Also.Also.Also: We Get It, Bill de Blasio’s Wife Once Identified As Lesbian, And Other Stories We Missed This Week

Hello, friends and lovers! This week I got a bonus so things are really looking up. Can I spend a bonus on denim shirts? While I ponder the answer to this question, let’s go over the stories we missed this week.

Common Sense

63 percent of Americans think LGBT discrimination is a problem. Surprise! It is. You know who knew that all along because they know so much? Probably the super-rich queer folk who understand “the fiscal cliff.” I wish I was a super-rich person period.

this woman almost has enough money to buy herself rights, jk there isn’t an amount of money which ‘buys you rights’ insomuch as money simply makes rights ‘easier’ to obtain and protect

The good news is that gay people are incredibly financially responsible and by all accounts, are ready to face the cruel greedy world!  And it’s because we’re never going to get a break ever on this ugly and cruel planet of ours! JK.

“The LGBT community has unique concerns, so when you’re planning you’ve got to be more cautious about where you’re putting your money and how much you’re saving,” Meyer-Shipp said.

According to the survey, LGBT people build up significantly more equity in their homes — a median of $77,000 compared to the national median of $62,000. And, among LGBT pre-retirees ages 55 to 68, about 65% are currently saving for retirement in employer-sponsored retirement accounts, compared to 53% of the overall population.

Bill de Blasio’s Wife Likes Girls, NY Post Hates Journalism and Dignity

Did I stutter?

Bill de Blasio, Mayoral candidate in New York City, has a wife named Chirlane McCray who was an outspoken queer woman in her past – in fact she once wrote a piece called “I Am A Lesbian” for Essence.

Via the Advocate:

 “I am a Lesbian.” The Wellesley graduate, who was 24 years old at the time of writing, revealed she had at least three long-term, romantic relationships with women.

“I survived the tears, the isolation and the feeling that something was terribly wrong with me for loving another woman” she wrote. “Coming to terms with my life as a lesbian has been easier for me than it has been for many. Since I don’t look or dress like the typical bulldagger, I have a choice as to whether my sexual preference is known.”

McCray added, “I have also been fortunate because I discovered my preference for women early, before getting locked into a traditional marriage and having children.”

More than a decade later, McCray and de Blasio met while working at New York City Hall for Mayor David Dinkins. […]

“In the 1970s, I identified as a lesbian, and wrote about it,” she said. “In 1991, I met the love of my life, married him, and together we’ve raised two amazing kids. I’m reminded every day how lucky I am to have met my soulmate.”

Everyone fails to realize is that queer women can be with dudes, too and the world doesn’t end, for them or for anyone else. Anyway. The rest of the world is having a lot of trouble understanding how a woman who once dated women managed to marry a dude now attempting to have a normal, successful life as a public figure. This was represented accurately when The New York Post obviously responded with a complete, total, shitwaste of a political cartoon.

Also, why do people call this woman a “former lesbian?” Are we serious? Is it 2012? Is that a real phrase? I hate everyone. Everyone.

Obligatory Portion of This Post Dedicated to the IKEA Monkey in Margot Tenenbaum’s Fashionable Coat

I don’t have a lot to say. A monkey in a coat was walking around IKEA, and I thought nothing of it. Except…

They Like Us, They Really Like Us

+ American Apparel has promised to defend gay marriage in France, although how handing out free tshirts will help accomplish this isn’t entirely clear.

+ The Merck Foundation is done with the Boy Scouts because homophobia is for lame-o’s.

+ Tammika Brents, a mixed martial artist, is here and queer. And get used to it, because she could probably take you.

“I just wanted to show people that I’m out, I’m proud about it, I don’t care,” the outgoing 24-year-old Springfield, Ill., native said with a laugh. “Basically, just, ‘Yeah, I’m gay. You got a problem with it?’ I’ll punch you in the face, too (laughs).”

+ Marvel comics will make a gay duo the main romantic focus of “Young Avengers,” an Avengers spin-off comic.

+ Also, Glenn Beck like, defended gay marriage or something recently and everyone’s brain exploded until they stopped and realized hahahah, that damn Republican party is just falling apart at the seams! I’m doing the sign of the cross about it, to be honest.

Gay People Doing Gay Shit

The UFC signed its first lesbian! A lesbian fighter, you guys. A former marine lesbian fighter. Sounds hot.

“I thought, of all things, a male-dominated sport and a sport where you’re engaging in this physical combat, that I was definitely going to come across that,” [Liz “Girlrilla” Carmouche] told in July. “I thought I’d come into contact with some stereotypical person who’s anti-homosexuality, whether it be men or women. But I found the opposite. All they care about is a good, quality person who’s a good training partner.”

In the meantime, gay people are getting married and kissing in the streets and stuff in Washington. I wish the world was run by peace-loving women who wanted to make out.

Eloise Klein Healy was named Poet Laureate of Los Angeles because she’s an amazing poet, but then again, aren’t all lesbians?

Look At This Fucking Trans* Bikini Model

While Brazil warms up to gay rights, the modeling industry there is beginning to realize a new trend – a rising number of trans* models. All I really have to say is “damn,” both to how attractive Tavares is and how backwards and cissexist the language in the original article is.

The 6-foot-tall Tavares is among Brazil’s small but growing ranks of transgender models — leggy, high-cheekboned sirens who were born men and are causing a splash here as well as in Paris and other international fashion capitals. […]

The trans-models’ newfound prominence also points to a seismic shift in Brazilian society, which has seen macho, homophobic attitudes soften in recent years as gays win more legal rights.

‘We are in the 21st century and there is just more tolerance in the air. Here in Brazil we now have gay mayors, gay lawmakers,’ said Sergio Mattos, director of the Rio-based modeling agency 40 Graus Models.

‘So why not trans-models? The world has evolved and now discrimination is, thankfully, becoming a thing of the past.’

Closing Time: Zodiac Cats

I’m a Leo. Nothing else matters. At all.

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Carmen spent six years at Autostraddle, ultimately serving as Straddleverse Director, Feminism Editor and Social Media Co-Director. She is now the Consulting Digital Editor at Ms. and writes regularly for DAME, the Women’s Media Center, the National Women’s History Museum and other prominent feminist platforms; her work has also been published in print and online by outlets like BuzzFeed, Bitch, Bust, CityLab, ElixHER, Feministing, Feminist Formations, GirlBoss, GrokNation, MEL, Mic and SIGNS, and she is a co-founder of Argot Magazine. You can find Carmen on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr or in the drive-thru line at the nearest In-N-Out.

Carmen has written 919 articles for us.


  1. oh my god I thought that Young Avengers article meant that they were going to make a movie based on the comics and I freaked out

    why yes I am single, how did you know

    • Don’t worry, I was just as excited and I even read that it’s not a film… Whoops. Just a nod to my fave universe!

      Marvel lovers represent!

  2. “Also, why do people call this woman a “former lesbian?””

    Because – obviously, obviously, obviously – there is no such thing as polysexuality or fluidity and all the bi/pan/flexible people are just make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. Even when the person they are writing about says otherwise. But what the f*ck does she know?!

    [sarcasm off]

    So… Common sense is still not very common, I guess.

  3. “Everyone fails to realize is that queer women can be with dudes, too and the world doesn’t end, for them or for anyone else. ”

    Thank you for saying this. I was in a long-term relationship with a guy and it was kinda sad to see that he – Straight Cis Guy – was pretty much one of the few people that actually *accepted* my queer identity, compared to other queers who asked me stupid stuff like “you do realise this party is for lesbians?” or made up vicious rumours about me “lying to lesbians to sleep with them”. -_-

    • I think someday everyone will realize that a good chunk of the queer movement’s idealogy, the “love is love” part, is right.

      Even all the queers.

      • Hear hear.
        It was a big blow to me when I learned that someone being queer (or feminist, or insert any other ideology or identity generally associated with progressiveness) didn’t automatically make that person enlightened or open-minded.

  4. I think the “world” has trouble understanding why someone would label themselves something already against the norm and then go backwards. Why didn’t she just say she was bisexual? Situations like these just remind me of the “lesbians can be converted” crap. I just wish women like this wouldn’t label themselves as secure, outspoken lesbians, when they’re not. And they wonder why they get side-eyed? Its difficult not to be wary of that kind of thing.

    • i wish people wouldn’t dictate or judge what other people do with their own labels, who gives a crap. surprise surprise people change throughout their lifetimes and even opposites can be true at different times, to wit: when i was 8 i would have labelled myself as a brussel sprout hater but right this second i will label myself as a brussel sprout liker, big woop

      • I agree with what you’re saying about not dictating what people do with labels – we need to let people be who they are and decide for themselves how they identify. Chirlane McCray gets to embrace “you do you” as much as all of us.

        We can acknowledge, though, that we have work to do in helping people outside the gay community understand that people’s self-identification changes, but that it doesn’t mean that all lesbians can or will change their identity.

        It’s an unfortunate consequence of our crappy patriarchal culture that men think they own women’s bodies, and that they can decide they can “change” our orientations for us, or that they have some say in dictating how we identify. That cartoon is offensive and it’s something we need to address as a lesbian and bi community to remove that notion that men or society gets to “change” us to suit what they want from us. Unfortunately, corrective rape is a real and present danger for all lesbian and bisexual women. And this feeds that idea.

        The problem isn’t Chirlane McCray – it’s the patriarchal idea that our bodies aren’t our own that we need to smack down hard on.

        • i agree with you pretty much completely, i also blame the patriarchy.

          however, i was responding to the fact that our friend MJ is addressing the problem from a more oblique angle by blaming the woman herself.

    • maybe she just wasn’t attracted to any male before she met her husband?! so why should she like assume she was bi when at that point she didn’t know.
      oh man.

      • I agree.

        I labelled myself as a secure, outspoken straight girl before I slept with a woman. How is this any different?

      • I don’t get how she wouldn’t know. The image of heterosexuality and woman-man relationships are driven into us from an early age. Women are pushed towards the ideal of being with a man, as men are pushed towards being with a woman. That’s why I said “going against the norm”. Everyone’s “straight” first before an individual realizes that’s not the case.

        • But you fail to acknowledge is, that the society´s norm is not only set to “straight” but also to “monosexual”. Even in todays media representation we are more likely to see real L/G people or fictional L/G characters than polysexual ones (we basically only have Kalinda, the Glee girl and a bunch of vampires >>> Also during the sexual education at my school the option of homosexuality was at least mentioned whereas nobody spoke about any non-monosexual possibility in the books. That´s why I think, it´s not uncommon to label yourself as a lesbian first when you realize that the default setting of society does not fit you (and therefore proves the label “straight” false) because of – OMG – alltheprettygirls that you kinda like.

          • Well said. I had a really hard time coming to terms with my attraction to women because I was also attracted to men, so I wrote it off in my head as me “being weird.” My journey was different because I went right from identifying as straight to identifying as bisexual (to identifying as queer, but I don’t care if you call me bi or gay as long as you don’t call me a lesbian), but that doesn’t make hers any less valid.

      • Yes, this. Or even maybe she always occaisionally found men attractive, but never enough to really want to date them before this one guy?

        Self-identification isn’t an exact science, I think especially when you’re young and still figuring yourself out. I know when I was a teenager, I thought “well, I’m much more attracted to women then men, so I must be a lesbian”. I didn’t meet a guy that I really wanted to date until I was 24.

  5. I totally understand where you are coming from, and I agree with you. I also do believe some can change their preferences over time, and that’s totally cool. But that does give some clout to think that lesbians are just waiting for that one guy to win them over, and that is what makes me feel stripped of agency. I know, I shouldn’t care, screw them, but when I tell someone I’m gay, and they don’t believe or accept that, that’s an issue for me. That’s just my two cents anyhow.

  6. People fail to realize two things (1) sexuality is fluid and (2)it’s no one else’s business about that person’s paradigm shift of sexuality.

    When you live, you will meet people from all walks of life that have a whole range of experiences that have shaped and defined them as a person. You can’t knock a person down for who they were/are.

    The thing that I have noticed within the LGBTQIP community,is that there is soooo much racism and discrimination that it’s not even funny. It’s like we want the world to accept who we are yet we won’t accept those within our own community.

    **side note: it’s badass that Liz is out! ya’ll should check out UFC. It’s an interesting sport if you are into ultimate fighting.

  7. Liz Carmouche is set to fight Rhonda Rousey in February, it is going to be gnarly. Hope Liz works on her arm strength, Rousey like to snap arms out of the socket. Just google some of Rouseys fights….

  8. “Queer women can be with dudes”
    What does that even mean? Is there such thing as a woman who wants to be with women and only women? Who will have a life together and not one day decide that she is done with the lesbian thing and find herself a man for a more acceptable life. It seems all you hear about are ‘lesbians’ who are like just kidding here’s my boyfriend. I’m an out lesbian and I’m wondering will I ever find a woman. I’ve had my go with ‘bi’ women and they are with men and I have friends who dated ‘bi’ girls and they are with men.
    Are there any true lesbians out there?

    • I think your problem is not that there are no women out there who love women but that you seem to be a quite offensive person. So if you only fancy gold star lesbians or whomever you consider “true” by your standards, go for them o-n-l-y and stop fucking with the feelings of everybody else. Seriously, nobody wants to waste time, energy on somebody who is not willing to think outside their own comfy, little box.

      • >>> nobody wants to waste time, energy and THEIR HEART…

        I know I typed the heart part. Why is it missing? *side eye to my kitty*

        Seriously, AS needs an edit button!!!

    • I am a “bi” woman (why the scare quotes?) and I’m married to a woman who I have been with for 12 1/2 years. And I don’t plan on dropping her any time soon – I would be an idiot to do so.

      The reason you see more bi women with men than otherwise is there are so many more men who are willing to date women than women who are willing to date women.

      And, finally, just because some queer women like to be with men doesn’t mean ALL queer women like to be with men! I don’t think that was ever implied.

      • (Also my wife is a lesbian, in case that matters. And she doesn’t give a good god damn who I’m attracted to so long as I’m attracted to her.)

        • But why do women bother identifying as queer if they are going to end up with men. Isn’t that being straight? And queer equals lesbian. It just gives lesbians a bad name like they will always end up with men.

          • I see, offensive person still likes to write all kinds of offensive BS.

            1. People “bother identifying as queer” (or all sorts of other labels) because they want to express and embrace their sexual identity.

            2. How are polysexual people supposed to know who are they gonna “end up” with? They are no fortune tellers.

            3. Polysexuality DOES NOT mean that the person is part gay and part straight. It´s an own and valid identity that comes in lots of variations (and labels).

            4. So, even in a committed, monogamous relationship a polysexual person is still polysexual because their sexual identity is not dependent on the gender of the partner they are currently with (because – just like everybody else – they will still find other people attractive – only in their case it will be men and women and people who identify otherwise).

            5. “Queer” DOES NOT equals “lesbian”. It´s an umbrella term for all sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual, heteronormative, or gender-binary.

            6. It “gives lesbians a bad name”? Slut shaming much?! Love is love, you know?

      • Bi is in quotes because most bi women I know are with men implying most are straight. They just like to use lesbians for sex and play us.
        I’m not trying to be mean just saying how it is.

Comments are closed.