Twitter Fail, Intervention for Intervention, Therapy Can’t Make You Straight & A Lesbian Club Can’t Make You Gay

today_on_autostraddle

OH MY EFFIN G TWITTER IS UP AND DOWN:We are defending against a denial-of-service attack, and will update status again shortly.”

Firstly – if you’re queer and you’re reading this, and you know when it is exactly that you knew you were queer, please tweet @autostraddle as cleverly as possible using the tag: #wheniknew. We’ll publish all on autostraddle on Friday SATURDAY and the best one will win a TBA prize, but it might involve a vial of Angelina Jolie’s blood. It might involve a sticker. You never know.

Anyhow! Back to things you DO know, lesbians & allies! We proceed valiantly forward with our ‘When I Knew I Was Gay‘ series with Part Two today! Part One kicked ass. Also, the Wednesday Televisionary covers Shark Week and our stuffed mascot Tinkerbell recapped Intervention, FYI.

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BREAKING NEWS. BEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME – an Intervention for Intervention.

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HAS ANYBODY SEEN HEY PAULA: Paula Abdul broke the news via Twitter that she is quitting her Idol gig. Kara DioGuardi will be the only lady there. We hope this means Paula is going back to her true calling Hey Paula. @newsweek)angelina-90s

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS AN EX-GAY: Much to everyone’s shock & awe, turning someone from homosexual to straight just don’t work. Yup that’s right GAY CONVERSION PROGRAMS DON’T WORK. And now we have a 138 page paper to prove it, too! (@cnn)

FOR EXAMPLE MY WIFE: Brad Pitt to Parade Magazine: “They say homosexuality is a choice, a lifestyle, something you can be cured of, and that isn’t true. But if you’re tucked away and have no friends who are gay, you’ll believe what the preachers say.”

GIRLBARS: Can a lesbian club make you gay? According to our writer, possibly! “I decided to walk to the bathroom (where I saw two girls going at it hardcore) and splashed some water on my face. I nearly started talking to myself in the mirror. What are you doing? You. Like. Penis. Right? Right.“: Why a Lesbian Club Made Me Consider Switching Teams (@lemondrop)

DOUCHEBAGS: Religious right spokesperson who wanted to ‘export homosexuals’ nominated for an award. I’m trying to think of a funny Hitlerish joke that could work for this but maybe there aren’t any. (@pamshouseblend)

MELROSE PLACE: This is how lame the world has gotten, we are now repeating terrible (but entertaining!) shows. Perhaps a musical of Party of Five is next!  On the upside, the new Melrose Place will get a gay in the vein of the original’s Doug Savant. And hopefully people will complain less about it this time. (@advocate)80609_obama_advocate

OBAMA: Advocate editor explains why they put Barack Obama on the cover of the September issue for the story “Hope and History.” (@advocate)

BRITNEY: A look back at the highs and lows of Britney’s VMA performances through the years. (@rollingstone)

EMOTICONS: A mom discovers semicolon-right-parenthesis.. We have no words. ;-) !!!! (@buzzfeed)

PSYCH: Satoshi Kanazawa is illogical, unnecessary, and evil. If you haven’t read his book, Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters, that’s fine, we’d never heard of it ’til we read his bio next to his article why modern feminism is illogical, unnecessary, and evil. (@psychologytoday)

I LIVE HERE: If you live in the Los Angeles area, come out and support Mia Kirshner’s benefit for I Live Here on August 22. (@operationusa)

ADVERTSING: This segment of  CurrentTV’s “That’s So Gay” shows you how ads are quickly re-done for a gay or straight audience. It’s pretty shocking — but we gotta say we’re not exactly enraged. That’s what advertisers do; they target their ads for the audience that will view it. In fact, this kind of targeted advertising, we think, is way more effective. In an increasingly custom-content-oriented world, people want to feel they’re getting a message that’s just for them. That’s just good business.

SUMMER IN THE CITY: Sandra Bernhard reports on Summer in New York and sounds absolutely nothing like the Sandra Bernhard that talks dirty on stage or on the teevee. Seriously it’s like, who is this nice lady talking about flowers, love, good dinner and Shakespeare? (@huffpo)

LADY GAGA: Stunning acoustic/piano version of Poker Face from a Japanese TV appearance this week

BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER: “One gay man recounts 19 year-old Patrick McAlvey who tried ditching his gayness with the “help” of Mike Jones, the director of Corduroy Stone, an affiliate of Exodus International. Jones engages in “holding therapy,” which is about the most homoerotic version of counseling we’ve ever heard of. “(@queerty)

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from Intern Jess:
Do you ever feel guilty about lack of productivity in any given day? Compare how much time you spend eating, sleeping, working, cleaning, socializing, traveling and entertaining against different demographics.

time-travel-thursdays

In this 2000 interview with kd Lang, the crooner opens up about her relationship at the time with Leisha Hailey, who she describes as “incredibly easygoing and loving and fun and childlike … she is unique, she’s one of a kind. I’m not even sure she’s mortal.” We find celebrity exes so fascinating!

080609kd_leishaHow did you meet?
At a friend’s birthday party. I didn’t even pay attention, but she knew.

Did she ask you out?
Yeah, which was big. Gutsy to phone k.d. lang up and ask her out! No one really asked me out—ever. I just went, “Well, right on, kid, way to go!”

Did you know right away that she was the one?
No, but she did. I always assumed I would be with an older writer—or a model. I mean, I’d been dating models! I didn’t think I’d be going out with a punk rocker who was 10 years younger! We’ve really just taken it a day at a time, and every day has been great.

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Auto-Straddler of the Day

Angela Lindvall sexy

Riese is the 38-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2836 articles for us.

34 Comments

  1. Awesome things in the Lady Gaga video: Elephant hairpiece (IT HAS EYES ALL CAPS) and the japanese for “oh” is apparently oh. Everytime I see her I like her a little more.

  2. I was so excited to see the article about the gay club “changing” that woman! If he was any better with my sexuality, I would send that to my dad. When I told him I had a gf, he said, “It’s because you kept going to those gay clubs! Go enough and eventually you’ll turn gay! Out someone in a bar every night and they’ll eventually become an alcoholic!”

    Open letter to Dad:
    #1 I could put you and a million other people in a gay club every night for a year, and I’m sure you would not “turn”. Sure of it.
    #2 Hi, welcome to my early 20’s dad. My record was 7 straight nights in the same bar after work. And then 7 years in bars. All the time. I am not an alcoholic and I KNOW this because I don’t drink much anymore and and and I’ve never been on Intervention.

    Thanks Dad,
    Leah

  3. While reading the emoticon mom convo thing, it scared me as I read it as tho it was my mom, because that is totally how she would talk –except it’d be a long email exchange as she wouldn’t know what how to use any chat

    also, that commercial thing is pretty interesting — the mtv psa part really makes me wondering what in the world they were thinking though

  4. 1. Wooh, I thought I might be losing my mind about twitter. Atleast it was down and I know I’m not crazy. Or, I’ll let myself think that for now. =P
    —–
    2. Awesome Lady Gaga video. She’s so talented! She can snap with both hands. Miraculous, I’m jealous. I don’t think she speaks Japanese though, judging by her face at the end. Hehe.

  5. I must say, while that Intervention spoof is good, I prefer my Interventions with a healthy dose of Kristin Chenoweth.

    I would take my spoonful of crack to help the medicine go down if it meant Cheno showed up and sang to me.

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