Fox News Calls Green M&M “Opportunistic Little Bitch” on All-Women Packaging

You might think Conservatives are spending the New Year reflecting on the choices that led them to the absolute clown show that unfolded in the U.S. House of Representatives last week, as Republican Congressman Kevin McCarthy endured days of humiliating losses in the Speaker vote that almost led to a fist fight on the House floor. Or pondering how their own attempted coup of democracy inspired one in Brazil over the weekend. But no! What’s got Real Americans’ goats right now is the “woke” “lesbian” M&Ms that are heading to 7-Elevens near you any day now. The new M&Ms are just regular M&Ms, but with Green, Brown, and freshly born Purple on the package, flipped upside down so the M becomes a W for “woman.” M&Ms says the limited time candies are to honor “women all over the world [who] are flipping how they define success and happiness while challenging the status quo.” And who better to help them with that mission than “our own powerhouse spokescandies Green, Brown and Purple?”

You will remember, of course, like seven years ago when Green and Brown held hands on a park bench and nearly caused a riot at the Mars Wrigley Candy Factory.

A Fox News panel convenes to discuss the woke agenda sponsored by M&Ms

Well, adding Purple has done nothing to diminish the hysteria. Fox News convened a four-person panel to produce a segment on it that opens with question: “Will M&Ms still melt in your hands if M&Ms are trans?” The pundit, whose name I refuse to learn, goes on to call Green “a seductress,” mocks the decision to switch her go-go boots to sneakers, and suggests the next thing we’ll see is the Three Musketeers “trading their swords for protest signs.” He then scrunches his face in mock disgust and asks, “What kind of message does it send to children when you devour these nonbinary bon bons?”

I just want to be clear that M&Ms have not created any trans and/or nonbinary mascots. I’d love it if they did, but these are just the same girl mascots as always, now with a Purple one. Can you imagine feeling emasculated and excluded from The Culture, to the point of a nationally televised rage spiral, because there’s no boy mascots on a limited edition pack of chocolate candy?

A yellow package of peanut M&Ms with Green, Purple, and Brown flipped upside down.

But wait! It gets worse! The lady pundit, whose name I also refuse to learn, calls Green “a snake” and “a conniving, climbing little bitch” and “an opportunistic little bitch” and suggests you should “run from women like the Green M&M.”

I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. The Daily Mail is involved now too. (Not linking, not sorry.) They’ve “uncovered” 11 Green & Brown fan fics on the internet and are convinced M&Ms are part of the “LGBTQ grooming problem.”

Apparently this is part of “Wokedom’s” big plan? Wait’ll they find out Skittles’ tagline is “Taste the rainbow.”


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Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1532 articles for us.

27 Comments

  1. Funny how they have a melt down over fictional characters supporting women. It’s like they really want to show off how big of misogynist they can be to woo losers women & trans hating community.

  2. CW for pulling out the transphobic quote:
    “Will M&Ms still melt in your hands if M&Ms are trans?”

    The transphobia is awful, but the slogan from the 50s was actually: “Melt in your mouth, not your hands.” So at no point have M&Ms of any gender melted in anyone’s hands! These transphobic jack*sses can’t get anything right!!!

    • m&m’s also specifically don’t melt in your hand, that’s kind of their whole thing. Like he somehow managed to make his dumb joke that already didn’t make sense make even less sense by being even dumber. A feat really.

  3. It takes a lot for a Fox News headline to take me aback but the startled cackle I let out at the headline could’ve been heard two counties over

    Can’t believe when I switch from heels to sneakers for my gardening I instantly become conniving – what a power up item!

  4. The fox news people always baffle me. I would really truly like to know if these people actually believe in these bizarro worlds they’ve constructed or if they’re just doing it for the viewership.

    Like, either they genuinely believe they exist in a world that’s just one horrifying nightmare scenario (purple m&ms in this case) after another and everyone is out to get them (especially that green m&m) or they are so extremely committed to the bit that they literally never break character in public.

    I mean, they’re awful people either way, I would just like to know which it is.

  5. First of all, I was thinking to myself “Why does the purple M&M look so gay?” and then noticed she was wearing some sort of white Doc Martens, which must be a factor in how dykey she looks. Second of all, can’t wait for the green x brown x purple fanfiction to take the world by storm.

  6. the funny thing about this is also that they managed, for once, to not make the “women” M&Ms some type of easily recognizable cliché of femininity (at least as far as I know, lol, I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur in the art of gendering candy) so tbh without this article/the tagline I would have never made the connection “these two M&Ms are lesbians and the purple one is their child”, I wouldnt have even realized that the Ms were Ws, which makes Fox News’ preoccupation with this “problem” even more hilarious to me

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