1. He had a lot of b-roll of horses and mountains that he needed to get rid of
2. He just learned about time lapse cameras
3. There aren’t enough black people on motorcycles in mainstream media
4. Kim is starting a new career as a Jennifer Lopez look-a-like
5. He needed to remind people he’s from from Chicago and knows how to layer
6. People might not get that the “Jesus wept” line is a double entendre for him coming so it needed some strong imagery
7. Since Kim can’t get a star on the Walk of Fame for being a reality television personality, maybe she could get one for being a video girl
8. Lisa Frank directed it
9. The only motorcycle they could find was the one that costs a quarter in front of the grocery store
10. They accidentally edited in the screensaver from Kim’s Acer laptop that still runs Windows ’98
11. Kanye dared Kanye and no one loses a dare to Kanye except Kanye
12. This is all an elaborate ploy to get Jay-Z and Beyonce to spoof this video and play it at Kanye’s birthday party
13. He drew a lot of inspiration from his Best Plains Photography of 2012 calendar
14. He’s working on making “white male college dorm room” the dominant fashion aesthetic for 2014
15. Kim isn’t into hugging unless it’s on camera
16. The Discovery Channel won’t take his calls and he’ll show them
17. A lot of the conceptual work was done between a visit to the National Cowboy Museum and a stop at Kohl’s
18. He thought it would impress Bret Easton Ellis
19. He shot a karaoke video at Six Flags with the “desert background” and said to himself, “Holy shit, this is the best karaoke video ever made at Six Flags! Good job, Kanye.” And then got funnel cake dust all over the video and it ruined it and he had no choice but to try and recreate it because duh.
20. Kim wanted to go on a road trip and this is the best he could do
21. Kanye was trying to provoke a lawsuit from Planet Earth
22. Kim really wanted to be a part of a viral video that didn’t involve Ray-J’s penis
23. There’s been a lack of evidence that the Kim/Kanye relationship is an elaborate performance art piece and he enjoys that rumor
24. Kanye joined GreenPeace
25. Kim is launching a line of strapless bras that actually make your breasts look good. They will only be sold at Spencer’s.
Pro-tip: If you look closely at the compass on the motorcycle, it is always traveling North West
i can’t get over #18
This article is everything.
All of these.
I love it though
I SEE YOU.
wow .. I just want to ask the group of people who watched the finished product and were like “yep, that definitely looks great and totally doesn’t look like it cost 25 cents to produce” ..why?
I think that’s what you get if you hit your head a lot and have too many repercussions.
“13. He drew a lot of inspiration from his Best Plains Photography of 2012 calendar” ahahahaha
26. For future road trips, Kim and Kanye need to practice that vibrating “ahh-ahh-uhh-uhh-ahh-uhh” throat sound that kids make when driving on a bumpy road.
26. Kanye was like, “Let’s make a sex tape” and Kim was like, “Hell no, been there. I got a better idea.”
lol imagine North going through her Dad’s videos when she grows up.
I’m really enjoying those mixed plaids tho.
For real – can plaid on plaid please be more of a thing?
I kept expecting that this would be a good song? And then it never was.
I was reading these aloud in the film department (largely populated by Kanye fans) at my university and somebody didn’t realize they were jokes–which led to them having a really extreme response to #8.
“8. Lisa Frank directed it”
“oh really? who’s lisa frank?”
“the girl with the multicolored leopards and puppies notebooks and folders”
He whips his chair around from the computer he’s trying desperately to revive.
“WHAT. NO WAY. NO WAY WOULD KANYE DO THAT. SERIOUSLY?!”
He gets up and storms around the room in a huff. Eventually we were able to calm him down, but it took a lot of soothing and naked Kim visuals to do it.
imma let this vid-e-o finish, but this is one of the-WORST-rap-vid-e-os-OFALLTIME.
I think Kim is sleeping through this super-boring motorcycle sex. Or fantasizing about re-organizing her closet. Or thinking about the bitches Kanye asked her for. Or maybe she gets motorcycle-sick and needs to close her eyes. I don’t know, I’m not in her head.
HAHAHAHAHA. SO GOOD. Kim looks like she has a million other things to do that would be more exciting than this.
This is them being absolutely themselves and I love it. This is also one of my favorite songs off Yeezus, I imagined the video a little different but fuck it it, it aint my video.
The horses are hilarious.
Ok, I thought Kim was J. Lo for way longer than I’m willing to admit.
A couple of things: Kanye might have just best out Drake for how sensitive this video was. Kim is really bringing out that side of him. Also, #10. Where’s my Life Alert because I’ve fallen and I can’t get up I’m laughing so hard.
ACER LAPTOP OMFG I’M DEAD BYE
can the beginning just be its own song please… that would make things right in the world again
This is like an Andy Samberg spoof video. Only it’s the complete opposite, because there are zero redeeming qualities and it’s not entertaining in the slightest.
27. He doesn’t have enough “street cred” as a law-breaking rapper, so he thought some shots of him riding a motorcycle (btw, looks more like a dirt bike, but I can’t tell) without a helmet would help. SUCH A REBEL HE IS.
This is a flawless analysis.
Agreed. This article is the only way I can make sense of what I have seen.
Kim’s publicist: “Please remove this video from the internet.”
“15. Kim isn’t into hugging unless it’s on camera”
HA! If there’s any justice in the universe, little baby North is going to grow up to be a Buddhist nun and withdraw to a humble life of quiet contemplation and service to others.
“She asked me what I wished for on my wishlist.
Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?”
Why the abrupt shift from addressing Kim in the second person to speaking of her in the third for these two lines followed by an equally abrupt shift back? Has Kanye been reading a lot of Hosea lately?
I was going to write something about Lacanian masturbatory fantasies but thought, “no too nerdy,” but then you wrote this and suddenly it seemed ok.
Wow. Until I read your comment, I knew nothing of my ability to make Lacanian masturbatory fantasies seem ok.
How to proceed? With great power comes great responsibility.
Then this happened: