Results for: be the change
-
You Need Help: I Moved Closer to My Girlfriend but She’s Too Busy for Me
The person who moved shouldn’t be the only person experiencing change.
-
You Need Help: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Have Sex
To me, both of these things are true: 1. People’s sex drives can change for any number of reasons, at any time and 2. If sex is important to you, that’s valid, too!
-
You Need Help: You Should Divorce Your Transphobic Wife
Your wife fell in love with you and built a life with you and you’re a woman. You didn’t become a woman. You didn’t trick her into being queer — her own feelings did that.
-
After 11 Years Together, My Partner Suddenly Wants To Call Off Our Engagement
“I feel like I’ve built a whole personality around accommodating her schedule: apologizing for her absences and filling in for what she doesn’t make time for (cooking, housework).”
-
You Need Help: How Do I Make Myself Like My Girlfriend’s Cat?
You already did things right by talking about this before moving in together. Now it’s time to talk some more.
-
You Need Help: My Partner and I Aren’t Having Sex — How Can I Still Foster Intimacy?
Sometimes in long-term relationships, our needs shift and/or our capacity to fulfill someone’s needs shift.
-
You Need Help: My Partner and I Have Different Sex Drives
You can’t change your partner, or her sex drive. All you can change is the situation you’re in.
-
You Need Help: What To Do With This Meaningless, Single Life?
I want to try to hold space here for both: for your (and my, really) pain and for the possibility that you may not feel this way forever.
-
You Need Help: I Want to Work on Myself, How Do I Do That?
I have behaviors I notice that spill into my relationship that stem from personal issues. I want to be a better person to myself, and my partner. I want to feel like my cup is full as I am, and then be able to use that to help fill our cup.
-
You Need Help: You Fat-Shamed Your Beautiful Girlfriend
If your girlfriend wrote into this column with this story, I would tell her she should break up with you.
-
You Need Help: My Partner Keeps Saying We’re Going to Break Up!
The fact that you feel affected by what your partner tells you, even when they’re not their best self, is not inappropriate or bad. It’s human.
-
You Need Help: I Live With My Partner and Their Ex-Girlfriend and It’s Getting Hard
“I’m a lesbian in my early twenties and I have been in a relationship with my enby partner for a year and a half. We share a flat with several other (queer) people in Copenhagen, one of whom is my partner’s ex-girlfriend.”
-
You Need Help: Am I Still Into Non-Monogamy or Not Really?
How do I navigate not knowing for sure whether monogamy or non-monogamy is for me? And how do I communicate that to my partner and my sexy friends?
-
You Need Help: Am I Her Best Friend or Am I Being Emotionally Manipulated?
It’s possible your needs and views when it comes to intimacy are incompatible.
-
You Need Help: I Don’t Want Kids But My Partner Might, Does This Mean We Can’t Get Married?
Our present selves can’t make promises for our future selves. Your partner is telling you what she knows about herself today. Is that enough?
-
You Need Help: How Do I Know if I’m Really Attracted to My Partner?
Humans can sometimes be unreliable narrators of our own lives.
-
You Need Help: I Feel Like I’m My Girlfriend’s Second Choice
I want you to start 2023 feeling like your own number-one pick. That way, when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready and confident to be her number-one pick, too.
-
You Need Help: My Girlfriend Has No Queer Friends, Is That a Problem?
This is very clearly your problem, not your girlfriend’s problem, and resolving it will be your work, not hers.
-
You Need Help: Should My Relationship Really Be This Hard?
Moving through your relationship as carefully as you currently are is going to be unsustainable in the long-term. Your partner is enacting a sustained pattern of behavior that needs to stop.
-
You Need Help: How Do I Be a Good Partner to My Trans Girlfriend?
Being too eager or too worried about saying the right thing can be just as alienating as disapproval.