Oh Gay Cupid! 21 Signs Your OkCupid Date Isn’t Going Well

Welcome to Oh Gay Cupid! Autostraddle’s OkCupid series. We get lots of questions on Formspring regarding online dating, so we finally got a bunch of people together to talk about it. While OkCupid isn’t the only online dating site for queers, and maybe isn’t even the best, it does seem to be the one we use most often. We’ll be discussing all things OkC, including meeting friends, first dates, profiles, fuck-ups, letdowns and more. Even though it’s the ‘OkCupid Series,’ the advice given in this series could easily be applied to any online dating site.

 Oh Gay Cupid! illustrations by Rory Midhani

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Twenty-One Signs Your OK Cupid Date Isn’t Going Well
(As Taken From My Life)

Why does this shit always happen to me?

1. “Oh my God, do you want to see the staph infection on my crotch?”
2. She isn’t upset that the American Girl Doll Samantha is being retired.
3. You meet her mom and sister in the first two hours.
4. [In bed] “Wow… two girls in bed… it’s just so many men’s fantasies.”
5. A bird poops on your head.
6. “I prefer AfterEllen.”
7. “So… are you paying for this or what?”
8. You have to call Rachel to pick you up because your date won’t let you leave.
9. “Oh god I hope you’re not a theater person.”
10. “My date earlier today said…”
11. She’s just returned from a month-long european vacation that she went on with one ex and stayed with another ex.
12. “Aren’t we a little old for Harry Potter?”
13. “I think our relationship doesn’t necessarily need to be super sexual. It can be a deeply passionate relationship of the mind.”
14. You both stare in silence at the menu for over 20 minutes.
15. “It’s not that I like her better than you…”
16. “I don’t usually tell people I’m gay because I don’t want them to think I’m a feminist” [eye roll].
17. She open’s her wallet to pay the bill and there is still a picture of her and her ex together in it.
18. They decline a ride home during a snowstorm.
19. “I don’t really read, you know?”
20. [Post-kiss] “Sorry I just don’t feel anything.”
21. “Don’t worry, if your anus ever prolapses I’ll pop it back in for you.”

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 276 articles for us.

109 Comments

  1. I’m afraid I’m probably the disaster date people tell stories about. When I’m feeling awkward or anxious, I turn into fact-reciting robot.

    “Clocks in advertisements are always set to 10:10.”

    “Did you know humans can remain conscious for 2-10 seconds after decapitation? Studies involving other small mammals have shown consciousness for as many 27 seconds.”

    “The French name for Passover, Paques Juives, basically means ‘Jew Easter.'”

    :S

  2. At the end of a date with a girl, she asked me to go out again. I suggested the new exhibit at the local art museum that I really wanted to see, and she said, “oh, I don’t like art.”

    ?

    But, what do you put on your walls? I went on the second date, where we stopped by her apartment briefly to pick something up, and it turned out – nothing. She put nothing on her walls. She really didn’t like art. I’m a designer… That just didn’t really work for me. We were friends for a while after that, and then I lost track of her.

  3. Hahha it’s carnage out there, apparently. I’m still wondering how you get all these dates though. I’m pretty hot, I love HP, I’ll experiment in bed and I read a lot but I’m Still not getting any freaking message replies.

    Could it be that I’m not watching enough shows? That I don’t own a stable of cats? WHY don’t people just want to chat and see if there’s dynamics? Sniff. I suddenly have developed a certain understanding for straight guys, girls are riddles :’)

  4. Pingback: Date recap | Queering the Nerd

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