The Lure of Hating on “The Lure of Dating an Ex-Lesbian”

HASBIAN: From the magazine who brought you “Channing Tatum is Proud of His Package,” “Meet the Gay Douchebag” and “The Rise of the Hot Jewish Girl” may we present “The Lure of Dating an Ex-Lesbian.” The ridiculously out-of-place picture of a woman sucking on a fat juicy penis banana pretty much sets the tone for the entire article. The author quips; “There are no reliable statistics by which to gauge how many refugees there are from the isle of Lesbos.” [Clever, Ian, clever.]

Besides the lack of statistics, there’s also the glaring omission of any chats with one of these apparently abundant hasbians. Daly does manage to talk to a few men who’ve managed to snag themselves a former gay lady. “I worried that perhaps I was a bit inadequate; that my penis wasn’t as big as her dildo,” one of the guys confesses. If you manage to make it through the men’s masturbatory tales of how they got the girl and Daly’s confusing claim that lesbians have been “over” since the ’90s, there’s always the promise of more offensive stereotypes lurking near the end. One of the boys, Benji, assures us that “She’s the one who wears the pants,” and then goes on to list “bird-watching,” “appearing in off-Broadway plays,” and “studying Swahili” as his hobbies.

An anecdote about a couple of religious “former homosexuals” who found each other crushes any doubt in my mind that this guy has any idea what he’s talking about.

So what do you think? Do hasbians really need a “coming out moment?” Is it problematic to celebrate men who “convert” women? Is Details doing this specifically just to annoy us? Why is their dating section called “dating & cheating”? Are they trying too hard? Is someone lying to someone? Did Ian Daly suddenly remember that he had a deadline while he was watching porn or did he really think he was knowledgeable enough about female sexuality to write this? (@details)

OH WAIT I’M SORRY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS IT? No, Details has also granted us the following articles for submission & snark “Flirting With Disaster (about what happens when your girlfriend wants Sapphic Action and then leaves you for another woman) and… okay. DETAILS doth protest too much. Somewhere between the articles on “The Rise of the A-Gay” and “What if You Only Thought YOU Were Gay” and “The Quarterback Turned Lesbian Filmmaker,” we’re gonna have to bookmark this shit, this is a source we did not think to find.

SMOKING: Surveys show that Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender youth have smoking rates about “60% higher” than their straight peers. And in Cleveland, the percentage of gay and lesbian smokers is considerably higher.  Ohio is trying to make these kids stop smoking. Hopefully they can also tell the government, our classmates, our ex-girlfriends and our parents to stop stressing us out so bad! (@wcpn)

PROMISCUITY: “Hooking up” Isn’t the Problem“The subtext is that she must not really love it, or that “delay[ing] sexual activity until she finds a true emotional commitment” is actually the superior and healthier choice. Advising girls to wait for someone they love may not be as damaging as pressuring them to strip, but still, girls today are caught between a rock and a hard place. Everyone is telling them how to fuck.” (@jezebel)

HARASSMENT: Someone needs to hug Dear Abby. She’s so good at equality, guys! (@azcentral)

OPRAH: Ten Good Reasons to Hate Oprah – Reason number 9: She popularized the word “vajayjay” (@nerve)

FASHION: Jezebel’s Got More Clips From V’s Size Issue and these photos are all about shoes [with a healthy side of genderfucking.] (@jezebel)

LAW AND ORDER: Research Suggests Women Are More Drawn to Crime Dramas“The researchers found that what makes these books appealing to women are relevant in terms of preventing or surviving a crime. For example, by understanding why an individual decides to kill, a woman can learn the warning signs to watch for in a jealous lover or stranger.” I would suggest that Detective Olivia Benson is foxy. (@psyorg)

D-I-V-O-R-C-E: States With Same-Sex Marriage Bans Experience Higher Divorce Rates! (@fivethirtyeight)

PINK: Things You Can Color: Your Hair, Your Skin, Your Nails, and Now: Your Vagina! “According to our tipster, the product was invented by a woman “of a certain age” who discovered that she had “lost her luster” down there. You probably know what I’m going to say next, but here goes, anyway: WHAT THE FUCK.” (@jezebel)

Laura is a tiny girl who wishes she were a superhero. She likes talking to her grandma on the phone and making things with her hands. Strengths include an impressive knowledge of Harry Potter, the ability to apply sociology to everything under the sun, and a knack for haggling for groceries in Spanish. Weaknesses: Chick-fil-a, her triceps, girls in glasses, and the subjunctive mood. Follow the vagabond adventures of Laura and her bike on twitter [@laurrrrita].

Laura has written 329 articles for us.

28 Comments

  1. How Lady Gaga were the heels in that V spread (photos 3/4)? Anyone know the designer?

    From the Jezebel article on casual sex and such “It’s time to drive the conversation away from ‘promiscuity’ — away from how many partners a woman has or when she loses her virginity — and toward the question of whether we’re freely choosing our behavior, and how we can help younger women do so.” SPOT ON. We can’t have constructive conversations about mental and physical health in sex and relationships if we’re constantly afraid of being labeled a prude or a whore.

    I stopped watching crime shows because they were making me paranoid, but I am always willing to make an exception for Olivia Benson. Swoon.

  2. “Did Ian Daly suddenly remember that he had a deadline while he was watching porn […] ?”

    i’m gonna have to go with this one. also, good to know some tool from Details thinks lesbians have been ‘over’ since the 90s. i’ll keep that in mind the next time i’m NOT HAVING SEX WITH A DUDE. stay classy, Details.

    re: Ten Good Reasons to Hate Oprah — the fat-shaming is such a good point! it’s kind of pathetic that she hocks happiness and inner peace while simultaneously hating herself for being fat and no one ever calls her out on it.

  3. Those ‘Details’ articles were so wrong, funny, horrible, and hilarious all at the same time. Am I the only one who felt like he took his girlfriend leaving him for a woman a little too hard? Its not just homophobic, its flat out childish. “Oh noez, here come some lezbians, hide your wumunz and display your manliness! DX”

    Seriously? How do they take themselves seriously? And I love how he made sure everyone knew that the men “got off” despite their later trauma. Dude, we don’t care. You don’t see us bitching about losing a girlfriends to those damned ‘manbians’. Sexuality is fluid; deal with it.

    As for the big boo hoo about how inadequate men feel after dating a ‘hasbian’, having a woman lover doesn’t mean immediately soul-gratifying sex. Maybe he needs to date more men.

    • That picture in the red dress is SMOKING HOT. I think i just incinerated my eyeballs. Yea, I figured that since I wanted to rip her clothes off that I couldn’t pass it off as wanting to be her or just admiring her.

  4. Quote from the Details article:

    “He chatted her up at a party (out of costume) and found out she’d dated a few other guys at the Experience, which didn’t bother him. But after he and Anne became serious, he learned she’d been romantically involved with a woman for years”.

    Maybe I’m just being old-fashioned, but the last time I checked lesbians don’t date/sleep with men? Maybe they should re-name this article “The Lure of Dating a Bi Woman”? Just a suggestion.

  5. I have never been into Oprah, something about her just seemed disingenuous. Al of those points were great. I have only seen 1 full episode and that is ONLY because of Brad Pitt.

    “There are no reliable statistics by which to gauge how many refugees there are from the isle of Lesbos.” That was funny and clever. Sorry ladies, but it was. The rest of the article is dumb though.

    Smoking is gross. It’s Not Fun Don’t Do It!

    • you should at least watch the one with Ellen and Portia! 😉 I haven’t paid much attention to her in a long time, but I do respect how she went from being a poor girl to what she is now.

  6. I don’t know how I feel about the Oprah article. They were all good points but I still intuitively like her. I’ve probs been brainwashed. On the other hand, i hate Dr. Phil with a burning passion.

  7. I’m bi. I’m currently involved with a male. He doesn’t have any “luring” emotions about my former relations with women. In fact he’s worried. He thinks that if we were to become an official item he’d have a much larger crowd to fight off than if I were just interested in men. I keep trying to tell him that cheating is cheating and it’ll be wrong if I do it on either side of the fence, which I won’t. And that there’s no need to feel all inadequate all the time. Sometimes I think he thinks I’m gay and just happen to like him. (Which doesn’t make sense anyway.) Stupid straight male machismo bullshit. Anyway, that article is a crock o’ shit. All that “oh my dick is smaller than her dildo” shit is annoying. You know what grinds my gears? When people compare their junk to toys! I’ve got guys telling me that they can ‘do it way better than any chick with a strap-on’ and then guys saying ‘how can I compete with something that’s hard 24/7 and bigger than mine?’ Either way it goes, chum, a lover is a lover, whether they’ve got the goods permanently attached or if they’re removable. Some lovers are just better than others and whether or not you’ve got the permanent thing makes no difference at the end of the day, you’re either good or not. Period.

    I hate cigarettes with a fiery burning passion in the pit of my stomach.
    Don’t let Westboro find these statistics. They’ll blame air pollution on the gays, and then the greenhouse effect, and global warming, and the hole in ozone layer, and the bermuda triangle, etc.

    I don’t hate Oprah. =/

    Those pics from V’s size issue made me break out into a chorus of “Yessss! Bitch you better work!” and made me miss my genderfuckingly amazing friend. and reminded me of how much I want to date him. Hmm.

    Benson??!
    Hellooooo, nurse!
    Or super shaggable crime-fighter lady, whichever you prfer. 😉

    What in the flying fuck? Dye for the vagina? Um… Newsflash, all vaginas are different. Very different. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Didn’t these people see Behind The Fig Leaf?
    (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/watch/am-normal-behind-fig-leaf-26794.htm)

      • EXACTLY. Such a good good point. My ex-half-gf didn’t like penetration at all in fact and…

        (WARNING, OVERSHARE IS COMING)
        she was the only one handing out orgasms like candy.

        But straight men (mostly) will never understand the magic of all sexual acts that don’t involve probing.

  8. Exactly how is the DETAILS article inaccurate? He or she {I’m not convinced Daly is a man} obviously knows at least some details about lesbians; the term “hasbian” is nothing new.

    If you want to be mad at anyone you should be annoyed with all those bisexuals/bicurious/spinsters/attention seekers/bullshitters who, for whatever reason, insist on calling themselves lesbians when they’re not one!

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