE hangover. 6 years after the hangover though – we are still unbelievably happy together. WIN.

    I do recommend relationships with people you are super good friends with – honestly, every day feels like Christmas/your birthday/something equally awesome.

  75. We were both 12 and she was beautiful… like model, corporate-spokesperson-for-a-company-that-appealed-to-tween-girls beautiful. We had been frenemies in American western music circles for a few years… we were competitive with our talent, but we had fun hanging out backstage. Anyway the summer I turned 12, we were scheduled at the same festival in the middle of nowhere Missouri. I couldn’t stop looking at her and I told her that I thought she was beautiful. A few months later we met up again at a festival in Tuscon… she had just learned how to play the mandolin, and normally when it came to music, she and I had nothing friendly to say to one another. She asked me to go to the courtyard of the hotel where we were with her and sang and played for me. That’s when I knew I had a crush on her. She gave me a CD of hers that she signed with a heart and I listened to it 2 million times that summer…

  76. so one time while I was in the process of coming out my gay friend introduced to this other lesbian. then I went over to her house and awkwardly tried to nibble her earlobe while we were watching Amelie. then we never talked again. and I never got my copy of Amelie back.

  77. Well, first time I had a crush on a girl and noticed it was when I was twelve and she and I would have sleepovers with our friends all the time. We’d spoon each other and hold hands and then wake up and have pancakes in the morning like nothing happened.

    Fast forward to fifteen. She was in theater and choir with me and I had a huge crush on her. So I invited her over to watch Amelie and spend the night (Amelie seems to be a popular first-time movie choice…). A few minutes in she had her arms around me, and a little later I kissed her. I was her first kiss, too, so it was all emotional for her and stuff. To this day she claims I turned her gay.

    Anyways, two weeks later she dumped me for my best friend. I moped around for months after that, “turned” another best friend gay, got back with my boyfriend one more time before he broke up out of pity of my lesbian-ness… Off and on with my first girlfriend, etc. Then I went to college, and the Shane McCutcheon player gene kicked in full swing. :D Oh, and I got back with the first girlfriend several times then, too, over long distance. That didn’t go well and I finally realized she’s a bitch and dumped *her* for once and for all.

    A couple years in, I’m finally settling down with a gorgeous girl who I’m absolutely head over heels in love with. Things work out and get better.

  78. I fell for one of my bestfriends (ofcourse she would be straight) and she was the reason I became gay. Sadly I could never tell her because……
    A.She was straight
    B.She had a boyfriend (who was my friend by the way)

    Sigh I guess it was never meant to be….

    Sigh it was never meant to be….

  79. i have never even thought about my best friend in that way. I’m really surprised because she’s probably the most awesome person in the world to me… and she’s also gorgeous and bisexual. when i came out her though, haha i just remembered her asking me if i was secretly in love wit her. the thought of having sexual relations with her makes me feel icky and very dry lol. i told her that

  80. other than 80% of the female chefs at the culinary school i go to i have a bad crush on a strait girl with a boyfriend who are both in my class and i have to spend the next two years with and it suckss in the most wounderful way that i have to be around her every day .. but today i think i may have realized i have a huge crush on a girl not in my class that i thought had some kinda beef with me always giving me nasty looks she a gemini and so am and other than the day that they had us break up in to groups by our birth sing at oriantation i havent talked to her its just a strange vibe between us i thought it might be because im out as can be and it bugged her but it was like she was teritorial tho im not interested in any one that she knows that i know of shes just totaly frustrated me for the last 4 months of school when we started and today she came over and tryed to get on the comp. next to me (but it dosent work and it hasnt worked ever and we all know it)even tho there were others open and i got giddy and got up.. and told her to use mine i was done ..but i wasnt !!! and then i was like ohh shit i wounder if i have got the goofy grin every time i look at her and thats why she has always given me funny looks i hadnt even thought i might like her not my normal type and i havent really talked to her but it was like a total ohh shit moment thinking i have another crush and didnt even realize it.. i should just talk to her since shes like the closest gay girl in age to me at the school and i always need some new gay friends but i so cant bring my self to talk to her.. any advice ..

  81. Damn, I wish I could go back to being a teenager and discover sex with girls again for the first time. It’s SOOOOO hot. It’s something that not even the best role-playing can recapture.

    One of my many straight girl crushes from high school told me two years ago that she had sex with a girl and thought of me. Gee, thanks. I have to admit I was jealous even after five years. She was one of my best friends during my junior year (her senior year) of high school and she used to tell me that if she were to be with a girl it would be me. We used to play this game during lunch where we would sit indian style across from each other and and I would throw a piece of rolled up paper between her legs. When I made a “basket” I would get to retrieve the paper and on the way back up I would rub my hand hard along her parts. That’s as far as we ever got because she seemed to always have a boyfriend.

  82. So it seems as though this thread has died down a bit, but I still feel like adding my own two cents.
    I periodically get crushes on members of the posse of [very attractive + very physical + mostly straight] girls that seems to follow me everywhere. But it’s never been that big of a deal, really. Many of them have told me that if they were gay they’d totally date me (frustration), and I’m pretty sure that most of them, if not all, know I sort of have a thing for them. I mean, I always tell them that they have my number in case they feel like ‘switching’ for a little while. And they all laugh and laugh and there haven’t been any weird looks or awkward silences and I’m still good friends with all of them. So sometimes the straightforward approach works. But I know my boundaries and wouldn’t make a move on any of them unless they were really, really wasted (in which case, the rules of heterosexuality seem to change anyway, so it’s all good).

  83. I am bisexual and beginning to realize I have a crush on my straight friend AND her boyfriend. Fuck.

  84. All the people talking about crushing on their besties makes sense, but is still odd for me to read, because my best friend is like my baby sister and dating her would be absolutely horrific for many, many reasons, but people have assumed we are supergay for each other since third grade because we like hugs, hand holding and cheek kisses. It used to bother me, but at this point we just roll with it and figure it does people good to see a couple of queers cuddling in public, even if we are not actually attracted to each other specifically. Plus even though I am a pansexual genderqueer person, I basically read as a baby butch dyke, so I am not very surprised when people assume my bestie and I are totally doing it. We look the part.

    Now, on to actual crushes I have had:
    In late middle school I fell really hard for my friend C, who lived in a different state but hung out with me a lot in the summer when she vacationed with her dad since I was the only similar-age Californian friend she had. She had a really sweet smile, loved Monty Python, and her hair was long and soft and this gorgeous strawberry blonde color, the only natural strawberry blonde I have ever seen. Also, she always smelled wonderful because her dad sold essential oils for a living. She thought my brown curly hair was awesome because it was so vastly different from hers, and so she would always want to ruffle and play with it. I usually hated people touching my head or hair, but I knew she was superstraight and that hair-fondling was the most physical affection I would ever get from her, so I let her stroke and twirl it to her heart’s content. Now I love having almost anyone play with my hair – she totally converted me. Also she is going to a women’s college now, so maybe she was gayer than I thought? I totally missed my window of opportunity, though.

    In my freshman year of high school, I had a big fat hopeless crush on a girl in my French class. I legit didn’t even know her real name for the longest time, I just knew her fake French name, and I wrote her sappy poetry in broken French that I never actually gave to her. She wore tiny tube tops that made her midriff show and skinny jeans and mini skirts that sometimes flashed her underwear. I was basically hypnotized. I went with her to my first gay-focused dance (we have an LGBTQQIA youth center that hosts events for teenage gaymos) as friends. It was a Halloween dance, so we were in costume. I was a Goth catgirl, she was a French maid. I repeat – A FRENCH MAID. I felt like the universe was teasing me. Also she intentionally showed me her cute underwear in the car on the way there because she liked them and wanted to show them off. I spent almost the entire evening hanging out with her because everyone else was older and I didn’t know them. It was awkward and torturously frustrating. She was actually bisexual, but dating a guy, who I think she is still with. I basically stopped crushing on her once I realized how little we have in common, but we are still casual friends. She doesn’t know I ever liked her like that.

    Also, at that dance I ran into my reading buddy – the fifth grader who had helped me learn to read when I was in kindergarten – who somehow recognized me a decade later and had become a huge lesbian in the interim. It was the strangest re-meeting ever.

  85. My first crush was on the 23 year old assistant minister at my church. She was vegan, and only used fair-trade goods. She never called god “father” because it was misogynistic to assume god was male, and because it was insensitive to people whos fathers had been abusive or not-there. She didn’t believe in hell, but she did believe that God wanted us to save the whales and end all wars. She sang like an angel. She had a pixie cut and thick rimmed glasses. Her only flaw was her husband, who I disliked for reasons I didn’t fully understand.

    I also had one of those borderline crushes on a best friend freshman year of high school. Interestingly enough, I was the straight girl. She came out to me as bi on her couch. Due to social failure, I missed the implied “and I like you.” Interstingly enough, right before she said that, I had been analyzing the foot of couch between us attempting to discern how much, if at all, I could inch towards her before it became non-acceptable touching. As in, that’s all I thought about the whole episode, when not asking myself if I wanted to kiss her. Fuck, the night before I had been pacing around my room, mentally composing the poems that in my mind I read to her to tell her how important she was to me. And yet when she came out to me, I said “okay,” then stared at the t.v.

  86. Well, I thought I’d comment here even though there’s been no comments for a few years. Lesbian crushes are always relevant, and always happening.

    I have a crush on my friend. She moved to my school at the beginning of this year, and while it wasn’t love at first sight, it certainly was friendship at first sight. She’s gorgeous and lovely and smart and funny and so beautiful. Funnily enough, I didn’t start majorly crushing on her until I found out she’d dated a boy (I think I have a thing for only liking people once I know they might/do like me back). It’s been about two months and I even get excited double maths because it means I can sit next to her for two hours.

    I know she would never like me, but I’m still trying to figure out how to let her know I’m a lesbian. Maybe then she’ll put the pieces together and work out I really like her? We’re planning a sleepover with another friend in a couple of weeks, maybe it’ll happen then.

  87. When I went to college I brushed off all of the “oh you’re going to meet all these great guys, it’ll be so fun” comments from friends and family regarding the fact that I’d never had a “real” boyfriend before. But I was working toward my degree and not focused on anything romantic or developing crushes on anyone. Then there was this girl I saw in the library and I didn’t know if I wanted to be her, or if I wanted her. And I wasn’t sure how she felt about me either at first, but there was definitely some chemistry I’d never felt with boys. Eventually after several weeks of experiencing a dynamic I interpreted as flirtation, I had several out bi friends who were girls in high school and it felt sort of the same so I wasn’t sure. But then me and this girl hooked up and it was phenomenal. I brought her home for a holiday from school and introduced her as my BFF, not my girlfriend. I freaked out and then ended up in a relationship with a boy, she left town eventually, and said boy became my significant other for six years. The girl and I haven’t spoken in years. So I suppose I’m sort of reemerging from a closet I once opened the door of. Crushes are hard, in all circumstances. But this was mine, and it wouldn’t have only been a crush if I’d been brave.

    • *Correction regarding the comma spliced sentence “Eventually after several weeks of experiencing a dynamic I interpreted as flirtation, I had several out bi friends who were girls in high school and it felt sort of the same so I wasn’t sure”, I meant my out bi friends when I was in high school. Prior to college.

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