Listling Without Commentary: Shit You Weirdos Are Allergic To

Guests registering for the first ever Autostraddle A-Camp in Southern California are allergic to a lot of things.  I stole a sneak-peak at the seemingly quite complicated spreadsheet keeping track of your identity/money/needs and was really impressed by the variety of things y’all just CANNOT HANDLE! (For the record, I’m allergic to cats, dogs, ragweed and metronidazole.) I’ve been told that there’s even an Autostraddle group for people with allergies, so check that out.

Things Y’all Are Allergic To:

1. Henna
2. Aspartame
3. Kiwi
4. GMO soy
5. Avocado
6. Cats
7. “Kind of grass.”
8. Strawberries
9. Lamb
10. Amoxicillin
11. Venison
12. Ginger
13. Olives
14. Dairy
15. Papaya
16. Buffalo
17. Tetracycline
18. Squash
19. Honey
20. Cashews
21. “Fire ants, maybe.”
22. Lavender
23. Penicillin
24. Bees
25. Milk
26. Beef
27. Sulfa Meds
28. Shrimp
29. Bactrim (antibiotic)
30. Crustaceans
31. Walnuts
32. Bananas
33. Garlic
34. Onions
35. Dogs
36. Horses
37. Fragrance mix
38. “Trees and also air.”

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3319 articles for us.

138 Comments

  3. I guess I should have put Augmentin on there just to keep things hilarious, but I hope you guys won’t be prescribing any antibiotics…

  5. I’m allergic to ladybugs and sunlight!

    Also possibly amoxicillin, but I was on that during one softball season, where there was lots of sunlight exposure, so who knows?

  6. #3; can’t believe you’re allergic to us kiwis :< we are an endearing and harmless people! XD

    • Ha!
      Sorry, spent some time in New Zealand. Endearing, yes. Harmless…not so much. Y’all are too badass to ever be called harmless. That is one butch-ass culture you’ve got going on.

      • You must have gone to everywhere that wasn’t Auckland. Auckland is as close to domesticated as kiwis get.

        But I have to admit, we’re getting a crudload of “Manly men being manly doing manly things ’cause they’re manly” ads lately so maybe we are butch-er than I thought?

  8. I like to think I’m allergic to bullshit, but I didn’t think I’d have to worry about that at A Camp.

  9. It’s weird that there are so few!
    Kids these days are allergic to so much stuff.
    I’m allergic to ginger, totally weird, also ironic.
    I keep trying ginger stuff every year or so hoping the allergy will magically disappear, but no luck.

      • I love you dear vegans, I lived next to a vegan pub, my best friend is a vegan with whom I could not compete with in culinary prowess with agave and maple (and probably in most things in the kitchen). But honey is my love. Nothing in the world will defeat breaking into honeycomb or the adventure of honey from faraway places and tasting the differences and knowing that it comes from flowers that maybe I’ve never smelled. I fucking love honey. Agave and maple syrup are too thin, I can’t spoon it up with my fingers and roll the sweet crystals against my tongue as it melts.

        Plus you can call your sweetheart Honey.

  14. Whoever wrote “trees and also air” is who I want to make out with first. She’s probs not going to last very long in the forest.

    • I’m allergic to peanuts! :( I will never know what a Reese’s cup tastes like (and I hear these cups of Reese are pretty tasty).

      • that makes me feel really sad actually. they are good. are there nut-free alternatives? sunbutter cups or anything?

  16. That’s alot of allergies, but I can honestly say that as all encompassing as that list seems my only known allergy is not on it. I’m allergic to bear saliva and that is 100% real talk. I found out when I was like 10 yrs old.

        • Well, I wsh the story was more interesting but here it goes. When my family went on a vacation to Florida there was a stop in Mississippi (I think) where you could buy raisins and feed them to this HUGE bear that would eat them from your little outstretched hand with it’s crazy long scratchy tongue. So, my parents being the responsible aldults they are, totally jumped on that shit. Anyways I broke the fuck out all over and we had to go home from the beach early. Doctor later concerned it and then looked at my dad like WTF did y’all do?!?

  17. Nice to see #s 33 & 34 on there – my wife sometimes feels like she’s the only one.

    • I’ve got garlic and onions (or never have them) unless anyone else claims that prize as well. It’s surprisingly limiting in restaurants, particularly in vegetarian/vegan ones! I find sometimes in veg places there isn’t a single thing I can eat on the menu (except chips).

      So totes give her a high five from someone who tends to get a raised eyebrow about an allergy that often ends up on the table. (I don’t know why people get suspicious).

      • Have you discovered fennel? I replace onions with fennel bulb in a lot of recipes. It works. It’s amazing. And it’s utterly unrelated to the whole garlic/onion family, so it doesn’t affect her (she’s got a GI sensitivity, not an anaphylactic allergy.)

      • really? i have it too but for me the most irritating thing is actually being unexpectedly cold, i’ve never reacted to chlorine

        • it doesn’t trigger it directly, but it dries out my skin to the point where I can’t keep it under control and need steroid creams.

          I react to cold, too. And extreme heat. And stress. And fragrances. And…

          • I once had chlorine poisoning because the water where i live had soo much in it and i didnt even realize that everytime i drank water or took a shower it got in me. When i took the (is antidote te right word? Lol) it was horrible! All the chlorine tht had bonded to my own molecules (ha) were broken down and got into my blood stream, and it was like being poisoned all at once! Worst week of my life- i sobbed constantly and yelled at people like i never ever do. Lol. Rndom story. I just hate chlorine i guess :P

    • Yeah, I lose my voice for 1-3 days if I swim in a chlorinated pool. Le suck. Also, highly chlorinated drinking water makes me feel funny.

  19. I was very tempted to put drama down as what I’m allergic to, but decided against it. Oh well.

  20. I knew I wasn’t the only person ever allergic to olives! Everyone always accuses me of being weird/lying when I pick them off my pizza…

    • I openly tell people I am repulsed by them. Not because of allergies, simply because I find they smell like battery acid.

  22. I am allergic to the XX chromosome set, will that be a problem with A-Camp and lesbianism in general?

    JUST KIDDING YOU GUYS I’m allergic to XY, which explains a lot of things.

    • i was about to comment that I could tell that you weren’t going because the list was A. too short, and B. there wasn’t gluten or pineapple on it.
      (you’re allergic to pineapple right? i feel as though there is a tropical fruit on the list)

    • before i read the list, i figured it was just going to be about you, marika.

      SIDE NOTE: someone with more allergies than you was at my gf bakery the other day!!! it was crazy. she had like half a page of stuff she was allergic to. but we were still able to make her a wedding cake!

      • I love all of you guys. And yes, I am allergic to pineapple. And I’m glad you were able to make her a cake.

        • I am also allergic to pineapple!!! Craziness! But I’m also quite allergic to red food dye (all of them, not just those of the bug-derived variety), and all food dyes really. Anything artificial will give me a headache/stomachache/hives (just depends)from flavorings to preservatives…so no BHA/BHT/BHQ. And MSG, but who isn’t allergic to that?
          Oh and mold, that’s no good either.
          And erythromycin!! I have a weak stomach!

  24. Although I am not coming to camp – I’m allergic to many trees, but especially hickory and walnut trees. I’m also allergic to dust. So I can’t go outside, and I can’t stay in. :/

  25. So..If I show up to A-Camp wearing my Lambs wool sweater (which is always covered with my dog’s and cat’s hair), reeking of a fragrance mix, with a Henna flower in my hair, eating a salad containing among other things: kiwi, strawberries, papaya, bananas and walnuts with a honey-ginger dressing, popping a myriad of anti-biotics and carrying my fire-ant farm..Should I expect to spend the weekend contained in a plastic bubble?

    • Maybe you should. I feel like there must be one lady out there who would look at you with your sweater-flower-salad-fireant situation and say in amazement, “it’s the woman I always hoped to find! I stopped believing that she was real! And look, I’ll never have to buy antibiotics again”.

  26. Based on that list, I suggest you to make CAMP gathering in a place and then walk away, so nobody will get hurt there.

  28. I would just take a moment to reiterate how INSANELY JEALOUS I AM OF THOSE OF YOU WITHOUT FINALS TO GO TO.

  30. I used to live with a housemate who was allergic to mango. The house was a mango-free zone. Sorrow.

    • Mangoes are the devil..so tasty, but everytime I so much as touch one I turn in to Jabba the Hut.

      • There is a compound in the skin that is closely related to the oil in poison ivy. Some people can handle the flesh, as long as someone else handles the skin.

  31. I am allergic to bananas, which provides no end of amusement to my friends. “A lesbian allergic to bananas? That is sooo funny!

    • I’m allergic to bananas, too. I’ve never known another banana allergy sufferer! It feels good to know that I’m not the only one.

  32. I feel like I should add my weirdest allergy, which is whatever is in sour green apple flavoring. Not regular green apple flavoring, not sour stuff on its own, but something in sour green apple flavored candies makes my face swell up.

    It is strange and my doctor thought it was hilarious so it is now actually written in my medical history.

  33. Being allergic to papaya must suck for lady loving.

    I’m allergic to fruit punch, I almost died so many times in my childhood from people (mainly adults)testing me, thinking it was a fake allergy. nope.

  35. I am allergic to cold. Instead of getting goosebumps like a normal person, I full-on break out in hives. Every day, because I live in Canada. Awwww yeah.

    • Also I work outside and furnace oil is too expensive to keep the house above 15 degrees (59F).

      It gets better. There was an oil spill in our basement last month so we can’t turn on the furnace ’cause the floor will catch fire and every door and window has to stay open to air the fumes.

      Someone please adopt me and keep me in Cali. I can live off of mangoes and love.

  37. Yay I’m not the only person with a penicillin allergy! (I’ve seriously never met anyone else with it).
    I’m also allergic to pine (if I’m around too many needles for a long time I get laryngitis), poinsettias, long haired dogs, and potentially pomegranate & bee/wasp stings.

    • My mom is allergic to penicillin! She wasn’t when she was younger though. It started after she got pregnant, which is apparently a thing that happens to some people.

    • I’m allergic to penicillin too (when I first found out about my allergy to it is one of my strongest memories from childhood), though I thought it was a really common allergy.

    • Penicillin, sulfa, ceclor, codeine, and tetanus shots. And that’s just the medical side.

      • My wife is allergic to penicillin, azithromycin (aka the ever popular Z-Pak), and sulfa. Which means there is like one antibiotic she can take.

  39. I’m allergic to bananas, seafood, latex, Dilantin, Dilaudid (I don’t know if that’s spelled correctly), and sooooo many flowers. When I was working in a store during Mother’s Day and they had a million flowers on display, I thought I was going to die of allergies. Tears and snot were just rolling down my face. It wasn’t pretty.

  40. To #33,
    As a person who is so in love with garlic that I have one tattooed down the back of my arm, this is possibly the worst allergy I can think of. I am truly sorry.

    I can’t even.

    • I have to say, as the wife of someone who is sensitive (not full-on allergy) to garlic, I’ve gotten over it. At this point, if I eat garlicky things I miss all the other flavors that I put in food when I can’t rely on garlic for flavor.

  42. Good grief, I don’t think we’re going to make it as a species.

    I am allergic to cats, but I snuggle them anyway. ASK MY EYE.

  43. How is their no peanut allergies?
    Is this some kind of lesbian thing cuz we are all peanut butter lovers?

    I swear peanut allergies are a new problem and don’t remember them
    being such a huge concern when I was in school, but people freak out
    about that shit these days.

    • They are much more common than they used to be. So people are “freaking out” because they could legitimately die from peanuts.

  44. I’m allergic to porcupines.

    I’m still not over it, as it probably means I’d be allergic to pandas, koalas, sloths, unicorns and other mystical animals.

  46. I’m allergic to the outside + pretty much every cute animal imaginable. Also nuts and fruits with big stones in them (plums, cherries, peaches etc).

  47. I’m allergic to gluten, tomatoes, corn, coco, shellfish, most cold water fish, yeast, grass, pretty much every other plant anywhere, dogs, cats, amoxicillin, fragrances, almonds and possibly dairy. I think there are more fruits, but I can’t remember any of them.
    tl;dr YOU BETTER BE RELIEVED I’M NOT GOING TO CAMP.

      • How have you people survived so long on this planet? I can’t even conceive of all of this..I roll through life eating gluten like a glutton, covered in various animal hair (domestic and non-domestic) and never having to hesitate before touching something or putting something in my mouth (yeah, I said it) and until now never gave it a thought…I AM SO DAMNED SORRY!!!

  48. once, when working at an actual summer camp, I had to accommodate a young girl’s allergy to ‘textured fruit’

  51. I’m mildly allergic to the sun and HIGHLY allergic to silicone. The only thing anyone ever says when they hear this is “OH, SO NO BREAST IMPLANTS FOR YOU!! HAHAHA!!”

    • But in seriousness though, the silicone allergy SUCKS because that shit is in EVERYTHING and depending on how sensitive you are… :( That sucks.

      • Totally. Contact lenses, makeup, kitchen utensils, water bottles. And sex toys – DAMN! When I touch it, my skin burns and begins to peel off at the point of contact…it’s really quite bizarre!

  52. Today, as I was having ice cream with a coworker and trying to identify all the ingredients in it, I was remarking how incredibly grateful I am that I am not allergy to any foods (except, minorly, carrots). Still not sure what-all was in that ice cream.

  53. Well, my walnut “allergy” is really only a sensitivity (it gives me a rash and triggers my asthma) so if it is adversely affecting the A camp budget, it’s not a big deal to me.

    My cat (who I’m supposedly allergic to) has worse allergies than me. He’s on pills and a gluten free diet and sneezing at my feet as I type.

    This was a good reminder that I need to finish the questionairre already. Let me go do that now…

  54. I’m glad I’m gay cause I have a latex allergy… and being straight with a latex allergy would suck.

  56. I’m allergic to fleas. That was harsh discovery. Went to school for a whole week breaking out until the doctor said I was having an allergic reaction to fleas.

  57. Everything but the sun pretty much sums up my allergies.

    Trees, hay, grass, dogs, cats, bees, pollen, certain brands of make up, scented laundry detergent and dryer sheets.

    Oh yeah and I have asthma.

    I promise I’m a real catch when I’m medicated.

  58. I was in great need of some cheering up today and Autostraddle did that for me. I have allergies too! And I’m the only one in my family/friends group with any issues so they always make fun of me.
    I’ve got numbers: 6, 7, 14, 21, 22, 24, 25, 35, 37, 38
    Plus pineapple, oranges, limes, sometimes lemons and any citrus really, rodents, farm animals but not horses, birds and feathers, lots of scents/fragrances, all flowers and pollens, arythromyacin, advair, excedrine, coconut, bees and yellow jackets (I don’t know if I put down that number.), uh… wool, bed bug bites, dust, dust mites, fleas, sand fleas, ticks, cockroaches, saltwater, everything they do on those allergy tests…
    I also have asthma, neuropathy and fibro myalgia. Which makes me sensitive to humidity, air pressure, temperature, sitting still and standing up, walking and lying down, sea level…
    Oh I forgot mold. Mold almost killed me once. I don’t wear make up but probably that too. Some laundry detergent, tons of soap, probably fish but not snowcrabs, camels, emu and ostriches, airfresheners! And candles, deodorants, Always Infinity pads apparently, sausage and grease, my own hair/dandruff, What else? Probably berries… smoke…incense…honeysuckle… maybe soy because I’ve never had it.
    Also, does it count if I have a thing where I can eat weird textures without throwing up, like mashed potatoes, pudding, jello, custard, and things?
    There are more things but I don’t know them all.

  59. For the sake of grammar though, can this post be renamed? Never end a sentence with a preposition. I suggest “Shit to Which You Weirdos Are Allergic”

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