Found during the real-life process of searching for images for this article. All images are courtesy of Shutterstock.
1.
Oh me? Just sort of palpating the top of my left thigh. Yeah, and holding some flowers. What’s up with you, though? (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
2.
As long as nobody else wearing white shows up in this empty parking lot, I have this wet t-shirt contest in the bag (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
3.
I’m going to cover this tampon in Thousand Island dressing and eat it (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
4.
No technically it’s not a cape, because it just covers my upper body. I don’t know, maybe a shrug. Yeah it’s from Hot Topic. What, it was on sale. (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
5.
Oh wow you did the thing where you put the butt plug in the freezer, okay great (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
6.
I wasn’t kidding I really need my moisturizer. The one at your apartment doesn’t have hyaluronic acid in it, it’s like a really important ingredient. Can we please just go by my place and get it, we’ll only be like 10 minutes late to brunch. (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
7.
Hello? You’re not gonna believe where I am right now. It’s the weirdest — yeah, no, I’m in the tree again. Yeah, it’s the same tree. I don’t know, I just thought this time I could do it. Can you come get me. Yeah bring the stepladder for sure. I’ll just be here whenever you’re ready. In the tree. (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
8.
Oh wow where did you find that? That’s so crazy, I thought it was gone forever. And the cash is still in it and everything? You’re a lifesaver. (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
9.
Guys where are you going I think we really need to have a house meeting about respecting the compost rules (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
10.
Oh I don’t know, I was looking at one of Sandra Lee’s tablescapes and thought it would be cute. No? You don’t think so? What about just the doll. What if we just left the doll in the middle of the — like this. Why not? You’re being really weird about this. (Image courtesy of Shutterstock.)
I’m looking at the series of images of this post on my phone and I’m like, “well that escalated quickly!” Funny thing is that my period functions the same way.
wow, that took an unexpected turn
right???
Seriously!!!
do stock photographers think menstruation = epic fantasy journey?
#6 is me the night before my period comes, only with sobbing. Damn it I never said anyone could take pictures!
Where has this been all my life.
that werewolf comment is the best! I totally sympathise.
And those thighs!
This is what I imagine Lesbian Jesus’ thighs to be like: lithe limber and capable. They don’t take any shit and could hold a squat longer than anyone.
This is amazing slash terrifying and I now feel less bad about having cramps right now because at least I am not a zombie-werewolf-demon-dragon.
The demon/hell/fire imagery really makes menstruation seem a lot more exciting than it is. Look, bros, it’s less burning and evil and far more oh-god-why-are-there-knives-in-my-gut-everything-is-sad-no-angry-no-sad-please-let-me-die/eat-this-chocolate-forever.
so i went through this entire post thinking it was 10 actual stock image results for masturbation.
note: it didn’t make things any better.
Masturbation? Well, #8’s nails would not make anything better…
I was not prepared for how utterly ridiculous these were going to get. Also I want a fire breathing dragon friend. Please?
I want to see the collection of stock photos of women menstruating while eating salad now.
#7, the werewolf one is quite relevant to my week because I’m listening werewolf music and that one Type O Negative song and OVERSHARE it is my moon time and this Thursday is my 10th Menarcheal Anniversary.
A ten year old is too old for finger painting so I don’t know what to get my uterus.
Any suggestions?
( I think I’m kidding)
every time it seems like shutterstock couldn’t possibly outdo itself…
#8 is me at the office when the end of quarter coincides with my PMS and people did not get their reports done in time.
I think I used to share a house with that werewolf…
Have these photo taggers ever met an actual woman?
FYI my creative collaborator & I are trying to get some actual images of menstrual blood onto iStock for this exact reason. Our macrophotography is fine art with a quasi-scientific twist. If you’re curious to see our work, check out http://www.beautyinblood.com/gallery.html.
For a moment I thought I was scrolling through my tumblr dash…
1. These are beyond ridiculous.
2. I love that the post is tagged vapid fluff, because that’s exactly what we need sometimes.
I used to pretend I was Spock during his rapid regrowth on Genesis, because I figured nothing could probably hurt more than that, and if Spock could live through that, I could live through my period. It made me feel like a Vulcan warrior.
So, basically those who menstruate are evil beasts that practice witchcraft? I see. Who says menstruation isn’t the ultimate taboo???
My pale exterior harbors a carefully concealed #7 once in every moon phase.
Total call back to “Buffy” when Oz comes out as a werewolf, Willow replies sth. along the lines of it being tricky to be around her three days of a month as well.
In all fairness I actually relate to half of these images when I’m PMSing