26 Really Special Ways You Described Your Relationship Status In The Autostraddle Reader Survey

In the 2014 Autostraddle Reader Survey, we asked you to share your relationship status with the group. A whopping 49% of you are single, 26% are in a serious relationship(s), 17% are living with your partner(s), 12% are dating and 6% are married. Readers were invited to ‘select all that apply’ but many readers found their particular situation was not adequately covered by the multiple choice options, and instead chose to write in a more descriptive answer. These are just some of those very very VERY special responses.

1. Relationship Anarchist

2. the most single person in the entire world

3. MOTHERFUCKING ENGAGED! :)

4. i’m dating six-ish people right now? casually? am i going to die?

5. alone and with too much social anxiety to change that!

6. using one-night stands to distract myself from my crush on my flatmate counts, right?

7. too legit to quit

8. in a serious relationship with Netflix

9. we are kinda dating but it’s not official, it’s really complicated up in here

10. spinster

11. it’s a shit show

12. SINGLE FOR LYFE

13. I have no idea, women are confusing!

14. plotting to kindly leave my husband and become a lesbian separatist

15. I am so alone please send cats

16. My dog and I are the slippery slope

17. Love-hate relationship with my dissertation

18. Single and ready to mingle with pringles

19. I am terrible at dating and considering breaking up with a nice girl because she cares too much, THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP AUTOSTRADDLE

20. Crazy cat lady

21. Sleeping with girls who will never be my girlfriend

22. I am in a relationship with a man and I want to leave but it’s very complicated and my mom will definitely cry

23. Is it serious if we’re each other’s firsts and it took two months to realize we were dating? What is that?

24. Imaginary relationship with my tumblr followers

25. 21 years March 18th.

26. FINALLY LEGALLY MARRIED, BITCHES!!!


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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2855 articles for us.

77 Comments

  1. #8 & #20 so much!! Also include will die alone and my cats will eat me.

  2. VA

    I laughed really hard at all of these.

    And I can relate to several of them, including:
    “imaginary relationship with my Tumblr followers”
    “single and ready to mingle with Pringles”
    “in a serious relationship with Netflix”

    And all I can think about now is that Bob’s Burgers episode where Tina asks if it’s possible to be in love with 25 people at once.

  3. This is just the greatest thing ever. #4 made me laugh out loud in the silent study room so thanks for that.

  4. With 49% of us single (myself included, although 17 is def true), I find myself strongly desiring an Autostraddle dating site.

    • I feel like autostraddle would be so good at making a dating site format that doesn’t suck.

      • Would it be like A-Camp cabin choosing? Just Autostraddle making us fill out surveys, then the editors sitting around drinking wine and pairing us up?

        • FTR, i am VERY sober while making cabin assignments. more or less. mostly.

        • I don’t care how much wine is involved I stand behind the A-Camp cabin assignment a million percent!!!! I’ve LOVED all my cabins!!!!

          (Anxiously awaiting my next one!!! Mostly cuz I’m always super excited and only partially so I can beg for a ride, lolz.)

    • As long as it was and didn’t compromise the fabulousness that Autostraddle IS now

      Maybe any dating site could be very separate from the rest of Autostraddle, because, the one thing that keeps me on my keyboard, contributing, and glued to Autostraddle is the mere fact that it is not a meat market. It would seriously hamper my willingness to contribute if Autostraddle became more dating website orientated. That is only me by the way. One of the major things I LOVE about Autostraddle is that it is a queer safe womens’ space that any queer women can access if she has internet. It is a safe space and that so needs to be protected and cherished and not compromised by things getting blurred with a dating site….

      I am sure it could be done…

      • So Autostraddle here and

        Dating website there

        So they are separate because

        Autostraddle needs to remain as expansive, safe, friendly and inclusive as it is, and it needs it audience as much as we need the contributors and performers – there are conversations to be had, old ones, new ones, it is a dialog

        and to enable the audience and contributors/performers to continue to contribute, the safeness of an inclusive welcoming space needs to continue and be protected, which, I believe could be compromised if a dating website’s “interests” became confused with Autostraddle’s “safe queer womens’ conversation space”, became confused.

        It could happen, but keep them separate, because their vested interests are kind of conflicting…

        • Oh gosh! Your comment is super relevant! Somehow I became unofficial captain of a queer-friendship group that went from 4 people to 50 within two weeks…goodness gracious I don’t know what is going to happen to the dating scene when we basically just blew it up. Friendship, dating? It is just something that I think about as our group grows up.

        • Sarah it won’t let me reply to you, but I AM IN THAT EXACT SITUATION. So many queers at once, to the point that every hangout is like a big thirty-person date. And it is wonderful and perfect and no one has coupled off yet but it’s coming, I feel it… Hahaha.

        • I was mostly posting this comment as a pipe dream hypothetical, but positively yes on separation! I suppose I just differ from many other commenters in that I don’t have terribly many (or really any) not-straight women that I see on a regular basis at this point, so I was potentially jumping the gun a bit.

  5. I have a lot of questions for 16, would like to see a picture of their dog

  6. the relationship anarchist needs to write a manifesto and be my new best friend, please and thank you

      • I never heard of relationship anarchy before, this manifesto is awesome!

    • I am the relationship anarchist! (Unless there is more than one… In which case, hi!) And I did indeed get the term and the concept and all from Andie Nordgren, girlwithglasses! Can I still be your best friend molllllly? :)

      Also woooo, I was featured on one of these lists, yay!

      • Woooooo indeed! I am #20 (or one of the #20s, in case there are other people out there who know that “crazy cat lady” is a relationship status)!

  7. so much anarchist representation this year on the reader survey by the way, A++

  8. just wanna say I don’t know why there photo for this article has a sexy nun but I’m way into it

  9. Also, “why did no one put ‘in a serious relationship with autostraddle'” – my friend Rowan who I just introduced to this site

  10. 15 is so amazing! And I know so many 17s/will maybe hopefully be her in a few years.

  11. I am somehow in number 9, kinda dating but not officially (but we’re also dating exclusively?), with my ex sooooo probably don’t do that. It’s very messy.

      • Thanks, Riese. It’ll all be okay. It can’t be more miserable than it is right now. Famous last words. (Also, OMG Riese replied to one of my comments!)

    • <3 <3 i hope you’re ok today! i did the same thing 8 yrs ago and can confirm that your future self will really love you for this. xoxox

    • Same thing that so many others over here and everywhere : I also did this 5 years ago, and although it might become a rather chaotic time of your life (but then again, maybe not!), just like Laneia said, you future self will love you for doing this. And a future self filled with love has to be something to be looking forward to… :-)

      Sending you love and good vibes too. <3

  12. “18. Single and ready to mingle with pringles”

    yeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss -casually jumps into the pringley mix-

  13. 16. Yes. Absolutely.

    Whoever you are I’m going down that slope with you because my dog is the fucking best.

  14. #19 and #24. Breaking up with nice girls who care too much and in imaginary relationships with Tumblr followers — are you guys me??

  15. So, these will all be options on the multiple choice menu next year, RIGHT?

  16. #17, serious relationship with a dissertation.. that’s brilliant. (I’ll be done end of this year, finger’s crossed, and it’ll feel like a divorce, I guess.)

  17. “Imaginary relationship with my tumblr followers” and “I am so alone please send cats” are essentially my relationship status in a nutshell.

  18. #23- If your relationship goes anything like mine that started that way did, in three years you’ll be married. And in six years you’ll be “that couple,” who married young and are always together, and have cats. (But only if you like cats. You could have something else instead.)

  19. I’m pretty sure #19 describes my entire dating history. Send pringles.

  20. You know, I have days when i want to jump back onto relationship train solely so that I can once again minimally-awkwardly come out by dropping “my girlfriend” in a conversation.

  21. #19 basically describes/sounds like what happened with my ex so you guys can probably guess what MY response would be to that question

  22. I relate to alllllll of the terribly lonely singles ones ._.
    and I can’t have a cat because I’m constantly moving from place to place, job to job so the poor critter would have no constancy!

  23. Id have to say 18 & 24….. im deeply envolved with my food and tumblr hahaha

  24. Dee

    Ladies, have to say 13 is true. Men are much easier to read than women. There should be a Degree for observing, studying, learning, interacting and being with women. Though I wonder how many would actually graduate to being a master…

  25. All of these, definitely, are just amazing and hilariously relatable. But to #22–heart goes out to you. I did it, she cried, time passed and everyone is much happier.

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