NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Has New Rules

Feature image of Cinnamon Maxxine and Amani Luxe in Crash Pad Series episode 243. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from Crash Pad Series. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Goddess Ixchel and Ray in Crash Pad Series episode 252

“Whether you’re straight or queer, dating, currently, feels not that great? It’s simultaneously easier to meet people and simpler to sack them off,” write Hannah Ewens and Lauren O’Neill before making a proposal for a few new dating “rules”: Don’t ghost, don’t breadcrumb, get an STI test, don’t like every single post a stranger makes, don’t neg, do be clear about what you want, clean your bedroom, and don’t breadcrumb:

“A familiar scene: You’ve posted an Instagram story of a sausage dog you saw on the train and you idly check who has #engaged with your #content-cum-wholesome thirst trap. Up top are your four actual friends, followed by a smattering of people who were just flicking through—and then there, floating somewhere in the middle, is an old hook-up who stopped speaking to you months ago, but who watches your stories and likes your tweets religiously.

You’ve done it, we’ve done it, they’ve done it. But it doesn’t mean it’s good. Even if it’s not as consciously manipulative and pernicious as juggling people, this whole charade—keeping communication open, at a distance, every so often—is what makes dating these days feel so meh.”

Sinful Sweetheart and Tramp in Crash Pad Series episode 253

The Desiree Conference, a five-day gathering for training sex workers and advocates, was cancelled because of FOSTA/SESTA. At Motherboard, Courtney Trouble writes about the consequences:

“‘We had our space and we are out and we are loud and we hold no shame,’ Cris Sardina, director at the Desiree Alliance and a 58-year-old sex worker of color and prison reform activist, told me in a phone interview. ‘[Other people] see that, and say, ‘gosh, there is somebody out there.’’ She paused, and cried. ‘How are we going to get our message out now,’ she said through tears. ‘This is so heartbreaking for me.'”

Cosmic and Miss Yum in Crash Pad Series episode 246

Women think about sex an average of 19 times a day, which is why not thinking about sex is hard.

“My love is disruptive. It is demanding. It is dangerous. My love is an agent of political warfare,” writes Madiba Dennie on how as a Black woman, interracial dating is a political choice at Broadly.

(Formerly Herstory) Personals is about to be a new queer text-only dating app.

At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Natalie Dupille discusses her life with two non-hierarchial partners.

Here’s how to date a Gemini.

Maybe don’t get impulsively married.

Scout and Lew Pine in Crash Pad Series episode 227

The only way to have good sex is to talk about it, sorry:

“‘Media and pop culture present so much swagger and bravado around conversations about sex,’ Levkoff says. ‘Sex is awkward. Talking about sex is awkward. You don’t feel cool. You feel super awkward and embarrassed. But you can get through that. My biggest tip is to own the awkward. Don’t be afraid to say that this is a hard conversation for you to have. Because the costs of not having them are pretty significant.'”

Chocolate Chip and Eros LaFemme in Crash Pad Series episode 219

It’s okay if you’re new to bisexuality and don’t know how to explore it. At Vice, Sofia Barrett-Ibarria writes about experimenting with bisexuality without being a jerk:

“Get to know other bi women, maybe go on a few dates, and if you’re new, it’s OK to let people know. Ask your potential hookups what they like and what they’re into, and be straightforward about where your boundaries lie. Sexual encounters are always improved through honest communication about what exactly is going on and what’s about to happen.

Sex can just be sex, and expermenting with bisexuality doesn’t necessarily call for a total reassessment of identity. Coming out as bisexual or queer may not be safe for everyone, or they may not want to align themselves with mainstream LGBTQ movements. It’s OK to just be bi, whether or not that means you even have or enjoy sex with a partner that identifies with the same sex or gender.”


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Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 878 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. Call me Gretyl, I guess, ‘cos someone is breadcrumming me so hard right now. I didn’t even know there was a word for this weirdly creepy, mostly instagram based behaviour. Thanks again, AS. Every day’s a school day!

  2. I do feel oddly gratified when I check who’s #engaged with my Instagram #content and count the dozens of girls I used to text/date/hook up with etc with still look at my stuff. But like, why? What am I really expecting to happen? Neither of us is actually reaching out to the other (yet). I guess I like the thought that these girls still care enough about me to check out what I’m up to and admire my flexing selfies.

  3. The way the last link is described is such a bummer to me – I keep coming back to it in my head. It smacks of ideas about bisexuality that have made me nervous about coming out to other people and stopped me from trying to date women – after all, isn’t it just an “experiment” and I could hurt someone who’s “really” queer. Catch-22, can’t get the proof I need to make myself acceptable.

    Every relationship is an experiment to some extent, right? So why is that phasing about being a jerk applied specifically to first same-gender encounters and bisexuality specifically?

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