Here Are 14 of the Most Incredible Insults Chris Kluwe Used To Describe Gamergaters

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Gamergate has brought into sharp focus the violently misogynistic underbelly of some parts of of nerd and gaming culture. Our own Laura wrote the best thing on the internet about it, but this righteously furious post by NFL star Chris Kluwe is pretty good too. Kluwe has been playing games for 26 years, and he believes Gamergate is bad for women, bad for journalism, and bad for games. Gamergaters, he writes, “display a lack of knowledge stunning in its scope, a fundamental disregard of history and human nature so pronounced that makes me wonder if lead paint is a key component of your diet.” So he went full Shakespeare on their asses. Here, without commentary, is a list of every label Mr. Kluwe applied to Gamergaters. Let’s revel in it together, then find poignant moments in our real lives to use these against the people who deserve them.

1. Lazy
2. Ignorant
3. Blithering collection of wannabe Wikipedia philosophers, drunk on your own buzzwords, incapable of forming an original thought.
4. Angry neckbeards
5. Paint-huffing shitgoblins
6. Slopebrowed weaseldicks with zero reading comprehension and even less critical thinking skills
7. Basement-dwelling, cheetos-huffing, poopsock-sniffing douchepistols
8. Slackjawed pickletits
9. Hemorrhoidal gunt stains
11. Pestilent little toads
12. Too busy wargleblargling your face into your keyboard
13. Misogynistic mouthbreathers who get off on making rape threats against women as part of your “movement”
14. Fucking misogynistic creeps

Yeah, I went there. via CBS Sports

“Yeah, I went there.” via CBS Sports

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Adrian is a writer, a Texan and a Presbyterian pastor. They write about bisexuality, gender, religion, politics, music and a whole lot of feelings at Autostraddle and wherever fine words are sold. They have a dog named after Alison Bechdel. Follow Adrian on Twitter @adrianwhitetx.

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  1. I feel like, in the wake of a misandrist uprising to establish The Matriarchy, Kluwe should be spared.

    • We can keep him as well as John Barrowman. Maybe a few others. Plus he takes shots at MRAs and has referred to himself mockingly as a “well-heeled beta.” And the only thing a true Misandrist loves more than destroying men is a well-heeled beta ally to our queer feminist plot for global domination. Plus, we’ll need someone to serve as Dungeon Master and dust off our Birds of Prey action figures.

    • Aaah, got you, you’re referring to the same sci-fi setting which preceded and probably inspired Terminator with the concept of cyborg saboteur/assassins.

      I personally don’t think the evil half-machine constructs, were they real, would be on the Patriarchy side at all. They’d have more ambition than that. They’d be on the side of the underdog whichever it is – to facilitate as complete a human mutual annihilation as possible so to take over despite the small number and complex manufacturing process.

      But i guess the bottom line is the same. Kluwe gets spared, because God-empress of the machines would want him alive as a gouvernant to tutor her child-clones, the little machine-princesses. Because his swearing is a graceful, beautiful art that should not be lost and should be passed on.

    • Well I suppose some men will need to be retained for breeding stock, at least until science perfects a means of fertilising one egg with the genetic material from another…

  2. It’s also worth noting he added today, after Felicia Day was doxxed after <a href=""her post expressing her concern and fears about gamergate: “None of you fucking ‪#‎gamergate‬ tools tried to dox me, even after I tore you a new one. I’m not even a tough target,” he tweeted. “Instead, you go after a woman who wrote why your movement concerns her.”

  3. I have been following Chris Kluwe on twitter for like a year now and he never disappoints. His rants about well damn near everything are fucking classic.

    • Maybe the next time someone makes a misogynistic comment at me I’ll just call them a slopebrowed weaseldick.

    • A glaring omission! I thought the big text was pullquotes from the article and didn’t read them carefully. I updated the post to ensure the most useful list possible.

  4. So I super appreciate the intent behind this list and there’s nothing in the world I like more than inventive cussing, I mean nothing, but #9 is actually incredibly mean. I had to look it up, and I recommend you don’t google it if you don’t like/are triggered by insults aimed at fat female-assigned or female-identified people. I’m sure it’s an oversight, but I was really surprised and upset to see that on this site.

  5. Well this helped wash away the fury and frustration I had going on last night with Felicia Day’s doxxing… THANK YOU, MEN WHO UNDERSTAND THE SUPPORT WE NEED!

  6. I can’t *wait* for someone to next be mean to me so I can call them a paint-huffing shitgoblin.

    C’mon people, troll me, I’m fully armed!

  7. Hey! I think the gamer gate movement has a lot of misinformation and other people co-opting the movement. It was originally about journalistic integrity in the gaming community and extends far beyond the zoe quinn incident. Their side of the story mostly involves corruption in the gaming industry (a little boring imo). Their stance can be explained here:

    I think it’s a little unfair that the entire movement has been painted as misogynistic by people who are not as informed of the community, are not familiar with incidents of corrupt gaming journalism before Zoe Quinn, and don’t do much research beyond what is presented in the mainstream media. (It is a consumer movement, so gamergaters are leaderless and have no real platform to explain themselves)

    Gamergate supporters vary from the typical cis white male to people of all genders, ethnicities, and sexual orientations. A lot of them point this out under the #notyourshield hashtag. People who condemn the misogyny and homophobia, while well-meaning, misses the spot in terms of this movement.

    • Ignoring the ways in which videogames represent women, people of color, and LGBTQ people is not “impartial”. Pointing these things out is not “corrupt”. A racist, misogynist, transphobic, or homophobic game is a shitty game, no matter how good the graphics or gameplay are.

      Not all supporters of gamergate harass women, poc, and LGBTQ people, but if your first reaction to the fact that this harrassment is happening is to get defensive rather than to immediatly condemn it, you are part of the problem.

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