Bad Movies From the 2000s I Loved Because Two Women Make Out

When I was in elementary school, my favorite movies were Cool Hand Luke and On the Waterfront. When I was in middle school, I started buying DVDs from the Criterion Collection. By high school, I was creating my own Ingmar Bergman shirts.

And yet, I wasn’t a snob. Alongside these high brow works of art, there were terrible favorites I watched again and again. Movies so bad, you might forget they existed, let alone think they’d be on the repeated watchlist of a cinephile who still hadn’t lost all her baby teeth.

A cinephile, yes, but I was also on the precipice of puberty. Closeted transsexual lesbian puberty. That’s a far more powerful force than something like taste. And here’s the thing about bad movies between 2004 and 2006: a lot of them featured women making out.


Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Did I love this movie as a kid, because of the sports satire and the endlessly quotable crude dialogue? Or did I love it because the word lesbian is said a bunch and then two girls kiss? Who’s to say! After the Average Joe’s win the dodgeball tournament, protagonist Peter’s love interest Kate makes out with another woman. “I told you she was a lesbian,” one of their teammates says. “Hey! I’m not a lesbian,” Kate protests. “I’m bisexual!” And then she makes out with Peter. Because she’s also apparently polyamorous! That last part was made even clearer in the unrated DVD cut — which I obviously owned – when Peter and Kate’s solo kiss is replaced with a three-way make out.

Starsky and Hutch

The Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn magic continues with this reboot of the famous cop show from the 70’s. If you want to read some smart analysis of that show, I wrote this deep dive on LGBT cops on-screen. But if you want to read about Carmen Electra making out with Amy Smart, you’re in the right place! Once again, it’s a three-way with a man (this time Owen Wilson) at the center. Also the only video on YouTube is in Italian which feels accurate to my clandestine attempts to see lesbianism in my youth. This clip really brings back memories of shamefully googling “Carmen Electra naked” on the family computer

Elektra

From one Electra to another. With an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes, I think most people agree this Jennifer Garner-starring sequel to the Ben Affleck Daredevil is not good. But I loved it when I rented it from Blockbuster! Was it because I appreciated it as a work of comic book camp? Or was it because Garner and Natassia Malthe make out? Probably the latter! The funny part is watching it now they don’t really make out… it’s more like Malthe is sucking the life out of her. Tomato tomato! If only I’d known about all the even hotter lesbian vampire movies!

300

Action movies of this era sure did embrace sex and nudity in a way they just don’t post-Marvel. Like sure 300 is a shitty movie with horrible politics, but so are most Marvel movies and at least 300 has tits! And girls kissing! I remember watching this one over and over on my iPod Video because my friend pirated movies and uploaded them for me. I’m pretty sure I only sat through the whole movie once, but I watched certain scenes many times. Including this scene where a disabled soldier cast out by the Spartans is invited to join Xerxes — in battle and in an orgy apparently.

Just Friends

While the Scary Movie franchise had a surprising lack of lesbianism, Anna Farris was able to kiss girls elsewhere. Of course there’s the actual good movie May from 2002, but also there’s a quick kiss in the Ryan Reynolds comedy with Starsky and Hutch’s own Amy Smart! Farris plays a chaotic nightmare obsessed with Ryan Reynolds who gives one of his pals a very friendly greeting. It’s such a brief moment! I wish child me had just known about May!

American Pie Sequels

The ultimate bad movie horny watches belonged to the American franchise. Or, maybe I should say, the American Pie Cinematic Universe. You see, my friend who pirated movies for my iPod Video could seemingly only find new movies so the first one he acquired was American Pie Presents: Band Camp. This was soon followed by American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile. I was a purest so I made sure to watch the originals first — but with limited access to R-rated sex comedies famous enough for my parents to recognize their titles, I had to watch the cable TV edits. No boobs, but there was a scene where two lesbians kiss in exchange for the main boys kissing. Then when I got to The Naked Mile two girls do kiss! They’re in bed with one of the main guys and then they make out. And this time it was uncensored.

(Sorry that clip isn’t on YouTube so here’s the one from American Pie 2.)


Luckily, I was not cursed with bad movies for much longer. As I said, by high school I was wearing an Ingmar Bergman shirt. Persona to be exact. Turns out art films can be even hotter.

Image from Persona for 2000s movies girls kissing article joke. Bibi Andersson lays her head on Liv Ullman.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 516 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. I know this is a list of movies you have personally seen but on this theme I’d like to nominate John Tucker Must Die (2006) which was the first time I saw two women kiss so I was like HELLO?????? and rewound it ten thousand times. 😂 (Recently I showed it to a friend who was like “wtf what’s the point if he doesn’t actually DIE” so we followed it up with Jennifer’s Body for obvious reasons.)

    • wait, i don’t remember two women kissing in John Tucker Must Die, a movie i dragged my mom to see with me when i was 20 because i hated going to the movies alone.

    • Oh yes!! Brittany Snow is about to go on a date with John and she’s like “I don’t know how to kiss because my mom’s chaotic dating history made me scared of intimacy” so Sophia Bush is like “I’ll show you.” It’s not particularly plot relevant or particularly steamy but it sure made an impression on me haha.

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