Q:

Lately I’ve been fucking my partner with my fingers (yay! It’s fun and hot and we both really enjoy it!). However, I find that often, especially if they aren’t on their back, my shoulder starts to ache after a while and will often still be sore the next day. Are there stretches to do or something? Can y’all make up some sort of queer sex warmup/ cool down stretch routine? Like I realize that sounds like a funny joke article to read but seriously it’d be helpful.

A:

Congrats on your inspired sex life! I’m not a personal trainer, but as a (pre-pandemic) gym rat and top-leaning fingersmith, I feel uniquely qualified to answer this question. I got into bouldering a few years ago, which strengthened my fingers, forearms and shoulders. When I discovered that my strength gains made me better in the bedroom, I stuck with it.

I doubt I’m the only one who uses bouldering as cross-training for hand sex (step into any climbing gym and survey the haircuts — you’ll see what I mean). Beyond improving strength and endurance, bouldering helps amateur athletes gain body awareness, especially in our backs and shoulders. If you’re clinging to a boulder or up a wall in a climbing gym and you’re not correctly activating your muscles, you’ll tire out and fall. You’re probably not going to fall during sex, but you can loose steam or get injured if your body position is off.

Based on my experience, it’s (almost) a good sign that your shoulder is sore — that means you’re using your larger muscle groups to fuck instead of your smaller finger and forearm muscles, which tire out more quickly. Stretching is always helpful, but focusing on your posture and form will give you better results.

Before we get into strengthening exercises, here are some general adjustments you can make for more comfortable and vigorous finger fucking:

Focus on your posture.

The muscles under your shoulder blades keep your shoulders back, preventing you from putting stress on your rotator cuffs. To activate these muscles, roll your shoulders back and pretend like you’re tucking your shoulder blades into your back pockets. The exercise in this video will help you find those muscles.

Choose a more comfortable sex position.

Fucking at a weird angle makes it hard to maintain good posture. It’s easier to fuck what’s directly in front you. Get your partner on their back with their hips elevated on a pillow, or bend them over a table and stand behind them.

Breathe!

Your muscles can hold a lot of tension when you’re having sex, especially if you’re trying to provide a lot of pressure. Don’t forget to breathe!

Switch hands.

Sometimes your sex arm tires out. Give your usual fucking fingers a rest and use your non-dominant hand for a while. Use the thumb of the hand you’re removing to provide some external stimulation for a seamless switch.

Make your own “wrist brace.”

If your wrist or forearm is getting tired, stabilize your fucking hand by wrapping your other hand around your wrist.

Time To Sexercise!

Now that we’ve covered the basics, I’ll hand this over to a professional. My friend Kaitlyn is a queer, Chicago-based holistic personal trainer. She recommends these exercises to improve your posture and shoulder health:

Standing Dumbbell Rows

Take a dumbbell in each hand and stand with your feet hip distance apart. Bend your knees slightly (just make sure you’re not locking them out), and hinge forward at the hips. Your back should be totally flat with a straight line extending from your tailbone all the way out through the crown of your head. Your arms should hang by your sides with the dumbbells below you. Brace your core and engage your shoulders (roll back your shoulders and pull your shoulder blades down). Now you’re ready to row!

Begin the movement by slowly pulling the dumbbells towards you while keeping your shoulders engaged. You’ve reached the top of the movement when the dumbbells reach your torso. Hold here for a second before slowly lowering the dumbbells back to their starting position. That’s one row! For a beginner, aim to do two sets of 12 rows twice a week.

How heavy should my dumbbells be?
A general rule of thumb for beginner resistance training is this: if you can do 12 reps before you begin to fatigue and lose your form, you’re good. It’s always better to do fewer reps with good form than more reps with bad form! Injury prevention is self-care!

“T’s, Y’s and I’s”

No equipment? No problem! All you need for this exercise is a space in your home where you can comfortably lie face down on the floor with your arms fully extended to the sides.

Make your hands into a “thumbs up” with thumbs pointed towards the ceiling. Your neck should be in line with your spine, and your head should be relaxed, but active (that means your head might lift slightly with the movement — just make sure you’re never pressing it into the ground).

Using your upper back to generate the movement, keep your arms straight and slowly lift them away from the ground. Hold for a moment and then slowly lower back down to the ground. That’s the “T” movement. To do the “Y” shape, keep the same position, but move your arms in closer towards your head (imagine you’re making a giant “Y” with your arms). Keeping your arms straight still with your thumbs up, lift slowly, hold and slowly lower down. To do the “I” shape, move your arms so that they extend out in front of you (arms parallel with your head) and complete the same lift, hold and lower. For beginners, do two sets of 12 reps twice a week, and break up the 12 reps equally between the positions (4 T’s, 4 Y’s, and 4 I’s).

Enjoy the workout! Happy sexing!

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

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