Looking to shake up your lesbian sex life and introduce some spice into the bedroom? Here are eight new lesbian sex positions to try out that are all just scissoring. Scissoring seven ways. You can technically do a different kind of scissoring every day of the week! So what are you waiting for? Nine in ten married lesbian couples say scissoring SAVED their marriage. Those definitely true and for sure not made up statistics speak from themselves.
Still convinced scissoring “isn’t a thing”? Well, everyone is entitled to be WRONG from time to time! Scissoring Deniers, maybe this informative and educational list is especially for you. I WILL change your mind if it’s the last thing I do in this life!!!!!!
Here are some new lesbian sex positions you can do in bed that are all just scissoring. Snip snip, bitch!
Scissoring in the dark
To accomplish this position, turn off your lights and then start scissoring with your partner.
Scissoring in the light
Morning sex! But it’s scissoring!
Scissoring on the floor
This could lead to some bruises and/or carpet burn. But who cares! You’re scissoring!
Scissoring on a Saturday
This is when you scissor on a Saturday, which is extra fun because alliteration. You can also scissor on a Sunday. It’s always sexy to scissor on the Lord’s day.
Scissoring to Kylie Minogue
Pop on some Kylie Minogue and get to scissoring!
Scissoring slow style
Get weird and scissor in slow-motion, just really take your time with the grinding.
Scissoring to the discourse
While scissoring, one partner reads online discourse about lesbian scissoring out loud to the other. This is also known as “meta-scissoring” or “verbal scissoring.” As it requires potentially reading from your phone in a precarious position, it is recommended for advanced practicers of scissoring only.
Not to be a prude, but can the pictures posted on the main page be SFW? I can imagine many of us read AS at work, and I’d hate for this wonderful website to start getting blocked over pictures. I opened to this page in my office and there were tits right there on my work screen. If this is an inclusive space, let’s make it inclusive for office workers too.
Hi Ruth,
I appreciate your concern, even on a humor based article! I want you to know that, like most publications competing in the waters of SEO and social media algorithms that are not particularly queer or trans friendly, Autostraddle has strict rules around what can be used for feature images on our homepage. It is important to us that our content be accessible to a wide variety of readers, however they encounter our website. With that said, at Autostraddle we do not consider post-top surgery scars and chests to be NSFW (Of Note: this is also consistent with how post-top surgery chests are seen on other platforms like Instagram or Facebook, if you were also curious about that).
One of the affirming things about top surgery for folks is often they get to go shirtless in public spaces where appropriate. Which I think is rad! So on that note, I would also like to gently note that on our homepage right now you aren’t seeing “tits” but a chest. It’s important to us that we’re careful with language that could be dysphoric for our transmasc coworkers and readers. Thanks again! And I hope you got a few laughs out of our content today!
Thank you for the response. I apologize for not recognizing the transmasc person in the photo or the scars and using that language. It does feel a bit too sexual for a front-page photo, regardless of who is on it. I see the humor but I am a bit frustrated that now I have to be worried that I cannot read AS at work (when I usually read it). Again, I apologize for my response.
“Scissoring to Kylie Minogue” – why do I feel like this has happened to me?
Yeah.
Autostrattle WHAT is going on. Are you this hard up for content?? I mean this used to be a meaningful resource.
…Now, what you publish? Is honestly legit fodder for why we’re so mocked and dismissed. Grow up.
today is just a bunch of april fools day posts – this is one of them; just jokes for fun, back to regular content tomorrow
April fools. I enjoyed these funny posts.
No. Comedy articles are not “why we’re so mocked and dismissed.”
Kindly, get a grip.
Good grief, AS has always had articles like this! I discovered it when coming out and searching on how to have lesbian sex hehe. I love AS for diversity of articles, serious to silly. Laughing is good and therapeutic. Maybe try it some time.
scissoring to the discourse sounds like a 2006 band signed to fueled by ramen and i fucking love it