Holigay Quiz: How Will You ‘Ruin’ Your Family’s Holiday Gathering This Year?

Many LGBTQ+ folks don’t get to go home for the holidays. For those of us who do have that option, family dynamics can still be tricky. What’s supposed to be a “warm and fuzzy” gathering could easily end in a blowout, and you might be blamed. If you’re going home for the holidays, how will you “ruin” this year’s gathering? Take this quiz and find out!

The people and conflicts illustrated in this quiz certainly won’t reflect all of the challenges that all families face — think of this as a “pick your own adventure” exercise featuring a sample platter of prickly people. Feel free to vent about previous holiday disasters or share your strategies for managing holiday turmoil and/or building a chosen family and/or cutting out relatives who don’t support your happiness in the comments!

You’re preparing to head back to your hometown for the holidays. What’s your biggest concern?(Required)
What do you pack first?(Required)
Choose a black tee:(Required)
You’re on the phone with a relative before you leave. What’s something you say?(Required)
You finally arrive at your destination. Who or what do you notice first?(Required)
Which question will you most likely be asked before your family’s holiday dinner begins?(Required)
The meal begins. At first, the conversation is pleasant enough, but you say one benign thing that sets off an argument. What is it?(Required)
Which one of these words is used to insult you?(Required)
You don’t end up staying the night and head home to decompress instead. How do you spend your evening?(Required)

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Ro White

Ro White is a Chicago-based writer and sex educator. Follow Ro on Twitter.

Ro has written 105 articles for us.


  1. I have boundaries!! (Yes I do, thank you Ro and AS quiz for affirming that!)

    It’s been a few years since I’ve had to deploy my strongest boundaries at family gatherings and this quiz is such a good reminder of how glad I am that i don’t spend thanksgiving with my most challenging extended family anymore.

    • Oh yeah, that’s me too! Fun times. My parents can be so sweet and completely accept me being gay. They just don’t stop making comments about my weight. Or understand my mental health stuff.

  2. doing my own thing, and yep. but the part where the image for it was a unicorn, sigh, really sorry that so many folks deal with family who aren’t kind.

    love to everybody and sending hopes we all find lots to be thankful for.

  3. You’ve been going to therapy!

    “But in families that love to sweep any hint of conflict under the rug, your therapized self threatens the Great Holiday Tradition of Tense Silence.”

    So true. Even if I manage to keep my mouth shut, my eyebrows speak volumes.

  4. I’m doing my own thing!

    True, and this is exactly where all the conflict seems to come from because whatever I’m doing, it’s wrong, I’m wrong and, on top of that, I’m bound to screw it up!

    It’s also true in a happy way in that for seven years now my partner and I don’t go to anyone’s home except our own, which is great and makes the holigays actually a warm and fuzzy family gathering (beloved cat is in charge of the fuzz provision and she does a fabulous job every year).

  5. I have boundaries! Which is why my famous, narcissistic sister (and my codependent mother) now leave town, and I get to experience a happy thanksgiving with no adult tantrums and the rest of my family.

  6. I have boundaries! Which is new this year – I’m experimenting, for the very first time, with not being with my family of origin for either of the winter holidays I grew up celebrating. I’m feeling a little scared and lonely about it, but also a big sense of relief that I won’t have to deal with dysfunctional arguments and my homophobic mom when I’m just trying to have a break from school. Plus I get to hang out with friends and people whose company I actually enjoy!

  7. “by doing something else” yes. sitting upstairs in the dark on my phone because there are 5 people under the age of 40 there. me, my brother, my two horrible cousins, and the son of one of my aunt’s business partners who she decided to invite to thanksgiving

  8. As a Brit I just don’t understand why Americans use up their already cruelly limited vacation time to participate in something that sounds so shit?

    And def if there’s differences of opinion on vaccination, masks etc surely it makes more sense to skip it entirely (within your control) than try to make someone sit outside (not in your control)? Why put yourself through this suffering?

  9. I recently had a fallout with a relative i love for deciding to not tolerate her cheating, manipulative husband any longer, instead of giving in to her order to not ignore him and be all smiles because she said so. Istg hierarchies are convenient for people who don’t know nor care how to command respect by example, like this dude.

    I got “you have boundaries”. Seems apt!

    And the one result about going to therapy applies, too. OOF.

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