These drawings were done during the two year period that my wife, Sarah, and I were trying to get pregnant. So much has changed in my life since then. These doodles sat, almost forgotten, for almost a decade. When I pulled them out of storage, it was a window to a tough time I’d mostly forgotten.
I found the process of trying to get pregnant to be somewhat lonely. So, I’ve gone back and sorted these random sketches into a timeline with captions, in order to tell my version of the story: charting our journey, like rabbits, trying to make a baby.
It was not an easy road, but in the end, Sarah did get pregnant. In the years since these were originally drawn, we’ve been very busy raising the kids generated by this process. It’s been exhausting — like they say, “All joy, no fun.” Despite all the emotional upheaval, we got our happy ending. I know not all couples are so lucky.
This was really sweet
What a beautiful story. I felt the agony all the way through, and am so happy that it worked out for you both.
What an incredible way to tell this story. Thanks so much for sharing, Christy…I’m so glad it worked out for you and Sarah.
Thanks so much.
It was a long road and there were so many other things that happened along the way.
I LOVE this, love the way it’s drawn and told, and so glad you shared it!! Thank you!
This is beautiful! It made me so teary! Thank you for candidly sharing your story with us!
Thanks. That means A LOT coming from you.
I do feel a little naked in these, but it’s sort of a clothed nude situation.
I forgot about all the crying until I wrote the alt text last week.
Yes, the crying and sadness. Our try at ivf didn’t work. We could try one more time, but I don’t knowabout going through all of that again.
This was so incredible and deeply moving. Thank you for sharing this window into your lives with us. Funny enough, while you were penning these comics I was 17-18 years old living in Orange County and coming to terms with my sexuality and feeling so alone. I had no idea a story like this was unfolding right in my own backyard. Really broadens your perspective and makes the lonely journey, in retrospect, somehow feel a little less lonely.
My Aquarian mind just went kaboom.
First up, OC!
Second, Nicely put. We have no idea what is going on with people.
Ah, 2008— What a time— I am pretty sure that Autostraddle was in in pre-zygote phase at this same time too, with The Planet podcast connecting L-Word fans, like Reice and Laniea.
This was quite a page-turner, or rather a “mouse-scroller” ! What will happen next ? The moods, the imagery. Was that a cabbage-patch outside the Arizona doctor’s office ?
Thanks for sharing such a personal story with so much thoughtfulness.
This was astounding! Thank you for sharing it. <3
I love this so much! I also want to try and get pregnant (in a few years, hopefully) and I have been looking for stories like yours.
this is so, so lovely. thank you for sharing it and i’m so happy you now have the family you wanted for so long <3
I also felt very lonely during the trying-to-get-lesbian-pregnant process. There isn’t a lot of support, especially as you fall down the rabbit hole of reproductive medicine, that is geared toward queer women…and most queer women’s websites seemed to focus on the aftermath, pregnancy, or acted as though acquiring sperm is the hardest part–once you have it, just throw it up there and boom, a baby!
At 24 years old I did not think it would take me a long, gut wrenching, expensive, medicated year to get pregnant. We did six IUIs, 3 unmedicated in 2017 and 3 with letrozole (similar to Clomid), trigger shots, and progesterone in 2018. We were preparing for IVF when I got my positive after #6. We are now overjoyed to be 10 weeks pregnant and to have seen our kidlet twice over ultrasound.
I think we need more writing about what it’s like for lesbians to go through this, especially when it is not easy!
It was very complicated.
As someone who has never had to deal with the possibility of getting pregnant during sex, I was pretty naive about some of the details of the reproductive side of sex and timing.
Even within my larger circle of friends, a lot of straight women I know had spent over a decade medically avoiding pregnant. So much so that they had the wrong idea that it would be easy, like catching a cold.
And yes, like a lot of the primary narratives might lead one to believe, I thought getting the sperm would be the hard part. Ha!
Who knew lube usually contains spermicide? I recall our donor showing us the packaging for something called “HisSeed, ” a non-spermicidal lube. The lab room was low on gay porn, but he finally found something called “A Hard Gay’s Night” which I’ll never forget.
Beautiful drawings, great storytelling, great content. Thanks for sharing.
I just wanted to say how much I adored this!! Thank you.
Thanks that makes me so happy.
Thanks you so much for posting this! Right now I’m at IVF round 2 after 5 unsuccessful rounds of IUI. We have all our fingers and toes crossed but at this point I feel like I’m completely at the bottom of that little bunny burrow. So it’s so good to hear that you ended up with TWO! Congratulations. And thank you again x
Best wishes and take care!
To echo the previous comment, good luck.
If I could I would give you a (consensual) hug of support.
Been reading for YEARS, finally signed up to comment.
Thank you *so much* for sharing this. I have been searching for stories of queer women (or trans men, or partners of trans men) trying to conceive.
We just tried our first IUI in June and it didn’t take. I believe a zygote tried to implant but couldn’t, based on symptoms I had. It has been hard on both of my wife and me. I need to a break before trying again.
Thank you times a million.
Edit: It has been hard on both my wife and me. I need to take a break before trying again – I am emotionally and physically wiped out.
this was incredible. thank you so much for sharing your story with us <3
This was truly lovely.
What a beautiful story – I’m so glad you were able to have your babies!I’ve also been on the same heartbreaking journey, but as a single mother with an anonymous donor.
6 IUIs resulted in 1 pregnancy that ended in a devastating miscarriage at 9 weeks; 1 round of IVF with two frozen transfers and 2 years later I’m pregnant (13 weeks). It’s such a difficult journey – both physically and emotionally.
Thank you so much for this.
My partner and I are only in the early stages of trying to conceive but I’m already overwhelmed by the uncertainty and the loneliness due to lack of support for queer couples. It doesn’t help that I seem to be surrounded by straight women who were fortunate to conceive easily! Reading other people’s stories really helps.
I love this. Thank you.
Thanks. It’s been a great experience so far to share this via Autostraddle and hear the responses.
I’m not sure what to tell people in the middle of a similar journey. Part of me thought this piece should have a subtitle: A cautionary tale… Or some such warning that it might make you never want to try to get pregnant.
This is me and my wife, right before Part II. Seven IUIs, three without meds, three with some meds, one with all of the meds. You know the part of the story where you’re sure the main character is going to die? That’s where I am right now.
I’m sorry to hear that.
It’s such a hard thing, esp because our culture tends to treat getting pregnant as a private pursuit, that a couple only shares with the outside world once the pregnancy has reached the end of the first trimester.
The meds don’t help. Any emotions you might have in your body are intensified with piles and injections.
I remember that feeling. I did survive it, though at the time I didn’t want to.
Your doodles / drawings are amazing. There’s so much emotion captured in such deceptively simple drawings.
Beautifully made! Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Love the beautiful simplicity. I could see this easily turned into a book. Thank you for sharing your journey and I’m glad it ended happily for you and your family.
My oldest is also nine with a similar lengthy getting pregnant process.
I agree with the other commenters saying that we need more of these stories out there so we know how common this story is.
Thank you for sharing and for the beautiful drawings.
Your artwork is amazing! It allowed me to walk through your journey, with all of its emotions! I have low vision, but I can see your drawings some lunch when I get very close. I want to say that I greatly appreciate the fact that you have also added alternate text and captions. Thanks a lot for thinking about accessibility! All the best to you and your future!