Oh you thought Halloween was the spookiest time of year? I would like to argue that we, perhaps, consider a throwback or several. The 12 days of Christmas, in Christian European culture [with various exports to the US and elsewhere], was once considered THE most haunted time of year. The Yule season is a time of demons and witches, of ghosts and ogres, ghouls and trolls, a time to keep your doors locked, your fires lit, and your mortal ass safely ensconced in blankets.
Now, as for YOU, dear reader, it has come to our attention that this year, you find yourself personally torn between staying safe from the Wild Hunt that rampages through the night in the darkest days of winter and the fact that it’s, well, cuffing season and you don’t care if those cuffs are the ones at the ends of the chains around Krampus’ wrists because Hell or high water, you’re finding a holidate, even [or especially] if it’s a Christmas monster.
With so many to choose from, we know it can be hard to figure out who you should ask out and/or lure to your home with naughty acts. Lucky for you, we have this quiz to help you determine just which Christmas monster you should date!
P.S. I hope Yule share what you think of your date in the comments!
My date is Grýla and I am…mildly terrified!
Me too. She seems demanding ha ha
You’ve got this, Sally!
Damn, there aren’t enough femme Christmas monsters out there :'(
I guess I’ll have to settle for the 13 Christmas lads this quiz matched me with.
Thanks for the laugh!
Mari Lwyd! we’ll have a lovely rap battle and then sit by the fire drinking mulled wine
Krampus really 😂😂😂
I’m a pagan who loves to bake for people – the Italian Christmas witch is perfect for me!
PS: as a weapon I would grab my cast iron frying pan and/or the large kitchen knife. My fabric and crafting scissors are fabric-only, I’m not ruining them for self defence.
“My fabric and crafting scissors are fabric-only, I’m not ruining them for self defense.”
I love knowing that the crafting scissors are off limits EVEN in supernatural emergencies.
I got the Mari Lwyd, I am guessing we met when I accidentally tried to collect her skull, not realizing someone was still using it and set up our date from there.
The knock at the door/choose your weapon question made me laugh because I have a dedicated ensemble for confronting weird sounds outside at night (the weird sounds are raccoons trying to get into my garbage cans no matter how many anti-raccoon devices/methods I employ).
I also got Mari Lwyd and am pretty sure we have the same meet cute. When I saw this quiz I thought, oh, I already know I’m dating Mari Lwyd. Also earlier this month I considered whether I should check all my ethical bone supply places for a mare skull or make one from papier-mâché and then decided my apartment is too small for that seasonal decor. So dating is the next best option.
My date is with Krampus and Im already loving it.
Krampus <3 yes totally head over heels for this nonbinary terrifying kinky babe
Me too! So pleased
My first tho got was I don’t need to take this quiz, I know I’m asking out Mari Lwyd. But I took it anyway and guess what my results were? Thanks for the spooky Christmas representation
I got the Yule Cat but also I’m here because of this pun: “I hope Yule share what you think of your date in the comments!”
Whenever I make a pun, I think of you, Valerie. I hope this is one yule log away for later use!
Also Mari Lwyd! Welsh monsters are rad, especially because I’m reading a book about Welsh fairies right now (Among Others). V into the spooky Yule season – thank you for this!
normalize having a place to look at all the answers
yes, please lol
I was skeptical of this quiz but my answer is perfect. I’m part Italian and I always bake (gluten-free) Christmas cookies to share with friends and family.
“You should date La Befana, the Italian Christmas witch! For many queer people, witchcraft has been about reclaiming power — and La Befana is no exception as she basically takes Santa’s journey into her own hands, flying through the sky and bringing baked goods and gifts to kids on the eve of the Epiphany / Three Kings Day (the eve is January 5, Epiphany is January 6). La Befana is everything you could want in a super witchy, ultra mommi date. Plus, if she catches you looking at her, she’ll whack you with her broom! Gifts AND impact play? Hot!”
I got La Befana the first time and, a date I have to clean the house for? NOPE. Retook and got my true dream date, Gryla. I too have wanted to kill men for boring me.
The quiz didn’t give me a result! I can only imagine that this means that I am the Christmas monster of my own dreams.
Hahahaha maybe true! It also means you got a perfect tie. You can always try again!
Maybe for a perfect tie it would be better to show both? Why not date two Christmas spirits, after all?
I got Frau Perchta and since my house is a mess I am definitely dying on our date…RIP me but dont worry I’ll be back as a Christmas ghost.
Oh noooo. So glad you’re going to be back as a ghost though :)
the yule cat! amazing
I love it!
Mari Llwyd! Here for the musical battle, despite not having the confidence I could win it :P
Also, feeling very called out by “Acedia (a vintage sin, knowing what you should do but not doing it)” as I sit on the couch PMSing and procrastinating on work
“This German witch — or maybe demon — comes to your home and if you haven’t done your cleaning, she rips out your guts, fills your cavity with garbage, and sews you back up.” Wow, not trying to kink shame Frau Perchta but that’s a bit much for me. We’ll definitely have a date in my nightmares.
I got Frau Perchta and considering that she’s a Virgo and I’m a Scorpio we should get along just fine.
I love this teamup!
Frau Perchta for me.
No I won’t clean up for her, haha ! Do your wurst Perchta !
You terrified me at Virgo…shudders… (i.e., Frau Perchta).
frau perchta so although i will go down fighting apparently rip to me BUT
i want to thank you for building in possibilities for “i am under no circumstances taking candy from a house that MAGICALLY APPEARED BETWEEN TWO BUILDINGS in what world is that not a setup” even if i had to lie about being vegetarian, hearing a sound and just.. going to look, and not weirding out my first date by giving them, a total stranger, presents. i feel so seen.
very happy to have provided some options that suit your sensibilities!!
I got Krampus! Honestly, though, I thought I might get the Yule Cat. I mean, I’m already wearing a new scarf (ok, I made the scarf, but it’s still new).
Well if you HAD gotten the Yule Cat, you would have been perfectly safe!
Thank you, this was fun– I got Mari Llwyd! Looking forward to the musical battle– a date where I get to learn some new songs seems like an excellent date. (Not saying I signed up for an entire music class because the teacher was cute, but not NOT saying that, either.)
Honestly Sounds like Mari Lwyd and you are a perfect match <3
I’ve been sending this to all of my friends accompanied with the message “I got Krampus 😌” all day, excellent Christmas entertainment 10/10 would recommend.
While we cannot ALL date Krampus, I am so happy that you get to.
Frau Perchta? I’m not sure she’d like me. My house isn’t a mess, but it’s not completely clean either.
Oh no!!! Well I hope you have a little time to clean up before she comes by ;)
I’m terrible at cleaning but I make great oatmeal so Frau Perchta is weirdly perfect!
Love that for you both!! Making oatmeal is an oft overlooked art.
Ht Mari Lwyd. Good ol fashioned paganism for me, as usual. Disappointed that I couldn’t grab what I usually grab in case of a disturbance, one of my many swords.
Ha, well, maybe substitute living room hatchet for sword. So glad you got Mari Lwyd. I love her!
Frau Perchta and I will have an amazing Virgo on Virgo date and live happily ever after in our sparkling clean home.
This is not me but I am so glad for you!!!