We talk a lot about cats on this website, which is fine, they’re like white noise machines and take pleasure in scaring their owners by gifting them dead animals, but everyone knows dogs are the only pure things on earth. My life is especially reflective of this verified fact. The only times I’ve openly wept on a plane was during an in-flight screening of Marley and Me and another time when I was listening to a podcast about service dogs. I’ve forgotten coworkers names who I worked with last year but I can tell you the name of a dog that was a regular at a coffee shop I frequented over five years ago.
Her name was Zoe, by the way, and she exists in a special part of my brain along with the rest of the dogs I’ve come to know through dog walking, dog sitting, working at a dog boarding facility, and in general being a person whose days-long stints of silence have been broken by a dog in public.
Look, you clicked on this. You know why you’re here. You’re here to read about dogs I’ve known and loved, who you can now also know and love. Relax, it’s Friday. Enjoy some dog content. The names alone are worth it. Like:
Gilbert, the bloodhound who instead of running could only trot sideways like a dog version of the grapevine.
Kenmore Peoples, AKA “Mr. Peoples,” the basset hound who would stare at you from all areas of a room awaiting eye contact before making his way to your area.
Cody, AKA “Cody Bagel,” the beagle who was a notorious rule-follower and rule-enforcer, and with whom I would do “Cody Curls,” an activity that mimicked bicep curls.
Frisbee, the golden retriever who would only sit if it was on top of a crate.
Marble, the great pyrenees whose self care in stressful situations consisted of forming herself into the smallest nook of a playpen.
Lula and Daisy, Italian spinone sisters with hearts of gold, arms like spiders, and hugs like grandmothers.
“The Bad Girls Club” consisting of Abby, Layla, Stella, Bailey Jones, and Baby Girl.
Cooper, the black lab and my dog who has exactly one eyebrow and who I genuinely tried to text once.
Buster, the basset hound banned from Pet Smart due to a terrible attitude.
Pancake, the beagle whose angelic face was overshadowed by her intimate relationship with a couch.
Snickerdoodle, the teacup yorkie who is the only dog that’s ever terrified me to my core.
Gally, the great dane who bowed every time you entered a room.
Patty, the toothless pitbull we found on the side of the road in the rain who wore the hell out of a t-shirt.
Georgia, more fawn than a dog, who when she’d jump up to hug me reminded me of Rachel Green for some reason???
Murphy, the king charles spaniel whose webbed paws made him waddle.
Waffle, the deaf bulldog whose only mission in life was to get the ball.
Daphne, a corgi mix who hated men and would celebrate direct eye contact with exactly four tail wags.
Ellie, the teacup poodle who loved watching Roseanne and one time wagged her tail when someone on television did a good dive with minimal splash.
Panda, the whippet in haut couture.
Sarah, the border collie whose only joy was berating people who wore hats in public.
Bernie, the bernese mountain dog terrified of bees!!!
Mr. Pants, the puggle whose name was Mr. Pants.
Don’t forget, I love you.