What Happens When the “What Happens At The Abbey” Preview Happens

What happens when the What Happens At the Abbey preview happens is you absolutely freak. You lose your mind! Someone says at top, “Time to party, bitches!” and then someone right after says, “Party party party” like they’ve just had an adverse effect with a downer and you know it in your bones to be true. You let the techno music and the intermittent explosion sound effects rain down upon you as you experience two teaser minutes of what is sure to be the best, if not only reality show, about the inner workings of a famous gay bar there ever was.

And not just any famous gay bar. This is The Abbey, baby — the gayest gay bar in America, live from the City of Angels.

Rumor has it that people who frequent The Abbey in real life have no idea who any of these employees featured in the show are. Curious! Maybe the staff who the people who frequent the Abbey in real life do remember were all on vacation when this was filming, and also maybe the people who frequent The Abbey in real life just go on different days than when this cast is working. No matter, this show is destined for greatness.

Some standout moments sure to go over well with everyone:

“I’m a lesbian. I’ve never had a dick in me.”

Main relationship arcs are two straight couples.

Accompanying the storyline of a gay man and his lesbian best friend having a baby together, a scene at the “doctor’s office” where a “nurse” says “one ejaculation” as she hands the gay man a specimen cup, as in, “One ejaculation, please.”

Sassy grandma who loves talking about sex. (Guess what? In fashion, one day you are in, and the next day you’re are out — and sassy grandmas who love talking about sex are out!!!!!)

The only lesbian couple on the show is getting – yes, yes, y’all, say it with me – married.

Maybe one gay man with a shirt on.

Airs Sunday, May 14th at 10/9c on E! See you ALL there!

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 207 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. I have no idea what “The Abbey” bar actually is but….I can’t believe there was actually a gay guy with his shirt on. You must have imagined it….

    Also hi heteronormative patriarchy having straighs as the main characters in a show about a gay bar

  2. Are we sure the opposite sex couples are all straight? Maybe some of these impossibly beautiful people are bi or pan?

    And is AutoStraddle recapping this? Because I don’t see actually watching it, but I’d read about it.

  3. My friend was talking to one of the women dancers at the Abbey once, and the dance replied, “I only like men, and gay men are sexier, plus they don’t hit on me.” We both found it odd as it was ladies night and my friend was like to me, “I was hitting on her though, and being obvious.” She was. Personally not a big fan of cis-straight dancers at gay bars, as that takes away the job from a qualified lgbtq people. It also takes away from the atmosphere and illusion cause going for the toaster sometimes is hard.

  4. I’ve been to the Abbey once and had too many Fireball shots and then puked in a nearby Denny’s restaurant. Not going to lie, watching this trailer made me almost as nauseous.

  5. So sad that The Abbey isnt all that gay anymore. Entitled straight people have invaded the space and now many of the gays have packed up and moved on. Now, it will just be like going to happy hour at the local Olive Garden w/ lots of horny, aggressive dudes hitting on drunk women.

    • Are you sure they are straight? Cause the last time I went a guy was hitting on the token straight girl in the group and then proceeded to hit on my friend(gay guy) when my friend said no to his advances. .

  6. Every time I’ve gone to the Abbey it’s been at least 70% straight couples so this seems pretty accurate

    I hope I will enjoy not watching this show as much as I enjoy not going to the Abbey

  7. You should write another article calling out the fact that back in like 2015 when this show was first announced David Cooley literally said verbatim “The show has to be in a positive manner” and “It will not be ‘who is sleeping with who’ and me yelling as the ‘yelling boss.” What a fucking joke he is. It seems most people are having a rather negative response to this show, I wish people would call him out and hold him accountable for being the sell out to his own community he clearly is. This show is literally 99% “who’s sleeping with who” but I guess your own community becomes irrelevant once some money is flashed in front of you.

    They say “celebs are in almost every night”… So I guess D listers from a few years back are celebs?? I’m just fuming at this. It’s a disgusting exploitation of the LGBQT community. They are even supposedly centering an episode around the Orlando club shooting – they don’t give an actual fuck about that they’re exploiting peoples LIVES for ratings. Where were ANY of these cast members at a PRIDE event??

    Just disgusting. I hope it’s rejected, thrown out like the garbage it is, and cancelled before the season fully airs. These wanna-be fame whores don’t deserve even 5 minutes of “fame”.

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