I asked her if I could have a human-sized cat cone, the one that makes it looks like your head is poking through a piece of toast. Sadly, I cannot — but I can get the brace I need in Tennessee Lady Vols orange, so at least I can support my favorite team while also making sure the top half of my body is the color of a construction cone so I don’t get hit by any cars.

Autostraddle needs: 1. money, 2. people who know how to get more money. Businessey addy type people. Details inside.